Hello all! I've always been a fan of Ed, Edd and Eddy. Double D and Kevin have always been my favorite characters, but I didn't know Kevin/Edd was a thing until I came across some fanart and now that my eyes have been opened, I can't go back. The idea for an assassin au was inspired by C2ndy2c1d but I'm not sure how similar they will be. Only time will tell. I also want to give credit to C2ndy2c1d for creating Nathan "Nat" Goldberg because he's fabulous and I can't imagine the fandom without him now (go read C2ndy2c1d's comics if you haven't already).

So here goes! Comments are always appreciated to fuel my fickle muse. :)

Eddward Marion Vincent disliked gym. Well, "despised" was probably a more apt term. It just seemed no matter how hard he tried, his body lacked the necessary physical capabilities required including a basic understanding of hand eye coordination.

The sound of guns being shot off and steel slapping against steel probably did nothing for his nerves either.

"Good headlock, Nazz!" Coach Emerson shouted across the room, his voice booming like a freshly fired cannon.

"Thanks," Nazz said with a bright smile. She had her legs wrapped around a senior twice her size. Edd thought his name might be Frank or Fred. The older boy tapped out on the mat with a begrudging expression before they both popped up and repositioned themselves.

Coach Emerson tossed two katanas to them. Nazz unsheathed hers with a sweet smile before running toward her opponent, katana raised high. Edd stood on the sidelines and covered his eyes with both hands, daring to peek through his fingers when he heard steel meet steel. Nazz liked to play with her prey, taunting and teasing them until they were too distracted to block her striking blows. That's when she'd go in for the kill. Edd had a hard time separating Nazz's sweet and chill demeanor with this relentless fighting machine she became in the training room. He always made sure he was never paired with her.

"She's brutal, isn't she?"

Edd jumped slightly. He hated when Marie snuck up on him. She had her arms crossed over her leather-clad chest and an appreciative smirk on her thin lips. Edd remembered when Marie Kanker would turn that smirk on him when her sisters relentlessly stalked him and his friends when they were younger. He never thought Marie would become one of his closest friends at the Academy and someone he considered a close academic equal.

It also helped that one day Marie simply lost her crush on him when she discovered how much she liked the female form in ninth grade. Ever since then, they came to an understanding that developed into the friendship they have today.

"Well, she has a strong grasp of how to use her limbs as well as excellent spatial awareness," Edd murmured as he watched Nazz take down the senior again. Another gunshot fired in the back of the large gymnasium and Edd's body tensed. He hated how easily he spooked.

"You know, Double D, you think you'd be used to that sound by now." Marie's eyes shifted sideways and her smirk widened into a teasing grin. "It's not like we don't hear it every day."

Edd sniffed and adjusted his black beanie as he tried to calm his beating heart. The gymnasium was massive, set up more like a military base than a high school physical education building, but the sounds were always so overwhelming to Edd's "delicate sensibilities" as Eddy put it. The gym was split up into sections, each representing an area of expertise. There was an area full of mats for grappling and different forms of hand-to-hand combat and then there was another for students to practice their skills with many different types of blades, which was where Nazz and the senior were fighting now. In the far back corner, an indoor obstacle course was set up to challenge endurance and creativity in a crisis. It was a wretched monstrosity that starred in many of Edd's nightmares.

Then, there was the shooting range. It was an area he both loathed and enjoyed. There was a larger shooting range off campus that only seniors could visit, but inside the gym they had a decent-sized one for practice. Obstacles would pop up at random with various targets for different levels, but that wasn't what had interested Edd. No, his interest lay solely with whom usually occupied said shooting range.

Edd's blue eyes darted to where the piercing sound came from. A tall, lean body stood rigid with a gun in each hand, shooting the targets effortlessly. Edd's eyes travelled across the freckled shoulders of the boy and how the muscles in his back bulged and tensed underneath the tight black tank top he wore. He had a shock of red hair hiding under a well-worn backwards baseball cap and his green eyes sharpened like cut emeralds. After his last shot, he pulled the gun to his lips and blew the smoke away with a smug grin before spinning it in his hand and slinging it into his hip holster.

Kevin Barr was Peach Creek Academy's star shooter and he knew it.

"Earth to Edd. Getting distracted by lover boy again?" Marie waved her hand in front of Edd's face until he knocked it away with a blush.

"I have no idea to which you are referring. I was merely admiring his skill-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say." Marie grinned with a wave of her hand. "Nothing says romance like gazing longingly at your old childhood bully and hoping he notices you."

"I was not gazing-"

"Vincent! Kanker! Stop your yapping and get to sparring or else I'm flunking you for the day!" Coach Emerson yelled across the room. Most of the students turned to look, including Kevin.

Edd hunched his shoulders up to his ears as his face reddened more. Marie sighed and with a roll of her eyes, she picked up two training sticks and moved to the nearest mat. She tossed one to Edd who fumbled to catch it before following her. He pulled out a cloth and wiped down the stick, his nose scrunching in distaste. He didn't want to imagine the infestation of germs wreaking havoc on the stick's surface. It really was abysmal how little the practice weapons were cleaned. He was already banned from wearing latex gloves during gym because they" impeded his performance" but they couldn't stop him from sanitizing whatever he used.

