Summary: AU mid season 2 after the Christmas. Rachel is almost at the breaking point as the bullying from the school and from some of team mates have increased. Rachel is all alone and wishes that someone would be there for her at least as a friend also Rachel has a secret that could destroy her or completely free her once and for all. This will be femslash in the future.
This is my first Fanfic so please enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own glee or the characters from the show. OC's are mine though. Don't own any songs that are used in the story.
A/N: I have no beta so all the mistakes are mine.
Warning mention of rape.
Chapter One;
Rachel ran in the bathroom after being slushied for the second time that day. It seemed that since Finn broke up with her because she kissed Noah after finding out that he lied about sleeping with Santana, that the jocks of this school have decided to double the attacks on her as she was no longer dating the quarterback. Rachel sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror to see herself cover in the red frozen drink.
Red was always the worse to clean, as it tended to stain everything. Rachel unpacked her slushy kit so she was able to clean herself up for the second time today. Rachel hated coming to school and she really hated the people here. She had no friends here, as Santana told her in the green room during sectionals they all pretend to like her. To Rachel that comment hurt her more than she would have liked, all she did was try and be friends with everyone in the New Directions but she wondered if it was worth it in the end, if they didn't like her.
Rachel allowed the tears to run down her cheeks as she continued to clean herself up. Rachel didn't like to cry at school with everyone around. She doesn't want to anyone to see her break, but she couldn't help it today. Her life had started to fall apart in front of her. Rachel felt guilty for kissing Noah that lead to her and Finn breaking up, and she did deserve it though.
But part of her knew that this would have happened sooner or later. Rachel had spent the Christmas holidays going over and analyzing her relationship with Finn and realized that they weren't suited for each other. He constantly forgot things about her, wouldn't listen to things that she was talking about. The sad part was that he didn't stand up for her and that he was scared to be even around her at school as he was more concern about his rep and position at the school, and that hurt Rachel the most. So in a way she was grateful that they were no longer together so can focus on what was more important to her than a high school relationship where the partner cared more about them self than their partner.
Rachel just wished that there was someone out there to care about her but there wasn't. Her fathers were never around to care about her; all they cared about was their life that they made with each other away from Rachel elsewhere in the country. Her own birth mother didn't care about her at all as she replaced her with a baby, Beth. No one in this school cared about her as well; all they seemed to care about is tearing her down, by slushing her, or calling her cruel names and such.
Rachel some days wondered why she even bothered to turn up at school every day only to go through hell. Would anyone care if she didn't turn up and disappeared altogether? Probably not. Rachel was all alone in this world, well that wasn't exactly true there was someone else, well two people in Rachel's life and one of them were very important to her but that person is a secret and she couldn't allow anyone to find out.
As Rachel finished cleaning herself up she decided only to focus on herself until she got the hell out of Lima. She would stay quiet and out of people's way. She wouldn't sing in glee club any more, maybe she should just quit. Nah she won't quit just yet. She will wait and see what happens. She knew that they didn't want her there and that they only put up with her because they need the numbers and her voice.
Rachel quickly changed into her spare clothes. Maybe she should wear other clothes but then again they might get ruined why else would she wear the clothes that she does. Maybe should talk like a normal teenager? She doubts that would work all the time. No she would just stay under the radar and a way from other people.
Rachel packed up her things and made sure she didn't look like she had been crying. Rachel left the bathroom with her head held up and went straighter to her locker before heading to the choir room.
When she arrived she noticed that everyone had already arrived expected Mr. Schue but then again he is always late. Rachel made her way over to the chair that was seated away from everyone else. Everyone in the club had decided to take Finn's side after they broke up and made sure that Rachel knew this by making sure she sat in that seat every lesson. Rachel noticed that they had all stopped talking when she entered but paid no attention to them.
"Get slushed again, treasure trail? How many is that this week?" Santana sneered as Rachel sat down.
Rachel just shrugged her shoulders in reply not caring what she had to say.
