No Sacrifice too Great

A sequel to Transformation

Take a load off Fanny, take a load for free

Take a load off Fanny, and you put the load right on me

- The Weight by the Band

Dean was screaming. The last time Sam had heard Dean scream like that was when the hellhounds were opening him up with their claws and jowls…He shivered at the memory. Dean had insisted that he go into the panic room because he was afraid he'd thrash around and hurt someone. Bobby had teased him that nothing he could throw at them would top being thrown into a wall, but Dean's insistence finally won out.

The pain was unrelenting. Dean switched off from screaming to barely contained moans, groans and whimpering. Dean would deny the last one, but Sam knew that it was all out of Dean's control. His body was calling the shots and there were just times when Dean just couldn't hold the dam up anymore. Even with all that, he kept refusing relief from Cas. Cas was watching him because Dean had insisted Sam get some sleep and that he wouldn't take no for an answer. Sam only complied by leaving the room. He knew he wouldn't sleep no matter how much Dean had insisted. He could only pace and bite his nails. A nasty habit that he had never completely defeated, especially when he was worried, especially when he was worried about Dean.

Inside the room, Cas sat in a chair near the cot. Dean was breathing raggedly and sweating. Cas placed a cool washcloth on Dean's forehead hoping to provide what little relief he could. He watched helplessly, cursing his lost abilities. Though he could defy Dean's request to provide relief from the pain, he felt he didn't have the right to go against it. He had already done enough damage. Remembering how he beat up Dean in that alley and how Dean had let him caused him to stiffen with his own pain. What was wrong with him? Sam had convinced Dean not to say yes to Michael through his belief in him, giving Dean the much-needed faith that should have come from him as well. He had allowed Dean's despair to sway his belief in him because he had already lost faith in his own Father.

Dean stirred from the coolness of the washcloth. He licked his lips and swallowed dryly. Cas noticed and grabbed the water bottle from the table. He opened the spout as he helped Dean to sit up then tilted it so that Dean could drink. Once done, Dean laid back, still twitching with pain, clenching his eyes closed.

"Thanks," Dean said, his voice barely a whisper. "Is Sam okay?"

"Yes, worried, of course," Cas reassured.

Dean nodded.

"Make sure that he eats something, gets some sleep," Dean moaned as he arched on the cot, grasping the sides with tight grips.

"I will try," Cas said, unsure of how he could do that. Sam was as stubborn as Dean. "Dean, I'm sorry."

Dean saw the guilt on Cas's face and felt only comradeship with his friend.

"We're good, Cas. I meant that. You had a right. I was being an ass," Dean said as he smiled shakily.

"There is never a good reason to inflict pain on another. It is against…" Cas started. "I've become a hypocrite as well. You know our true natures. We are not incorruptible. Far from it. Who am I to ask for your forgiveness? I don't deserve it, to even ask for it."

Dean trembled with pain, but struggled to find control to give Cas comfort.

"You've been let down…I let you down. I get that…you're more human than you want to be…it makes sense, what you're feeling…I've…I've been there." Dean said as he closed his eyes, fighting off more pain. "If I have to…become one of you…to fight this war…I hope I'll be as righteous as you've been –"

"Dean, I –"

"I was wrong. Sam made me see…I can depend on him having my back…have faith in him because he chose to trust me…to make the right choice…same goes for you, Cas. I have faith in you…I…wouldn't have any other angel on my shoulder when things start going to hell, literally."

Dean smiled, but pain snatched it from his face. He then reached out with his shaky right hand to grab what looked like a wooden dowel and put it into his mouth. He bent back on the cot, straining to keep his grips on the sides of it as he clenched his eyes and moaned long, his voice tinged with a wail of desperation to have it all end. The sound cut into Castiel. It was awful to watch a fellow soldier suffer. His instincts took over and he tried again to alleviate it, but Dean shook his head, his eyes pleading with him to not intervene.

Cas was confused by Dean's insistence to continue suffering when it wasn't necessary. Finally, in an act of mercy, Dean's body went limp as he fell into unconsciousness, the grip on the dowel in his mouth and his hands on the sides of the cot loosened. The dowel dropped to the floor.

