The ache in his stomach grew as the moments slowly passed by, everything around him had slowly started to fade away and darkness was creeping in threatening to invade every single thought he had. He was fighting it with everything he had, because there was no possible way this was real, his arms ached and his throat felt painful as the last scream of pain had left it just moments ago, but still this couldn't be real.
This was all wrong, so twisted and unreal, every time the reality of the moment tried to break through John Paul fought with the last bit of strength he had, desperately trying to keep himself in a place where this wasn't happening. His eyes stared forward at nothing at all, and he couldn't look down, not again. He closed his eyes now, the old dried tears on his face now being replaced with new ones. This wasn't happening.
His hands clung on tighter to the lifeless body he held and he waited, he kept so still, waiting for a moment that he would feel the body in his arms move. He had to; he couldn't leave him alone here not like this. But there was nothing, no hand reaching up to touch his face like it usually did before kissing him, there was nothing.
He opened his as finally he let the reality hit him, he let his eyes fall down to the body and another scream of pain escaped him, his whole body lurching forward to lay over Kieron's now lifeless one. He tried to pull Kieron closer his arms tired and weak, but he didn't care, the pain was stronger than all of that and he pulled Kieron's body closer, strangled sobs now leaving him, begging for him to wake up.
He didn't know how long he continued like that, but he went on begging and begging, rocking with Kieron in his arms, his voice broke until no words would leave him anymore and his arms gave out with the grief leaning forward to place Kieron's body on the floor, his own body fell over his, John Paul's head resting on Kieron's now motionless chest, the tears fell silently now, he tried to find his voice to let out more screams but still no sound came.
Then his own body gave up, his arms relaxed from the grip he had on Kieron, his whole body changed and he lay there almost as lifeless as the body close to him, the tears falling freely and silently.
This was real. A harsh inescapable reality, anyone could see what surrounded them exactly what had happened here, what Kieron had done. Again John Paul tried to fight the truth of it, but it was no use now, it was already there planted in his brain and it only made it all worse, not only was Kieron gone, the person he loved and needed more than anyone else, but it was all his own fault.
He may not have done the action himself, but everything he had done leading up to this made one thing entirely clear.
He had killed Kieron.