HEALING--MM TO "HOSTAGE!"
Disclaimer: No ownership, no profit...just love and nostalgia for
these wonderful characters.
Spoilers: "Hostage!" "Exodus 21:22"
HEALING
Doc's sharp old eyes watched with dismay as Matt unpinned the small
piece of metal from the coarse fabric of his shirt and held it in his
huge hand.
"Matt, no! don't do that...don't do it. I know you gotta go after
him, but before you take off that badge I want you to listen to me.
Before you came into Dodge, Matt, there was no law at all. You
brought it all with you when you came, and people love you for it.
Now if you take off that badge and go out there with vengeance in
your heart, you'll betray everything you've ever stood for. Within
the law, Matt...like it's always been."
Matt's face reflected the pain in his heart as he sadly shook his
head. In a voice soft and low he responded, "If it was anything
else, Doc, anything else."
With that, he threw the badge...The Badge of a United States
Marshal...on the dresser and walked determinedly out the door.
The old physician watched through worried eyes. The question he
had asked Kitty three years earlier when Frank Reardon rode into town
seeking to avenge his wife's death was finally being answered: "How
do you think Matt would feel, what'd he do, if something like that
happened to you?"
XXXXXXXXXX
"Doc, it's been three days...where is he?" Kitty lay in the bed in
Doc's back room, unconcerned for her own slowly healing bruises and
broken bones, but worried about the big marshal she loved beyond all
reason.
"He's back, Kitty. He's fine. He was here. You just don't
remember. What with the laudanum and all, your days are all mixed
up."
"Oh, I know he was here when he came back to town after...after
finding them and bringing them in. We talked then. I remember that,
but where's he been since then? Why hasn't he come to see me?
What's wrong, Doc?"
"Well, he's, he's...pretty busy, Kitty. You know...well you don't
and neither do I, but he probably has to make out a separate report
on each one of those men. You know how meticulous Matt is with his
paperwork. And you can be sure he doesn't want anything to go wrong
with these particular reports. He's crossing every 't' and dotting
every 'i.' Then he had to arrange for their transfer to Ft. Dodge
and he needs to arrange for escorts to take them to Hays City. Oh,
he's busy, honey, very busy."
"You're lying, Doc. He's avoiding me and you know it. He...he
can't stand the sight of me, can he?"
"Now, Kitty, you know..."
"But he was here, Doc, he was here that first night. He held my
hand. I...I didn't want...I wanted to die...it would have been so
much easier, but he said...he said he, he needed me. I
couldn't...let...him...down, Doc, I just couldn't." "Are you sure
he's all right?"
"He's fine, Kitty. I saw him last night. He asked about you. I
told him the best thing for you right now is lots of rest. Sleep can
be a powerful healer, you know."
"So...you, you...told him to stay away? Doc, how could you? You
know I need Matt more than I need any sleep or medicine."
"Well, I didn't exactly tell him to stay away. Matt sort of
decided that on his own...he thinks you're better off without him and
I...well...maybe I agree with him."
"Doc..." It was more a wail than an actual word. "Why would you
do that? You know I can't live without him, Doc."
XXXXXXXXXX
While Kitty poured out her anguished heart to Doc, Matt pushed
himself back from the reports on his desk. He needed a break. He
walked out of the small confines of the marshal's office and onto the
boardwalk, his thoughts and mood as dark and ominous as the steel
gray Kansas sky overhead.
As he stood on the boardwalk, absently acknowledging the concerned
comments of people passing by, a figure on horseback rounded the
corner and headed straight for him, riding hard. As he stared at the
familiar horseman, Frank Reardon swung from the saddle, threw the
reins over the hitch rail, and extended his hand.
"How is she, Matt? I was in Pueblo when I heard...word's all
through the territory. Everyone's prayin' for the marshal's woman.
I rode straight through."
Matt shook his head. "It's bad, Frank, real bad. He deliberately
shot her, left her for dead on the street. Doc's hopeful, but..."
"I have three, four days of trail dust to wet down. Join me in a
drink?"
"Nah, I have work to do...maybe later."
"Right. Meet me at Delmonico's at six?"
"Frank, I don't think..."
"You need to eat, Matt. You need a shave and, if you'll forgive my
sayin' so, you could use a bath, too. You get yourself cleaned up
and meet me at Delmonico's. If you're not there at six, I'm comin'
after ya...got it?"
"Yeah, I got it. You think you're gonna be my self-appointed baby
sitter. Well, you listen to me, Frank...you're not gonna..."
"I'm not gonna do anything but be your friend, Matt...same thing
you've done for me."
XXXXXXXXXX
Several hours later, Frank Reardon poured himself another drink and
handed the bottle back to the big man spread-eagled on the bed at the
Dodge House. "While you were gettin' purtied up this afternoon, I
took the liberty of visiting Kitty. She says you haven't been to see
her in several days. That right?"
