I know, I know, when am I going to write something that doesn't feature just Danny and Vlad? Soon, I promise. Stuff's in the works. –helpfully points to her profile for more information-
Warnings: Friendly jabs at this year's vampire craze, other clichés (i.e. Vlad-is-a-vampire), and the idea of DannyxVlad, which is sort-of-implied. I'm mostly sure that your standings on any of these shouldn't matter in regards to this story if you're just looking for a little amusement.
Disclaimer: I don't own Danny Phantom et al. Even if I did, the contract would probably be terminated because I spend so much time having Vlad pester Danny.
Over Sunday Morning Brunch
"I'm telling you, Vlad," Danny said, one of his hands balancing a full cereal bowl and the other grasping the movie section of the daily newspaper, "in Amity Park, it's all about ghosts, but everywhere else it's vampires, vampires, vampires." He sat himself down in the chair opposite at the dining room table and stuck his spoon vengefully into his cereal. "They're not even real. What gives?"
Vlad looked up from the toast he was calmly buttering and raised an eyebrow at the irate teenager who was sitting across from him. "What's prompting this outburst about vampires?"
"This," Danny said around a mouthful of some generic cereal, turning the newspaper towards Vlad and jabbing his finger at a section. When Vlad scowled at him and reached for a napkin, Danny swallowed, cleared his throat, and started again. "This," he enunciated with another jab at the offending newspaper in question. "At least half a dozen books and one movie lineup this summer for vampires. I don't get it."
"I don't suppose you see the appeal, then?" Vlad asked unnecessarily, taking the napkin for himself and neatly cleaning his fingertips.
"Nope." Danny set the paper facedown and waved his hands in the air animatedly. "Oh look, a vampire," he said unenthusiastically. "Please bite me. Even though it's painful and puts me in the danger of dying, it would totally make my day because I know you'll fall in love with me then." He made a face and dropped his arms. "Come on, really?"
"I'm sure your friend Samantha would be insulted to hear this from you."
"Maybe," Danny shrugged. "She's into the vampire lore and stuff. But I don't see how anything beats being a ghost. Well, half-ghost." Danny took another bite of cereal and chewed sullenly. "Doesn't make any sense."
Vlad picked up his toast again, and a slow, amused smile started unfurling across his lips. Danny was pretty sure he didn't like that. That smile always meant that Vlad knew something – or thought he knew something – and was about to taunt him mercilessly about it. "What?" he demanded, wanting to knock that smug smirk off his face the quickest way possible.
"Oh, nothing," Vlad said with an exaggerated nonchalance. He ignored Danny's suspicious glare and picked up the newspaper section the teenager had discarded on the table, scanning it briefly. "I was merely thinking about how you told me that your romantic interest, Samantha, has a lot of interest in these vampires." He looked up and smiled from behind his toast. "Perhaps that's one of the reasons explaining why you're getting so worked up."
Danny almost spat out the sip of water he had just taken from his glass. "W-what?" he spluttered, and then proceeded to make what Vlad thought was a very good resemblance of a fish gasping on dry land.
"Mind your manners, Daniel," he reprimanded amusedly. Conversations over Sunday brunch with Daniel were his favorite; they were practically guaranteed to entertain.
Danny continued to gape for a solid few more seconds. He didn't even know where to start, so eventually he went for going in order. "Romantic interest?" he said incredulously, hoping Vlad would see the flush to his face as anger and not embarrassment. "Worked up? Did you get another knock to the head, Fruitloop?"
Vlad's smile widened lazily. Clearly unfazed by the accusations, he leaned forward towards Danny. "I wouldn't act so threatened towards this passing fad, Little Badger." Cue infuriating smirk again, Danny thought as Vlad did just that. He glared across at the other man in return, not that it made a difference. Man, why did his Dad force him into Sunday brunches with Vlad as a means of "bonding"? They didn't need bonding. It wasn't going to happen.
But, of course the case with his Dad was hopeless. Danny sighed in exasperation. He was going to have to find a way out of this own, and the man across from him now was going to exploit every minute before then.
Said man, meanwhile, leaned back again and calmly took a bite of toast, brushing off a stray crumb from his robe. "I'm sure there will still be plenty of girls swooning over Danny Phantom," he added mockingly.
"Ugh." He knew it. Danny leaned back into his chair and crossed his arms. "You know I'm not into that sort of thing," he muttered. Okay, sure, he liked the attention he got for the good things he did, and he didn't mind the extra attention from Paulina, Sam, or heck, even Valerie despite her serious grudge with his ghost half. But Vlad always knew a way to put everything he did into a bad light…
Vlad set down his last bit of toast and took a pensive sip of his morning coffee. "Daniel," he stated, reverting them back to their original subject, "you truly can't see the allure in being bitten by a vampire?"
