A.N.: This story begins after Robin's death. Regina does not separate herself from the Evil Queen.

Prologue

[REGINA'S POV]

Robin died. He died trying to protect me. I had been happy as could be, my happy ending finally coming true. Robin was just so kind to me. Loving. He took care of me, and loved all of my sides. Even the Evil Queen.

It was hard now to gather all the memories, the moments, the feelings and just put them in the past. Robin was still a part of my present. I loved him. Probably more than I had loved Daniel. More than I had loved anyone, romantically speaking. I didn't want to pursue this love, to feel all this hurricane of feelings that seems to twist everything that I once believed in, all the walls I had built around my broken and frozen heart. But love had just found me, and as much as I tried – God, did I try – I could not fight it anymore. And that's exactly what made everything harder.

And then, the biggest shock came: Hook was alive. That filthy bastard, stupid drunken pirate was alive and well, even after everything that happened. I blamed it on Emma. Blamed it on Hook. Blamed it on all the hearts I crushed, all the people I killed and all the misery I put so many people in Karma is a bitch. I guess Evil Queens don't get a happy ending. We just get endings.

Chapter 1 – Grief

[REGINA'S POV]

It was as it was expected to be. Everyone was at Storybrooke once again. Hook was alive and well. He and Emma were together. Henry was safe. And Robin… Gone. At first, it angered me beyond belief. It was not fair that Robin was gone and Hook was alive. But then again, that's what I deserved, wasn't it?

At the funeral, I felt like I buried the last broken pieces of my heart along with him. Yes, I have loved him. More than I expected I would – or should, for the matter.

I went home and just shut myself out. I could not face these people… My friends. Nothing good ever came up from love. Well, except Henry. Henry… I had to forbid him from coming over. Said that I needed some time alone with my thoughts. Since everyone was so worried the Evil Queen would come back to the surface, he respected my wishes. We would still talk over the phone and he would text me all day long to check in on me. He was such a precious and special young man. Nobody came looking for me when I didn't show up at work for days. My guess is… They were afraid.

As the days went by, the truth is I didn't know who I was anymore. The Evil Queen? Regina Mills? What was the purpose of it all? Why would something so great as love exist, only to rip apart all that we had inside?

I sighed and looked around. The house felt completely empty and huge. All the windows were shut, and by that time there was no way of knowing if it was day or night. I lost track of how many days had passed. I kept reassuring Henry that I was fine, that I just needed some more time. The poor kid… He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve his mother not being able to get a hold on herself like that. I tried sitting down on the bed. I was dizzy as hell, and then the memories started coming back slowly. I had not eaten at all in the past 3 days. The only thing that I could muster was alcohol. Of course, it did not fix absolutely anything, but it made me feel numb.

Such weakness, I thought. I wonder what Cora would think after seeing her daughter like this. I was a Queen, for God's sake. Never have I ever showed such a display of horrendous vulnerability and inconsistence, even when Daniel died. Now I wasn't sure I would be able to recover. The pain was just too much, it seemed like I was being stretched far more than my body could handle, and there was nothing and no one to cut me loose. I felt my chest get heavier; breathing was proving to be very difficult. I was hyperventilating. I tried getting up, taking long and deep breaths. I stumbled and tripped over an empty bottle by the foot of the bed, falling on the ground. A stinging pain hit my chin. I had hit something during the fall.

I laughed, bitterly. It's funny how things work. The pain that I felt inside was immeasurable, but feeling an outside pain gave me… Relief. It's like at that moment, I had something else to worry about. For a second, the excruciating pain inside gave way to the thin blood dripping from my face. It wasn't much, but it was enough to make me forget about my inner demons.

I felt the rage and confusion swirl up inside. The once blackened heart was pumping with desperation. Would it ever heal? I felt like a kid shivering all over, knowing a huge monster was right behind them, and if they dared look, they would be caught and devoured mercilessly. Except, I was my own monster. The Evil Queen was still in me, and I felt her desperately scratching the inner parts of my heart in an attempt to escape my personal walls. The walls that I so proudly built to not be that person anymore. What was still holding her back was a mystery to me. After all, there was nothing I thought I could lose. Except for my son.

