Title: Forgiveness

Author: Khylea

Rating: PG

Timeline: After "Return of the Jedi".

Characters: Anakin, Obi-wan, Qui Gon.

Beta: The Oh So Talented Manon

Archive: Feel free, just drop me a URL where I can visit it please I do not own these characters, the great flannel shirt wearing one, aka George Lucas does. I make no profit from this writing. Duh.

Summary: After turning his back on the Sith, Anakin Skywalker finally finds peace and forgiveness.

Author's Notes: I assume I'm not the only one who cried like a baby at what happened to Anakin in Episode 3. The movie doesn't really go into it that much, but the novelization makes very clear that after being lied to, Anakin grew to loathe Palpatine. He felt trapped, felt he had to stay with Palpatine because he had nowhere else to go. But at the end of Episode 6, he finally realizes that he does have another choice. He can turn his back on the Sith, and join the good side again. And he does, by killing Palpatine to save his son. This story is my view of what could have happened between when he dies on the Death Star, and when he reappears, as Anakin once more, on Endor.

"Now go my son. Leave me."

"No, you're coming with me. I'll not leave you here, I've got to save you."

"You already have. Luke...you were right...you were right about me. Tell your sister you were right..."

The painfully spoken words drained the last bit of strength from his failing body, the pull of oblivion far too much now for him to resist. Closing his eyes and leaning back on the ramp of the Imperial shuttle, he finally gave in to the darkness.

Free...he was finally free...after a lifetime of pain and agony...a lifetime of being forced to live whether he wished to or not. A lifetime of being forced to remain by Palpatine's side, thinking he had nowhere else to go...Palpatine...whose lies had turned him away from those he most cared about...

As he felt his spirit finally released from the body it had been imprisoned in for so long, he allowed himself to think about them, about the ones he had left behind.

His thoughts went first to Padme, his dear wife...mother of his children. Luke...who he had fought, twice now, who he had tried to kill and who, in the end, had convinced him that to follow the emperor was not the only way. And Leia...he shuddered to think of what he had done to her on the first Death Star. Tortured her, filled her body with chemicals, her mind with agony...destroyed the only home she had ever known. He could not help but smile a little as he thought about how alike they were. To each other, and to their mother. So strong, both of them were...so strong and yet so compassionate. Like their mother.

Their mother. Their mother, who he had killed in a fit of rage. Someday perhaps...someday perhaps he could see her again...explain...that everything he had done, he had done for her...to save her from the nightmare of his dreams. But not now...not now. Her death still caused him too much pain. He could not think of her...not yet...

The younglings at the Jedi Temple, who had looked on him as a savior, as one who would protect them from the threat taking over their home. The younglings who he had cut down as if they were nothing. It was their voices more than anyone else's that he heard each night in his dreams, crying and begging for mercy. Mercy he would not give them.

Master Yoda, who at first had resisted his being trained as a Jedi, but as he began to prove himself in the Clone Wars, had become one of his staunchest supporters, defending him to all who would listen.

Master Windu...he wondered now what really had happened in Palpatine's office. Had the Jedi really tried to kill him and take over the Republic? Or had it all been just one more lie in a long string of them?

Master Kenobi...his dear friend, the man who had been like a father to him. Who he loved more than any other Jedi. How had that friendship become so twisted? How could he have ever thought that Obi-Wan was against him? Obi-Wan had never been against him. He had always defended Anakin, even against the council itself.

The pain overwhelming him, he closed his eyes, a tear trailing down his cheek. So much...so much pain he had caused others, so much heartache and grief and suffering he had caused as Darth Vader. And for what? To save his wife who he had ended up killing anyway? How could he have let this happen? How could he have become this monster? What happened to the little boy on Tatooine who had once given his entire day's slave rations to another slave whose own rations had been stolen?

With a shock of realization, he reached a hand up, feeling the moisture on his cheek. Moisture? Tears? How was this possible? Darth Vader had no tear ducts. They had been burned away by the lava that had consumed him.

