Fire Within My Soul
Disclaimer: Don't own the Clique. Though I really wished I did own Derrick Harrington and Landon Crane =) By the way, the song lyrics used are not mine. They belong to ABBA, Colbie Callait, and Avril Lavigne. And I don't own Comedy Central, Harry Potter, or Twilight either. Wow, that's a lot of stuff I don't own. How depressing.
Dear Chris,
Why do you always do this to me? I know it's not because you like to torture me (you'd never), but is it really too much to ask that you try to reign in your addictive quality? It's getting quite hard to hold back the urge to jump you.
That's never a good sign.
You are just so sweet (like how people say I am) and funny (Comedy Central has nothing on you) and just so many things that make me go insane. Sometimes I even wish that you weren't all of these things, that you were like the boys who broke my heart before. Maybe then, I wouldn't like you.
Yes, I like you, too much at times. I know it's incredibly cowardly to tell you in a letter, but this is the only way I can let everything out without stuttering incoherently when I see your smile or eyes. Those damn features that make me go weak in the knees and feel as though I am filling up with bubbles and can fly.
I'm sure you remember that scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the original, with the title change, of course).
Anyway, back to the point of the letter. Well, it doesn't really have a point. It's more of a way to tell you what I feel when I'm around you and to finally get this off my chest. I am feeling constricted almost everyday because I just want to tell you, but I can't. It's not really because of any physical reason, but mostly because I'm afraid.
Wait, no, don't take that the wrong way, Chris. I can practically see that frown you get with the (absolutely adorable) crinkles between your eyebrows, as your eyes take on a confused/mildly outraged look. Yeah, I notice little things like that about you. When you like someone as much as I like you, then it's a given (Oh my Jacob, did I just quote Alicia Rivera?) that I'll remember these things.
Right, back to the whole afraid thing (it's weird how I can go off on multiple tangents when talking to you. It is a curse and blessing all at the same time). I'm not afraid of you, per say, just your reaction. I am deathly afraid of being rejected, especially by you, a person I regard so highly. I know that you'll stutter as you always do when you're nervous, turn red, and try to let me down easy. You're that type of guy; even when he doesn't even remotely like the girl, he will try to be nice. God, do you see why I like you?
You're so different from all the jerks that I've crushed on. Let us cite examples, huh?
1. Cameron Fisher: He was the "sweetest" boy I had ever met, with his daily delivery of gummies (Massie never stopped warning me about the empty calorie count) and mismatched eyes. What girl in school could resist him? Not I, someone who was always somewhat of a fan girl when it came to Cam Fisher. But then, when I finally gave in to his advances, he let me down. He said that he didn't like me anymore and moved on to the next love-struck girl. A clear and distinct image of you holding me in the aftermath makes me smile and cry simultaneously.
2. Derrick Harrington: I knew it was never good to go after the guy who was best friends with the boy who just rejected you. I remember you telling me that with the words 'Revenge Rebound' thrown in. Nevertheless, I went, and I fell hard for that mischievous blond. We went out for a while and were called the school's "Cutest Couple", but it went downhill when Dylan Marvil transferred. Derrick was captivated (ugh) when she was able to make dirty jokes and hang out with the guys with little-to-no discomfort. As with every cliché in the history of clichés, he dumped me and went for her, as if I was the popular cheerleader keeping the male lead from his soul mate. I would hate her so much if they weren't so cute together. Okay, maybe I hate her a little.
3. Kemp Hurley: He is the infamous perverted player who I thought I could fix. I thought I would be the one who could change his date-'em-and-drop-'em ways. You've always said that my big imagination and love for cheesy romantic-comedies would be my downfall. Like everyone expected, as soon as the week was up, we weren't together anymore. I felt stupid, hurt, and angry. You were the only one who was able to get me out of that funk. You were my savior.
Do you see? Even with all those failed crushes, you were there. You rescued me like a knight in some kind of fairytale. And I never noticed. That's what really gets me. I went out (or didn't go out in Cam's case) with all these losers instead of being with someone who really cared about me. Though, now that I think about it, your version of things can be (and most likely are) simply platonic.
You may be wondering why I have not thought of the fact that you'll still read this and have to reject me somehow. I know and I've accepted it now. Chris, I like you so much and I just really need to tell you. It may ruin our friendship forever (but I'm hoping that we'll keep being friends even though I'm steadily falling for you), but it is something I need to say to you before I go mad, before I explode.
So, yeah, as you know, I've never been very good at endings (especially when they are as awkward as this), so I'll just say goodbye. Hope you don't feel too freaked out about me. :)
-Claire
The Next Day (after Claire gives him the letter) In Claire's POV
I was opening the door to my locker when I heard my name called. I turned around, after soon giving up on the difficult lock. I'll just get Chris to do it. Oh, wait, he might not want to. Damn, I knew it was a bad idea to give him the stupid letter (well, more like stuff it in his locker and run). Our friendship is probably ruined now.
When I finally drifted out of my thoughts long enough to see who was calling, I saw that it was Chris jogging toward me, a sheet of aquamarine paper clutched in his palm. Oh, crap, I would know that evilevilevil sheet anywhere. I sent it after all.
"Claire!" he panted as he arrived next to me. His face broke out into a grin that I was sure could shatter a normal person's face, but he quickly put it down. Oh man, was he glad to be rejecting me? No one would have ever thought Chris Plovert would be a sadist.
"Yeah?" I asked hesitantly.
"You wrote this letter, right?" he asked. I gave him a disbelieving look. Obviously. My name is on the bottom!