"It's because of Hell," a voice at the panic room door interrupted Cas's thoughts. "He's trying to atone."

Cas glanced at Sam then back at Dean.

"He has nothing to atone for. He has been forgiven."

"By all, but himself. I didn't get it either, but then it hit me. He still feels like he owes something to those he tortured in Hell. Maybe even to us for letting us down even thinking about saying yes to Michael."

Cas shook his head. He had realized that he had been unfeeling once again to Dean's suffering. It went beyond the physical.

"There is never a good reason to inflict pain on another."

At least Dean was living true to his convictions, even if in the end, he had been driven to a breaking point, Dean would never forgive himself for his actions and continued to pay his own penance.

"It never ceases to amaze me how much responsibility Dean needlessly takes upon himself."

Sam looked at Dean's unconscious form.

"It doesn't to me. He's been doing that all his life. I've stopped trying to convince him that he doesn't have to prove anything. He always will to himself."

oooo

Sam watched Dean sleep and was grateful that he was still under. At first, after several hours, he had started to worry, but Dean's steady breathing assured Sam that he was okay, at least on the surface. Cas had assured him that according to the legends, the unconsciousness signaled the end of the first phase. If Dean survived that, the next ones would be easier. Easier. Sam scoffed at the notion. When had anything gone easy for them? Sam's last memory of a simple and easy life was with Dean as a little kid. Why couldn't he have remembered those in Heaven?

He heard a moan and Dean stirred. He tried to move, but hissed as the attempt enflamed every nerve.

"Take it easy, Dean."

Dean tried to look around, but every muscle in his body protested so he stopped fighting it.

"You okay?" Dean asked, his voice raspy and tired.

"Yeh, I'm fine. The question is, are you?"

"Well, considering that earlier I felt like my insides were being churned in a blender, I'm pretty good."

Dean took in a deep breath, but with just feeling as sore as he had ever felt in his life, he was grateful just to be still alive.

"Where's Cas?"

"I'm right here," Cas said as he appeared suddenly next to him.

"It's a good thing I'm too tired to be startled." Dean joked feebly. "So, are we done with Phase One of angel transformation? Because I know I'm SO OVER it."

"Yes. There will be time for you to heal and gain your strength back then the first of your powers will emerge."

"Don't suppose you'd know what that superpower is, would you?" Dean asked.

"No, but likely it will be teleportation."

"Oh, good, next time I'll get to spook you."

Dean smiled and then faded back into sleep.

"Cas, I need to know. What is Dean in for?" Sam asked.

"You know what I know. This doesn't happen often."

"What will happen to Dean? Will he just become a vessel like Jimmy is to you?" Sam asked, not being able to disguise his concern that just when he had finally reconnected to Dean, he would lose him again.

"No, Dean will not become a vessel as he did not take one. He is still Dean just with abilities that will help him where I cannot."

Sam saw Cas's shame.

"You know that we still need you in this fight, right?" Sam said assured.

"Though I doubt my usefulness to you, I know that the both of you trust me to stay so I will not betray that trust."

"Good," Sam paused. "Will Dean have to fight both Michael and Lucifer?"

"With things having changed so drastically, the prophecy is no longer a certainty. Dean has been endowed with angel abilities. How he will be called to use them, I do not know."

"Did God give those to him?"

"I don't know. I do hope that what Joshua said was not the truth, but my faith…" Cas trailed off. "The only faith I possess is that you and Dean will do everything you can to stop the Apocalypse. I believe that."

"Thanks."

Sam then looked over at Dean's sleeping form.

"When all this over, will Dean…will he still be…" Sam asked, afraid to finish.

"I honestly don't know. What I do know is that Dean will continue to be Dean. Whatever man he was before, is the servant of Heaven he will be when all is said and done."

Sam nodded, satisfied that Dean would still be Dean. It would have to be enough.

FIN. Another sequel to come. Thanks for reading! It's very much appreciated.