A/N this story has no real time frame and is not related to the books but to the movies. They are I guess 17 years old. The war hasn't started yet and Draco hasn't became a death eater yet either and I'm sorry if the format stinks I'm trying to work on it.

WARNING: This story contains slash. Suicidal thoughts and actions and mentions of child abuse and lots of depression please if you don't like please don't read Thank you and

GOD Bless

I can't believe this. Out of all the stupid things I have done this is going to be the most stupidest.

I looked around the table and seen that everyone was still eating their breakfast. Would anyone care if I just killed myself right here and now? I looked at Crabbe and Goyle.

They keep on saying their my friends but I know the truth. They just say their my friends because of power.

That's all anybody want's. My dad, Voldemort, Dumbledore all they want is power. I'm tired of always seeking power.
I know my dad want's me to be a death eater just like him and I thought I wanted it too.

But now I want something different something new. I looked over at Harry talking to his friends and laughing. If only I had that.

True friends someone I can trust to have my back no matter what. I looked at Harry then. Really looked. I wouldn't admit it out loud but when I'm around him I feel different...I feel like I can drown in his eyes.

I won't say this out loud but I'm in love with Harry fucking Potter the boy who lived. The one Voldermort wants to kill. The one that I will have to kill or watch him being killed if I become a death eater like my father wants.

But I know for a fact I couldn't kill him or watch him being killed. The day Harry Potter dies is the day I will die too. Whether trying to protect him or by taking my own life. What will I tell my father though? I can't tell him the truth. But I can't lie to him either can I?

I feel so confused and so depressed. I can't tell anyone yet. My body is aching and I just want to go to bed. This situation can't get any worse than it already is. What if I do kill myself? Nobody will have to know why I did it.

I don't see another way out...I'm gonna die if I say yes to father or I'm gonna die saying no. At least me dying now I can have it be peaceful. No pain at all just simply fall asleep and never wake up. Nobody would have to know.

The first bell rang and everyone got up and rushed into the hall's to their classrooms. I just sat there for a while not moving. I don't want to be in a crowd today. I don't feel like doing anything at all really.

But I have to go to class or father would definitely notice something's up. I sighed and got up and slowly headed to the class. Nothing really happened all that day Crabbe and Goyle got worried and asked if I was Ok I nodded and made a joke.

They both took it and started laughing. While they were still laughing Harry walked by and looked at me. We looked at each other and he slowed up a bit. There's something in his eyes...some sort of feeling or something.

Is it worry? My guess is probably not. It was gone just like that replaced with the same hatred I see everyday. I sighed and told Crabbe and Goyle that I wasn't hungry and that they go on without me.

They agreed and I slowly walked down the corridors almost to the Slitherin door when I decided to sit in a chair by the window. Everyone was going by not noticing me or noticing and cowering away.

Look what I've done. I made them all afraid of me just like Potter. How do I expect them to give a rats ass about me when I am so cruel to them. I know why I treat Potter the way I do is because the last time I was nice to him father beat me the whole night. I was only 11 and how did I know I was talking to the boy who lived?

So what is it fate that brought us together? Trapped and nowhere to turn. Well let me tell you something. Fate is a fickle bitch. It will bite you again an again right on the ass. Each and every time.

I went into my chambers and collapsed on the bed. The whole night I spent tossing and turning until my alarm clock started ringing.I got up in the same clothes as yesterday and made my way to the great hall for breakfast.

Crabbe and Goyle started talking with me but I just played with my food. They kept on asking if I was ok and I finally got up and yelled, "I'm fine! How many times do I have to tell you people!"

And left all the Gryffindor's was staring at me so I said, "You cross-breeds got a problem?" They all stopped staring at me. Everyone but Potter he was watching me with the same thing I saw in his eyes yesterday.

I quickly walked to my classroom and sat down. Professor McGonagall was speechless when I came in early and sat quietly down at my desk. She didn't say anything just went back to her work. The other people arrived 10 minutes later.

Everything went by rather slowly and boring but soon it was lunch time. I quickly made my way over to my normal spot and sat down. As soon as I sat down Crabbe and Goyle both got up and walked away. I watched as they went and sat somewhere else. Wow I guess I pissed them off the big babies.

They wouldn't survive 5 minutes if they were in the Gryffindor's. With all the stuff I do to them. They will soon get over it I played with my food again. The past few days I haven't really had an appetite depression does that to people after a while.

I looked up and seen my father sitting and eating with the professor's. Honestly he isn't even a professor so why is he sitting with them? I need to tell him soon that I know.

A little voice came into my head and said, 'You don't have to do this he will never have to know that you fancy Potter. You can just go along and become a deatheater and make him happy.' I almost laughed at that statement.

My father...happy. Haaa the only time my father is ever truly happy is when he's hurting something. Whether it be a beetle or his own son. He doesn't care who he hurts just as long as he's the one doing the hurting.

The voice said, 'You'll be facing total humiliation and total rejection from your only family. Not including the beating you are sure to get possibly even death in the worst way you can imagine.' I sighed that's going to end up happening anyway why not get it over with?

Just when I thought that the bell rang and everyone went to their classrooms. Great now I have to go to the potions class and Harry's going to be there. I don't want to see him...not yet anyway. My willpower is going slim and any minute now I will lose it completely.

That's the last thing I want at the moment. I slowly got up and made my way to the potions room. I walked in and sat down. Professor Snape wasn't here today but a substitute was. I've seen him on campus plenty of times. I hate him.

He is nothing but a pig who needs a job don't worry he hates me more than I hate myself right now. Which is saying a lot at the moment.

When everyone was in theirs seats he said, "Good afternoon children Professor Snape won't be joining us today. I'll be your substitute today. My name is rather long so just call me Professor Leo. Today we will be doing something a little different then what you all are used to.

None of the other Professors like this idea and said that it goes against all the rules. But I think that if you are to be true wizards that you need to see what this spell can do. Now this spell is called the feeling spell which will show the deep inner feelings of the person that got hit with the spell.

Now this spell has many names like the feeling spell or also known of as the truth spell. Because it takes out the deepest feelings that they have and brings it into focus. It's rather interesting to watch too."

Oh dear Lord I hope he won't pick me for this thing. I really can't have my feelings be showed to everybody. Just as I thought that Professor Leo said, "Do we have a volunteer?"

He waited for a moment then he said, "No, Ok. I'll just have to pick someone then. Hmmm." He looked around the room and I slowly sank down in my chair. Please don't pick me please.

Just then he looked at me and we locked eyes and I knew before he even said my name that it would be me. He said, "Well, if it isn't Draco. What a wonderful surprise you will be our guinea pig today." Oh Shit

A/N So what do you think cliff hanger much? (Smiles) Well let me know if you want me to continue the story or not. Also if you are going to flame the story at least be a member so I can tell you why I wrote it the way I did. Thank you Review's make me write the next chapter a whole much faster.

GOD bless