Cilla Sidan 9 2010-04-02
Vampire knight fan fiction
Hurt
Normal POV:
All she could see was the blood, the whole sink and were covered in it and there was blood stains on the floor near the sink.
She froze. What had he done? And where were he? Was it Zeros blood or someone elses? She forced herself to look around; a worst case scenario image pushed its way through her mind. Zero lying in the corner of the room with a slit throat.
But when she eyed through the whole room no one was there. She felt a cold breeze gently blow on her face. Wait, breeze? She looked towards the window, it was open. She felt a shiver down her spine, this didn't look good.
She made her way too the window and her eyes widened when she saw the blood trail about 5 meters down on the ground. She needed to follow it.
Zeros POV:
As I saw the blood flow down my arm I sighed. It was something that made me feel… a little more human. But not for long, because I was a vamp- no I was a monster. A monster in human form and as I watched my wounds slowly self heal I felt disgusted. I shouldn't be alive.
In anger and a worthless effort to take my own life, I once again picked up the razor blade. I pressed it hard against my arm, harder than I used to, and slightly twitched because of the pain. I must have cut one of the larger veins. The blood steadily ran down my arm. It was creating a pool on the floor, but I couldn't care less right now.
As my wound once again slowly healed I heard footsteps coming towards my room. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. So without fuehrer thoughts I stood up and walked to the window. The ground didn't seem to far down so I took one last glance at the door then jumped. I landed on the ground with a slight –oof- sound. I got surprised over how 'unsteady' I was.
Maybe I had lost a bit too much blood? I ignored the thought and started to run. I didn't know where, I just ran and to my relief I got to the little forest next to the schools gates.
Slowly I felt my strength leave me and I just got a few meters in to the small forest before I leaned against a tree and slowly slid down to the ground. I breathed rather heavily.
As I sat there my pulse suddenly got faster and I felt the familiar burn in my throat. My hands went up to my throat by mare habit.
The monster inside me slowly came forth. This shouldn't be happening anymore, Kaname had taken care of that, but still it didn't end. I just hoped no one would bump into me now. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
I knew my body rejected the blood pills but I still reached for the little box I had the pills in and shoved some pills in my mouth. I tried to swallow but as I knew, my body wasn't going to cooperate. I leaned forward and coughed up the pills, it was really bothersome.
Why couldn't I take stupid pills? I didn't want this; I didn't want to be this stupid beast. I hated myself for not being able to resist the thirst, for being what I was. I clenched my fist, digging my fingers down in the ground.
The burning feeling in my throat grew. I wouldn't be able to control myself if someone came to close to me. I almost couldn't breathe. I didn't notice the girl until she spoke.
'' Um, are you ok Mr.?'' the girl took a step closer.
This wasn't good. I could smell her, hear her heart beat. I needed to get her away from me before I got completely overtaken by the horrible monster that was ripping me apart from the inside.
'' Go away'' my voice was hoarse and broken.
'' But-''
''Go, Now!'' I almost screamed. I heard her heart beat rising, this was torture, the wonderful sound of blood rushing through veins. I could nearly taste her blood on my tongue.
I opened my eyes and glared at her, I could only guess the fear she must have felt when my blood red eyes met her blue ones.
She squeaked and took a step backwards before she turned around and quickly ran away. Good for her, she had nearly lost her life today.
But he couldn't ignore the fact that I still was in no condition to be near another human being and that girl had spotted me from the road next to the forest so it wouldn't be a surprise if anyone else did.
I literally crawled on the ground to get away from the road and for every meter (I think it's about 3.3 ft) fuehrer I came from the road, the beast inside me protested more. I only came a few meters before I noticed her presence, she was near me.
Yuuki was near me, to close for her own good.
'Don't come, don't come, don't come!' I was near insanity, my throat was in flames. 'Stupid girl! Don't come closer'.
I couldn't control it no more, my eyes rolled back and I could barley breath. I wheezed, gasped, did everything in my might to press the air down my lungs.