"Hope you have enough spare clothes coz I doubt that they are going to stop. Finn was right to dumb your ass. You are nothing more than a loser." Santana said as they all giggled. Santana actually felt bad saying that to the Diva but she had too, it was all part of her act.
Rachel just sighed knowing the cheerleader was right.
"Maybe if you weren't a cheater and a loser this might not happen to you, but then again who knows." Finn said in anger.
Rachel couldn't believe Finn had said that to her, it was like that their past relationship meant nothing to him.
"Maybe different clothes," Mercedes piped up.
"Nah I can't see her wearing different clothes." Quinn said, as she winced internally. She actually liked Rachel and she hated being mean to her.
Rachel was getting tired of this, she was willing herself not to cry and storm out of the room. She tried to take deep breathes to stay calm but this will only work for a short time, she really wanted to run, but she wouldn't allow them to see her break.
"That is true, she has no fashion sense." Mercedes replied.
"Let's face it guys she's a fucking loser and will always be one. She's got no future." Santana laughed, while the others joined in, "Why don't all do us a favor and leave Yentl, no one whats yous here." Santana said feeling like the biggest bitch on the planet. Some days she truly hated herself for the way she treated Rachel. She actually likes Rachel, she admires her drive and strength to be true to herself and yet she and Quinn spend their days tearing the girl down when they shouldn't be.
Rachel just sat there and listened to what they told her and maybe they were right, maybe she just leave, no one cared about her and no one wanted here around. The others all went back to their conversations and completely ignored Rachel as she continued to sit there with a blank expression on her face but in reality Rachel was screaming and breaking apart within the inside.
"Alright guys let's begin." Mr Schue said as he finally arrived once again missing the abuse that the others were giving Rachel.
"Does anyone have something they would like to sing?" Mr Schue asked.
Everyone looked at Rachel to see if she had something prepare, when they saw that she wasn't they all smiled.
Finn raised his hand, "I have something I would like to sing."
"Great Finn let's hear it,"
Finn stood up and went to the band and told them what song then went to the middle. Finn motion to the band to start the music.
On the floor of Tokyo
Or down in London town to go, go
With the record selection
And the mirror's reflection
I'm dancing with myself
When there's no-one else in sight
In the crowded lonely night
Well I wait so long
For my love vibration
And I'm dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
I'll be dancing with myself
If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes
Seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself
So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
I'll be dancing with myself
If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes
Seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself
So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
[Scat]
Dancing with myself
Dancing with myself
Dancing with myself
Dancing with myself
If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes
Seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself
So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
The music stop and the New Directions clapped and cheered for him. Rachel knew from the song that Finn had moved on and wanted nothing to do with her.
"That was great Finn, anyone else have something they would like to sing?"
"I do." Mercedes put her hand up
"That's awesome let's hear it."
Rachel watched as Mercedes made her way up to the front but she no longer paid attention to her or the song that she was singing.
Rachel was completely lost in her own mind for the rest of practice and didn't pay any attention to anyone even Mr. Schue acted if she wasn't there. At least this helped her come to decision on what she wanted to do. Actually it was really easy to make, everyone in the New Directions made it easy for her. By the time class ended she knew what she wanted to do. Rachel was left by herself in the choir room, everyone had already left. It just showed that no one cared about her. Rachel grabbed her things and left the school. Rachel arrived home about 20 minutes later and all she wanted to do was cry, but she knew that she couldn't do that.
"Hey, how was school?" Karen asked as Rachel entered the living room.
"It was fine, how were things here?" Rachel asked the mid aged woman.
"Everything was fine, she was really good today." Karen laughed
"I am glad to hear, here is this week's pay." Rachel handed over the check to the women, "thanks for everything"
"It is not a problem; you know I am here for you." Karen said smiling sadly at Rachel
"I know that and it means a lot to me." Rachel replied with a sad smile.
"Your welcome."
"MAMA" a little 3 year old brunette girl came running in.
"Hey baby," Rachel cooed as she picked up her daughter Alexis. Alexis looked like her a lot, they both had the same eye color and the same shade of brown hair but Alexis didn't have the same nose as her. Alexis's nose was cute as a button.
