Taker & Kane Go To Krystal

by

Slyder Lord

I wrote this story three years ago. It's a parody of the movie, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. Enjoy.

The wrestlers, known as the Undertaker and Kane, or the Brothers of Destruction, put up their wrestling boots for good. Both men found success in finding different career paths. 'Taker found a job as a sales rep for Ford. Kane started up his own business, selling hotsauce called Dynamite. But try as they might, they just couldn't break out of the wrestler's mentality.

Friday 1:58 p.m.

'Taker was typing up some reports. A few moments later, a co-worker came along and said, "Hey, Mark, can I borrow your stapler?"

'Taker slowly looked away from the computer to the young man, who squirmed under 'Taker's menacing scowl.

"Fulton, I know that you see me in the middle of something," he said, his voice thick with irritability. "Out of all these assholes in this office, not doing anything, you come over to my cubicle and ask for my goddamn stapler?"

"Well- you were the closest to my cubicle," said Fulton in a small voice.

'Taker got out of his chair, his green eyes flashing dangerously.

"You know what, Fulton? I don't think you're showing me any respect!" He shouted. "You see this cubicle you're in? All 8 by 10 inches of it? This is my yard. And I'm the nasty vicious pitbull that runs this yard. And you know what happens to people who step into my yard?"

"Y-you make them f - famous?" Fulton said meekly.

"Damn straight," said 'Taker. "So no, you can't borrow my stapler, but you can borrow this-"

'Taker took his chair and threw it at Fulton's head. Fulton dropped to the floor, unconcious, but that didn't calm 'Taker's rage. He picked up Fulton and slameed his head repeatedly on the desk and computer keyboard. Other co-workers screamed and tried to rush to Fulton's aid, but 'Taker continued his assault. He took Fulton and threw him into the cubicle, knocking it over, creating a domino effect.

It finally took eight people to restrain Taker. After someone called 911, 'Taker was called to the boss' office. As 'Taker walked in, his boss, Mr. Hudson, looked at him with a mixture of anger and apprehension.

"Mr. Calaway, this is the third incident concerning you this week," he said, trying not to show 'Taker how scared he was. "You have put Dingle in the hospital with six broken ribs, you put Travis in there with a fractured collarbone, and now, Mr. Fulton's heading to the hospital with serious injuries.

"So?" said 'Taker.

"Mr. Calaway, I can't let this continue to happen," said Mr. Hudson. "You are forgetting you're not in the ring anymore. I'm afraid I'm going to have to-"

"What?" said 'Taker, his voice coming out in an animalistic growl. "Fire me Go ahead and finish that sentence, Hudson, I dare you."

"You have put too many of my employees' lives in peril, Mr. Calaway," said Mr. Hudson, his voice shaky. "I can't take that risk, I'm going to termin-"

Before Mr. Hudson could finish his sentence, 'Taker's large hand was clamped around his throat. Mr Hudson gasped and choked, his face turning a puce color. He was lifted in the air and slammed on the desk, breaking it in half.

"Send me my check in the mail," said 'Taker coldly, walking out of the office.

'Taker's Expedition drove up Riverside Drive. The anger was slowly ebbing away and regret was quickly settling in. He had been out of the ring for nearly three months, but he was having a hard time adjusting to life outside. It was ironic how nice it was outside, when he was feeling just the opposite.

'Taker pulled up in front of a red bricked ranch style mansion with maple garage doors. 'Taker parked his truck in front of the garage. Then, he took out his key and opened the large maple stained glassed door.

As soon as 'Taker walked inside, he heard Slipknot blasting in the distance, which meant one thing. Kane was home.

"Glen!" 'Taker shouted as he removed his tie and shirt. "Glen! I'm home, where are you?"

"In the game room!" shouted Kane.

'Taker walked into the hallway and made a right. As soon as he opened the door to the game room, he had to duck, for a large fireball was headed toward his way.

"Glen!" 'Taker exclaimed. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm in a bad mood," said Kane as he shot another fireball. It hit the pool table, setting it ablaze. Taker quickly grabbed a fire extinguisher and put the fire out before it could spread.

"Okay, time for you to put the matcher and Everclear away," said 'Taker. "What're you so ticked off about anyway?"

"The FDA's recalling my hot sauce," said Kane. "12 people complained of the sauce being too hot. They said it burned holes in their tongues."

"That sucks," said 'Taker.

"That's not the worst part about it," said Kane. "Those 12 people are threatening to take me to court."

"Really?" 'Taker asked

Kane nodded grimly.

"Enough about me," he said. "What're you doing home so early?"

"Well," 'Taker started. "I got fired."

"Fired?" Kane repeated. "What for?"

Taker told Kane how he got fired. Kane brust out into guffaws after he finished.

"You've lost your temper over alot of things," said Kane, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. "But over something so trivial? You've officially lost it."

"Yell well at least I''m not getting sued by 12 people," 'Taker snapped as he took 2 Excedrins.

Kane sobered up quickly.

"We're both having a bad day, Mark." said Kane. "So, what do you want to do?"

"Anything to get our minds off of today." said 'Taker.

"I got the cure," said Kane, "wanna play Smackdown vs Raw 2009?"

"Yeah," said 'Taker. "You're gonna get schooled, boy."

"Two bad they don't have a 'You're Fired' match on here," Kane retorted.

The two men spent several hours playing on the X-Box. They played as theirselves, taking turns beating the hell out of their animated selves.

"Ha, Mark, I beat you again," said Kane.

"Yeah, yeah," said 'Taker grumpily. "I'd kick your ass in real life anyway."

He glanced at the clock. It was 6:30.

"I'm starving." he said. "What about you?"

"My stomach's growling like a bear," said Kane. Wanna go to Famous Dave's?"

"No, I'm sick of BBQ," said 'Taker. "We've been eating that way too much."

"What about Philly Connection?"

"No," said 'Taker. "I want something that we haven't had for a while."

Kane was about to ask what when a Krystal commercial appeared on the TV screen.

"Five, just gimme five, to satisfy, that's what I like!"

Kane and Taker looked at each other. Both men were thinking the same thing.

"We're going to Krystal." said 'Taker. "There's one on Union Ave. Up for the journey?"

"Hell yeah," said Kane. "We'll take your jeep there."

'Taker grabbed his Expedition's keys and headed outside. As he and Kane hopped inside, Kane said, "I'm telling you, Mark, I'm going to eat like 20 of those burgers!"

"Well, I see your twenty and raise you 50," said Taker, turning the radio to Ozzy Osbourne. "And I can't wait to get a hold of those little chik'n bites. C'mon, let's not waste anymore time, we've got to get to Krystal ASAP."

Taker rode out of the driveway and started his journey to Krystal.