I knew that when Yuuki came closer the monster would jump on her and steal her blood, the innocent, sweet, caring Yuukis blood.
Normal POV:
She followed the blood trail into the small forest but hesitated a bit before she continued fuehrer into the forest. She heard some gasping and wheeze noises, this could only mean that Zero was in pain and needed her blood but the scene she saw before her scared her slightly.
He was on the ground, his left hand ripping his throat, blood slowly trailing down on the ground, his right hand digging its fingers down in the dirt but the scariest thing was his eyes, hazy violet-grey with no expression or life in them, like a doll.
She had seen this before, when they were younger. The memory and the reality melted together and she felt a tear trail down her face.
''Zero…stop''. She said softly.
He twitched when she spoke and slowly turned his gaze towards her. It was like he saw right through her, she thought he would ignore her but got quite surprised when he ever so slowly stood up and walked to her.
''Why don't you run from me?'' she shivered when he spoke to her, she had never heard him sound so cold.
''Why don't you hate me, fear me?'' she couldn't respond, just stood there frozen on her spot. She heard a threatening snarl from Zero and for a moment she felt his dark aura before it disappeared, as quickly as it was there it was gone again, this time replaced with a heavy-regret-like aura.
He painfully pressed his words forward.
''Why do you let me hurt you?''.
''Zero, you-''.
''I can't live like this anymore…Kill me''. He wasn't just saying it, he commanded it.
She saw him pull out the bloody rose, she felt his cold hands when he placed the gun in her hands, he was trembling.
''Please'' he added. She looked at gun before she raised her head and met Zeros gaze. She saw the pain in his eyes.
''No Zero, we made a promise, remember?''. He hissed, the aura changed again.
''I don't care anymore! I almost killed a girl, I'm losing it! Please! Before someone gets hurt, especially you!'' he grabbed her shoulders.
''Zero, you're hurting me-'' he twitched and let go of her shoulders. ''No, not that! I mean my feelings! Don't you think I will be sad? Zero…don't do this, it hurts me too see you like this''. She reached for his face but he turned away.
''No…you. You should stop. You're the one who's hurting me more…'' he mumbled. She saw in his eyes that he struggled whether to tell her what it was or not.
'' What? How do I hurt you?'' she asked softly.
''…''.
''Please tell me''. He turned his gaze towards her again. She felt shivers down her spine, his eyes were cold and angry.
''…Kaname''.
He gathered his mind and put on his mask.
''…Kaname''. He saw Yuuki twitch.
''…W-what does h-he got to do with this?''. A blush spread over her face, the blood rushing through her veins
'Dear god, if you exist please tell me this isn't happening'. The fire in his throat came back in seconds and because of the sudden change he gasped, gripping his throat.
Thump.
He felt his knees give in below him.
Thump.
His vision blurred. Why did this happen? He had control and had been ok just seconds ago. ''Zero!'' He felt her hands on his shoulders. '' Are you ok?''
The monster took advantage of this moment and nailed Yuuki to the ground. She gave away a weird sound. He placed his lips against the side of her neck and then he sank his fangs deep into her flesh, a bit more forced than he had thought.
''Uhg…You could have been more careful…and you didn't need to bite me so hard, it hurts you know''. He felt a sting of guilty.
He'd done it again. The only thing he did was hurt her, no wonder she preferred Kaname... He clenched his jaw. Duh, of course she liked Kaname more; he had saved her life and probably hadn't hurt her even once.
''Ow! Why do you bite me so ha…ard? Zero…stop I've lost. To. Much…blood''. He snapped back to reality and quickly let go of her.
''Sorry'' he muttered.
''Nah, its ok…''
He glared at her as she carefully lifted her hand to her neck and slowly touched the two round bite marks.
It was bleeding and he felt his shoulders get heavy, he always ended up hurting her, no matter how hard he tried not to. He quickly ripped a part of his shirt and threw it at her; he didn't want to come too close, just in case.
''What?'' she said as she catched the piece of cloth.
''Stop your bleeding…'' he shoot an annoyed glare at her. She glared angrily back.
