A/N: READ THIS FIRST: This might be traumatizing to some people to read, BUT it is not what it appears, read all the way through, pretty please.

Inspired by Christina Aguilera's Hurt. And Sir Thomas Wyatt's poem "And Wilt Thou Leave Me Thus?" read it, so beautiful!!!

Another bolt of inspiration while listening to music. Started writing and couldn't stop. But I am tired now. Will be writing only one more chapter for it.

REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!

I awoke with a pain exploding through my body, like a million needles stabbing through every single pore. I shattered the silence of the night with my terrible scream.

Amelia and Octavia came bolting into my room, freezing momentarily when they saw my body seizing violently.

Amelia rushed to me and threw herself over me, trying to hold my body still. It was pointless, I was bucking and shaking.

The pain wouldn't stop, it blinded my vision with red hot sparks. It took control of my very being, demanded I feel everything.

Octavia was chanting something besides my bed that I could understand. Her eyes were huge with terror.

"Sookie, Sookie, please listen to my voice. Follow my voice." Amelia was begging for me to focus on her. But there was no way I could.

I ripped the bed sheets to shreds as I felt a massive stabbing pain through my chest, as if someone was ripping my heart straight from my chest.

I let out one more earth rattling scream before the pain suddenly disappeared and I felt nothing, nothing but emptiness.

"Eric" I looked wildly into Amelia's eyes.

And then I blacked out.

______________________________________________________________________

A cool, strong hand was stroking my face gently, lovingly. For just a moment I thought it was My Vikings, but then I realized how dainty it was. I desperately clawed my way back to consciousness. I had to see if that feeling was still there, or to see if it still wasn't there.

My eyelids fluttered opened and I found myself staring into Pam's big beautiful red-rimmed eyes. She wasn't smiling mischievously. She looked completely miserable.

I opened my mouth, ready to throw a thousand questions at her.

"Shhh, Sookie." She laid a finger over my lips, "You need your strength my dear. That is what Eric would want."

A single red teardrop slid down her cheek

I bolted straight up in bed, ignoring the sudden dizziness and nausea that swept over me.

"Pam, what are you talking about?!" I was on the edge of hysterics. I knew what she was going to say, but no, no, no, NO. She couldn't. I began shaking my head from side to side, willing her to be silent.

No luck

"I felt it too Sookie…pain….so much pain…..and now, nothing. He is gone"

She hung her head, her shoulders shook delicately. I let out an inhuman sound, between a strangle and a sob.

I wrapped my arms around her. Wanting desperately to protect her. The last piece of Eric. She came to me knowing I was the only person on the face of this earth that could share in her grief.

No.

"Pam , he can't be. Its impossible. I mean, its Eric, right?" She just looked at me, her eyes full of pity.

"RIGHT, Pam?!"

"Sookie, De Castro summoned him to Las Vegas a week ago. To discuss the organization of his newly acquired state. I told Eric it sound phony to me, like they were trying to trap him. But he wouldn't listen, he was half-convinced De Castro wanted you. He went out there to detect if the king had ulterior motives when it came to you. Now I am positive he does, you must come with me Sookie. He could be here at any time."

De Castro had taken over Louisiana about month ago. The last time I had seen Eric was about 2 weeks ago.

………the last time……

Those words echoed over and over in my head.

I was dazed, I couldn't feel anything and I could barely hear her.

I whispered, "Go where? What's the point anyway he's gone."

I began slumping back towards my pillows, wanting to let sleep take me. Maybe I will see my Viking there.

Pam snatched me up and held my chin in one hand, forcing me to look in her eyes.

"We are going to Eric's home."

A knot caught in my throat, my eyes filled with tears, my lips trembled.

"Sookie, he would want you safe. He would want no harm coming to you."

I nodded, not able to speak at this point.

Then Pam picked me up. I was still wrapped in my bed sheets, so I tugged them around me protectively as this tiny vampire carried me outside to a watiting car. Amelia and Octavia were already in the back seat.

Pam set me in the passenger seat and buckled the seatbelt for me. Just like Eric had done tons of times.

I finally started crying, really crying.

I cried for Eric, My Viking an indomitable force to be reckoned with. Led to his final death all because he was trying to ensure my safety.

Pam jumped into the passenger seat and I noticed for the first time, it was Eric's corvette. I clutched my hands against the dashboard reliving every moment I had ever spent in this car.