His hand...his right hand. He turned it this way and that, looking at the front, then the back. Without even thinking, he had brushed the tear away with his right hand. Gone was the mechanical hand and in its place, a warm, flesh and blood hand. He flexed his toes, feeling for the first time in twenty years, the warm flesh of his own feet, encased in soft leather boots.

It was then that he realized the excruciating pain in his body was gone. The black suit had kept him alive, had breathed for him, spoken and seen for him, fed chemicals into his body to nourish him, to keep the infection out of his grotesquely maimed body. But it had never taken away the pain, the pain of the terrible wounds he had suffered. He suddenly wondered if it had been deliberate. If Palpatine knew the pain made him angry, made him hateful, and used that hatred and anger to his advantage. The temper of Darth Vader was well known across the galaxy, by Imperial and Rebel troops alike. Had it all been just one more way Palpatine manipulated him? Used him?

He could feel his power returning, but it was not the same as it had been. Always there had been a feeling of uncertainty, of anger or hatred, a fear of losing those close to him. He felt none of those things now. The power was not the fire that had always burned him, always demanded more. It was a warmth, a contentment, a soft blanket enfolding and supporting him. He suddenly realized what it was. The Force, in its most pure, most powerful form. But why? He had betrayed the Force, betrayed the Jedi, betrayed all that was kind and good in the universe.

"There is always forgiveness, Anakin." A soft voice behind him caused him to turn quickly to look into the wise, kind eyes of one he had not seen since he was a boy.

"Master Qui-Gon," he whispered, barely even noticing how his voice was no longer the deep baritone of his voice modulator, but was his own voice. Anakin's voice.

"Do you feel it, Anakin? Do you feel the Force welcoming you home?"

"Home? But I..." He could not say it, though he suspected Qui-Gon knew...somehow he knew everything Anakin had done as Darth Vader...and more than knew, he was telling him that none of it mattered now.

"In the end, you chose light over darkness, Anakin...you sacrificed yourself to save your son. When you had the choice, you turned your back on the darkness and once again embraced the light. You fulfilled the prophecy. The Chosen One truly did bring balance to the Force, only not in the way any of us had foreseen."

"I...I don't understand. After all those years of...of the things I did to hurt others, I..."

"Look at yourself, Anakin," Qui-Gon said quietly. "Your body has been restored to reflect the change in your spirit. This is who you are; this is who you have always been. As your son tried to tell you, this is your true self, you had only forgotten. Nothing else matters now."

"My son...he...he is alive?"

"Yes...he has taken your body back to the forest moon. He has set it on a funeral pyre, destroying the visage of evil you have worn for his lifetime. He has set you free, Anakin. Set you free of the hatred, the anger, the evil that mask signified. There is no going back to that now, Anakin. It is time to move forward, to look to your future."

"Can I see him? See my son?"

"You can see anyone you wish, Anakin...but for that, you need the help of an old friend. Look behind you."

Anakin turned slowly, suspecting who Qui-Gon was talking about, and afraid to face the one he had betrayed more than anyone else. Standing relaxed, his arms tucked into the full sleeves of his long Jedi robe...Obi-Wan Kenobi.

For many heartbeats, the two warriors did nothing more than look at each other. Obi-Wan with a slight smile, his look guarded and uncertain. Anakin barely able to meet the eyes of his old master, expecting at any moment a censure, a rebuke. But it was not the same Obi-Wan that had been his master. This one was older, the body bent and stooped in age, the reddish blonde hair silver. But the piercing eyes were the same, and Anakin found himself looking away from that stare, convinced he saw anger and disappointment. Disappointment at what he had become.

He dropped his eyes, studying the ground on which they were standing. It was smooth and black, but did not seem like stone. Obi-Wan moved closer, and Anakin flinched, his body trembling in anticipation of the scathing reprimand he expected to hear at any moment.

Finally he could stand it no longer and when he could sense Obi-Wan only an arm's length away, dropped to his knees and bowed his head, unintentionally mirroring what he had done all those years ago when he pledged his allegiance to a Sith Lord.