''Well, sorry for not being able to heal myself as quick as a freaking vampire, besides, it was you who bit me…hey! Where are you going?''
He didn't want her to call him that but of course she was right, as always, he was a freaking vampire…
Monster. Beast. Creature. Murderer. Killer.
He was a thing, a thing that shouldn't even exist. He was something that hunted you in your nightmares that with brutal strength pinned you down and sucked your blood out, your life-force.
He realised he had stopped when he felt two small arms embrace him from behind.
''Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Sorry.''
The only thing he could think of was her arms around him.
''Please say something…I can't stand it when you don't speak''.
He felt a shiver down his spine when she leaned her head on his back but he didn't say a thing.
''Please Zero, tell me what's wrong…I said I'm sorry-'' She stopped, hesitated. ''Is it Kaname?''
He tensed when she said his name.
'Maybe' he thought to himself. 'Maybe it would be better if I were to leave…now'. He sighed and slowly released himself from her grip, careful not to hurt her this time.
When he was free he took a step away from her and then turned around.
''Zero…'' he saw her tears slowly flow down her cheeks, well what had he expected? A smiling, happy Yuuki?
Well maybe before, before he started to hurt her. Cause that was all he seemed to do the lately. Hurt Yuuki here, hurt Yuuki there. Hurt, hurt, hurt. So much sadness. So much darkness, you could drown in it, which he had done, before Yuuki came and saved him.
But now he was on the edge again. Looking down in the darkness, it seemed so welcoming yet so…dangerous.
He didn't know what to do, should he drown in the darkness, shouldn't he? It was so easy, just turn around and walk away, as he always did, leaving Yuuki to bleed, wondering what she did wrong and how to do it right next time.
'Oh, sweet innocent, caring Yuuki, it's not your fault, it's mine, always mine, always will be mine. It hurts, but it's necessary. Because if I stay it will hurt even more when I leave you'. He gathered his mind and courage.
''Yuuki… I don't…'' he sighed. ''No matter how much I try, I always end up hurting you, even if I don't want to. I can't control myself when I'm around you. I just… I just want to be able to be with you, without hurting you. Because hurting you hurts me… I feel like I'm drowning and every time I hurt you, I… fall deeper down in my own despair… I'm pathetic and shouldn't be allowed to live. I'm not worth you. Not ever your presence''. He felt uncomfortably good after telling Yuuki about how he felt, but it disappeared when he saw her expression.
She was pale and her eyes were wide. But then she changed it to a very sad expression instead.
''I didn't know…how you felt''. She sobbed and once again, he glared at her, when her tears started to flow down her cheeks.
Un fuckin' believable, he had hurt her again, just by telling her how he felt. He felt his lips twitch and as a pained growl came from his throat he nearly went insane.
''What did I say?! I always hurt you! Even by telling you how I feel!'' He was furious, not at Yuuki, at himself; it was his fault that she was hurt after all.
He wanted to scream, scream his lungs out. He wanted to scream out his anger, fears, hatred… his pain.
But he kept it all inside him as he always did, it was like a punishment for hurting her all the time and also he didn't want to hurt her by showing how he felt, he had tried it once, just a moment ago, and it had failed so he decided to never ever show it to her, anyone, again.
He would go back to be a puppet, screw all emotions because it would only lead to pain, one way or another. He would go back to the darkness, the welcoming, dangerous darkness. His only comfort.
He looked up. The moon was out, the full moon. That made him think of a thing.
''You know Cross-Chan; we're like the sun and the moon. You are the one that shines on me so I can be seen. You're the one who gives life to every one. But we can never understand each other, we can't exist at the same time''. He continued to stare at the moon.
''No, you're wrong. We can exist at the same time. Haven't you ever seen the moon on the day when you can still see the sun?'' She stood up and walked to Zero. She snuffled. Of course she was right, again.
''…Hmm''.
''Zero. Look at me''.
He didn't, shouldn't.
''Like I said before, the only thing I do is hurt you… If you want someone to comfort and protect you, you should go to Kaname. I'm sure he can handle you better than I can''. He turned to leave. ''And don't try to follow me''.