Danny, who was now resuming his own breakfast, raised an eyebrow at him. "Honestly? Not really."
"They are dangerous creatures, Daniel, but they also resemble humans. Their air of mystery naturally draws others to them. And, they also have a tendency to be wealthy, devastatingly handsome older men." On cue, Vlad picked up the spoon that he had used to mix milk into his coffee and used it as a mirror, tucking a stray silver hair back behind his ear that had escaped his ponytail.
Danny rolled his eyes.
"No wonder your ghost half looks like a vampire," he said dryly, holding his own spoon in front of his face and squinting at his distorted reflection in it.
"It's a fitting coincidence, yes." Yeah, coincidence as usual with Vlad, Danny scoffed silently as he dropped his piece of silverware back into his nearly empty cereal bowl with a clatter, though he couldn't see how Vlad could've had any control over his ghost form's appearance.
Vlad idly toyed with his coffee spoon between his long fingers. "There is also the matter of the vampire's bite," he continued. "Many consider it as romantic, as it is a mark of possession."
"Being bitten. Yeah, real romantic." Danny leaned his head into the heel of his hand, his expression bored and unimpressed.
Vlad neatly put the spoon on the table and brought the coffee mug to his lips. "What a mood you're in today, Daniel."
"Gee, I wonder why." Danny's blue eyes were stormy. "Maybe it has something to do with me being stuck with you every Sunday morning until further notice."
"We've had this argument before," Vlad said congenially, waving a hand carelessly at the surroundings of the house he inhabited as mayor. "You might as well accept the reality and honor your father's wishes."
Danny averted his eyes and muttered something darkly about finding his way out of "this nightmare" and getting back at Vlad for it, but when said evil billionaire responded by finishing his breakfast of toast and coffee and obscuring himself behind the financial section of the Sunday newspaper, the teenager trailed off his tirade and his mind wandered. His gaze meandered somewhere above Vlad's head, taking in the eggplant purple color scheme of the dining room and eventually moving towards the double doors that lead to the kitchen before something occurred to him.
"You know," he mused, not really caring if Vlad was paying attention or not, "come to think of it, Sam loves the dark and dour about vampires, but I bet she'd protest their bites as being unhygienic." Danny smiled at his own thought, and he resettled his eyes on where Vlad's face was behind the newspaper. "And she'd say that donating blood was much more beneficial to society."
Vlad either scoffed or snorted and turned the page. "It is apparent that Samantha is not your typical 'gothic teenager,'" he commented. "Perhaps you have trouble understanding the vampire phenomenon because there is no young woman around that fits the criteria of vampire fanatic. Girls do seem to make up the majority of the dedicated fanbase."
"But they can't make up all of it," Danny protested. "There has to be guys that like the whole vampire thing too, if it's this popular."
"Well, then…" Vlad slowly lowered the newspaper, folded it, and tossed it onto the table, "seeing as you're so insistent on understanding this latest craze, perhaps a little demonstration is in order." He sent a wicked grin Danny's way. "Understanding comes from experience, Daniel."
The slow registration on Danny's face was nothing short of comical. First his eyebrows shot up in confusion, and then his eyes widened as he began to understand the implication of the suggestion. "Oh no, no way, Vlad." He scooted his chair back and leaped from it, eyeing him warningly. "Don't. Even."
"But Daniel," Vlad pretended to look taken aback by the rejection, "wouldn't you love to know what it's like?" He mirrored Danny by standing up and resting his hands on the back of his chair. "Aren't you dying to learn what has girls like your dear Samantha raving about vampires?" That diabolical, not-quite-classified-as-sane grin was stuck to Vlad's face again. "I am the closest to a vampire that you will ever meet; it's a once-in-a-life-time opportunity, I'd say."
During this little speech, Danny had abandoned the hope of retrieving the rest of his breakfast from the table and was nervously edging towards the kitchen, his nearest escape route. "Uh, I think I'll pass, thanks." No sudden moves, he told himself, no sudden moves.
But Vlad just took that as an opportunity to stalk after him, changing into his ghost form as he went. Blue-toned skin, black hair, malevolently red eyes, pearly fangs. Only the creepy smile and intention hadn't changed. "I think you're lying to me, Daniel. And it doesn't suit you."
