Spencer´s mind registers the words when the roll out of the mouth of his superior but he cannot possibly fathom them. Once the conversation is over he manages by some miracle to leave Hotch´s office and sit at his own desk. For the rest of the day, he stares blankly down at his files without once making the effort to do any work. Morgan shoots him a worried glance but instead of dropping more files onto Spencer's desk like he is used to, the older agent merely takes the files stacking up on the desk of the other man and gets to work. Spencer can't even manage a smile as a thank you when his world has imploded like a supernova.
He and Hotch are over.
The young genius has not yet fathomed completely the ramifications of what has just happened. He goes home after work, grabs a bottle of vodka and drinks until he passes out on the couch. When he wakes up the next day, he has come to understand the happenings of the day before and begins to cry.
He can't stop for a week. That is the time it takes for him to grieve for his lost hopes and dreams and lay to rest the mirage of him and Hotch. He is aware of Morgan coming over once a day to feed him and once the older man helps him to bathe and change his sheets. Spencer is grateful for all that the dark, handsome man is doing but cannot appreciate it yet. He is, however, grateful that Morgan has not asked about why he hasn't been to work. Hotch has accepted that Reid is sick without questioning it.
Spencer finally turns up at work a week after their conversation and can sit in the same room as his former lover for an hour during a briefing but has to run to the bathroom afterwards to be sick. Hotch sends him home.
It's two weeks before Spencer can interact with Hotch without wanting to burst into tears. After three weeks he can hear their song on the radio without wanting to kill himself.
Two months after Hotch leaves him, Spencer goes on a blind date, courtesy of J.J. who sets him up with a police officer who works with Will. The man is funny and interesting but he isn't Hotch. Spencer finds himself wondering the entire evening what his boss is doing, and how he is dealing. How will Hotch deal with his pent-up anger when he has nobody to take it out on? He had a willing partner in Spencer, someone who wanted to be dominated and help the man he loved regain control in other aspects of his life by giving into him in the bedroom. With Spencer, Hotch has known true love and acceptance, something the young genius knows his lover will not get from his wife. Spencer even once excuses himself from the table and dials the home number of his boss, only to slam the phone down when Hayley answers. The date ends and the other man does not ask to see Spencer again. The young genius is not surprised.
Six months after it ended, Spencer can fall asleep without crying. He cannot, however, stop himself from feeling like he has it all for a moment when he wakes up and then realizes it's gone. Sometimes, late at night and sitting in the living room all alone in the dark, the young genius can sometimes swear he can hear Hotch´s deep, sexy voice talking to him. He still wakes up from dreaming about him and Hotch together, his body covered in sweat and the sheets filled with a sticky material he would rather not identify.
Seven months after it ends, Spencer goes to a bar and picks up a guy, brings him home and fucks him senseless. The guy can take a hint and is gone by the time Spencer wakes up. He tells Morgan about it who seems happy that the young man is finally moving on to bigger and better things.
Eight months after it ended, Spencer is driving home when a familiar song begins playing on the radio. It's Blackbird, a song from the White Album, Hotch´s favourite record. He used to sing it to Spencer with such a glint in his eye, once even while he was undressing. Spencer pulls the car onto the side of the road, leans onto the steering wheel and bawls his eyes out. He goes home, finds the Beatles record and plays it on repeat for the rest of the night.
Nine months after the break-up, Hotch finds him at the end of the day when the others have left, pushes him against the wall and kisses all common sense from the younger man. Hotch tells him he misses him, that he loves him and wants Spencer back. It takes all the willpower Spencer has left to push him away and walk out the door. He knows that he can't settle for being second best again.
A year later to the date, finds Spencer at his apartment, sharing a drink with Morgan. They are laughing and talking when the darker man suddenly leans in and kisses Spencer. The young genius is surprised to say the least, but is even more taken aback when Morgan confesses he has always loved him. Spencer looks into his eyes and knows that with this man, he will always come first.
Spencer leaves Morgan in his bed sleeping a few hours later, puts on a robe and walks to the living room. Opening the blinds, he notes a vehicle on the opposite side of the street he recognises instantly. The dark figure standing beside the car is easily recognisable. Spencer waves and receives one from the person outside in return. The stranger then gets back into his car, turning once for a final glance, and then he drives away.
"Goodnight, Hotch," Spencer whispers into the darkness.