Disclaimer: I own not Reid, nor Morgan, nor criminal Minds. A girl can dream can't she, at least give me that!
"Someday this pain will be useful to you…"— Ovid
Rain drops splatter the windshield, falling like suicide jumpers off the Golden Gate Bridge. Reid plasters his head to the window, his face a mask of dark thinky-thoughts as Morgan cruises silently in the direction of Reid's apartment. The city's streets are a bowl of sluggish complacency, the orbs of light from street lamps muted in the stormy weather.
All Reid wants to do is go home.
Morgan's words invade him, seeping through every porous crack in his mind. Playing over and over like a round. So simple, so clean, so puzzling, so infuriating…and they won't go away.
Reid's not going to sleep tonight.
Morgan drives, steady and true, almost oblivious to Reid's inner turmoil.
Almost oblivious, but not quite.
"Pretty boy, what's eating you? You haven't been your talkative Reid self since Alaska. You alright?" Morgan takes a quick glance at Reid.
His eyes are closed, and the words get louder, drowning out the gentle swish swish of the Morgan's car gliding down the empty road, the slight strain of jazz leaking out of the speakers, the patter of rain against the window.
All that remain are those five words. Harmless when taken out of context; singularly, they can't hurt a fly, but strung together they pierce Reid more that he thinks they should.
"I am NOT sleeping with Reid."
The world shrunk down to Morgan's adamant tone…Reid hasn't slept right since.
"Kid, talk to me. You are you okay?" Morgan words break through to Reid.
Reid peels his head from the glass, staring at the void outside of them, surrounding them, threatening to swallow them whole if he didn't say anything.
"I'm…fine." His statement falls out of his mouth like leaden stones. He worries his bottom lip.
Morgan had an almost joking tone that night in Alaska, a casual air.
"I am NOT sleeping with Reid."
"Reid, maybe talkin' it out would help?" Morgan's voice sounds genuinely concerned. Reid feels like a total ass for shutting Morgan out. But this is too close for comfort, too real. Why did Reid get into the car with Morgan again?
Was it because he subconsciously wanted to be put into this precarious situation that he finds himself in, Morgan persistently rooting until he figures it out, until Reid blurts what is really on his mind. It'd be easier to shame face himself now, without an audience, wouldn't it?
Morgan would understand wouldn't he? How repressed feelings weren't good to keep bottled up inside, that's why it's so easy to talk to Morgan, because he listens. Even when he pretends he's not interested, he still puts up with Reid's rambling, his practices in small talk and normal conversation. That's what Morgan's for. But Reid's been left alone with his imagination too long, and little seed of hope have sprouted into something shameful and detested. He hasn't been paying attention and look where it's gotten Reid now.
"I am NOT sleeping with Reid."
"Reid, come on. I'm not moving this car until you can look me in the eye and tell me what's wrong. Come on man, don't shut me out." Morgan shifts; reaching out to touch Reid's clasped hands.
"Reid?" His voice is almost pleading, but not quite. Not yet.
Reid fidgets under Morgan's touch. He squeezes his eyes tight, the rain pounding against his temples.
Reid pushes out a deep breath.
"I am NOT sleeping with Reid."
"Why did you say it like that? There were thousands of sufficient ways you could have voiced you concern about sharing a room with me without being obnoxious and cruel…" Reid's eyes flood out of frustration, out of anger, out of that sickly swirl of emotion that's been kicking him in the stomach for his stupidity.
Why does he feel this way? This is what keeps Reid awake at night. This clench in his gut; his buzz in his head.
"What are you talkin' bout Pretty Boy?" Morgan quirks a brow as Reid tucks further into himself.
"'I'm NOT sleeping with Reid'? Why would you embarrass me like that? What did I do to make you not want to share a room with me?" Reid's voice is thick and laced with thorns.
"What did I do?" He hisses.
Morgan stares, mute, only the harsh gasp of Reid's breath enveloping them, threatening to drag them both into this dreary night, capturing them in its grasp and never letting them go.
"Is that what this is about? Me not…Pretty boy, you've got it"—Morgan stammers before Reid cuts him off.
Reid grinds out the words, fist pale, white clenched against his thighs.
"Don't call me that! Why do you find the need to condescend me? You talk to me as if you're placating a child." Rid sobs, yanking the truck handle open, plunging into the soggy pitch of nightfall.
"Reid!'Morgan shouts, exasperated, he hops out after him.
