A/N: Hello all. Thanks for your interest. This story may be triggering as it deals with violence, abuse and rape so I don't advise reading past this note if that is triggering for you. If you've stayed this far, i wouldn't advise too many Quinn lovers to read this story as well. Other than that, enjoy and review or don't it's up to you but thanks for reading.
Rachel's P.O.V.
I can't breathe. Every breath…burns so much. I feel as if my lungs are collapsing on themselves. Is this it? Is this the day I've been dreading? Maybe I should be grateful for it. It'll end the pain. It'll end…everything. I just…I can't let go. I can't let this be the end of…me. My son needs me…my daughter needs me. I can't…I can't leave them with this…monster…
My ears are ringing so loudly I can't hear anything being shouted at me. I try to lift my body from the cold kitchen tile, but my body is too damaged. I feel the warm thick liquid leaving my body, pooling around my cheek and eye. I lay in darkness because my eyes are too heavy to open. My ribs are still feeling the attack. The agonizing shooting pain across my chest and sides causes me to bring my knees towards my chest. It won't stop the pain. It never does…but it's worth it. To protect my stomach. The life being created inside me did not ask to feel pain…this pain. I feel my head being jerked upward and I use the last bit of strength I have to open my right eye; the left is too swollen.
"I said clean this shit up! Do you fucking understand me?!" Is shouted at me while I stare into hazel eyes that used to make me flee like floating but now makes my blood run cold and my breathing so fast I hyperventilate because I never seem to be able capture enough air in my lungs. Those eyes always make me question whether or not this is my last day on this earth. Those eyes…haunt me.
I feel the sting of nails cutting into my chin and I nod my head. If I don't respond I'll just get another fist. My head is dropped quickly. I don't have the energy to stop it from colliding with the floor. Now the room is spinning. I close my eye and lie still. She'll leave soon. She always does. I just have to comply at this point.
"I'm going out." She says eerily calm. I don't respond. I lie on the floor until I hear the front door close and the start of her car.
Once I see the lights of her car passing the house, I allow myself to cry, albeit minimally because the tears burn as they fall to my face. Once I feel I am able to stand, I grip the kitchen table for support as I pull myself to my feet. I open my eye and look at the kitchen floor covered in my blood. I look at the clock on the microwave. 12:24. She's becoming quicker. It only took 24 minutes today.
I make my way to the bathroom to evaluate the damage and fight back my tears as I look at my reflection. My right eye is already black and purple. There are cuts under both eyes and along the bridge of my nose. My nose is bleeding but by the look of it, it's not broken this time. If it were, I wouldn't be able to feel it anyway. My lip is split open in a few different places and is still bleeding profusely. They are at least 3 times their original size as well. I grab a towel and let cold water run over it before using it to clean my face.
I begin to take my clothes off and stare at the naked body in front of me. Bruises litter my body entirely…my arms, legs, ribs, my neck has that familiar hand print. I sigh as I cut on the cold water of the shower. I have learned that warm water makes every cut and bruise hurt more while cold water helps the swelling and numbs the pain.
I bring myself to get out of the shower and I throw away my bloody torn clothes. Once I change, I go back to the kitchen and clean up the pool of blood from the floor. This is my routine and since I've done it so many times, it doesn't take too long to accomplish. Even with every muscle in my body aching and the room spinning non- stop, I can clean this mess up fast enough so that my children don't see.
My children…they are the only things that keep me going. My beautiful 6 year old daughter Ava and 4 year old son Leo. They mean the world to me. Without them I probably wouldn't be here today. Ava is a beautiful girl with dark brown eyes and hair like me and I believe she favors me more while Leo has dirty blonde hair with hazel eyes and looks like a mixture of Quinn and I both though they both are my complexion. Being a full time mother was not what I envisioned in my future but I can't say I don't love the job.
Now I'm pregnant again and I'm not very happy about it unfortunately. I want my child, but I didn't want to continue having children with Quinn…I can't believe I put myself in this mess.
Quinn and I started dating in college. Quinn went to law school and I went to school to obtain my doctorate in musical arts. In our senior year we got married and we have been ever since. After graduating we were expecting Ava and Leo came soon after. We were happy for a while, until Ava was 3 years old and Leo was 1. Quinn began drinking more than usual and the more she drank, the angrier she became. It began with shoves and pushes then graduated to slaps and before I knew it, it was kicks and punches even when she was sober.
Over the years I've become very good at make up and it's almost gotten to the point where I can cover anything flawlessly outside of swelling, that has to reduce naturally. No one knows what happens to me when I come home. No one knows what Quinn is capable of and I don't want them to know. I don't want them to pass their judgments of me. I know what they'll say. They'll say I'm an imbecile for staying or not fighting back. The fact of the matter is, it's just not that simple. Abuse is a vicious circle and I've been trying to get out of it for the last 6 years.
