*Please watch the 2nd January 2013 episode before reading^^*
"2012. Get Will Horton to fall in love with me."
I'm reading the words but they're not registering. I want this beautiful man lying next to me to have truly thought about me, treasured me to the degree that I would be his all, his everything—to have had me in his thoughts and dreams even a year ago when I was a mess. A sharp pang hits me as my mind wanders back to the days when I couldn't even bear to be around other people—I couldn't even bear to be me. Every day was waking up at the bottom of a deep and dark well—every day, waking up to the crushing reality that I would not miraculously awaken free, but trapped. Devastating and crushing weight, pressing on my chest, drills ripping through my forehead, tears that desperately wanted to fall and release—but couldn't.
Embarrassment sweeps over me now as I remember Sonny's patience. It must have been everything he could do to keep from shaking me and telling me to let it go—to just be honest with myself and put an end to my needless suffering. He didn't. He sat by me. He listened. He comforted me with his words and his calming smile. I feel a tinge of guilt as I know I didn't—and couldn't—reciprocate any feelings he may have had for me at the time. I was lost then, so scared I was falling and falling—now, I'm warm and safe and beaming and Sonny is here. Big, sensual and strong—Sonny is here.
I'm snapped back into reality and to hide my greed—my selfish desire for Sonny's words to be true—I tease him.
"Did you just write this like five minutes ago?" I chuckle. Has he seen? Has he seen through my false air of indifference?
Sonny's smile is light and it's shooting its beams towards me. Please say 'no'. Please say 'no'.
His eyes lock on mine and that's when the ball drops. I feel my eyes opening a little wider as I can no longer hide the true nature of this silly question. I want his confirmation. I want to be the one he's always wanted. He glances down with a shake of his head and a subtle shyness brushes across him. When he looks up at me, his deep brown eyes are full of confession.
"I wrote it last year."
His words melt something in me as I feel my muscles lighten, sinking deeper into the pillow behind me. I want more. My greed is insatiable, my hunger for Sonny's adoration only growing by the second. He's burning me with his strong brows and the light pink that still remains on his cheeks creates a rosy glow all about him. His head sits atop such strong, masculine shoulders. I feel electricity ignite in my stomach; I want all of him: his body, his love, his touch.
"It's what I've wanted all year."
I no longer have control. I can't hold back. The muscles that had sunk into the bed just a moment ago have come alive—aroused, and I'm on top of him. My legs pinning him on either side, I love the way he makes me feel like a man. I feel his hands on my ribs as I kiss him deeply, breathlessly. I love his mouth; I want more as I kiss his bottom lip, his top lip, kissing his breath away. My hands are impulsively exploring his curved neck, luscious chest and powerful arms as we kiss and Sonny's responding to my touch, but an instant later I feel hesitation. His forceful hands still on my ribs, he's pushing me off him slightly. I'm embarrassed when I open my eyes.
"Will, are you alright? I've never seen you like this."
I'm blushing now.
"I know." I look down, unable to meet his eyes.
"I like it."
His words shock me back into his gaze— and he's smirking. An absolutely sexy, knowing smile curls his lips and I can see the desire in his eyes. Knowing that desire is meant all for me just sends me over the edge. His thick arms, the way his big chest looks in that green A-shirt, his strong jaw ever so slightly cushioned by a little weight—they all conspire against me, making me incapable of resistance.
"I want you." The words come out of me in almost grunts, a primal power taking over, leaning over his well-built form. Sonny's hungry glare intensifies my growing lust.
With no time to think, I'm suddenly falling, my head is hitting pillow, and I'm being washed over by the weight and scent of this impassioned man on top of me, my back pinned to the bed. Strong, ravenous hands are gliding all over my body, his lips on mine, and I'm drinking in his kiss. His hands are at my waist, pushing my t-shirt up and his warm touch on my skin sends electricity through me. He pushes it up past my chest and caresses my nipples and pecs while I, in a ravaging frenzy, kiss him deeper and pull his vest from his back and bring it up over his head. He forces my arms up as he does the same with my t-shirt. I can't get it off fast enough. I want to feel his skin on my skin, rub against his warmth—stimulate him.