He started to walk but stopped after a few steps. He turned to look at her, she just glared at him.
''Besides…I'm you're 'brother'''. He saw her twitch but then an evil smile spread across her face. He got slightly taken; he didn't know she could look that evil.
''I've never, not even once, seen you as a 'brother'''. She had hit a nerve, and she knew it.
His eyebrow twitched.
''So…what have you been seeing me as then?''.
''Oh, nothing special'' she reached her tongue out at him.
His eyes narrowed.
''Hmm, nothing special isn't a good answer''.
''Oh, you think so?'' he could see the twinkle in her eyes, she was just annoying him.
He snarled then turned around. Damn that girl, she could save him from the darkness just by words, pointless words with no meaning.
She would never look at him in the same way he looked at her, in the same way she looked at Kaname. She did just see him as a brother, nothing more and right now she was just adding fuel to the fire. So much for the innocent, sweet Yuuki.
''I'm going, g'night''. He walked away quickly so he wouldn't have the time to change his mind.
He knew he surely would hurt her, but seriously, shouldn't he stop caring about that. He had told himself to become a puppet and puppets didn't have feelings or emotions right? They only do what they're told to and right now he was told to go back to his room and stay there.
''Zero! I'm sorry; I didn't mean to upset you! Please stay''.
He ignored her.
''Please don't go…don't lock away your emotions from me. Stay''. She begged him and he really did want to stay but he ignored his emotions and continued to walk away. She didn't follow and it surprised him, maybe it hurt him a little to, that she didn't fight for him, but of course, he knew it was best this way.
She would have Kaname and live happy and he would have…himself. Yeah, that sounded good, just he and himself, forever, till the day he died… no, till the day Yuuki died because then he wouldn't have anything to live for and he would take his life, without someone stopping him.
Yuuki gazed on Zero when he walked fuehrer and fuehrer away from her. Why didn't she stop him? Why was he so cold when just a moment ago he had told her about how he had felt? And why did she cry? Why did her heart grow heavier from each step he took away from her, why did it hurt her so bad? Why did he push her away?
Didn't he know that it was that that was hurting the most? And why, god, why hadn't she noticed that she loved him, as more than a brother, before he walked away from her.
She started to run. She didn't se him anymore so she would search for him until she found him.
'First' she thought. 'First I will look in the dorm then I will look in chairman's room. Then I'll begin looking outside'. She ran the fastest she could, to the dorm. She cached her breath outside the door before she slowly went inside the room and closed the door behind her.
''Hello, Yuuki-Chan''.
''Kaname-Sama…Have you seen Zero-Kun?''. She saw him narrow his eyes a little and his gaze scared her a little.
''No, may I ask why you seek him, Yuuki-Chan?''.
''Nothing special, I just need to talk to him''. She knew she couldn't lie to Kaname but he seemed to let it go this time.
''Ok Yuuki-Chan…Take care''. He walked past her out of the room. ''And before someone sees you, please clean yourself up''.
She looked at herself; she was covered in blood and dirt. But right now she didn't care how she looked; she just needed to find Zero.
But after a second thought, maybe she really should clean herself up, just in case. So she went too the chairman's bathroom, she would just wipe away the blood and the dirt then she would search for Zero again.
When she reached the bathroom a towel was carelessly thrown over the handle, the sign that some one was using the bathroom. It was the only way to show someone was in the bathroom because the lock was broken, she was often irritated at it but today she was happy that the chairman hadn't fixed it yet.
It could only be Zero, because they were the only ones using the bathroom, including the chairman himself too, of course.
She knocked.
''Zero-Kun?''.
No answer. She slowly opened the bathroom door. She saw him stand in front of the mirror with dripping wet hair and those cold, soulless eyes again. She shivered but ignored it.
''You're going to catch a cold if you don't dry your hair properly''. She went inside and closed the door behind her. She took a clean dry towel and began to dry his hair.
''Why did you follow me? I told you not to''.