He faced Marie with a grimace. She twirled the stick in her hands like a motorized windmill, her grin sharpening. Edd gulped. Marie only had that look in her eye when she was up to trouble or about to do something reckless to impress someone. He could see Nazz watching from two mats over, her blonde hair pressed to her sweaty forehead while she waited for her turn to spar again.

He gripped the stick until his knuckles turned white. His knees wouldn't stop shaking. Marie raised her stick and Edd lifted his to block her blow. The wood smacked together loudly and Edd's arms vibrated with the effort to try and hold off Marie's blows.

Marie kicked out her leg and swiped Edd's under him. He fell to the floor with a loud thud and his vision went black for a moment before he blinked away stars. Marie straddled him and held the stick across his throat. He could hear some students snickering about how easily he fell and one student spoke loud enough about how they couldn't believe he came from the famed Vincent family and what a disgrace he was.

"What a waste of good genes." He heard someone else mutter. Edd closed his eyes and ignored the comments, pushing his shame down where he couldn't feel it.

"Is she looking?" Marie whispered as she leaned down in Edd's face, her choppy blue hair falling forward.

Edd turned his head to see if he could spot Nazz's blonde head. He startled when he locked eyes with Kevin instead. Kevin put a toothpick between his lips as he looked at Edd with a blank expression. Edd couldn't help but watch how Kevin's lips wrapped around the thin piece of wood. He knew it would taste like cinnamon because that was the only kind Kevin chewed on ever since they were kids. Edd licked his own lips and wondered if Kevin's would taste like cinnamon.

Kevin raised an unimpressed eyebrow before turning away and talking one of his friends. Edd sighed and looked back up to Marie, who still stared at him expectantly.

"Well?"

"Oh, um yes. She looked quite impressed." Edd gave a weak smile.

"You didn't even see her, did you?" Marie sighed and pulled back, but she looked down at him fondly. "You're hopeless, Double D, and a horrible liar."

She helped pull him to his feet and handed him his stick again. Edd looked at his watch forlornly. Only thirty more minutes of this torture and then he could shower and head back to his lab for independent study hall. He had multiple ideas he was just itching to get started on and none of them required physical exertion or public embarrassment.

"Ready?" Marie's voice brought him back to the moment, her dark eyes bright with her competitiveness.

"Is one ever ready to be beaten?" Edd gave a dejected sigh and rolled his shoulders back. He tried to mimic Marie's stance ignoring how awkward he felt with his legs spread and back hunched. He was average for someone his age, about 5'10 but his frame was so delicate he often looked smaller than other boys his age.

Suddenly, there was a loud commotion of yelling at the entrance of the gym as students quickly parted for someone. Edd looked and saw one of his best friends running toward him with a large rocket launcher settled over his shoulder. Ed's large size made the RPG-7 look like a roll of wrapping paper, but Edd recognized it as one of the Academy's top-grade models and certainly not something students could touch unsupervised. How did Ed even get a hold of one? His mind immediately went to Eddy as the culprit and he shook his head in exasperation.

"Look, Double D!" Ed yelled across the gym. He galloped toward Edd, his face wide with excitement. "The aliens left me a present. I'm going to name her Susan!"

"Ed, drop that right now! You know you're on weapon suspension until next semester!" Coach Emerson tried to intercept and block his path, but Ed, in his graceless way, turned his head to see who was talking to him and knocked Coach Emerson in the head with the launcher. Coach Emerson collapsed, unconscious, and many students ran to his aid. Ed didn't seem to notice and kept running toward Double D, laughing like he just won a stuffed animal at a carnival, which Edd supposed was accurate considering the circumstances.

A forgotten pair of num-chuks lay on the floor in Ed's running path and he noticed too late. His foot slipped on them and he started to tip over, body leaning like the tower of Pisa.

The next few moments seemed to happen in slow motion for Edd. He watched Ed fall to the floor, the RPG-7 tight in his grip. He watched Ed's fingers cock the hammer and slip on the release. He watched how it was aimed right at him and if he didn't move, he would be blown to bits, but he couldn't move. He felt frozen. He saw the spark from the launcher ignite and he knew his life would be over if he didn't move right now. Yet all he could think about was how close he was to perfecting his android model in time for the annual science fair and who in the world could he trust to feed his pet cactus, Jim?

None of that seemed to matter though because before he had a chance to scream, a larger body knocked him to the ground, covering him with their heavy weight. The rocket sailed above their heads and crashed into the nearest wall, it's loud boom echoing in the gymnasium as the wall crumbled and sunlight filtered in from outside. Edd blinked and tried to rub his eyes but his arms were trapped on his sides by the body above him.