Matt's silence and averted eyes were all the answer the former
sheriff of Hays City needed. "Why are you mad at Kitty? She's the
victim here, Matt. She thinks you can't stand the sight of her.
She's in enough pain...real, physical pain...but your crazy behavior
is hurting her ten times over."
Matt cradled the whiskey bottle against his massive chest and then
sat up to take another huge swig. As he fell back against the
pillow, his voice, dangerously soft and low, cut through the silence
of the room. "She deliberately put herself in danger. Bonner didn't
know she was up there, let alone that she was the woman he was
looking for. She volunteered that information...made herself a
target. She didn't have to..."
"Isn't that one of the things you love about her, Matt...her
spirit, her spunk?"
"Well, sure, but..."
"And didn't she do exactly what you would have done...what she's
seen you do dozens of times...put herself in danger to save others?"
"But it's my job. It's not her job to sacrifice herself..."
"Whether it's her job or not, she did it, and there are three men
walkin' the street today who are damned grateful to her."
"Just proves my point...I'm no good for her. If she's learned from
me to put herself in danger, then she needs a different man, someone
who can take care of her...someone who can protect her from danger.
I couldn't protect her, Frank. God help me, I couldn't protect her
from those animals. I couldn't..."
"Believe me, friend, no one knows better than I do how you feel.
But your woman's still alive, Matt. She's up there in Doc's office
crying her heart out because she thinks you don't want her any
more...she mumbled something about being 'used goods and trash.' Go
to her Matt...go now. Don't waste another minute wallowing in
thoughts of what you could have done, should have done. Go to her.
She doesn't blame you. She wants you and she wants you with her.
Kitty loves you, Matt...although why has always been a kinda mystery
to me."
"Yeah, well...hard to believe Maria saw anything lovable about you
either." Matt's response sounded more like his old self, but he
still hesitated to leave the room, to go to Kitty. "It's late.
Maybe in the morning."
"Matt, maybe you don't know it, but you love that woman to the very
core of your being. I know...I've watched you look at her...and I've
watched her look at you, too. The only other time I've seen a look
so filled with passion and love pass between a man and woman was when
Maria would look at me, and I could feel that same heat in my own
eyes when I looked back at her. Don't waste any more time, man, go
to her now."
"But Doc sorta told me to stay away. He said she needed rest."
"Well, this is one time that old sawbones is wrong. You know he
loves Kitty like a daughter and he's going to be angry at anyone he
perceives as hurting her. Right now, you're one of the bad guys, but
deep down inside, he knows you had nothing to do with this. He'll
come around."
"I've been drinkin,' Frank. Maybe I should wait 'til morning."
"You're okay. I wouldn't send you up there if I didn't think you
were ready for it. You and Kitty need each other more than anything
else in the world right now. Now git!"
XXXXXXXXXX
Kitty slept fitfully in her semi-drugged state, dreaming that Matt
was beside her and that he was crying. The thought of anything so
impossible, so improbable, shocked her into wakefulness. Turning
her head as best she could, she saw the shaggy brown head resting on
his crossed arms at the edge of her own pillow. The tears he never
would have permitted himself to shed had he been awake and aware,
rolled freely down his rugged face, wetting her shoulder.
Her desire to comfort him warred momentarily with her desire to
allow him the desperately needed sleep. Taking a careful breath as
the broken ribs protested, she gingerly turned onto her side and slid
one hand into the tousled curls, tugging weakly.
His blue eyes opened instantly and he raised his head. In the dim
lamplight, Kitty's own blue eyes searched his as her thumb caught a
large tear and traced it down one of the deep crevasses of his
cheek. "Don't cry, Cowboy," she whispered. "Please don't cry."
He pressed his warm lips into her palm. His voice broke as he
whispered back, "I'm sorry, Kitty, so very, very sorry."
"Not your fault, Matt, not your fault," she murmured groggily
before Doc's powders again took effect and pulled her back into the
healing sleep.
XXXXXXXXXX
The next time Kitty wakened, the first light of day was filtering
through the sheer curtains and Matt was sitting in a straight wooden
chair by the bed, his two huge hands tenderly clasping her small one.
"Morning," she said quietly and smiled up at him.
"Mornin'," he smiled back. "How do you feel? You're looking a lot
better than you did a few days ago."
"Oh, right. In a few more days I should look good enough to get a
job with the next freak show that comes into town," she remarked
sarcastically. "How can you even stand to look at me?"
"Well, maybe because I just happen to love lookin' at you, and
maybe because even now, all bruised and battered, you're still the
most incredibly beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life."
"Matt...about those bruises and...and everything else. Frank told
me...said it would be like you to blame yourself for not being able
to protect me. That's just not true, Matt. You're wrong. There's
no way you could have known..."