"Chris, normally when people sign their names at the end of a letter, it means they sent it. But, you know, it's just a thought." Great, Claire, return to your old standby of hiding emotions: sarcasm.
Chris rolled his eyes. "Yes, I'm well aware of how the snail mail system works. I was just making sure. Who knows what kind of people would try to play a prank like that on me?"
I'll give you three guesses. It could either be, A) the Pretty Committee and their monosyllabic boyfriends who hate our little trio for some unknown reason. It could be B) Massie, who has always said we would make a good couple, and knows exactly how I feel about Chris (especially my fear on telling him), or C) His parents who stay the hell away from his love life. Yeah, I could never guess what kind of people would try to do that. However, I see his point in asking.
"Well, it was me. Though please, don't try to sugar coat things for me like you do with all the other girls. I don't think I could handle that kind of rejection," I said, trying to cover up the hole in my chest that was threatening to swallow me whole.
"That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. Look, I-"
I cut him off. "Actually, no, don't tell me. I can guess. 'I love you, Claire, but like a sister. We can still be friends' or alternately, 'EW, Claire, I don't like you. You're all weird and stuff. I don't want to be friends with someone like that.'" I made my voice sound deep and gruff to try to imitate his newly pubescent voice.
"You know, when you try to do that voice, it's still abnormally higher than any boy on the planet, regardless of his age. Now, here are a few things I've got to tell you about that assumption. Number one, the way you made me sound in the second scenario was nearly identical to how those brain-dead popular dudes sound. Don't make me sound that dumb, Claire. I'd feel too wounded." He made a sweeping hand motion as he put his hand to his forehead in "woe". I knew forcing him to come with me to the Actors Playhouse would come and bite me in the butt somehow. I wouldn't be surprised if he brought out a skull from his backpack and started quoting Hamlet.
"And two, the first scenario is nothing like what I would want to tell you. I don't think the word 'sister' quite covers how I feel about you. It would be a pretty incestuous relationship if it was."
Wait, what?
"What do you mean?" My brows furrowed.
He took a step closer, his dark hair flopping as his head moved to look down at me. His hand reached out and cupped my head, stroking my jaw line softly. "I think you know exactly what I mean." His voice was absurdly husky and it made it quite difficult to think rational thoughts.
"But I'd really like you to say it, Chris. I don't want any misunderstandings."
His lips brushed mine lightly. I shivered and he pressed me slightly against the lockers. "I like you, Claire Lyons. A lot. Getting that letter was just the thing I needed to know that you wouldn't run away screaming if I tried this."
My voice trembled lightly. "Tried what?"
"This," he said as his lips descended on mine. Finally. My hands moved of their own accord to his shoulders and up into his soft hair. He gripped my waist as though he didn't want to let me go. I had a feeling that was the reason. The kiss was electrifying and I could feel my toes curl inside my yellow Converse and my stomach erupting in rejoicing butterflies. I never wanted to let go of Chris, especially now that this finally happened. It could be a dream, and I would wake up and the wonderful lightheaded feeling would leave. He gave me tingles in a silly place; I suddenly lose control when he's around while there's a fire within my soul; it's so outrageous how he makes me feel so high. God help me, I'm quoting multiple love songs from the most random places.
When we parted for air, he laid his forehead on mine. His blue eyes were sparkling (even more than usual) and a goofy grin played on his slightly swollen lips. "So, even if it's generally expected after a kiss like that, will you be my girlfriend? I don't want anyone thinking they have some claim to you anymore."
"Getting a little possessive now are we, Chris? And I haven't even said yes yet!" I smirked, knowing it would push his buttons.
"Hey, I don't want some guy trying to be with you. Not to go all crazy Edward Cullen on you, but you belong with me." I laughed at him and his obvious preference for Jacob, the best friend who never got the girl. Now I suddenly understood it.
"Now answer the question before I go insane," he said pleadingly.
I pecked his lips quickly. "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" He lifted me in the air, like in those movies I love, and twirled me while my white dress fanned out around me. I heard a clapping noise, and turned my head sharply to see who it was.
Massie had a smirk that could rival Draco Malfoy's as her clapping slowed to a halt. Her purple and black outfit makes her look all the more impish as she looked at us. All I could think was that maybe we shouldn't have done such a personal scene in a hallway after school had just let out.
"I came looking for you two after I found that Chris wasn't by his locker and you weren't waiting outside for me. And, wow, I got quite a show." She raised an eyebrow, the playful smile still in place.
"So you heard and saw everything?" I asked.
"Everything from 'What do you mean?'. I think you two were… otherwise occupied to notice I'd come. But all I can say is that it's about freaking time!"
I unraveled myself from Chris' arms and went to hug my best friend. She's the only one who really understood why I was going so crazy and needed to tell Chris in the letter. She was even there to help me open his locker early this morning. I linked arms with her and grabbed Chris' hand and walked purposely out the building. A grin that I knew would not leave for a while since I finally got what I wanted.
As Massie said perfectly, it was about time.
It's my first Clovert, so sorry if it was absolutely horrible. It was shameless fluff from the second half down. It was originally going to be left at the letter. But, I knew my bestie/beta/all around awesome person, Rhina (RhiniHeartBreaker), would kill me for leaving it with just the letter. She likes her Clovert :) AND it's a present for her so if I don't comply with her preferences, she may just kill me.
So, here's your present (you'll be getting a better one on your birthday!), Rhina! Hope you come back soon from that Godforsaken campo with no internet! Miss you tons!
Review please, and tell me your opinions.
P.S. Try not to get pissed off at me because I sort of insulted Edward Cullen. It's Chris' reasoning of it all.