Before I can touch him though, I feel his immense power as he all but picks me up, his strong arms wrapped tightly round my waist, lifting me to my knees as he brings me in to another searing kiss, his arms still holding me fast to him. I will do anything for this man. How does he make me feel so masculine, so strong, and yet so desirable and jelly-kneed all at once? I want to be everything for him. I ride the wave of feeling like his boy and wrap my arms about his broad shoulders, and while my tongue swirls round in his mouth, his hands have found my arse and are grabbing me through my thin training bottoms. I can't help but moan into Sonny's mouth, sinking in to him, feeling my hardness against his.
Both of us, on our knees on Sonny's bed, shirtless, feeling one another's touch, Sonny breathlessly breaks away from our kiss and grabs my head in his hands. We've made love before, but never like this. We've both been very conscious of each other, not wanting to cause one another pain, wanting to take things slow, and always aware that this is new for me. In fact, I think Sonny's been hesitant about how passionate or rough things got for my sake—maybe not wanting to scare me off. Perhaps I've got less experience, but one thing's for sure: I want this man with a passion and a lust that I didn't even know I had in me. It makes me feel…embarrassed, dirty; I'm shy to admit how much he turns me on.
Our members both aching as they rub against one another, Sonny gives me a smile that seems relieved, pleasantly surprised and incredibly horny all at once. His eyes are telling me that he's wanted this roughness, this ferocity—that he's wanted to ravage me with such thirst but that only now does he see that I'm truly ready for it.
"I want you too," is all that comes out, however, his deep voice guttural, his eyes on fire.
I'm more than ready for this. I'm desperate for it. My arousal supersedes any coyness or reservations I once had and for the first time, I decide to be my whole self with Sonny—I decide it's safe to throw my fears to the wind and take him—the way I've wanted to for a very long time.
I push him down on the bed and lie on top of him, taking shallow breaths as I grind my rock hard tool against his. I can feel his length through my jogging pants and his boxers; I'm drinking in his scent as I kiss his neck. He's worshipping my buttocks again—his hands feel so good against me. Only he can make me feel so wanted, so desired.
The rubbing of our cocks together has got to be too much for me and I sit up, on top of his hard stiffness, wanting to feel him against my backside. The view is beautiful. Sonny's muscular form lies before me, and I run my hands across his chest and stomach to my heart's content. He's so soft and strong at the same time and I love being this for him; I want to be his play thing, to sit atop him like this, to ride him, feeling his hardness between my cheeks. He's got that lustful look in his eye again and I can see he's going to leave no holds barred and have his way with me.
His hands now make their way from my arse to the front of my tented training bottoms, and he's stroking me through the cotton. I close my eyes and enjoy the wonderful feeling of his touch, firm, strong and tight, my hands on his arms, grasping at him, begging him to never stop. But my hungry backside is being squeezed again, pulled farther up towards him. I'm standing on my knees, edging up, ever closer to this hunk of a man propped up by cushiony pillows….he's pulling my jogging pants down and—his warm mouth surrounds me. I'm home and in some lost foreign world all at once, his mouth doing things for me I never dreamed could feel this good—pleasing me in ecstasy, licking, sucking, taking me over. I don't care anymore and I'm moaning, I'm growling, my fingers wrapping tightly around his thick chestnut locks, eyes glazed over, no thought in my head except how much this man completes me.
His pace quickens and a flush, warm tingling shoots through my body, reaches my feet and hits me back in the stomach, his fast, skilled mouth bringing me so close to the edge. I'm shouting out now and the normally present attributes of reciprocation, consideration, understanding, mutual respect—factors that have come to define our relationship—all are left in the dust as I only want one thing: for Sonny to make me his and take me hard.
