Holding My Last Breath
(Standard Disclaimers Apply)
She was dying.
It was strange how weak she felt. As if only the thinnest threads were holding her to this bed.
To this room.
To this life.
Threads that were strained as she looked out through her open window to the night sky and waited.
She waited for many things. For the pain to stop, for one. A cessation to the ache that had eaten her bones and convulsed her muscles. She'd gone beyond trying to smile around it. She knew that seeing her this way distressed her family, but … she truly couldn't help that anymore. She could only endure and wait for it to end. Assure them that it was alright…It would be alright.
But she was waiting for him, above all else.
He had to come.
He didn't even need to save her this time. She was not expecting miracles. She would die, she knew. But she was waiting to see his face before then. Things had been left so unfinished. It could not be allowed to remain that way. One last time … It was all she asked.
Her lips, dried and chapped, curled up in a soft smile as she brought forth her memories. They were old, perhaps even faded. But she cupped them in her hands and by her focus brought them new life.
Brown eyes that went from liquid to flint in an instant. A smile that seemed to embrace everything, every aspect of life and show no embarrassment at reflecting it outwards. Even when in the depths of his heart the light never truly managed to give enough warmth.
He was alone.
And she wasn't there to ease that loneliness. Perhaps she could never have filled it. The loneliness of ten lifetimes and the gaping wound that only the death of billions could have created….
No. No one person could fill that.
But she would have at least been there to try.
Her eyes slipped closed.
She needed him to come.
Please. Please come.
It'd been so difficult these past years. Not intolerable, no. She was loved. She had an extended family and a position where she could do some good for her country and people. She had a man who loved her, even if she could not truly say that her love for him was as free and unregimented as her heart wished.
And she did love him.
But the Doctor had shown her a life, a universe, and himself. There was no equal to the images, concepts and places she'd seen through his eyes. There was no equal to what he'd offered her and what time…. Time and chance had taken away from her.
So little time to spend with him.
No. She had not pined away the days. There was too much to do. Too many people who needed her here and now.
But she did wait.
She never stopped waiting.
Tears slipped down her cheeks but she opened her eyes once more and resolved to keep her gaze on the sky.
She'd left a message. A message that she hoped would not be needed. She did not believe that she would die before he came back, she couldn't. To do so would be to acknowledge that it was over.
But she wasn't a fool and she would not let hope blind her to the possibilities to the point where she would risk leaving him without some sort of word. Word that she hadn't forgotten him. She'd lived. She'd lived well. But she hadn't forgotten.
That message waited on the table.
But, it was so strange. The air was becoming so still. Sound was muffled like… like in those timeless moments between sleeping in waking. Her eyes dilated slightly and she caught her breath. It seemed to last an eternity. Here. Look. Time was losing sway. Or perhaps, it was simply waiting for something.
So she spoke.
She told the shivering air and the halted last moments her fears, her hopes for him, and her dreams. She painted an image of the universe she wished for him with every last ounce of strength she had. A universe that was safe. A universe where he could be whole. Where adventures never asked their heroes to become monsters.
And, finally, that surge of strength fading, she spoke of her love for him. And her hopes that somehow it would survive her and be a light to help fight off his darkness.
She told all of these things to the still air of the empty room and to the last seconds of her life.
And she trusted that when the Time Lord came, he would hear it.
She trusted.
She believed.
She loved.
And when she died, Reinette's eyes were still fixed on the stars.