''Zero…'' She stopped with the towel. ''You're destroying the moment''. She giggled a little and he just stared at her. ''Oh… do I really look that horrible?'' she saw the corners of his mouth twitch.
It took her by surprise, she seriously hadn't seen him smile in an eternity.
''Hmm''. was the only thing he said.
She quickly washed her face and took the towel from Zero. When she was done she looked up at him, he just stood there and glared at her. She felt her face become warm.
''W-what?''. She looked down at her feet.
''Hmm''. The same response again.
''You know…I-'' she lost her words and felt her face go red and her heartbeat rise. He must have noticed because he managed to get another answer forward.
''Yeah, what is it? I'm listening''.
She managed to gather her courage and speak the words on her lips.
''I've always-no…the first thing is that when you told me how you felt, I didn't get hurt or sad or anything, I got happy! Because you finally told me how you were feeling. I got happy! And the thing that hurt me the most is when you always walked away from me, no matter what I did to stop you. I don't think of you as a brother b-because I think of you as more than a brother. I…I love you''. She couldn't look at him she just kept staring at her feet and if it was possible, her face got ever redder.
He didn't answer and the silence was awkward. She didn't dare to move. It seemed like a whole eternity until he finally answered.
''Please don't lie about things like that''
She should have expected that kind of answer but yet she got surprised and hurt. She had told him her feelings but he didn't believe her.
'' I'm not lying! I really do love you''.
'' As a brother, I suppose''.
'' I said that I love you as more than a brother but well, yes, as a brother too but also as a… uh… uhm-''.
''Yes?''. He was teasing her! He had to be.
No one could seriously be this clueless. She could barley think the word she wanted to say so how would she manage to speak it?
She loved him as a… more than Kaname. Real pure love, and not sibling or family love but… what was it really?
'' If you love me, as more than a brother, then prove it''.
She didn't know how and he just continued to tease her…
'Oh, so that's what he means…' she thought to herself, of course. She felt her cheeks burn by embarrassment but that wasn't going to stop her now, when she had gotten this far.
She slowly turned around so she faced him. He was really beautiful in a different kind of way.
He didn't look like everyone else, didn't act that way ether. That was probably why so many girls including herself got attracted to him.
His lazy violet eyes, shiny light grey hair, his slightly muscular stomach, not a rough six-pack and not totally flat but somewhere in between, just how she liked it. His long and strong arms, his big and slender hands…big hands…she looked at his feets… big feets. (You know what that means, right girls? ;D)
Her face turned into some kind of i-can-light-up-a-whole-house-whitout-lights colour. Plus the fact that she had checked him out.
''S-sorry''. She squeaked.
''What?'' he sounded amused. ''I'm still waiting for you to show me how much you love me''.
She needed to cool down a bit, sheesh; she feared she would catch on fire if she didn't. She gathered herself and once again looked up at his face; she still had that crimson colour on her face though.
Slowly she took a step closer to him, so close that she could almost feel his body against hers. He stood still, not moving a muscle. She lifted her hand and placed it on his cheek. He seemed so far away…because he was to far away, she got on her toes to reach his head but couldn't.
She groaned in anger but he didn't move closer to her. Then she saw something that she would remember the rest of her life.
Zero smiling, almost giggling.
''Z-zero?'' She was about to remove her hand from his cheek when he put his own hand on hers and his other one tilted her head up towards his again.
''So…is this your answer?'' His hand was warm, something that also was unusual.
She closed her eyes when his lips met hers. She felt a shiver down her spine. It felt so right. She opened her eyes slightly and met Zeros gaze. She felt him smile and he nibbled her lower lip. She opened her mouth and his tongue explored her mouth, caressed her tongue.
A moan escaped her and she pressed herself on Zeros bare stomach. Her hands made their way up to his hair and settled themselves there.
Zero parted from her and they both breathed rather heavy.
''That's my answer…I love you, do you believe me now?''.
He smirked.
''I do…and I love you to''.
She smiled at him.
''But promise me that you won't hurt yourself anymore…and I assure you, you didn't hurt me this time''.