Before he can respond, I fall back beside him, grabbing Sonny under the arms and bringing him down upon me, frantic, clumsily ridding myself of the sweat pants once and for all, grabbing at Sonny's hard shaft under his boxer shorts, bringing him close, his hands everywhere on me at once, his weight closing in on me as I reciprocate his touch. In my frenzy I catch a glimpse of his beautiful face and it's as though reality—coffee shop Sonny, working out Sonny, studying Sonny, smiling-at-his-mum Sonny—they all resurface and they are watching me in this insatiable state, powerless against my carnal desire, unable to hold onto any sense of pride, and in this moment, my defenses completely down—comes acceptance: acceptance that Sonny has seen all of me, can have whatever he wants in me and tears of release start to fall in my bliss. Nothing can stop us now for there is nothing I have that isn't his as well.
His expression changes as his strong, shapely body rubs against mine, and he kisses me on my cheeks, my chin, my nose, meeting my tears with frantic pecks, covering my face with his promises of trust and care. I'm grasping at him again, wanting him always closer, loving the way his smooth toned back feels against my fingertips. My head goes back, allowing his mouth full access to my long neck as he sucks there, and I'm cupping his delicious round buttocks and bringing his shorts off him in one clean motion.
Sonny utters a small chuckle under his moans as I can't seem to put the condom or lubricant on him fast enough. My legs come up and around him and at last—he pushes slowly but steadily inside me, the pain and pleasure filling me, taking my breath away. He's caught me; I'm open and displayed for him, and I never want to hide anything from this man, this man whose warmth and heat overcomes me. He's sliding in and out of me, sending electricity in jolts all through me to my fingertips, toes, ears. He's mine and I'm his, his meaty flesh surrounding me, his arms powerful and warm, his forehead touching mine as we move together, panting, my body flushed and every muscle twitching from the exquisite painful pleasure.
And he makes love to me in this way, my legs in the air, half-blinding me in ecstasy every time he hits that spot deep inside, our bodies rolling into one another, our breathing in unison. My blood has become so fast in my body, spreading to every digit, sending throbs to my groin, pulsing through my stomach and over my shoulders, all the way to the small but sturdy hands gripping Sonny, squeezing him, creating welts in the supple skin around his hips. We're so fast, and so close—I can feel him nearing breaking point and despite being unable to think, I know I've never been happier than this moment, this man I love and trust like no other filling me, this virile form making me feel more a man than I've ever done, pleasuring me to the brink of unconsciousness.
And Sonny's screaming my name, spasms taking over, one final thrust and in his rapture he instinctively grabs hold of my stiff cock, firmly pumping in sync with the ripples travelling throughout his body. Gasping at Sonny's sudden tight, strong grip and musky intoxicating scent, I've lost gravity's pull, blood pulsating all through me, I'm falling, lost in a bliss that is all-consuming. Shaking and swimming in empty space, his skin is on my skin, his weight strong against me, his soft lips in the hollow of my cheek and his addicting musk filling my nostrils. His heart beats against me, and I travel back to Sonny's bed, hearing myself sigh in utter benevolence.
"Sonny. Oh God, Sonny, I'm so happy with you." Breathless. Spontaneous. Without a thought.
His almond skin is sweaty against mine, his warm breath slowing, hitting my cheek as we lay together, hearts gradually returning to a steady rhythm, deep inhalations filling our lungs. Not only is Sonny responsible for my roller-coaster ride of pleasures, but we've taken this journey of sensations together and I'm grateful for merely being here with him while it's happened. Sonny—the closer I get to him, the closer I still need to be.
His head has fallen on my neck, sweet-smelling hair filling my nose, his soft arm draped round my chest, his leg on mine. Suddenly exhausted beyond return, I quickly sit up, grab the comforter bunched up at our feet and pull it over us, Sonny immediately falling back into position. With a quick flick of a switch on the lamp on the bedside table, all is dark, all is warm, eyes are closed, Sonny's beautiful form against me, weighing me down into sleep. I fall.