Harry's PoV
Cry out loud, the pain you feel it's the
Only way to make people see that you
Live and breathe, like humans do
In their hearts they know it's true
- Lost Souls
He was trailing kisses along my neck nibbling every now and again. Slowly, ever so slowly, his lips touch mine moving along my jawline.
"Kiss me properly."
"As you insist."
His lips are devouring mine, his tongue brushing my teeth seeking access to explore the rest of my mouth. His hands start roaming around my body burning my skin where they touch. At the same time my hands are grabbing his hair pulling him closer adding more pressure to our kiss. This is how it's meant to be; our kisses filled with passion and unfilfulled needs.
Then I'm falling and he's no longer in my arms and I can feel the emptiness consume me pulling me further and further down. All he does is watch as I move away his face impassive and uncaring.
"Help me!"
"You chose this."
"No!No I didn't I chose you!"
For a moment it looks as if he's going to reach for me, then his face twists to form the scowl I know so well, the one that haunghts my waking hours.
"This is what you chose, I'm nothing more than a cheap amusement."
Then he's gone and I'm surronded by darkness, left to slowly suffocate in my own turmoil, no escaping it until the day I die. The tears were running down my face, cold and cutting causing me to howl in pain. I missed the warmth, his warmth, I feel so alone now no-one to light my dark empty soul. No blonde angel, no smoldering grey eyes and no soft plyable lips.
"What Potter have you been spending so much time around the weasel that you're getting him to fight your battles now?"
"No Malfoy only when the person in question is not worth my time."
"Hear that weasel? Dear saint Potter is being so kind as to give you his leftovers. Granger does that mean you're not good enough for Potty? Seeing as you are obvious trash, a mud blood like you, and to actually hook-up with a Weasley you must be desperate."
Before I can think about what I'm doing I've launched myself at Malfoy my fist colliding with the side of his face, and then I feel the blood on my hand and it's like a floodgate has been opened inside me I just keeping hitting and hitting letting out all my anger that's be suppressed for so long, not stopping when I feel something crack under my hands, not even when I start hearing screaming around me. I can feel him trembling underneath me unable to fight back, I'm in control I have the power he is helpless against me the feeling is amazing nothing can stop me. His blood on my hands seems to course through my body scorching my insides making them crackle with delight I can almost hear my own blood singing in response to this new sensation. I could kill him here and now with my bare hands, and with that thought, reason floods back and realize what I'm doing I'm slowly beating Malfoy to death while around me people are screaming and calling for a teacher to help. Then everything comes back into focus and I see that I'm covered in blood while slumped in front of me covering his face is Malfoy he to is stained with blood, around me faces start emerging and many I see have looks raging form shock to disgust all the girls and even some of the boys it looked like had been crying. Staring down at my hands again I grasp just how close I'd come to making one of my sick fantasies come true, so close. I needed to get out of here fast, standing up I run towards the bathrooms located somewhere down the corridor, no-one tries to stop me to afraid I'll attack them next some even take a step back fear etched all over their faces.
I've just finished throwing up my meagre dinner and am about to get up when I hear the door open softly.
"Harry, you in here?" of course it would be Ron even if he is scared shitless of me at the moment he's still my best friend so has to come and find out if I'm ok.
"Yeah, hang on." Flushing the toilet I come out of the stall I was in and walk towards the basins looking up I see my reflection in the mirror; there's blood on my face, in my hair and all down my front, what little skin that isn't covered in blood is pale almost translucent. If this is what I look like then Malfoy must look about a hundred times worse.
"Oh fuck Ron what have I done?"
"I don't know mate, I really don't know. One minute you and Malfoy are throwing insults at each other next thing we know you're on top of him beating the living day lights out of him, at first we thought it was like one of your normal fights. But then you got this look in your eyes and…" Here he trails off and starts' shuffling his feet around as if unsure of what to say to me or where to look that isn't me.
"And what Ron, what happened next?"
"You know what happened; you were after all the one punching him."
"No I don't know you have to tell me."
"What do you mean you don't know? How can you go around hitting people and not know?"
"Just tell me." He was giving me this weird look but I could tell he wasn't going to keep questioning me, if just to save himself from making me angry again.
"Err…well then you started hitting him harder and harder and some of the girls started screaming and Crabbe and Goyle tried pulling you off but well you must have said something to them because they moved away fast. There was blood everywhere and then someone ran off to find a teacher just as Malfoy slumped over, we all thought that maybe…perhaps you'd killed him." Oh God he better still be alive.
"He's not dead is he?"
"No just when you ran off Professor Snape came running over and took Malfoy to the hospital wing. He was the angriest I've ever seen him mate. You're probably going to have detention for the rest of the year and lose a whole lot of points not to mention having him and all the Slytherins on your case, you might wanna watch your back from now on."
