I didn't know what this was, it was like I had this overwhelming pain in my chest. It scared me at first and I thought I might go through panic attacks again. But this feeling, was so much different than what it felt like when I had panic attacks. This feeling was so unfamiliar to anything I've ever felt. I didn't know what was going on with me. It confused me so much and scared me, I couldn't sleep at night. I would wake up sometimes for no reason, just the empty feeling growing in my chest. The feeling made me forget where or what I was doing sometimes.
I started to realize that it hurt every time I looked at you're face, like it was digging deeper into my heart. I kept denying that it was love, because I thought I was in love with Lydia, but I never felt like with with anyone. You crept into my life and make me just feel like when everything thing is wrong you just seem to make it right. No matter what may happen you seem to just make sure I'm okay. It- it feels so nice, but I can't- just... I feel like I can't tell you this. That I have this burning passion inside of me that just aches to be returned.
Being in love with Lydia hurt because she never even saw me in the same way. I wasn't in love with her though, I guess you can call it just, a crush... But when I'm with him- he just, I feel like I need him more than air, that I want to be with him every living moment on this Earth. I want to be beside him and just feel that hes there with me, that he loves me in return.
It hurts so much to keep all of this inside and to not tell anyone, to not tell him. I feel like I'm ripping my heart, my soul, every minute I sit and just think about him, am with him, even when I'm not thinking of him it hurts. I would rather die then to not see him though, not to know hes okay.
He- every time I'm with him I just want to wrap up in his embrace and let him hold me. Just to... It worries me that hes an alpha because I know hes going to protect his pack, no matter what people say about him, he does care. Hes protected, well not really, but at least cared about my health... I don't know if I'm over thinking any of this, or if its just normal to be this badly in love with someone. Keeping my feelings inside, I know, are not healthy... I just don't what do do about it...
I walked outside going to my car, school had finally ended and one Stiles Stilinski was planning on having an awesome summer break. Video games, eating as much junk food in an hour, yeah this was going to be a great summer. Getting into my Jeep I turned on the engine and got my ass out of the parking lot... Or at least tried. The stupid people decided that since there wasn't anymore school that they would try and run over as many people as possible. One kid almost did get run over which was some scary shit.
"Stiles!" I jumped at the name, like it was a gun shooting the word at me. I looked out the window and saw it was Scott.
"Jeez Scott, just give me a heart attack. What is it?"
"Can you give me a ride?"
"Now why would an abominable snow man want to give a werewolf a ride?" I said sarcastically. "Yeah, you can get in."
Scott opened the passenger side door and pulled his way into my car, pulling his seat belt over him buckling it.
"So Scott, what are you planning on doing this summer-" Before I could even finish my words he interrupted me.
"Sleeping, hanging out with Allison- oh by the way, can you drop me off at her house?"
"Dude you are so whipped." I smiled at that, he was and it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen him act like.
"I am not... I just love her."
"Sure, you keep telling yourself that."
The cars finally got out of my my and I pulled out of the parking lot, flipping it off mentally as we drove away.
"Yeah well what about you and Lydia, if I'm whipped, the you're buried ten feet under ground."
"About that-"
"Are you two actually going out!?" I huffed, like that would ever happen. And why did he jump to that conclusion so fast?
"No, were not, and I'm over her-"
"Over her? You were in love with her since the third grade!"
"Maybe I just cared about her more than I care about others. I do care for her well-being but, I guess I just mistook it."
"You 'mistook' this feeling for seven years Stiles, are you sure?"
"Yeah I am. I just..." I signed and let the subject drop, theirs no way I was going to have this talk with him. What would Scott say if I told him I liked the alpha that he hated? Scott would probably disown me for the rest of his life, yup and I would be friendless for the rest of my life.
"What is it dude?"
"Nothing." Again I signed annoyed a little bit by him bringing back up the conversation.
"Theirs something you're hiding from me, I know it. You know you can tell me."
"First of all, that's a bit creepy, the way you're talking to me here. Second I'm not hiding anything from you, you're my best friend, why would I do that?"
"I don't know, why is you're heart beating faster?"
"You can walk if you'd like-"
"No, I'm sorry, its not my business to get up into yours." I looked at him and then back to the rode, feeling a twist of guilt form in the pit of my stomach.
"I'm sorry Scott, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that." The car was filled with silence. Great way to start summer you dumb-ass. I stopped the car in the Argent's drive way and looked to Scott.
"Thanks for the ride, and apology accepted." I smiled
"Apology accepted back too." He smiled in return, got out of the going to the front door. Driving out of the drive way, I let my mind as I drove to my house. Not paying attention to much to the rode I learned my lesson that second as a form jumped right in front of my car. I stomped on the breaks and ended up hitting my head on steering wheel. I looked up to see Derek get into my car.
"Hey, what the hell man! You jump in front of my car, then you just barge into my car-"
"I will kill you with my bare hands if you don't stat driving."
"Okay, okay. What do you want?"