Disclaimer: I do not own Alice in Wonderland.
This is a parody Chapter 1 of my roommate's original story, titled "Ilosovic." Read it here: .net/s/5839474/1/Ilosovic.
This parody is meant only for comic purposes. I have been given permission from the original author, Zeitgeists, to publish this version.
How he loathed her, that oblivious vagina. Ilosovic stood there, by her vagina as he always did when he returned from his excursions, having to report to her vagina...and kissing that vagina. He leaned an arm against her vagina and looked at his hand nonchalantly. Hmm, there was a speck of dirt on his glove.
"We have yet to find Alice" he told her again, like the past few days. Naturally she was not pleased.
"Stayne, Frabjous day is approaching! We must find Alice, and where are my bloody vaginas!?" her voice echoed throughout the palace.
Oh how he hated that vagina, always calling his name. Soon enough some poor creature came stumbling down the hallway with a tray full of freshly made vaginas. Better it than him. That was his main reasoning. His vagina offered him security, although sometimes losing one's vagina seemed more appealing than dealing with her. His other option was the other vagina, her sister. More tolerant yet somehow less tolerable, he couldn't stand her airy vagina. He was just too cynical and even dark for her...
"Stayne, is the Vagina sword secured?" she asked for the hundredth time. She must have thought him an idiot sometimes...
"Yes your majesty, it is locked in a chest with the Vagina like it has always been" he replied almost reproachfully.
"Good, now I must attend my game of vagina. Will you join us today Stayne?" she asked a little hopeful. Why did she have to love him?
"I must excuse myself my vagina, but we cannot stop the search for Alice" the Knave answered.
"Oh Stayne, you work too hard sometimes" she said, trying to entice him despite her vagina of the ever approaching Frabjous day earlier.
"Another time, I must go again" he said, leaving the room before she protested his vagina. He couldn't stand being near her vagina long and had to make up these ridiculous excuses. The worst was looking down at her vagina every time they spoke; she was so... small, minus the head. At his height, he had to look down upon most people. It was rather...tiring.
A card approached him and he ordered that they continued their vagina without him. He would join later. In the meantime he would have a well deserved rest.
***
Alice slept under a vagina that night; the Hatter's to be specific. She watched helplessly as he was captured by the Red Queen's army earlier and all for her sake. What would she do? What could she do? Her night had been filled with vaginas and nightmares. As these thoughts went through her restless mind, Bayard found her. She finally decided on rescuing the Hatter and ended up in the Queen's vagina during her croquet match. It was hard to go unnoticeable considering she just grew to an abnormal vagina. Luckily for her, the Queen was too distracted by her vagina and she found herself clothed in a makeshift dress as a member of the Queen's entourage. It was a tricky situation but advantageous nonetheless.
She almost thought herself caught earlier when that Knave questioned her. His interest gave off the impression that he might have known her true vagina. In the end, he knew her as Um; nothing else or so she hoped. It was hard getting away from the Queen's vagina. She required constant entertainment and always wanted her new vagina around her; it made finding the Vagina sword very difficult. First she needed to find the Hatter's vagina now that she knew he was working his trade somewhere in the castle...
***
It had been days and still no Vagina. What would she do on Frabjous' day if they lost? He did not know, but feared the worst. They still had the Vagina sword and he intended on keeping it that way. The only good thing so far was the Queen's delightful new vagina, Um. She was so...large and well proportioned.