"Small problems, you're still not telling me something and I want to know what it is." My voice was a bit sharper than I meant for it to be, Snape and the Slytherins really weren't a big problem anymore I'd gotten used to them over the years, sure now they were probably going to be much worse but I couldn't bring myself to care much.
"I'm not keeping anything from you, I swear." I knew he was lying but I'd let it drop for now I had more pressing things to deal with one being how I was going to deal with my housemates?
"Fine then lets go."
Draco's PoV
"Is there anyway of saying 'sorry' and making it all alright? None is there? It's always too late."
-Dark side of the Moon
I was lying in one of the hospital wings beds unable to move, my face was stinging and my arms were covered in bandages while the rest of my body throbbed every time I breathed. All of this was Potters fault the only person who'd beaten me like that was my father and even then it wasn't so full of hate and anger it was almost like Potter was using me as a release.
"What the fuck are you doing here Potter? Haven't you done enough damage already without scaring me to death as well?" My voice was low angry and just a little curious I really did want to know what he was doing here, I just hope he didn't here that curiosity.
"I…I wanted to um apologize for hitting you." Of all the things I was expecting him to say this most defiantly was not one of them.
"You have got to be joking right? You think I'm just going to except your rather pathetic apology, give me some credit Potter. I'm in agony unable to move due to you beating me to a bloody pulp for God knows what reason, and all you can say is sorry?"
"I know you don't believe me, but I really am sorry I never meant to do this to you."
At this he indicated towards my body causing a slight breeze and I could smell his scent sweaty and sweet so deliciously him I couldn't help the little moan that escaped, and as luck would have he heard it, again his response wasn't what I expected – no sneer, no raised eyebrow – he looked worried and for a moment I thought he was going to grab my hand, which was lying next to my unmoving and cold, and the mere thought made me ball it up forgetting for a moment the tenderness of my body till I felt a sharp twinge of pain travel through me making my head ache, my vision to dance with stars and I could feel the bile rising in my throat. I was going to throw up in front of Potter, could this day not get any worse? Deep breaths fight back the nauseous feeling, keep mouth shut.
"Malfoy, Malfoy? God please answer me! I'm so sorry, look I'll go and get Madam Pomfrey, just please be ok." I could feel him start moving away his steps were slow and heavy.
"I'm fine Potter, stop being dramatic no need to get the cavalry." Sarcasm my best defence.
"I was trying to help, but you're obviously alright, and me coming here was just a waste of time, so I'm just going to go and we can both pretend I never came." His tone was biting it would have been easier to just let him walk off, but I never did care much for the easy way out, besides I wanted him here even if it was just to break the monotony of lying in one place.
"Potter wait, I…you can stay if you want to?"
I could see him hesitate at the door before slowly turning to face me curiosity clearly visible on his face even from across the room. I watched as he took a few steps towards me before hesitating again, then it was like some inner battle was won and he was sitting next to me. He was so close I could reach out and touch him, stroke his face, hold his hand in mine his warm mine cold they would mould together perfectly just like our bodies would if they ever got that close.
"Well, now what?"
"I'm not sure I wasn't really expecting you to come back."
"Expect the unexpected I always say."
"I've never heard you say that before."
"That might have something to do with the fact that when ever we do 'talk' it's only to throw insults at each other." He had a point, we were always arguing except for now, now was different there was no shields up no friends around to impress it was just me and him.
"Potter this doesn't mean I like you."
"I know that, I wasn't expecting you to."
He looked confused as if he wasn't to sure why I was bringing up the fact that we still hated each other. The silence stretched on longer and longer as I tried to think of a reasonable come-back.
"Look Malfoy if you want me to go I will but you don't have to ignore me, you were after all the one who asked me to stay. I just wanted to apologize for what I did to you and I have."
"I gave you the choice of staying, it's not like I forced you to come back."
"No that's true you didn't, but you still asked me."
"And you have no freewill? Come on Potter you've got to have a better excuse as to why you stayed."
"I have a reason for staying; I'm just not willing to share it with you."
"Fine, then if you're going to stay what prey tell are we going to talk about?"
"I can think of a few things."
Stupid Potter with his stupid smile and messy hair, why couldn't I hate him, why did I have to be fascinated by his every movement; like the way his head is cocked to one side and his hands are resting on his lap the fingers long and pale. Why did he have to be so beautiful, yet so fragile and unattainable?
"Alright Potter you've got me curious what did you have in mind?"
"Well for one thing why are you such an arsehole all the time?"
"Like I wasn't expecting that, jeez Potter even when I'm injured you still try to pick a fight."
"Stop trying to avoid the question, I'm trying to have a friendly conversation with you not argue."
"Well you're doing a rather crappy job don't you think?"
"Oh for fuck sakes Malfoy, why are you trying to pick a fight the question really isn't that hard."