Reid's skinny frame is accentuated by the rain soaking his dress shirt, slightly defined muscles in high relief as his shirt and hair's plastered by the pounding water. He leans against the car, body shaking from the cold…or sobs?
Morgan intakes a sharp breath and can't help but remember when he thought he almost lost Reid for good…more than once.
When Reid was trapped on the train with Briar, when he got captured by Cyrus on a religious compound, with Hankel (the sick son of a bitch)…when he almost…with Anthrax; he could help feel something tear apart inside him each time Reid put himself in harm's way.
Something switches in Morgan; a connection illuminated itself in the cold rain as he and Reid stare open mouthed at each other. The word love floats around in his stomach, his head his heart, but he knows it can't be it. Can't be.
"Kid…" Morgan sputters, nothing more than a hoarse whisper.
Reid looks up.
"Look, Reid, I didn't think you would take offence to me saying anything like that. I know it was stupid, and I wish I could take it back. Just understand that I never meant any harm..." Morgan's face a mask of embarrassment and pain as he rambles.
Love
Reid blinks, teeth chattering. Morgan comes closer, enveloping Reid into his arms, an embrace. Reid sinks in, the sobs coming faster and hard as he presses his face into Morgan's shoulder.
Morgan's breathing hitches as his body becomes electrified, running his hand through Reid's hair. He leans against the car for support.
It can't be. Morgan thinks.
Morgan's mouth brushes the top of Reid's head. He has to explain.
"Reid," Morgan says gently, pulling Reid away a bit to look him in the eye.
It is.
"Reid, I wasn't thinking straight." Morgan half snorts. "I…Reid, do you know how hard it is to share a room with someone, when you know you want things that you know you'll never have. When you know it's only going to be look, no touch. When you feel things you have no right to feel?" Morgan pauses, searching Reid's face for some sort of acknowledgement that he understands, a sign that he isn't repulsed by the possibility.
Reid nods dumbly. Is this what he thinks it is or is imagination fucking with him again.
"Morgan, I"—Reid tilts his head back a bit…
The first was nothing more than a touch, skin on skin. Morgan pulls back first, a surprise; Reid worries his own bottom lip.
Is this okay?
The next is soft, as both men tighten their grips on each other, Morgan hand slides from the small of Reid's back to tangle in his hair. They keep going until neither of them can catch their breath, until their lips are numb and blue, until the sky splits open with the white hot heat that trembles within them, exposing a look that passes between them.
"The car. Your place." Morgan says between cracks of lightning, peels of thunder rumbling in their rib cages.
Reid nods, reluctantly pulling himself off Morgan.
Morgan pulls him close once more kissing him lightly on the cheek. Reid smiles and sniffles, before side stepping to let Morgan pass.
They get into the truck, Morgan looks over at Reid smiling, wrapping his hand around Reid's before putting the vehicle in gear, and peeling off toward Reid's home.
Love
There was nothing lewd or suggestive about Morgan's suggestion.
Reid lets Morgan into his apartment, fidgeting as Morgan takes it all in.
Morgan smiles; it's everything he thought it would be.
Mismatched living room furniture, plush and earthy; the kitchen sparse and metallic, no very cooked in… Morgan's brain sort of shut down, he'd take all of this in some other time. He'll have other chances.
"Shower and sleep." Reid sighs, looking back at Morgan as he leads the way to the guest bathroom.
"You know we're going to be sick tomorrow right?" Morgan teases Reid. Reid just shrugs, handing Morgan a towel and cloth.
"It's worth it. I'll go get your go bag." Reid shivers as he heads for the door. And that was that.
After they're both showered and warm, Reid tugs Morgan from the guest room, shaking his head, meaning no, you're sleeping with me. But then stops in his bed room doorway.
"Do you mind sleeping with me? I mean in the bed, just sleep, nothing…" Reid's face heats in embarrassment.
"Go on, I don't mind sharing a bed with you Reid. Better?" Morgan gives him a roll of the eyes before smiling teasingly.
Reid shoves Morgan towards the bed, allowing Morgan to get in. Reid positions Morgan to his liking before crawling in and cuddling up next to Morgan.
"Comfortable?" Morgan grins down at Reid, who buries his head into Morgan's side.
"Mmhm." Reid coos, blinking sleepily. "Tomorrow we talk. Now we sleep." Reid wraps his free arm around Morgan.
Morgan body shakes in sleepy laughter. Kissing Reid on the head, he whispers, "G'night Pretty Boy."
"G'night, Morgan."
Yes it is love, found in what's said and unsaid.
The rain never let up as it lulled the two men to sleep.