A/N: CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR UNATTAINABLE ILLUSIONS! Just giving a warning, this is a song-fic in Wrath's POV to 'Guilty' by The Rasmus. The scene she's talking about is a real horrible scene that'll occur later on in the fic, its one I'm not looking forward to writing either. I was trying to be a vague as I possibly could so I wouldn't give everything that was going on away. Please R&R.
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"Wrath...Wrath...WRATH!" That was the last thing I heard before I could feel the truck speeding away under my feet. My body was numb so I couldn't feel myself ramming into the door, I couldn't hear myself screaming for the one whom I was being forced apart...I felt my body hit the floor as hot tears streamed down my cheeks and hit the cold steel. This was surely hell...
I feel guilty
My words are empty
No signs to give you
don't have the time for you
All I could do was scream as I was pulled out of the truck again and forced inside a large white building, in hopes that maybe...Just maybe...Someone would hear me...Someone who could help me...The room smelled putrid, like a combination of trash and rotted flesh. A long stone table laid nearby...Steel straps were on either end, what appeared to be dried blood had sank into the stone. I tried to struggle again, only to be forced into a small, cold cage...It was so small that I couldn't even sit up, let alone stretch my legs. My eyes squeezed shut as a lone warm tear fell down my cheek, all I could hear were the soldier's jeers and cold taunts...Asking me how high and mighty I was now that I was locked in a cage like an animal...I let my mind shut down as the soldiers continued with their cold jeers...Hell...Thats the only word to describe this pain.
You say I'm heartless
And you say I don't care
I used to be there for you
you've said I seem so dead, that I have changed
But so have you
They call me a 'devil' and a 'monster,' being treated like I'm less than an animal...That I'm not even human...But who're they to call me a monster when what they have done is more monsterous than anything I have ever done...They have taken my pride...My dignity...Even going to the lengths of taken away my name. Only humans have names they say...They have already done their worst to me...They have taken him away from me...And whats worse is that I know he's going through the same.
Guilty, guilty I feel so
Empty, empty you know how to make me feel
Monster...Thats what I repeatedly hear myself being called...Surely that can't be right...I am also only referred to as #53...My name...My identity...Is gone...What else can they take away when they have already stripped away everything else that mattered?
I put a shield upon you
I didn't mean to hurt you
would've only poisoned your mind
Never meant to make you cry
I didn't think it was possible...For humans to find a way to break me, but they found a way...The pain...The humiliation...I can't even remember ever talking after the first night...The soldiers as a higher level of 'control' stole my voice from me. I can no longer scream for help, though I have long since given up hope that anyone would come to help me...Who would want to help a 'monster' like me especially after all that I've done? Minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days...I awake in my small, cold cell only to find more stitches...More bruises...I don't even want to know what has been done to me. Oh no, their coming back...Dear god what're they going to do to me now?
You've been so thoughtless
I can see right through you
You used to be there for me
don't you leave and say goodbye
Cause you have changed, but so have I
I was forced out of my cage again, but from all the drugs I had eaten I was already to weak to fight against their grips. I was already frail and weak from no food, no sleep, the drugs, and all the hell I had been put through on that table...I felt my back hit a stone wall in what looked to be a back room, I wasn't sure though. I was already groggy from very little sleep and from the tranquilizer that had been injected in my body...I could feel my eyes widening as I looked up to see the soldier's smug, lustful grins. At that moment, my mind shut down completely in an effort to try and escape the nightmare I was living in...I couldn't even stop the tears from falling.
Guilty, guilty I feel so I never thought that the time and the distance
Empty, empty you know how to make me feel
Between us made you so much colder
I'll carry the world on my shoulders
It's finally over...Only stopping to be put through more hell on that table...My mind...My body...Both had shut down. I could only watch helplessly as more abuse comes at the hands of the coats and the soldiers...When will it all end? Will no one help me...?
Guilty, Guilty, Guilty, Guilty, Empty Guilty, guilty I feel so
Empty, empty you know how to make me feel
I know I have done horrible things, but how did it ever come to this? Are I not human? Mercy and forgiveness...Isn't that what humans are taught? Why can't I be shown the same kind of mercy as humans show to each other? "I'M HUMAN DAMMIT!" I tried to scream those words, but nothing came out of my mouth. I only curled up in a tight ball on the cold floor of my cell as my eyes squeezed shut, tears fell down my cheeks and hit the concrete floor.
Guilty
Empty
you know how to make me feel
Death...I'll gladly welcome it...I can't stand to go through this pain...The torment any longer. The soldier's jeering faces...The coats, their grins as another needle was stuck in the side of my body to put me under...The same as before. If there really is a God...Please show this sinner mercy and let me die...But before I do...Please...Let me see Pride one last time...Just one more time...
Guilty, so guilty
Empty, so empty, you know how to make me feel