Sunlight outlined the frame of the body above him and Edd thought for a moment that maybe his atheist beliefs were in fact false and that angels did exist. He noticed red hair and he blinked again before Kevin's face came into his view. The light shining in made the freckles across Kevin's nose stand out and his strong jaw was close enough Edd could press his lips to it if he wanted to leave a kiss there. The thought made him shiver pleasantly.

"You really have no self-preservation skills, do you Double Dweeb?" Kevin's face remained blank, but his green eyes sparked with something that resembled concern. His voice held a raspy nonchalance that made Edd's toes curl. Edd opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't seem to form words so he simply gave a weak self-deprecating smile.

It wasn't until Kevin pushed up onto his hands to look down at him that Edd realized they were pressed up against each other rather intimately, legs entwined and hips connected. Kevin seemed to notice it too and he smirked in amusement, eyes lighting up. Edd immediately flushed and looked away. He wiggled uncomfortably underneath Kevin, but a sharp pleasure shot up his spine when Kevin's thigh dragged across his crotch. His eyes darted to Kevin's as he sucked in a breath, noticing his freckled cheeks were pink. Was Kevin blushing?

"Double D, are you okay?" Marie ran up with Nazz and a teal-haired boy not far behind. Edd thought his name might be Nathan. He played on the football team with Kevin but Edd didn't really know much about him.

"He'll be fine." Kevin grunted as he got up, leaving Edd's body cold. He reached down and practically picked up Edd before setting him on his feet carefully, his large hands lingering on Edd's hips for a teasing moment before he let go completely.

"Way to go, Knight in Shining Armor." The teal-haired boy smacked Kevin's back with a grin while his gold eyes roamed over Edd's small frame.

"Shut up, Nat." Kevin grumbled and punched him in the shoulder. Nathan simply laughed harder.

"T-thank you, Kevin." Edd squeaked out and fidgeted, his blue eyes wide as he looked up at Kevin.

Kevin cleared his throat and looked away as he adjusted his hat. "Uh, don't mention it, dork. Just be more aware next time, ok? I won't always be around to save your ass." He cracked his neck with a loud pop before he pushed past Edd and Marie with more force than necessary. Nazz and Nathan scurried after him. Edd thought he saw Nathan poking Kevin to get his attention and gesturing back toward Edd, but Marie grabbed his shoulder and turned him toward her.

"So, that was interesting…" She raised her eyebrows curiously. "Knight in shining armor indeed."

Edd chuckled nervously and pulled his beanie down over his eyes. "It was nothing, Marie."

Strong arms enveloped him and suddenly he was spinning around the room, his legs kicking in the air.

"Double D, I'm so sorry!" Ed wailed as he hugged Edd tighter. "The aliens made me do it."

"Ed," Edd breathed, trying to get the stocky boy to drop him. "Ed! I'm fine, just kindly release me."

Ed let him go gently, his large eyes bright with tears. Edd pulled out a tissue and gave it to Ed to blow his nose before he pulled out sanitizer and used it liberally on his own hands.

"Good thing Kevin has fast reflexes, huh?" Marie crossed her arms, looking at where the trio of teens left. Coach Emerson was conscious now and speaking into a walkie talkie, staring at the blasted brick wall with a grim face.

Edd nodded. He didn't even know how Kevin knew to move that fast. He must have been closer to Edd and Marie than he thought. Was he watching the whole time? He couldn't help but remember how good it felt to be under Kevin's toned body, his senses overwhelmed with the smell of cinnamon on his breath and the sharp tang of pine on his skin. He shivered and crossed his arms over his chest.

The bell rang. Students quickly filed out of the gym, heading toward the locker rooms to strip out of their training gear. Edd, Marie and Ed were at the door before Coach Emerson barked.

"Ed, don't think you're going anywhere."

"But, but the aliens-" Ed furrowed his unibrow in concern.

"I don't want to hear it." Coach Emerson raised his hand and used his other to rub the bridge of his nose. "And don't think that just because your parents are on the school board that you'll get off easy. We just had this gymnasium remodeled over the summer."

Edd winced at Coach's words. He looked at the blasted wall, watching a dangling brick fall to the floor to join the pile of rubble there. He patted Ed's back before Ed slumped and dragged his feet toward their coach. Even though Ed was much taller than Emerson's 5'11 at a whopping 6'7, in this moment he looked like a toddler getting scolded for eating dessert before dinner. Marie pulled on Edd until he followed her to the locker rooms.

"I wonder where Eddy is," Edd trailed off as he tapped his chin. It wasn't like Ed to act alone and even though Edd hardly involved himself in their pranks anymore, Ed and Eddy were still considered his best friends.

"He's probably hiding out like the coward he is," Marie grumbled before she disappeared in the girl's locker room, her voice carrying past the closed door. "See you at lunch, Double D!"

Edd sighed and shook his head as he entered the locker room, hoping all the showers weren't already occupied. It was only the end of first period and already shenanigans promising doom and destruction had begun.

Just another typical day at Peach Creek's Academy for Young Assassins, Edd supposed.