A gasp of icy air escaped Danny's lips, and he began backpedaling away. But for every step he took backwards, Vlad advanced by two on him with an almost leisurely ease. They were both nearing the kitchen. Danny was well used to Vlad being…weird, but not like this, and the result was that he had forgotten to go ghost all of a sudden. He couldn't focus.
Danny backed into the double doors of the kitchen, which swung back and admitted them both. "Vlad…hey Vlad, isn't your breakfast in the dining room, not here?" he tried, but the waspish tone was shaky, and Vlad merely leered at him and matched his step.
"Okay, maybe not…." Alarmed by how nothing was preventing Vlad from closing the gap between them, and not knowing exactly where he was going, Danny took a hasty step back, and his socked feet slipped on the kitchen tiles. With a yelp he fell back against the corner of the island kitchen counter, and an unexpected pain shot through him.
"Ow!" he winced, automatically reaching up to rub his lower back where the sharp edge had stabbed him. A second later he regretted his distraction, because it had given Vlad the chance to lean over and rest each hand on either side of him, trapping him against the counter. Danny froze, or maybe he unconsciously leaned backwards, but he couldn't tell with Vlad invading his senses – his smell, his breath, one of his gloved hands coming up to rest on the back of his neck - and the very vulnerable feeling that had just entered into his mind uninvited.
Slowly, Danny managed to turn his head around to face him, but by the time he managed it, something was tugging at the collar of his shirt and two sharp something elses were brushing the side of his neck. Danny's limbs immediately locked up again.
"Ready or not, Daniel," came the dark chuckle near his ear. Danny shivered and the hair on the back of his neck rose. He feebly grasped for any last line of defense, when—
He breathed in suddenly and sharply. "Owch…" he muttered. It was like two needles sliding under his skin. A part of him felt something warm and wet slide down his neck, but a large part of his mind had detached itself from the experience, stunned.
Then Vlad decided to sink his teeth in a quarter of an inch further. "Owch! Hey!" Danny jumped and furiously pushed him away. Vlad didn't even stagger; he calmly took two steps back, giving the teenager his space.
"Jeez…!" Danny continued to fume anyway, moving around to the other side of the counter and looking down at the two puncture marks where his neck and shoulder met. He grimaced and pressed the heel of his palm to it. "That was…was…"
"All that was needed to change your mind?" Vlad offered cheekily.
Danny gave him his best glower. "Back off."
Vlad licked his teeth thoughtfully and hummed. "Well, you didn't exactly taste like Cabernet Sauvignon, my dear Daniel."
"Oh, I'm so upset," Danny grumbled, now gingerly touching his neck with his fingers to see if he was still bleeding. "Actually, I am – look what you did to my shirt!" he exclaimed in dismay, pulling the collar away from his neck. The two streaks of blood from the punctures had been absorbed into his white shirt, staining it. "Ick," he added unhappily, noting the smudges of blood on his fingers and palm. "Thanks a lot."
Vlad walked over to the far end of the kitchen, changing back to his human half as he went, opened a cabinet, and threw Danny a roll of paper towels from it. "I'm sure you have plenty more of those simplistic t-shirts you wear," he said offhandedly, as Danny caught the roll, tore off a piece, and pressed it to his wound. The teenager muttered his spite under his breath.
Vlad watched him patiently until he had finished wiping off as much blood as he could from his neck and hands. "So…?" he asked, conversationally.
Danny dumped the bloodied towel into a wastebasket by the counter and gave him a look.
Vlad stopped and raised his eyebrows. "No?"
"No," Danny said shortly. His opinion about vampires was the same as it ever was, if not worse. Vlad looked crestfallen, but Danny was having none of his exaggerations. "How am I supposed to explain this?" he demanded, pointing towards his neck. "The blood on the shirt, the fang marks…." He stalked past Vlad and went into the dining room again, snatching up his bowl and glass. As soon as possible, he was out of here.
Vlad followed him back out and leaned against the doorframe of the door that was closest to the table, his arms crossed casually.
"I don't believe that's my problem, dear boy. Besides, I'm sure that teenage mind of yours will think of some suitable excuse."
The best Danny could come up with so far was that Vlad's cat had sunk its claws or teeth near the base of his neck.
"I hate you," he told Vlad sourly.
"Old news, Little Badger," Vlad replied amiably, watching as Danny moved back towards the kitchen doors to put his dishes away. Then, right before he went into the kitchen--
"Brunch again next Sunday?" he suggested.
Danny whirled, his glass and his bowl clenched in his hands. "No way would I--"
"No way would you miss it? Or perhaps, no way you could you miss it?"
The kitchen doors swung back so sharply after Danny went through them that one almost hit Vlad in the face.