The first time was when I asked him to be my bodyguard at an orgy. The last, a Were had tried to shoot me, but Eric had thrown himself in front of the bullet, it had ripped through his neck. But he had saved me again.

We were flying down the road, I had no idea in what direction we were heading. I focused on the emptiness in my chest, tried to sense some sort of fluttering of the bond ,but no, nothing. Not a whisper, not a glimmer.

Pam was talking a mile a minute. To keep herself calm more than anything.

"Octavia and Amelia are coming with us for their own protection. De Castro will immediately come for you. And if you aren't home, they would take these two and use them against you."

I just stared out into the black night racing by us. I didn't need a blood bond with Pam to sense her grief, but her nature forced her to act, to survive, to protect.

I was beyond thankful to have her near me.

We drove in a semi-silence, it was only broken by my sobs and an occasional whisper of his name, like I was willing him to return to me.

I was such an idiot. I had wasted so much time.

I didn't even register what the house looked like. It wasn't worth looking at without Eric with me. Pam whisked me into a bedroom that was located through a giant oak door reinforced by steel in the center.

I stood in front of the huge bed, looking from it to Pam. She gave me a sad smile.

"I thought you would want to sleep in here."

I swallowed back a fresh round of tears.

"Is this…." I wasn't able to finish.

She nodded, "Yes, this is where Eric slept."

I threw my hands over my hands and crumpled to the floor. Her use of past tense rattled me to the core. She came towards me and I just shook my head waving my arms to tell her I wanted to be alone. She left the room silently, closing the door behind her.

I curled up into a fetal position on the floor at the foot of his bed. Hugging my legs as closely as possible.

Not Eric, he can't be gone. He was too powerful, too strong, too cunning.

"Please God, not Eric."

My Viking, my protector. My lover.

Why had I been so stupid? Why had I run from him? Ran because of my fear of being hurt again, hurt by another vampire.

No one had ever made me feel the way Eric had. Even before his time at my home, no one had caused such a reaction in me.

Since I had first set eyes on him.

If he was here I would tell him. Tell him everything, how much I loved him. How much I wanted to be with him. How much I ached for him every time he left my side.

It would have been dangerous to love him, dangerous to be with him. But no one would have been able to protect me like he would have. No one except Pam.

But no, now it was too late, he was gone. Nothing but a bleak, gaping, excrutiating hole.

I crawled across the floor, towards an open bathroom door. I didn't need to use the bathroom, I just needed to feel the cold tile against my skin. It would be as cold as his skin, I needed it.

I took off my pajamas without getting off the floor, they had been drenched in my sweat and tears. I laid my body down on the tile, wearing only my underwear. Closing my eyes, I called his face to my mind. Desperately trying to recall every expression, every line that appeared when he smirked, the exact angle of his arched eyebrow.

I opened my eyes for a moment, playing with a lock of my hair, momentarily pretending it his.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a wicker laundry basket. If I had been here under different circumstances, I probably would have laughed at that. But now it just made me sob harder, but I crawled towards it, hoping against hope that the maid hadn't come.

Thank you God.

One of his black tank tops, possibly the last thing he wore before he left for Las Vegas. I slipped it on over my head and held the fabric to my nose, breathing in hard. I held in his scent as I went on my hands and knees back to the bedroom.

Dragging myself onto the bed I slipped between the covers and buried my head into a pillow.

I exhaled.

I turned my head to stare out the windows made from protective glass.

The memory of trying to wake Eric, while The Pyramid of Gizeh hotel was blowing up around us, came flooding back to me. My desperation at making sure he lived. My one track mind. He had to live, I had to wake him up.

I thought about when we smashed the glass together, how he had roared when the sunlight hit him. The pure agony he must have felt. But he had wrapped me in his arms and made sure I landed safely, he couldn't control his flight well, we had dipped and bowed. His arms so tight around me, tighter than I thought he could manage in the early morning light.

I had ignored the pure joy I felt at his survival. I blamed the blood bond, like I didn't know how to have an emotion all of my own. You damn fool Sookie Stackhouse.

I just looked out the window, for minutes, hours, I didn't know. It didn't matter.

Amelia came in a few times. She tried to get me to eat, drink, sit up, talk. But no, I just looked out that window, sobbing whenever I caught the whiff of Eric's scent on his clothes, his sheets. But I couldn't not smell him, so I would bury my head in the pillow than my body would rack with sobs.

Finally I passed out from sheer exhaustion. I wanted to sleep because then maybe I would dream of Eric, in my dream world I could be with him, do anything. But I didn't want to fall asleep because every time I did I would have to wake up and realize all over again that Eric was gone.

