Disclaimer: I don't own of the characters or the song lyrics.
A/n: I have James characterized in an extremely different way then I have ever done before. There is some drug use in the story and booze. I have decided that this story is a Prequel of sorts to my other one-shot called Brighter Than Sunshine.
Song: Forever
Artist: Papa Roach
In the brightest hour
Of my darkest day
I realized
What is wrong with me?
The subliminal high rushed through his body as he exhaled the smoke; he sat alone in the smoke filled room, doing his best not to think about anything but the joint that he held in between his fingers. He stared at it in a daze as the smoke flowed from his mouth before bringing it back to his lips to take another hit; it was working less and less, marijuana was, everything didn't disappear like it use to; something stronger is what he needs. Coke? Ice? Heroin? Naw, he was already getting his fix of a deadly drug; he didn't need a double dose of it. If anyone ever found him like this that would be an end to a reputation that he built for himself; James Potter, Gyrffindor's Golden Boy, never thought he would find himself locked away from the world to get high but that was before her. He never thought that any drug could have a healing affect but that was before her. James never thought he would be addicted to anything but that was before her.
Can't get over you
Can't get through to you
It's been a helter-skelter
Romance from the start
Six years ago he arrived at Hogwarts, already knowing in his mind that he would succeed; that he would have the top marks, be the Quidditch star and a heartthrob. How did he know? It wasn't because he was a Seer or anything, very much on the contrary; he was James Potter, that's how he knew. He came from a very pureblood family that had nothing but the best and excelled in everything. It was that chip on his shoulder that sparked the helter-skelter romance him and his deadly drug would dance around. He was arrogant and she was humble; chocolate and vanilla; black and white; high and sober.
Take these memories
That are haunting me
Of a paper man cut into shreds
By his own pair of scissors
James thought back to one of his many reoccurring nightmares that continued to tear him up from the inside out; everything had started out perfectly but once again that chip on his shoulder weighed him down.
James and his three best friends, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew, had just finished their last O.W.L of the day and were making their way out of the castle to sunny grounds.
"How did you like question 10 Moony?" Sirius asked Remus, addressing him by his Marauder name.
Moony laughed slightly, "Loved it. Give five signs that identify the werewolf."
"Do you think you managed to get all the signs?" James asked in mocked concern.
"Think I did." Remus said seriously, "One: He's sitting on my chair. Two; He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name is Remus Lupin" The boys laughed as they crossed the lawn to their favorite tree to sit under.
"I could only remember four." Peter said quietly as they all plopped down on the grass in the shade of the tree.
"Oy, you run with a werewolf every month." Sirius said, shocked and amazed by Peter's thickness.
"Shhh…someone might hear you." Remus scolded before taking out a book.
James was fully aware of Peter's undying attention on him while he played with the snitch that he nicked from the Quidditch closet earlier, even though his gaze was focused on the group of girls by the lake.
"Prongs, put that thing away before Peter wets himself." Sirius said annoyed; Peter blushed and James smirked. Sirius groaned while he rolled onto his back, "James, I'm bored."
"Well, find something to do." James laughed.
"You can quiz me." Remus said which only caused Sirius to groan more.
"I said I was bored Moony." Sirius said as he sat up, "Prongs, look what we have here." Sirius said nodding to something over James's shoulder.
At first James didn't know what Sirius was talking about but then quickly realized what Sirius was on about when he finally noticed Snape sitting alone in the grass, his long nose stuck in a book. Of course, James was fully aware that he shouldn't have followed Sirius and that he should have stopped his best mate but brushed all that off as he dusted off his robes.
"Oy, Snivellius you get any closer to that book and your greasy hair will make it unreadable." Sirius called as he and James approached. James chuckled, slightly smacking Sirius in his stomach. Snape jumped to his feet, wiping out his wand but James was faster and in no time Snape was dangling upside down with his robes sliding above his head to reveal his graying underpants. The growing crowd around them started laughing along with James and Sirius.
"Let him down." A voice screeched from behind them.
'All right there Evans?" James asked glancing over his shoulder.