"Anakin." He felt a hand gently stroking his hair. "Anakin, please..." He shook his head, remaining on his knees, keeping his eyes lowered. What could he say? How could he ask forgiveness? The one thing he had always hated, more than anything else, was to let his master down. Obi-Wan had been upset when he had talked back to Master Windu; told him he expected better of him. But now this...this was so far beyond just a simple let down, he did not even know where to begin.

"Anakin, please...get up...do not do that, not here."

"Master, I..." The words caught in his throat as he attempted to explain, to beg forgiveness, something. He felt the hand pull away from his hair and flinched again, waiting for the words, cutting him to the bone.

The hand returned, gently tipping his face up, and he found he was powerless to resist. Obi-Wan had kneeled in front of him, the uncertainty gone from his eyes. Anakin felt another tear make its way down his cheek as he saw in the old, wrinkled face love and acceptance and forgiveness. He suddenly knew, without either of them saying another word, that Obi-Wan was not angry, was not disappointed.

Anakin had often wondered over the years, in the dark hours of the night, when the agonizing pain kept him awake, if Obi-Wan had known he would survive the injuries he had sustained on Mustafar. If leaving him alive had been a cruelty or a kindness. If he had wanted Anakin to suffer for the pain he had caused, or if he hadn't had the heart to kill his apprentice. Finally he understood...Obi-Wan loved him, had always loved him, and could no more kill Anakin than he could cut out his own heart. But if he had known Anakin would spend a lifetime in a black suit, serving an Emperor he had grown to hate, if killing him had been the only way to save him from a fate worse than dying, he would have mercifully ended his life there on the lava planet. He had thought Anakin would die, would find peace from his hatred and conflict within the oblivion of death. Had thought the lava would do what he could not.

And then Anakin heard, from those weathered lips, the words he himself could not speak. "I'm so sorry, Anakin. I let you down. My training wasn't good enough. I didn't train you in how to resist the Dark Side. I..."

This, Anakin could not bear. Not to hear Obi-Wan take the blame for his actions, for his failings. Reaching up to lay a hand over his old master's mouth, he finally found the words he needed. "No, Master...I made my own choices. I...I thought it was the only way to save Padme. But his words were poison, nothing more than lies. In the end, I doomed her to death. As I doomed all the other Jedi to death, and you and Master Yoda to a life of exile."

"You knew we were alive?"

Anakin nodded slowly. "It is not easy to mask the Force signatures of such powerful Jedi."

"Why did Palpatine never send troops to hunt us down and kill us?"

"I masked your signatures from him. I could not bear to think of any other Jedi dying by my hand. It no longer mattered that you were alive. The time of the Jedi was over. The Sith had destroyed them, taken over control of the Republic. We had what we wanted. The emperor had taken a new apprentice, an apprentice who had so betrayed everything he believed in that he could never go back," he spat out bitterly.

"But in the end, you did come back to us, Anakin. You knew Palpatine's Force lightning would kill you, and yet you did not let that stay your hand. You destroyed evil to save good. Destroyed your master to save your son. In the end, you returned to the selflessness that is at the heart of the Jedi." He reached up to lay a hand on Anakin's cheek. Anakin closed his eyes once again, tears running down his cheeks at the kind words of his former master. "I am not disappointed in you, Anakin," Obi-Wan continued softly. "On the contrary, I am proud of you. You fulfilled your destiny as the Chosen One. You brought balance to the Force by destroying the Sith. You were the only one who could have done it."

But Anakin was not yet ready to find forgiveness in his own heart. "But I killed...I killed...younglings! I murdered them, when they looked to me for their salvation! I killed Dooku and Viceroy Gunray and the other leaders of the Separatists, in cold blood! They were defenseless, and I killed them, I killed them all, just like I killed the sandpeople who killed my mother!"

Obi-Wan reached up and grasped both of Anakin's shoulders in his hands, shaking him gently. "Stop this NOW Anakin! Let your anger, your hatred go! Let them dissolve into the Force." Anakin dropped his head for a moment, then lifted it again, his face wet with tears. But he was listening. "As Master Yoda would have said, 'Find forgiveness you will, if look you do.' You have been forgiven, Anakin. All that remains is to forgive yourself." He felt the strong shoulders begin to sag, the tall body of his student bending under the great weight of the burden of guilt he carried.