I crawled up a little and accidentally reached another bottle. I picked it up closer to read it. Whiskey. I opened up the bottle and took a long sip, and coughed. It came down burning my insides, and my stomach protested. My senses were not as they were supposed to be. I felt my vision begin to blur and tried to move a little forward. Where to, exactly? I burst out laughing bitterly. I was just so lost. Tears joined the ending of the laughter. I must look gorgeous, I thought. With blood, tears and a 3 day old makeup all over my face. Why did I even bother to put make up on was a mystery.

I sighed, and heard someone calling my name. Oh, great. Now I'm hearing things. I had jinxed the house, so nobody could come inside, except for Henry and… Shit. I opened my eyes the best I could and looked around, searching for the source of the voice.

"Regina? Are you all right?" Emma. Of course. Out of everyone, I could not let the savior see me that way. Henry's biological mother. My friend. I was just a pathetic sore loser. I tried getting closer to the bed in order to lift myself up. I failed miserably at the task and was beginning to lose balance again, when a pair of hands steadied me from behind.

"Regina, let me help you". She said, trying hard to keep both bodies balanced enough. I failed to help her do that, and we ended up falling over the bed. I hit my head in another bottle near the pillow. Such a lucky bastard, I thought. Emma fell on top of me, but quickly managed to lay on her side, and turned me over to face the ceiling.

"I came in to check on you. Henry is losing it." Henry. Oh, my poor Henry. What a sorry excuse for a mother I was. I wanted to get up, but Emma held my shoulders in protest.

"You're not getting anywhere in this condition. Have you eaten?" I shook my head and looked up at her and watched as she examined all the empty bottles. She let out a sad look, and was that pity in her eyes? There was an untidiness that was completely unfamiliar to both of us all over the house. Emma sighed. She made way to the window and was about to open it up when I protested.

"Please… Don't." Something in my face must have convinced her, and I knew what it was. I wiped away a stubborn tear off my face. She came in closer and sat down on my lap, suddenly making me startle. Emma cupped my face and looked at my chin in concern. It's obvious to the both of us that our relationship has changed enormously through time, but physical contact between the two of us has always been shy, if it ever occurred. This was a huge leap between our former selves and what was happening now.

"I need to give you a shower." She said with conviction.

"No… I… I can't get up." I blushed. It was true. I turned to the left side, avoiding her eyes. With the movement, she got off of me and left the bed. I closed my eyes trying to fight new tears, unsuccessfully. After a few moments, Emma came back.

I felt my chin hurt once again and moved my head, but Emma just held my face gently and said: "Shh… This will hurt just a little bit." I opened my eyes and saw her mopping my cut with a wet piece of cloth. Judging by the smell, there was some medicine in it, but I couldn't distinguish which.

I closed my eyes again. Damn, it was hard facing Emma being so vulnerable. I never allowed anyone to see me in that state before. I just wanted to disappear, to kick her out, to die... But I just remained there, not moving, while she was taking care of me. One more time. Must be a "Savior complex" or something.

I looked up at her in time to see her placing a Band-Aid on the now clean and not bleeding cut. Our eyes met, and there was something I could not understand in her green ones. She rubbed her right thumb over my left cheek.

"Regina… I know this is not easy for you, but you need to get it together. For Henry."

I avoided her eyes. Of course, I knew that. Which only made things even worse. She placed her hand on my chin and lifted it up gently, forcing me into looking at her in the eyes.

"What do you expect me to do, Emma?! Just get out of bed and pretend that my life is not a giant and turbulent snowball just waiting to crush everything and everyone that crosses its path?!"

"No! I just want you to stop killing yourself. I mean… What are all these?!" She said, pointing at the 7 different bottles all over the bed and floor. "They will definitely not help you."

"I know that! But I just don't know…" My voice cracked.

"What? What do you not know?!" She asked, raising her voice a little.

"… I just don't know, Emma. I don't know what to do. I don't know… Who I am anymore." The last sentence came out as a whisper.

She laid her back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, saying nothing for a while. I did the same, as if the ceiling held the answers to all my problems.

"You know… You really need a shower." She said with a grin on her face.

I laughed. Genuinely laughed, and looked at her.