Quinn began hitting me during the 2 years before Leo was born. Quinn stopped the entire time I was pregnant with him, but she made sure that I knew he was the only reason she didn't hurt me. As soon as I had him, things returned to normal. Quinn is a very smart abuser. Every time she hits me, she makes sure it's somewhere that is hidden by clothes and tries to only do it in the basement of our house, unless she is drunk, then she will hit me where ever. Quinn also had the kids rooms sound proofed so that they can't hear anything. I can't understand why she hits me but if I leave her, I'm afraid of what she will do. Quinn has threatened to take my children from me since I don't have an income. Since she's a lawyer, the divorce may pan out in her favor and losing my kids is not a risk I'm willing to take. They are all I have. I also don't think Quinn…would let me live if I left her.
Quinn doesn't know I'm pregnant yet so I'm not surprised she hit me. I just found out and haven't been able to tell her. The only time Quinn is not a monster, is when she's being a mother. My children love Quinn and excluding everything she does to me, she is a very good mother. As a mother she's caring, concerned, and involved. I never doubted that she loves her children and I know she would never hurt them the way she hurts me.
"Mommy! Mommy!" I hear. I open my eye and see Ava at my bedside. Luckily, I'm lying on my stomach with the left side of my face in the pillow.
"Morning honey." I tell her and she greets me with that beautiful toothless smile of hers. Ava recently lost her front tooth at the top and it just makes her that much more adorable.
"Morning mommy!" She climbs in the bed and hugs me and I hide my wince once she touches me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I fight through the pain and wrap my arm around her to return her hug. Ava then moves and kisses my cheek and I make sure to nudge her back out of the bed so she doesn't notice my lip.
I never let my kids see me bruised and if they happen to catch something, I tell them I fell. It's easier to lie to children than it is adults.
"I'm hungry. Can I have a bowl of cereal?" She asks. I grab the blanket and move it over my face, only leaving my eye exposed to see her.
"Cereal? No we're having waffles." I hear from the other side of the room. Quinn is here.
"Yay! I love waffles!" Ava cheers.
"I know bug. Go wake your brother up and brush your teeth okay?" She says to Ava. Ava nods and bounces out of the room and Quinn and I sit in silence. I hate the way my heart rate won't return to a regular pace.
"Did she see anything?" Quinn asks calmly. I haven't turned to look at her so I'm not sure where she is in the room.
"No, I don't think so." I tell her.
"Good. Make yourself presentable and start cooking. We're hungry." With that Quinn leaves the room and I get up to go to the bathroom. My eye has gone down slightly but not enough to go undetected. I put my make up on and cover everything that I can and go downstairs.
Quinn is running around with the kids, playing hide and seek through out the house. I always dreamed of a life like this. Children running around while Quinn and I made breakfast together, just one happy family but it's just that, a dream.
After I finish cooking, the kids go to play in their rooms while I clean up. I hate the weekend. Quinn doesn't have to work so I don't get an opportunity to escape her. As I put away the dishes I feel hands on my hips and I jump reflexively.
"What are you jumping for?" I hear her say into my ear. Her body is pressed against mine and I can feel that she's aroused. This is the only time she touches me and I hate it.
"I just…didn't expect that." I tell her.
"Don't act like I never touch you." She says then I feel her lips on my neck. The pressure from the kiss makes me wince and move away.
"The hell is the matter with you? I can't kiss you now?" Quinn says becoming angry.
"No – I – it's just sore." I tell her.
"Sore? I barely touched you." Her nails begin to dig into my hips and I grip the counter in front of me.
"I'm sorry, I- I- I'm just sensitive." I stammer out as I fight back my tears. Quinn hates when I cry.
"Are you crying?" She asks with venom lacing her voice. My tears begin to fall and before I can say another word, I feel her hand around my neck cutting off my air supply.
"What did I fucking tell you about crying?" She whispers menacingly in my ear. Quinn tightens her grip and I can't breathe anymore.
"You have a good life. We live in a nice house, drive nice cars, have two beautiful kids but you're just never fucking satisfied, are you?! You can never just be fucking happy!" Quinn lets my neck go and I gasp for air as she moves away from me.
"You are such an ungrateful, worthless bitch. I give you everything you want but you can never be fucking happy. Why do I even put up with you?" She says. I wipe my tears quickly and look over to her. Quinn is leaning on the counter staring at me.
"I'm sorry." I say and she scoffs.
"Yeah right." She says. I catch my breath and take a step away from her.
"I need to tell you something." I say and Quinn raises an eyebrow to me.
"What?" She says.
"I'm – I'm…." I begin to feel my heart race again and more tears pool in my eyes.
"Spit it out!" She shouts and the noise causes me to jump backwards.
"I'm pregnant." I say softly and I brace myself for a slap.
"You're pregnant?" She asks. I look up at her and nod.
"How far along?" She asks.
"Two months. I just found out." I can see Quinn is becoming angry again. Her eyes are narrowed and she's clenching her jaw along with her fists.
"I thought you were on the pill?" She says angrily.
"I am but I told you they were switching it. When they do that it takes time befo-"
"Shut up!" She shouts at me and I do as I'm told.
"I know how birth control works. I'm not an idiot." Quinn runs her hand through her hair and exhales deeply.
"You're getting your fucking tubes tied after this. I'm not having another kid with you." She says then walks off.
I sigh in relief and sit at the kitchen table to allow my body to stop shaking. I hope she doesn't come back any time soon.