Forgive myself? Can I? Should I? Anakin asked himself. My son forgave me, Obi-Wan did, Qui-Gon did. Suddenly he felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He did not have to spend eternity as Palpatine's slave. He was here, in the Force, here where Master Qui-Gon had said he could see anyone he wished. Back among the good, among the Jedi, among light and good and love. "Master..." he whimpered softly, collapsing against Obi-Wan's chest, feeling strong arms wrap around him, a cultured voice whisper softly into his ear as he finally let himself go. Let go the hatred, the anger, the shame, of the last twenty years.

He sobbed against Obi-Wan's shoulder, feeling the older Jedi gently rock him as if he was a child. And oddly enough, Anakin felt like a child. Felt the Force surround him and support him, felt it gently penetrate his mind and show him the mysteries he had always been too arrogant to be interested in discovering. He let it in, let it wrap around his mind, his eyes opening in wonder as he felt the great power and wonder that was the Force, and he suddenly realized how wrong he had been. He did not know everything there was to know about the Force. On the contrary, his petty knowledge had barely scratched the surface of what there was to know.

Obi-Wan saw the transformation on his face, saw the loathing and arrogance and hatred slowly melt away, to be replaced by an almost childlike wonder. Anakin looked this way and that, as if seeing for the first time. And seeing he was, Obi-Wan supposed. Seeing the Force as he should have seen it years ago. "Do you understand now, Anakin?" he asked softly. "Do you understand what the Force truly is? What it encompasses?"

"Master, I...I want to learn. I want to learn all that there is about it. Please, can you teach me?"

"To learn all that there is will take an eternity, Anakin." He stood and helped Anakin to his feet. "But it would be my honor to once again be your teacher." He placed a hand over his heart and bowed slightly.

"My son...and my daughter...I want to see them." Obi-Wan nodded.

"Close your eyes, feel their Force signatures, and you will be with them."

Anakin nodded, reaching out with his feelings, feeling his son, feeling his happiness and his joy, and close to him, his sister. His sister...Anakin could not help but smile at what he sensed from her. She was in love with that devilish Corellian smuggler. Well, no accounting for taste.

"Open your eyes now, Anakin, and you will see them." He heard Obi-Wan's voice as if from a great distance, and he looked. At first he saw nothing, but then his sight cleared, and he was standing on a wood platform, far above the forest floor. He looked, and he saw them. Luke and Leia, his children. Celebrating with a most motley crew of friends. Ewoks and droids, humans and a Wookie. He felt a question in Luke's mind, and swallowed hard in fear when he saw his son approaching. But he need not have worried. Luke had forgiven him; had forgiven him long ago.

Luke watched him for a moment, then turned his attention to Master Yoda and Master Kenobi, who were also unobtrusively observing the Rebel celebration. A small smile came over his face, and Anakin felt a sudden swell of pride. His son. Leia came after a moment and drew him back to their friends, and he was suddenly sad that she was not yet attuned enough to the Force to see him as his true self. But he knew she would be. Some day she too would be as strong in the Force as all the Skywalkers had been.

"Come, Anakin, it's time to go." Anakin felt a hand on his shoulder, and reluctantly turned away from the sight of his children. Obi-Wan felt his hesitation and gently squeezed his shoulder. "You are not leaving them, Anakin. They will always be with you. But it is time to begin your training." He smiled. "And perhaps this time, you will listen to me."

A little of Anakin's old cockiness returned. "Don't bet on it, Master. After all, I AM the Chosen One."

Obi-Wan could not hide the rolling of his eyes, causing both Jedi to break out in a fit of laughter. Up ahead, they heard Yoda muttering softly to himself. "Children, they are. Need this, they do not." The softly spoken words just caused the two to laugh all the harder.

Free. He was finally free.

END

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