I did dream of him. I dreamt of the time I awoke in Russell Edgington's mansion in Jackson, Mississippi. His cool, hard body lay against mine, he stroked my stomach with his long fingers, making a trail down, down down….

Someone was gently rubbing my shoulder, fingers were kneading the tight, tense flesh.

"My lover."

My eyes snapped open, I flew off the bed. But before my feet could touch the floor. I was in the arms of a ghost.

A large, solid, incredibly strong ghost.

I stared up at him.

His sapphire pools shimmered at me. He touched my face gently with his hand, cupping my cheek.

I was absolutely speechless, and terrified. I was half-convinced this was some sort of evil manifestation of Eric. I still could feel nothing in the bond, not a glimmer, not a flutter, nothing. My vision began to blacken at the edges, the room teetered precariously.

He gently pushed a hand against my chest.

"Breathe my lover."

I exhaled, regaining my balance.

Finally I found my voice, "Eric, that's not you, you can't be you. Its not possible."

Then, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my short mortal life.

He smirked at me, his slow, sexy, lazy smirk.

My heart leapt and felt ready to burst.

"It is not? Well then I must have somehow earned a place in heaven, for you my love would surely not be in hell."

I burst into tears and threw my arms around his neck, pulling him to me tightly.

"Eric, we thought…we thought you were gone. I woke up the other night in so much agony. Like someone was ripping my heart out."

Then I saw it, Eric's shirt was partly open and there was a fresh scar on his chest. Right over his silent heart.

"What is that? Eric, what happened?" I looked up at him pleadingly.

Surprisingly his smirk didn't leave his face, "De Castro did try to trick me. But I didn't expect him to have a very powerful witch with him. She-devil"

I gasped, "Oh no Eric! What did she do?"

His smile finally faded, his voice became dark and menacing "She removed my bonds."

"What does that mean?"

He took one of my hands in his and kissed the fingertips before bringing it to his face and rubbing on it like some big jungle cat.

"She burnt out the bonds I had with both you and Pam. That was the pain you felt. I did not know this was possible. It seems De Castro thought if the bond was gone you would willingly come to him because of the protection order he gave for you."

Finally, I felt a tiny smile sneak onto my lips, "he doesn't know me very well does he?"

Eric chuckled, "No my lover and unfortunately for him, he never will."

I froze. This was not good…..

He continued in casual tones, "De Castro and the damn witch gleefully stood next to each other, over me, ripping out my bonds. Out of nowhere I saw De Castro's head fly off, quickly followed by the witches. There bodies crumpled and Victor Madden was standing behind them with a sword in his hand."

"Victor Madden? But isn't he one of the bad guys?" I was shocked, I had never had a particularly bad feelings about Victor Madden. But he had sauntered in my house proclaiming the Queen was dead, and he was proud.

"It seems my love, that Victor had a blood-bonded a few years ago. He had grown to care for her very much, not nearly like what you and I have. De Castro became jealous and had his bond with the girl ripped out. The king took the girl and made her some sort of little slave, it only lasted a few days. He drained her when he became bored. Apparently Victor couldn't stand the idea of that happening to another vampire, let only another human that he likes as much as you. And since it seems no one like De Castro anyway, his people have divided up the states between them. Madden is now King of Nevada."

I silently sent a prayer to the heavens for the soul of Victor Madden.

Relief swept over me and I began landing light little kisses on his neck, chin, chest.

He growled and that caused the familiar gush of lust to pound through me. But I realized it was my lust, all mine. So many times I had felt that in the bond when he was around and I had always assumed it was me.

I had been such an idiot, but no more.

"Eric can we renew or blood bond?"

He looked down at me with eyes that were searching. He was as lost without the bond as I was, he had no idea what I was feeling. So I decided it was time to tell him.

"You have no idea the pain I felt when I thought you were gone. I never want you out of my life ever again Eric. I have an idea of what life without you would be and I couldn't stand it. I want to be with you."

He relaxed and smiled at me, "You will be mine?"

I rolled my eyes, "That macho vampire stuff has got too stop Er-"

He cut me off with a kiss. Hot, and strong yet so tender and loving.

He broke away and held my chin in his hands, "You are mine as I am yours."

I licked my lips, feeling dazed, "Fine whatever Eric, but I am my own woman, you can't tell me what to-"

And again he cut me off. His lips burning against mine, willing me to yield to him, finally.

And I did.