"Mommy, I missed you." Alexis smiled
"I missed you too. Did you have a good day?" Rachel asked her daughter.
"I did." Alexis said happily.
"She was delight but she always is." Karen smiled.
"That's great to hear. Thanks again." Rachel said looking at Karen
"No problem my dear, I'll see next Wednesday?" She asked looking at Rachel
"Yeah that is fine, see you then." Rachel answered
"See you on Wednesday sweetie." Karen said to Alexis who smiled up at her nanny.
"Bye misses Karen." Alexis waved at the woman
"See you later." Karen said as she left the house.
"So what would you like for dinner?" Rachel asked her daughter
"Pizza, please?" Alexis clapped happily.
"I think that is a great idea." Rachel agreed smiling down at her daughter.
"Yay" the little brunette yelled out happily.
Rachel order the food and got Alexis ready for the night, by the time the pizza arrived Alexis was already bathed and in her PJ's. They sat together on the couch and watch a Disney movie together. Alexis loved those movies. After they had watched The Little Mermaid it was time for her to go to bed. Rachel did her nightly routine, Alexis loved story time and to hear Mama sing to her. After kissing her sleeping daughter's forehead she made her way to her room and flopped on to her bed and cried.
Her daughter was her deepest secret, no one knew her and she feared what would happen to her if anyone knew the truth. You see, Rachel was raped when she was 12 when they were on holiday in L.A. Her fathers had decided to go out and have dinner at the hotel's restaurant and left Rachel asleep in their room a few floors up. Someone had found out and broke in to the room and drugged Rachel so she wouldn't wake up and was raped. When her father's got back an hour or so later and saw what had happened to Rachel they were devastated, they took Rachel to the hospital and contacted the police. The rapist had cleaned Rachel up before they had left her so all evidence was lost. The police couldn't do much as they had no lead.
Rachel didn't remember anything about what happened and was kind of grateful that she didn't, so she wouldn't have to deal with the nightmares but sadly she did have some when they found out she was pregnant. They Berry men had put Rachel into therapy to help her deal with the pregnancy and her nightmares. The sessions had helped Rachel a lot through her pregnancy even now she still goes fortnightly to help her deal with everything that was going on in her life.
Rachel didn't want to get rid of the child unlike her fathers; they would fight about it a lot but in the end they had to agree to what Rachel wanted and Rachel wanted to keep her child as she didn't care how it was conceived only that she was the mother of her unborn child. In the end, her father's help her as much as possible but their guilt was too heavy and they left. They checked in once and while always made sure Rachel had enough money for the both of them.
Rachel continued with her schooling and made sure that Alexis was taken cared of during the week. Alexis went to daycare three times a week and Karen would look after her twice a week and picked her up from daycare. It wasn't easy but she did the best she could she would do anything for my daughter, Rachel loved her very much. When she found out that Quinn was pregnant last year she tried to help her but Quinn wouldn't take her help. Rachel knew what Quinn was going through and wanted to tell her that she went through the same but Rachel was too scared to tell her so in the end she stopped trying to help her.
Rachel was careful around Finn and Jesse that they wouldn't work out that she had a daughter. Karen would always babysit Alexis so Rachel could go out and meet them. When they came over to the house Alexis was always with Karen. Rachel hated keeping her daughter a secret, feels like that Alexis is some dirty secret, which she is not, but she can't allow anyone to know that she lived on her own with her three year old daughter, her fathers would get in trouble and she could lose her daughter all together.
Some days things got too much for Rachel, she hated school where no cared about her or wanted to be her friend. She was grateful that she had Karen who tried to help Rachel out as much as possible but Rachel never told her daughter's nanny the horrors she received at school, she just didn't want any pity. Rachel some days wishes that she could tell someone about the horrors of school, her fathers and her daughter, maybe if she did, she would be free of all her secrets that are constantly dragging her down and not to feel so broken all the time.
Hope you liked the first chapter.
Song used was Dancing with myself by Billy Idol.
Who do you think should try to be Rachel's friend first? Who should be paired with Rachel?
Let me know what you think. Please review.