She rolled her eyes at him, "Let him down." She repeated in deathly low growl.
"Go out with me." James said, giving her one of his heart melting smiles.
"I wouldn't go with you if my choices were between you and the Giant Squid." Lily said angrily; James felt her words stab him in his heart but once again he kept his shield up and did not show the pain that she caused him; he muttered the counter curse and Snape crashed to the ground.
"What did he do to you anyways?" She asked.
"It's not so much what he did but the fact that he's alive." James said cheekily; Lily gave him a dirty look.
"Oy." Sirius cried but it was too late, Snape all ready a curse at James, cutting his cheek, "Expelliarmus." Snape's wand flew away from him.
"You wait. You wait." Snape breathed, looking up at them from the ground, "I don't need help from a mudblood." James rounded on Snape once again, holding his wand at his throat.
"Apologize." James demanded.
"No, I don't need his apology but next time you might want to try washing you underpants." Lily said venomously before turning on her heel and walking back to her friends on the lake.
"What's with her?" James asked airily as he watched her walk back to her friends.
"I think she just turned you down for the Giant Squid." Sirius said and James laughed with him like it was nothing but it was far from it…
He'll never forgive her
He'll never forgive her
James finished off the joint, stuffing the rest of his stash in his pockets and performing a cleaning charm on himself. He wished he never cared, sometimes he wished he had never met her but knew that he would never have known what love felt like if had never met her. But he would also never know what misery felt like if he never met her. Life is a double edge sword and happiness comes with some kind of price. James ducked his head around the door, making sure it was all clear before heading out into the corridor with his wall rebuilt around himself. He doesn't want to do it anymore.
Because days come and go
But my feelings for you are forever
The moment he stepped into the common room his eyes laid on her sitting by the fire, the glowing flames illuminating her face; it'll just have to wait until tomorrow…he'll do it tomorrow…he'll stop loving her then.
Life was cruel and fate just kept picking on him. James turned the corner onto the corridor that housed his normal smoking spot but just as he rounded the corner so did she and her emerald eyes met his immediately. How she did it he would never know. How she made his stomach do flip flops and his pulse race. James changed his path from the broom closet that he was going towards and continued down the hall towards her. She tried to keep a civilized face but James could see her struggling with every step that he got closer to her.
"Hey Beautiful." James said as he passed her with a toothy smile and wink. She sighed and rolled her eyes but didn't stop. James watched her round the corner and disappear from sight then ducked into his closet to light up once again.
Tomorrow, James thought as he took her first drag. Tomorrow for sure.
Sitting by a fire
On a lonely night
Hanging over from another good time
James took the risk of smoking in the deserted common room; the fire was dead and the tower blissfully asleep. James could still feel the affects of earlier that night; the room still spun slightly with any movement that was too quick and he could still smell the firewhiskey on himself. He took his first hit, feeling completely alone in a tower full of people. He hated being alone but never felt like anything else even when he was surrounded by a group of people; something was constantly missing and James could not help but feel like he would always have that feeling. James stared down at the joint in his finger, a feeling of disgust boiling up from deep inside himself; he took out his wand and making it disappear from his hand. He sighed, as he pushed himself to his feet and shuffled back to his room.
With another girl
Little dirty girl
You should listen to this story of a life
He stared at the sleeping girl in his bed; she lightened the pain of loneliness for a fleeting moment but once it was all over and he laid awake and she curled up next to him, he was alone again. He'll always feel alone. He never knew what true happiness was but that was before he laid eyes on her. He never knew what an addiction felt like but that was before her.
You're my heroin
In this moment I'm lonely
Fulfilling my darkest dreams
James was starting to think that she had left the school, he had not seen her in a few days and he was starting to feel the affects. He was constantly looking for her; not able to think about anything else. He wanted his fix; he wanted to see her; he wanted to talk to her; he wanted to touch her; he wanted her to be his. He finally found her. His heroin was giving another addict his fix. She completely ignored him as they passed in the hall, she too was consumed by the guy that held her hand to notice his eyes on her once again. James watched the couple disappear around the corner with disgust. James took a couple secret passages to get himself to the tower faster. He dug through his trunk until he found what he was looking for at the very bottom; his emergency stash, in a moment of craziness James threw away his normal stash, telling himself he quit just as he had quit her…neither had lasted for twenty hours.
