She came around the shelf of books. Her eyes held innocence. I had to snap my head back into the book. Focus Alison. She slid down next to me with her legs crossed. She smiled like a puppy and her dough eyes begged for my attention. I bit my tounge and looked up to her.

"Have you gotten to this part yet? I loved her against reason.." I trailed off. I looked at her again. The words caught in my throat, I couldn't breathe or think or stop myself from kissing her back. Her lips tasted like carmel.

I told my self to stop. I couldn't have someone see me. This is Emily. God I'm so stupid.

She stood by her locker after gym. Her hair was wet and she was still wrapped in a towel from her shower. I love her. I don't know how much I love her. Did she kiss me back in the library? I probably just made it up.

"Do you like it? My mom ordered it from Paris. Could you latch it for me?" She asked. Is she flirting with me? You can not just ask someone to do up your bra for no reason. I easily hooked the lacy thing and felt her smooth skin, getting lost. Her neck was too appetizing not to taste.

When my lips met it she pushed me away.

"just because we kissed in the library doesn't mean I'm into you. If I kiss you it's just for practice Em." She said. Her eyes pierced me like needles. They popped my heart. It was all I could do not to cry and walk away.

My moms purse was almost too easy to get into. It was going to storm, and she was on the phone yelling at some one who pissed her off I'm sure.

"Alison I don't want you going out tonight do you understand?"

"Whatever." I said and walked out the back door. The pills slid into my pocket and I was ready. Tonight I was gonna find out if one of those bitches was A.

Each took a sip, and they unknowingly participated in my test. One by one the drugs kicked in and they slipped out of conciousness. Emily was the last to go. I figured it wasn't her, but she had as much reason as the rest to attack me. Just before her eyes slipped shut, she looked into mine and smiled. I felt awkward, so I got up and left. Ian was probably waiting.

I ran to my room and screamed into my pillow. My throat felt like it was on fire. I projected tears from my eyes. My mom begged to come in but I had locked he door. My body trembled and I wailed again. She really was gone. All this time her body had been right there. Right in her own back yard. I let out another cry but this time my voice broke, and I was out of tears. I sat in bed struggling for air, shaking and silently screaming for mercy.

I looked around the room hoping to find something to take me out of my misery. I thought of jumping out of the window, slitting my wrists, or even overdosing on something strong, but I couldn't find the will to even get out of bed. I sat there for days. My mom tried to come in but I never even opened the door. I didn't eat or sleep. Every part of me was finally broken.

I didn't know why I was more upset than the others. I got several texts and calls, but I didn't answer or reply. Who cares anymore. I didn't care. Not if I lived or died. Not about anything. I cried all day, screaming and cursing. Why the fuck was I even here?

I looked around quickly making sure nobody was around to find me. I pulled my hood up over my head and ran for it. Her screams floated out of the barn, but as I got closer they faded. I broke in one of the back doors and found her laying, unconcious already. I took one big gulp of air from outside and lunged in to get her.

She was bigger than me now, and muscular too. Pulling her was hard but I managed. A force drove me from deep down. I had to get her out. There was no option.

"Alison..." She said as her eyes fluttered open.

"Come with me." I begged. I knew she wouldn't. "You were always my favorite.." But her eyes were already closed again.

I shuffled out from under her and took off. Once I reached the tree line, I turned and looked back at her.

We drove to New York as fast as Spencer's car could carry us. Alison was there. She was waiting for us. I couldn't wait to see her again after so long. We whipped into an open parking space and lept from the car. I ran ahead of everyone up the stairs and to the door. I was out of breath but I didn't even notice. All I noticed was her. Her hair was perfect. Her eyes looked like they were glowing. Her body didn't look like she was in distress.

"Alison." I whispered. She rose and hugged each of the girls saving me for last. When her tiny arms finally wrapped around my neck I felt her tense muscles relax.

"I missed you Emmy..." She whispered. Her breath was hot on my ear, and I felt a tear roll down her face.

"I missed you too..." It was as if a baseball bat hit me when she spoke my name. I was in love with her. Without reason, I knew I was in love with Alison DiLaurentis.