"I should have known, Kitty. I did know that it could happen any
time just because of who you are, who I am. Our relationship puts
you in danger every single day of your life."
"I'm not afraid, Matt. But if it's going to be too hard for you,
do you want...do you want to end our relationship?" Kitty's voice
was as tentative as she had ever heard it, but she had to give him
the chance to get out if that was what he wanted.
"I want what's best for you, Kit, and I don't want to see you hurt
ever again."
"What's best for me is for you to lie down here beside me and hold
me while I go back to sleep."
"Doc'll have my head," he protested.
"I'll handle Doc. Just stay with me...please."
"Kitty, I...are you sure about this? Won't it hurt if I hold you?"
She shook her head. "Not nearly as much as it hurts when you
don't," she answered as she held her arms out to him.
"Aw, Kit," he murmured as he cautiously lowered his big frame onto
the bed and gently gathered her into his arms.
XXXXXXXXXX
"Matt, what in thunder do you think you're doing? Don't you dare
hurt that girl." Doc's anger was evident as he entered the bedroom
and found Matt on the bed, stripped to his long johns with Kitty in
his arms.
It was Kitty's sleep-filled voice that answered him. "Don't yell
at him, Doc. I told him to do it, and he's not hurting me. Matt
would never do that."
"Well, he has to leave. I need to examine you now. Get out of
here, Matt."
"Doc, the sun's barely up. You have all day to examine me. What's
the matter with you?"
After a long moment, Doc swiped his hand across his mustache and
turned to face them. His voice was apologetic as he answered Kitty's
question. "Kitty, Matt, I...I'm sorry. I guess I saw that big
galoot as the enemy there for a while. I know you'd never hurt her,
Matt. You love her as much as I do."
Matt almost smiled. "It's all right, Doc. You haven't called me
anything I haven't called myself these past few days. I thought I
was the enemy, too, but Kitty set me straight about a few things."
"I guess that's why we keep her around...to set us men folk straight
every once in a while. Now, please, honey, let me see how you're
doing. I need to go out to the Tyler's and the Fulton's, so Matt can
keep you company all day."
"Well, hardly. He has a town to take care of. He can't spend all
his time with me."
Matt looked lovingly down at her from his full height. She looked
so small and delicate in the bed, but he was well aware of the steel
that ran through that seemingly fragile frame.
"To the contrary," he said, and this time he did smile. "Frank has
agreed to stay around for a while to help Festus and Newly, so I'm at
your disposal for as long as you want me."
There was a light in Kitty's eyes that hadn't been there for
days. "Great, why don't you dispose yourself to Delmonico's and get
us some breakfast while Doc checks me out?"
"You really hungry?" Matt's voice dared to be hopeful as he asked
the question.
"I really am...that's a good sign, right?" Kitty's eyes sought
Doc's.
"You bet that's a good sign...a very good sign."
XXXXXXXXXX
Within the next week, life in Dodge began to return to normal with
Newly, Festus and Frank keeping the peace in the small town.
Bess Ronniger and Laura, one of the girls from the Long Branch,
came to bathe Kitty and wash and brush her hair. Laura brought over
the softest, most sedate of Kitty's nightgowns, but the lace was
still painful on her bruised and broken skin. So, amid much
laughter, Kitty was enveloped in one of Bess's plain old gowns. It
wasn't exactly one of the sexy numbers she was used to, but it was
definitely loose and roomy and didn't chafe her tender skin.
Matt practically lived in Doc's back bedroom, emerging by day to
pick up meals from Ma Smalley's or Delmonico's and to occasionally
consult with his deputies. By night, he held Kitty close in his
strong arms, soothing her troubled sleep with wordless murmurings,
his lips buried in the red curls that cascaded across his bare
chest.
One dark night, she turned in his arms and inadvertently skimmed
against his stomach, immediately feeling the swift, sure swell of his
body against hers. He felt her tremble and she gasped softly,
whether from fear or desire he couldn't be sure, but he drew her even
tighter into his embrace and grinned sheepishly at her in the soft
glow of the oil lamp.
"Sorry I'm reacting like a man," he said softly, pressing tender
kisses against the purplish-yellow bruise that was slowly fading from
her brow. "I...I didn't mean to frighten you, but I...I can't help
it, Kit...you're so close and so desirable."
"It's all right, Matt. It did startle me for a moment, but I'm
glad you're reacting like a man...in fact, I wouldn't have it any
other way." Maybe it was the flickering light, but he was positive
he saw a twinkle in those deep blue eyes.
"It's too soon to even think about this, honey, but I want to make
sure you understand that I'll never hurt you and I'll never ask you
to do anything you don't want to do. If you want, I'll be content to
just hold you and love you for all the rest of our lives."
"Well, I won't be content with just that. I'm going to need some
time, Matt, but we're gonna be all right, Cowboy. We're gonna be
just fine."
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