This was the end.

Madoka had taken a gamble, putting all of Homura's effort, her own life, and even the universe at stake.

She had lost.

And Homura watched, in utter despair, as the giant comet that was Madoka's Soul Gem raced towards her home planet, with fiery wings of pure darkness, before exploding into a gigantic, demoniacal witch, which quickly engulfed the entire Earth.

And it was laughing. With her laughter.

Homura covered their tearful eyes. It was more than she could even bear to imagine, let along watch. Madoka… Madoka was…

"It's okay."

The calm, sweet voice was instantly recognized by the black haired gunslinger, and she looked up to a glowing light, brighter than the sun itself, that was cast from where she heard the voice.

…Madoka?

It was Madoka, but not her Madoka. She was completely different, matured, much taller, with long, pink hairs that ran down to her feet, wearing a dress of the most pure white. Her skirt seemed to contain the entire universe within it. And from her back, a pair of translucent, graceful wings erupted.

A truly godly sight.

"My witch is to erase every witch. If that's fulfilled…

This new Madoka raised her left hand, summoning a large bow with it. She took aim, and large, complex runic symbols appeared in front of her.

"I have no reason to feel despair!"

"Wait, Madoka!"

To both girls' surprise, Kyubey, of all people, appeared out of nowhere, right above Madoka's right shoulder.

"Do you know what that is, Madoka?" He asked, pointing to the dark mass that engulfed the planet.

"It's the witch created by my own despair. And that is why I have to destroy it." She answered, unwavering.

"But you know what will happen if you do? You'll be destroying yourself, and that is paradox: it could end up destroying the entire universe!"

Seeing Kyubey worried about… well, anything, was almost a shock to Madoka.

"Hmm. No, we don't want that." She replied, as she lowered her bow and scratched her neck.

"So, I can't destroy it, right?"

"Right."

About thirty seconds later, amidst the maniacal laughter that came from Earth, she snapped her fingers.

"Got it! Homura!"

Homura had simply been staring at the awkward scene, unable to say a word, when she was addressed.

"Can you stop time for me? I still can't do it well."

"But… I don't have my-

Before she could complete her answer, her shield had rematerialized in her arm. She looked at it for a few seconds, before complying and stopping time. The entire universe stood still, except for herself… and Madoka, seemingly unaffected.

"Okay, so, now we rewind about a minute."

She waved her left index finger in circular motion, and time went back as she did so. Soon enough, the enormous witch had been contained back in the comet, still heading towards earth.

"And finally…"

Madoka closed her eyes, and concentrated for a few seconds. Suddenly, a girl popped out of nowhere, clinging to her left hand. She had short, orange hair, and golden eyes not too different from Madoka's. She wore a hooded one piece body suit, tight enough that her body features were easily distinguishable. She also wore football bots, sporting large studs. Overall, she emanated a rebellious look.

"Kazu- Wait, where the hell am I?"

"Kaoru…"

Madoka leaned closer to her, and whispered something to her hear for about a minute, Kaoru's expression changing dramatically with each of Madoka's words.

Finally, Madoka stepped back, and Kaoru nodded to her.

"I'll do it."

"Homura!"

It seemed like Madoka's voice was the only thing that could call Homura out of her dizziness, at this point.

"You can restart time now. Don't worry, we got this!"

Homura complied, and the universe regained its life. Madoka's corrupted Soul Gem again approached Earth at an amazing speed. But this time, they were ready for it. Kaoru was standing right in path of the blazing comet, and she wasn't going to back down.

She slowly pulled her right leg back, focusing all her strength in it. Madoka waved her fingers again, and Kaoru's left boot started to glow in a strong, bright pink.

"Do it!" Madoka shouted.

"PALLA DI CANNONE!"

With a large grin on her face, the girl violently kicked the comet. Their forces clashed, neither moving for a few moments. But eventually, the comet started to backtrack, first slowly, then faster and faster, eventually flying out of sight, heading towards the farthest, most isolated edge of the universe.

"NOO! My energy!"

Kyubey instantly jumped out off Madoka's shoulder, and quickly ran in the comet's direction, eventually disappearing just as he had appeared.

With that, Madoka high-fived Kaoru, and both girls landed on the moon, right next to Homura.

"M-M-M-M-M-Madoka!" Homura cried, falling in the pink-haired girl's lap. "You did it!"

Kaoru tried to say something, but she quickly let go of it. She was used to dealing with crying girls, after all.

"Uh-uh. Now, this calls for a celebration."

Madoka snapped her fingers, and the three girls popped up in opposite sides of a familiar glass table.

"Yo, Mami! Cake for three, please!"

A/N: Cracky story, delivered as promised.

This was something that annoyed me quite a bit in the original. Madoka destroying herself would certainly be a paradox to herself, and she would disappear as she did, but why should that imply the destruction of the entire universe? To me, it seemed to be an attempt to maintain zero-sum at any cost... and if there was ever a moment where it could have been broken without ruining the story, it would have been there.

Also, did anyone notice how everyone in Madoka seems to be left-handed? Homura's shield is inher left arm, Madoka summons her bow on her left hand…

Anyone, as always, hope you enjoyed! (notice how I used to put "enjoy" here? It took me more than a month to realize you're actually done reading by the time you get here :P)