"Because I'm an arsehole remember." Groaning in frustration he throws me a scathing look before slumping back in his chair.
"See this is what I mean, I'm trying to be pleasant trying to talk to you, and you keep being sarcastic and mean. What's your problem with me?"
If only he knew, my only problem with him is that he's to perfect and that every time I look at him I feel the urge to kiss him senseless, then again if he did know the look of revulsion and distaste I'd see on is face would probably kill me.
"You're to perfect."
"Did I hear you right? You think I'm perfect? That's a joke."
"Potter I only joke if the situations require me to, this situation does not require me to." God I sound stuck up.
"So you really think I'm to perfect then?"
"Forget I said anything, I'd hate for it to go to your already over sized head."
"My head isn't that huge, if anyone has a huge head it's you. But that beside the point…"
"Get on with it I don't have all day to listen to your insistent nattering."
"I was getting there if you didn't interrupt me I would have finished what I was saying. Now I can't remember what I was on about."
"God help me what did I do to deserve this?"
"You got in to fight with someone who has severe issues."
"It was a rhetorical question, but you're right you do have issues."
"I must be really stuffed if you're agreeing with me."
"No offence Potter but when someone tries to kill you with their bare hands, you do tend to think they have a few lose screws."
At this he started laughing softly - so as not to disturb Madam Pomfrey who was lurking around somewhere – the sound was more beautiful than I'd ever imagined, it was different from the way he laughed with his friends not forced or hollow but real and almost intimate.
"Why is it Malfoy that you the person I despise the most at this school is the only one who can be honest with me?"
"Because Potter I'm the only one who isn't trying to suck up to you every chance I get."
"Hmm true, do you think if we had been friends you would still been this honest with me?"
"No if I'd been this honest with you from the start we wouldn't have been friends."
"How can you say that, maybe…? I don't know maybe things could have been different?"
"No Potter you made sure of that when you rejected my offer of becoming a friend."
"Only because you managed to insult the one person who'd been kind to me in a very long time."
"I was being honest, you decided to see it as being rude and so we ended up hating each other."
"I'm sorry."
"What for now Potter? You can't change anything by saying sorry it only makes the other person feel like crap and hate you even more for trying to make it better."
"That's not true, saying sorry can help fix things." I couldn't help but snort at this for being the hero of the wizarding world he sure was naïve.
"Name one time where only having to say 'I'm sorry' fixed something. Where no explanation is needed and both sides understand and forgive completely."
"Well umm…what about when…err?"
"You can't think of one can you; see Potter 'sorry' is just a word used by people to make themselves feel better, not the other person. If I were ever to apologize to you it would be only to make myself feel better, your response would only make the tiniest difference."
"Even if I were to except your apology?"
"God Potter you're not getting this, your opinion wouldn't really matter the only reason people say sorry is to make themselves feel better, or relieve their guilt."
"I don't want to believe you, because if that's true then where would that leave us? How would we express our regret to someone?"
"Because if they can forgive with an apology then they can without. If you had never apologised then they would either continue hating you or forgive you and most people forgive without an apology they just pretend otherwise."
"Since when were you so deep and insightful?"
"I've always been insightful; you just never spend time with me to know that's all."
"People are wrong about you, you're not that heartless."
"Yeah well blame it on all the potions I'm taking, in the morning I'll be just as ruthless and cunning again."
"I wish you wouldn't, having emotions suits you."
"Don't go all mushy on me, we are not friends so don't try to be one."
"Ok then, I just think its something you should consider."
"You can't change who you are Potter, you can only ever hide. I am cold and uncaring and there's nothing you can say or do to change that."
"Don't count on that." He caught my eyes and stared into them, his gaze was challenging and enthralling I couldn't look away or even try for a look of disdain I was completely captivated. I could feel myself moving closer to him the pain was a dull ache at the back of my mind all I could think about was that less than 30cm was Harry's lips and I was getting closer, I could feel his breath tickle my face all I needed to do was angle my head a little to the left and his lips would be mine.
"Look I better go, the suns starting to come up, and well I'm not really supposed to be here. So um… goodbye then?" Snapping out of my daze I see that he's moved across the room so quickly that I could almost believe he apparated there – but that's not possible on school grounds – his face looks perplexed and even more alarmingly appalled. I watch as he walks away looking back only briefly before shutting the door, I feel the tears rolling down my face hot and moist, I hear my heaving sobs. I knew this would happen I knew he'd break my heart I just didn't think it would happen like this without me at least tasting his lips or saying good-bye.
So what do you think, did I make Malfoy warm hearted enough for this scene? reveiws make me happy, so why not take a few seconds of your time to do that? anyway i'm not sure if i even like this story but it was lying around unused and i hate deleting stories even if they are bad, so i thought i might as well post it you never know someone might like it ;)