"I know. I'm just not sure I can get up and…"

Before I could finish the sentence, she was reaching out to me and helping me get up. My balance was playing tricks on me, but Emma managed to keep us both up. Step by hazy step, she led us to the bathroom. I looked up at the mirror and my heart raced. I saw the Evil Queen staring back at me, and then blinked. She was gone. All that was left was my shattered image. Damn, I looked like crap. My hair was surprisingly untidy. My clothes were crumpled beyond any known standard to date, and my make-up… A panda bear wore it better.

"Here, let me help you out of your clothes…" Emma began, but I protested.

"Oh no, there is absolutely no way I'm letting you do this, Ms. Swan. I've got this." I said. Of course, I couldn't do it on my own. But the idea of being so useless that I wasn't even able to shower myself scared me. I still had a lot of pride and stubbornness running through my veins, along with all the alcohol.

She lifted both hands up as if to say "all right, your call", but remained there. I looked at her in disbelief, finishing to take my black leather jacket off and leaving it on the ground – it was the best I could do in my current condition.

"What are you doing?! You're not staying here, are you?"

"Well, of course I am! I'm not letting your drunk ass alone in this bathroom. You know what? I'm just gonna sit here and wait. Don't worry, I won't look." Emma said, and I rolled my eyes. The woman would not be talked out of it, so I just gave up. Besides, I could still conjure up a fireball, if need be.

I took my black leather skirt off and had to lay both hands on the sink for balance. Emma just remained sitting on the toilet with arms crossed, undisturbed. Then, I removed the blue cotton blouse and was just on my underwear. I blushed. I looked at Emma again, but she did not look back. At least, she half respects my privacy, I thought.

I took a deep breath and removed first the bra and then the panties. They were both white. I laid everything on the floor and entered in the shower box. The water that came from the shower was a little cold and sent shivers all over my body, but I didn't want to warm it up. I reached up to the soap and started the cleaning process. I rinsed my hair in no time, still a little disturbed by my unwelcome guest. When I was about to finish, the soap escaped through my fingers and fell. Oh, great.

Before I could reach it, Emma was already there, holding it up for me. She was probably afraid I would fall and die for sure, this time. She only had time to remove her boots before coming in. Or were they already off? I could not tell. Suddenly, I felt dizzier than I had. Emma realized that and held me in her arms, dropping the soap again. The water was still flowing, watering the both of us. My body felt heavier at the second.

"Emma… I can't…" That was all I had to say before Emma took the towel and led us out, into the bed again. She quickly tossed the bottles aside and laid me down, still wet. I know she had been saying something, but I had no idea what it was. My vision was all black, and that's all I remembered, before I passed out.

[EMMA'S POV]

Regina passed out. If I had been worried before, now it reached a peak where I did not know what to do. I checked her pulse. Fortunately, it was good. I realized she started shaking a bit. Hypothermia. I gulped. Okay. So, I need to… Christ. I took a deep breath. Yeah, I can do this. I mean, what's the matter, right? It's just Regina. Nothing new, here. I just had never seen her naked ass, obviously. And there's the fact that every single person in town is worried that she might go full on Evil Queen on everything that moves. Which was the reason why I came here, in the first had been a meeting, everyone attended. Some citizens wanted to flee, to run away from Storybrooke, because they were afraid of Regina. Yes, she had changed, but people sometimes tend to stick to the past more than they should. It had been decided that I should go and fix the situation, as their Savior. No one seemed to bother to just ask how Regina was doing, or if there was something she needed. Suddenly, everybody was seeing her as a threat unlike any other. Some people even suggested we kill Regina. What good would that do? How would we be able to live with that?! And, of course, there's Henry. Our son.

Unsure as how to proceed in this undoubtedly atypical situation, I took the towel and with gentle and loving movements, started rubbing it on Regina's body, and sighed. I definitely didn't sign up for this. I started on her face, going down to her neck and shoulders. Then, her breasts. She had beautiful breasts. I blushed. After that thought, I finished the task real quick, especially on her lady parts. Was I attracted to her? That could not be. Definitely, not. I mean, I had a boyfriend, and Regina was full-on straight, as far as I could tell. I have had my experiences before, but for a long time I had never wanted a woman again. Until…

I went to her wardrobe and picked up new underwear and a blue cotton set of pajamas. She was incredibly tidy, and her lingerie was stunning. I smirked. She probably had an entertaining sex life. I went over to the bed and looked at her naked body, blushing. I sat beside her and dressed her up slowly, as if I was afraid she would break, and couldn't control my trembling fingers. Damn. What's going on? I knew I had a responsibility with the people from this town, but this was almost too much. Almost.