Everyone was asleep on the stage. I passed each of my old friends, remembering them as 12 year old girls playing truth or dare, not as 17. Not running from A, or being hit by cars and planning for college. Spencer was still on drugs, Aria was still angsty and flamboyant, Hannah was still hefty, and Emily was still in love with me. I knew she had been since we kissed in the library. I had to be mean and drive her off. I may have been a bitch, but I didn't want to lead her on. I knew that sucked.

She shifted and her eyes slowly opened and saw me.

"Are you okay?" She asked. Worry was evident in her voice and it was as if she really was still 12.

"Yes Em I'm fine." I spat. Too harsh. "Come with me. I wanna show you something." We walked backstage, and sat to talk. We talked for a long time. I noticed how her eyes light up and how her smile made her face change. I noticed her messy hair and her wrinkley clothes.

Stop.

"So are you still totally in love with me you little dyke?" I said with a wink. Her smile disappeared just like it always did.

"those kisses weren't just for practice..." She said. My heart skipped a beat. I was sure I had heard her wrong.

"What-" I started. Her lips pressed against mine and stopped my voice. Immediately I melted into her. This wasn't like the first time. This time, I knew. I wasn't asking if it was real, or if she kissed me back because she was in charge. She laid me down on the bed and smashed into me. Her hips grinded mine and my eyes snapped open in shock.

"woah." I whispered.

"what?"

"Where did this come from?" I asked.

She paused, thinking before speaking. I braced for a snarky joke at my expense when she said, "I guess it was there the whole time..."

We kissed until my lips hurt. I was finally living the dream.

"Alison, are you awake?" She asked. I thought about ignoring her. I knew what would happen if I responded, but a part of me wanted to try this. I knew that doing this with her would ensure I had her trust, and after lying again today I would need it to convince the others I wasn't still a bitch.

i rolled over and looked into her eyes. She really was beautiful. I had always thought she was beautiful. I had never had sex with a girl, and I thought that doing it with Emily would make for the best experience. I reached a hand out to cup her cheek, and she leaned in to kiss me.

It was heated like the last time. She poured into my lips and I smashed into hers. She tried to be dominant, but if I was going to do this, it was going to be on my terms, so I rolled on top of her. My fingers found their way under her shirt. I felt her suck in a sharp breath of air.

I thought about how unfair this was to her. She had been in love with me forever and I knew that. I knew that. I knew that if I wanted her to, she would drop anyone and anything to be with me. I felt so connected to her too, but I didn't know how far I'd go.

She slid a cold hand down my back to my butt. I felt heat rush to more than one place. What was going on? Her tounge drew circles on my lower lip and I panted for air.

Several smart comments crossed my thoughts. My old habits were rearing their head. I was at the point of using one of them when she bit my lip and I jumped.

"Are we going to do this?" She asked.

without any hesitation I replied. "Yes."

That was all the encouragement she needed to undo the strings on my pajama pants. I didn't even think to stop her. My hands went to her breasts. I deepened the kiss and pulled away to look at her. I didn't know how much I was going to enjoy this.

Her fingers pulled down my pants. A small part of my brain thought that I hadn't worn underwear on purpose hoping for this. I pressed my forehead to hers panting. She was teasing my clit and I could hardly stand it.

"Please..." I begged. I felt her smile and slip one finger in. My walls pulled her deeper. I was dripping and I'm sure she noticed.

My muscles were weak, but I managed spot slip my hand down to her pussy and rub her clit. I hadn't ever done this before so I didn't know what to do. I furrowed my brow and she laughed.

"it's funny how you get to upset when you can't do something. You can usually do anything." She was right. I loved how she talked without saying 'I' at all. "You don't have to do anything if you don't want." But I did. I really did. I felt her still rhythmically pumping me so I tried to copy it which elicited a moan from her. She threw her head back. I lunged at her neck, kissing profusely.

what was I doing?

The image of her leaning in, kissing my neck, passed out, sleeping on a couch, and laughing with me no matter how badly I treated her. She was beautiful and strong. She was my bestfriend. She was my favorite. She was inside me.

we grinded eachother until we came, both gasping, satisfied.

"Em?" I whispered.

"yeah?" She said. I could hear her smile.

"What if I love you?" I asked, afraid not of her reaction, but that I wasn't lying.