All these drugs, all these women
Have never forgiven, this broken heart away
He was back in his broom closet taking a deep hit. James wondered if sitting in the small closet helped him or tormented him more, leaving him to sulk in his own depressing thoughts. Another bloke…she was with another bloke; James took a long drag. What was it going to take to make her crave him as much as he craved her? What was it going to take for her heart to ach as much as his did from the loneness? What would make her feel like she was missing half of her herself because she isn't with him? James sighed, finishing off the joint, freshened himself up and headed back to join the masses as James Potter: Gryffindor's perfect boy.
Because days come and go
But my feelings for you are forever
A week! It's been a whole bloody week and she was still with that other bloke; she had completely blown off all of James's advances and his suggestions that she dump what's-his-face to go out with him. But what was worse was he his stash is gone and his supplier wouldn't have any more for a while; so James was stuck with a constant itch that was becoming more and more unbearable with every dinner he had to sit through watching her flirt with her bloke.
James followed his friends out of the Great Hall, dragging his feet as he went.
"Oy, Potter." James looked up at the sound of his name but quickly wished he did not; he does not have the patience for Snivellius's shit, "Looks like the mudblood finally found someone better then you." James felt his temperature rise at the use of the word; he flexed his hands and took a few deep breaths to keep himself calm, "Though if I do recall correctly, I think she had already dubbed the Giant Squid more suitable than you but of course I do believe that the Giant Squid isn't stupid enough to defile himself with a mudblood." The git never learned; James's fist came in contact with Snape's jaw, making him stumble backwards a few steps. James wiped out his wand and within seconds Snape was hogtied in the middle of the Entrance Hall.
One last kiss
Before I go
Dry your tears
It is time to let you go
The crowd that had surrounded the duo began cheering and laughing as Snape struggled with his bonds.
"Potter." A voice screeched that would rival McGonagall's. James glanced over his shoulder to a see a head of auburn hair pushing it is way through the crowd, "What are you doing?" She yelled at him.
"Just get of here Evans. I don't have the patients or the energy to deal with you right now." James said in a monotone voice.
"Don't' have the energy!" She screeched again, "Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that?"
"Me talking to you like that?" James asked rounding on her, "What about the ones that talk about you when you're not around? People like him." James yelled pointing at Snape, "The ones that call you mudblood." James rarely used that word, even if he was not directly calling someone it; the word never came out of his mouth.
Lily was starting to shake with anger and tears of anger began to build up in her eyes, "I don't need someone like you to defend my honor; someone who doesn't have any himself." The words tore through James like he was paper, "James, you ignorant bullying toe rag of a man, why don't you go find some dignity and honor before you teach other's about something you don't have." She turned on her heel to walk away.
Because days come and go
But my feelings for you are forever
James did not even try to interrupt her as she continued to yell to him that he had neither dignity nor honor but the words ripped him to shreds, just as they made his blood boil. She was not ever going to want him. She was not going to ever look at him with love in her eyes. She was not going to ever to be addicted to him. She was not ever going to love him but he would love her forever.
She turned on her heel to walk away but James grabbed her by her wrist and pulled her back. He pulled her to him while she struggled in his grasp. He held her face in his hands before his lips came crashing onto her hers; she struggled against him until he let her push herself away.
One last kiss
Before I go
Dry your tears
It is time to let you go
She slapped him then pushed her way through the crowd. The crowd slowly thinned with hushed whispers. James ignored his friends as he immersed himself in the crowd and slipping away to the kitchens. He nicked a bottle of firewhiskey and headed towards the Astronomy tower; his tongue constantly running over his lips the whole time. He would not ever forget that moment; a moment of passion and realization.
One last kiss...
A/n: Please leave me a review.