There never was anything more 'helpful' than seeing the red drip and flow down my arms. Nothing in the world could stop what I had once started. I'd thought I had quit, then things got to stressful and people just kept piling their anger and crude feelings. I found I couldn't handle it anymore. This is where I stood. In an off white bathroom hold a small knife. Just sharpened and ready for use, although many people would disagree with my intent I can't find another way. No one will listen even though I give them that courtesy. So now I watch with a hungry and addicted fascination. The blood slowly flows from the new laceration and I wait till it runs dry.
It's still not enough. I can feel the sadness and loneliness welling up like the tide getting ready to sweep me under. Slicing another thin but deeper cut I feel the tide swell before dieing down to a low thrum. Sighing in relief I rinse off the knife before doing the same to my arm. No one will notice anyway, I'm always wearing long sleeves for this exact reason.
The two new forming scars match perfectly with the remnants of my previous escapades down this solemn path. It's not like I seriously want to die, but other times I find it would be better than to continue on. Wrapping my arm in bandages I pulled my sleeve back down and left the harmful haven of my bathroom. The rest of the house was dark, as if it had been swallowed by the night sky. I didn't mind though, nobody can see me in the dark. Not when I cry out my pain and regrets, or when things get to be to much to bare, they never see because they don't ever look.
Frowning slightly I watched the moon as I laid down on my bed. Why would tomorrow by any different? I wondered. I would act as the same cheerful brat everybody still hated and I would come back and start up my relief cycle again. No one would take the time to notice the pain of a demon anyways. Rolling over I hide my head under the covers as tears threatened to fall. Maybe, just maybe things would be better tomorrow.
~~~~Tomorrow~~~
Yet when the sunrise came I felt horrible, as I had gotten little sleep. Maybe today I wouldn't be the cheerful happy ninja everyone saw, maybe I would let them all see just a bit of the real me, just a bit of the damage. Tossing the orange jumpsuit to the side I put on a black long sleeve shirt with a maroon short sleeve hoodie over it. A black pair of tripp pants and a few 'motivational' pins and my outfitt was complete.
Walking past the bathroom I noticed the glint of metal on the sink. Feeling the tide wax and wane I stuffed the knife in my pocket before walking out the door. Today would be different, today we would see how the real world dealt with the real Naruto.
The bridge was the same, the water was the same, even the temperature was the same. The only thing different was me. Walking right past Sasuke and Sakura was easy with my hood up hiding my blinding hair color. Walking right up to a tree I flipped onto the lowest branch and waited for Kakashi. They still hadn't even notice me.
"Sorry I'm late, there was a sale at the bookstore today, I couldn't miss it." glaring at our late sensei I wasn't much in the forgiving mood. Rolling a few kunai between my fingers I flung them at his prone figure. I was surprised as one actually hit his weapon pouch and the other impaled his lower arm.
Guilt welled inside my stomach. 'I'd just hurt my own sensei.' attaching chakara to the end of my kunai I gave a slight tug and they jolted back into my hand.
"Oh my gosh! Sensei are you alright?! WHO THREW THOSE? YOU BETTER COME OUT RIGHT NOW!" Growling under my breath I jumped down from my spot on the tree. She didn't really sound all that intimidating but why wait longer to start our missions?
"Who the hell are you?!" Her voice was really starting to get annoying.
"Maa maa Sa~ku~Ra~." I drawled out. "Can you really not recignise me? Little old me? Who every day since the day we met you pounded over the head and called an idiot? I knew you weren't that smart, but to end up being blind as well. You have really lowered my perception of you."
"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?!" she screeched and she flung her fist towards my head. Letting out a Feral snarl I tossed a few kunai pining her arm to the wooden rail of the bridge.
"You keep your filthy hands off me bitch, and try to keep your voice under control i'm in no mood to deal with your child like behavior today." she didn't utter another word after I spoke to her.
"Dobe." Sasuke...
"Well at least somebody can recignise me. But i'm betting you don't even know the real me do you Sasuke. Or you Kakashi, terribly sorry about the arm but the way." I said with sarcasm oozing from my voice.
I was met with complete silence as everyone took in the not so new me. The longer they stood staring the harder it was to reign in my feelings. I felt terrible suddenly, and not just emotionally. My stomach started heaving and I dashed into the woods. I hurled out what little I had in my stomach and waited, slowly catching my breath. It took a moment but as soon as I was better I began a slow walk back.
"That wasn't really the idiot was it Sensei?" Sakura of course, her voice sounded worn out for some odd reason.
"Nah that was probably some wannbe ninja Sakura." my heart dropped slightly. So they couldn't even tell a real from a fake. I felt the knife in my pocket poke my leg through the thin cloth of my pants.
'was it really alright? To just leave them like this? To hurt myself so they could be happy?' a tear slid down my cheek as I vanished back to my apartment. Why couldn't I just be myself and have everyone understand.
The hideous orange jumpsuit was there waiting like a faithful pet. Leaving my other clothes on I just slipped into the monstrosity and entered the bathroom. Pulling up my sleeve I notice the slightly healed wounds from last night. Sniffling slightly I pulled the clean knife from my pocket a watched as it glistened against my skin. One swift flick and I felt the release from my emotions. Everything was gone and I could put up that fake smile again. Quickly wrapping up my arm I plastered the stupid grin on my face and jumped out the window.
Arriving at the bridge I saw my team looking a little worried. Forcing the grin on my face to get bigger I hollard over the bridge.
"Hey guys! sorry I'm late! I slept in on accident!" running up to the group I prepared for the normal blow to the head and scolding. I was not disappointed. Her hit seemed a little harder than usual this time and I felt a few tears spring to my eyes before I forced them away.
"You BAKA! Do you know all the trouble you've caused us already?! Now we're late in getting started for the missions!" I could feel my ears ringing but forced out a smile anyway.
"Sorry Sakura~chan I didn't really sleep well last night."
"Ya ya just don't make us wait again." and then she was back to asking Sasuke for a date. She seemed so pathetic. Losing my smile for a moment I gazed down into the river below us. Just jump in and stop breathing, that's all it would take.
"Are you coming dobe?" looking back up with a fake smile I ran to catch up with the group that was leaving me behind. Maybe I could be like Kakashi and get lost on the road of life, only I wouldn't be coming back. The steady thump against my leg reminded my of the release I would need later if things kept going on as they were. The only thing I could use to keep myself from completely breaking. Was this really all I had?
A small sigh slipped out of my lips before I walked behind our group and followed them into the Hokages office. I didn't even bother saying hello to Jiji. He wouldn't really notice me anyway. I was right as he just handed us our mission list and shooed us off. Being right however chipped a little at whatever was left of my heart. Sighing I followed my team out of the office.
Sakura and Sasuke were actually getting along and Kakashi, per the norm, was reading his Icha Icha paradise books. Eventually the day would end. In time I would be able to go home and be myself. Soon enough everyone would realize I wasn't a happy person, and by then it would be to late. I would be gone. Either by running or by the knife waiting in my pocket.
~~~~END~~~~
Got bored and didn't want to do my home work... so ya... this is what came out of my messed up mind. Is it horrible or do you not mind? Please tell me what you think.