Half Life
I'd tell you my name but I don't see the point. I'm nothing special. My older sister's the beautiful one. My cousin's the strong one. I'm a good shinobi, but next to the pretty, polite heiress who went from a weakling to the pride of the clan, I'm nothing. I have no name, no thoughts, no purpose. This is me. Nothing special. Nothing worth taking note of. I'd tell you my name but you wouldn't remember it. No one does.
I'd tell you my name but I've been forced to forget it. I've been here for over a month now, names, emotions, dreams...What do they mean to a girl who no one can see? He'll be back soon to tell me that they've said 'No'. That my life isn't worth that much to them. That's fine. Truth be told, it's not worth that much to me either. For a moment, as he first realised that his technique had no affect on me, I thought I saw something in his eyes...pity. He saw me and he knew, he knew how every time my father looked at me he saw nothing. Not a daughter. Not a faithful clan guardian. Just something more than an absence and something less than a presence. A half life. Never what he wanted. Or what my sister needed. I'd tell you my name but it hurts too much to recount it.
I'd tell you my name but I don't have one. He knew, of course, who I was, as soon as I used my Byakugan. Since then I've forgotten. It's for the best really. My name brings memories. Memories bring emotions. Emotions bring weakness and weakness means death. Not that I'm worried about that now. Death is as natural as child birth. I'll miss my own child. I was due to give birth in three months. You may think I'd regret transporting my teammate, his original target, to safety while allowing myself to be captured as soon as I realised that she wasn't immune to his genjutsu. You may think that I hate her for escaping into the arms of my cousin while letting me be captured and tortured. You may think I'd blame her for the death of my would-be-child but I don't. I'd tell you my name but I gave it up when I miscarried.
I had a name once. Hanabi, they called me. Not that it matters now. I have nothing, no one, to address me. I told him not to use my name, that it no longer belonged to me. As a gentleman, he respected my wishes. I was grateful for that at least. A small kindness I guess, but not substantial. Out of all of them, he had seemed genuinely sorry when I lost the child. But he was still a criminal and I was clearly just a target.
"They've refused to negotiate. The jinchuriki and your sister have been persuaded to remain as they are. Neither will turn themselves in." I nodded, it didn't suprise me.
"So will you kill me now or am I to rot?" Surely I was allowed a tiny snippet of sarcasm.
He looked at me and there it was again, that faint trace of pity.
"You have a choice." I liked his voice, so calm, quiet and deep. Something about it was reasuring, even though I knew what he was about to say. I also happened to know my answer. "We can kill you now. You'd die with honor and dignity and your body would be sent back to your family for a proper burial." I nodded. "Or you could join us. Your byakugan is strong, strong enough to potentialy beat your sister, or even your cousin with the right training. You'd train for three years before training to recieve missions."
I smiled.
I have no name. I serve no purpose. I'm just a blank existance. I live a half life. I could continue this life. Become strong. Show that I was the only one capable of saving Tenten-san and that I could continue despite the betrayal I'd recieved at the hands of my own people. Perhaps, someday, my pitiful existance could amount to something more. I could survive and be great. Of coure I could.
I smiled.
"Is that how you feel?" I didn't need to confirm, he knew I couldn't be budged. Suddenly his face was close to mine. I allowed his lips to briefly brush against mine as he held the kunai out. "I wish you'd reconsider," he breathed, "you really could be great someday."
Pride's a funny thing. You can go your whole life swearing vehemently that being proud leads to complacence which can be deadly, but the second you're finally complimented, you feel that swelling in your chest. His glittering eyes melted into red spheres as I found myself standing in a park filled with flowers. A young boy was screaming with delight on the swing and I found tears form in my eyes. If I hadn't accepted the guard mission. If I'd taken my pregnancy serious. Tenten would be able to escape. Of course she would. Me and the child. His jackass dad wasn't important. All that mattered was my son.
No. Just an illusion.
The words formed on my lips as I felt the cold steel against my neck.
"Itatchi-san, thankyou."