After she was fully dressed and shaking a lot less, I realized that I was still wet from the shower – and maybe not just the shower. I took my red leather jacket off and placed it on a beautiful white velvet vintage armchair, the kind that looked like it came from a palace. Of course Regina would have something like that in her house. The fancy armchair was near the window. My gray tank top was also wet, and I took it off as well, along with the blue skinny jeans and socks. I was left only on my underwear, and looked around. This is a mess. I picked the bottles up one by one and went downstairs to the kitchen. I threw them in the trashcan near the sink. Back to the bathroom, I took Regina's clothes from the ground and to the washing machine and turned it on. I went upstairs again and sat on the fancy armchair. I would never call it any other way other than "fancy".

I looked up at my cellphone. Henry had left a text message. "How is she? She's not drinking, is she? Send me a pic ASAP" I sighed. Henry would not see his mother like this. I just replied "We're putting things to order, talk to you later, kid."

I knew he wouldn't buy it, but it's the best I could do, for now. There was another text message, but from Hook. "Is the Evil Queen being evil to you? Let me know if she attempts anything. I'll bloody rip her hear out." Charming as a pirate can be. I looked at the watch. It was now half past 1 am, and I yawned.

I was tired, but couldn't leave Regina like that. I wouldn't. Henry would never forgive me… And neither would I. I walked over and sat on the bed, considering it for a while. After some hesitant moments, I decided that it would be better to stick close to her, and that meant… Sleep with her. For some reason, my heart pumped faster than usual at the thought. God, I looked like a teenage boy with the hormones out of control. As if I had never seen a naked woman before. Well, at least, not as hot as Regina.

Not in a million years have I pictured this. I laughed. Regina will kill me in the morning. I slowly laid down beside her and placed the crumpled blanket over our cold bodies. She was lying down on her right side, facing the window wall, and I could see her back shivering. Damn it. Why won't she warm up? I decided to wait a few minutes and see if the blanket would do any good.

No success. As desperation was taking me over, I did the one last thing I thought that could help: I cuddled. I pulled her body close to mine, adjusting our curves so that not a single inch of her body was uncovered. My bare skin was offering her enough warmth.

Her skin was soft and her hair was pretty close to my nose. She smelled nice, and I could feel her tremors slowly calming down. I sighed in relief. A little after that, I was asleep, too.

I had been sleeping for quite some time when it started. Regina was mumbling inaudible words in her sleep and started moving furiously.

"Regina…" I said, laying my left hand over her shoulder. "Regina… What's wrong?" But she wouldn't answer. She started frowning and laid down on her back, moving her head to either side frantically.

"No… No… Not again." That's all I could hear. She was definitely having a nightmare. Was it about Robin?

"Regina, hey. Wake up." I said, shaking her lightly. It didn't work. "Regina!" She was now moving her arms and feet as if she was running, wrestling, or both.

"No… Please, don't… Don't do this!"

I sat up on bed now, uncomfortable at the sight and not being able to wake her up.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Regina screamed and sat down on bed. She was sweating all over, her skin was cold and her breath was uneven, as if she had really been running.

"Regina?" I tried, timidly. She looked at me, confused. There was no recognition in her face as she frowned. Her eyes turned gray, cold and distant. "Regina! Talk to me!" She seemed to slowly come to her senses, and desperation took over. Without warning, she hugged me. It was a tight embrace, her hands were trembling and I could feel the cold sweat that came from her body on my barely naked one. Her nose was touching my neck and I felt goosebumps. She looked like a frightened kid hugging their mother.

Long seconds have passed. Her breathing was slowly going back to normal, and her body felt shaky again.

"I…" Regina said, breaking the embrace. She looked puzzled at me, and I at her. "I… You…"

"What's wrong, Regina?" I asked cautiously, resting a hand over her shoulder.

She looked at my hand and at me, then at my hand again. She took my hand off her shoulder and turned her back on me, laying down and staring at the wall.

"Nothing. Just a stupid nightmare."

I sighed, but didn't push her. I turned my back on her, too, and we both pretended to sleep for the next hours.