He looked wondered at her for a moment until he broke out in a smile and answered with his usual, yet lovely,
''Hmm…''.
''Ok, now that you have settled this can you please step out of my bathroom, sweet hearts? I'm in a little hurry here''. They both twitched as they heard the chairman's voice from the door.
''…'' Yuuki felt her face turn red and grabbed Zeros hand and ran out.
''Thank you Yuuki-Chan'' He said as he stepped inside the bathroom.
Yuuki stopped when they were out of sight from the bathroom.
''…Uh, yeah…ehm, what now?'' she asked, clearly embarrassed.
''…''.
She looked up at him. Was he blushing?! The never-show-any-emotion guy was blushing! It wasn't a 'tomato' blush but a soft pink one, but still!
Or maybe he had a fever? Yeah, that must be it! He can't really be embarrassed.
''Zero, are you ok? Do you have a fever?''. She laid her hand on his forehead.
''…Wha- n-no!'' …Did he just stammer? And did he just turn into a tomato?
Oh my god he was embarrassed! He had finally opened up to her!
She smirked to herself. This could be fun. She started to walk, direction; the room Zero used to stay in when he didn't want to (or couldn't) be in the dorm.
''Ze-ro- Kun'' she teased. She looked over her shoulder, he looked back at her. She smiled.
''Zero~. Come~''. She reached out a hand towards him, and he hesitated.
Was she really doing the right thing? Maybe he didn't want to…let's say, be, with her. But that thought disappeared when Zero slowly took her hand, he wanted this too.
She started to walk, with Zeros hand in her, to his bedroom. They reached the room and walked in.
She wasn't really sure what to do but about anything would be fine with her as long as Zero was with her.
Slam!
Suddenly she was against the wall, with Zero in front of her. He had her wrists in a firm grip above her head. She felt her face grow hot.
It was like in one of those mangas she'd been reading. He leaned closer and she closed her eyes.
She was expecting a mouth kiss but instead she felt his lips on her neck, was he already thirsty? She got prepared for the bite but it never came, instead he just kissed her on the neck.
He moved further up and she shivered when he kissed her earlobe.
''Z-zero… uuh.''
When she moaned it sent a shiver down his spine, he needed more. He kissed her collarbone and sucked on it, leaving small marks.
''Uhh…Zero!'' He felt his needs grow stronger, he needed her. How was he able to hold it in? He wanted her right now, it was almost painful. He wanted to feel more of her.
He took one of his hands and started to caress her thigh.
''Zero! Ahh…'' She tried to pull away; it only made him want her more. His grip tightened. This was going overboard.
''No! Z-zero, stop…aahh, you're hurting me…''
He snapped out of his trance like state and released her. He quickly took a few steps back. He was breathing heavy and his eyes seemed to shine in the dark room.
''Sorry, I got carried away.'' He looked at her carefully, he still wanted her but he didn't want to hurt her.
''No…it isn't your fault, it's just going a little to fast…''
He nodded. His whole body was screaming for her, aching to touch her, his mind thinking about millions of things he wanted to do with her, but he forced himself to remain calm.
''Uh…l-let's try it again.'' Yuuki said, she was so cute.
''…I don't want to hu-''
''The one your hurting is yourself! Stop denying me, no, stop denying yourself! I know you want this, I want this…so please…'' she reached out her hand.
His body tensed, she was right, he was denying himself. And he definitely wanted this.
''But please be gentle…this uh…I've never done… it before''
'oh, the lovely crimson coloured face'she thought.
He nodded his head and slowly walked to Yuuki again.
''Just tell me if it's going to fast…or if I hurt you''
She just watched him curiously as he took step after step towards her.
One step away from her he stopped. He relaxed, he knew she loved him, she had chosen him instead of Kaname. Somehow he felt proud of himself.
'Even if I lose myself again, I know you will always be there to wake me from my nightmare, to save me from myself. Push away the darkness, embrace me in light. Even if I am what I am, with you, it'll be okay…'
He felt, for the first time in years, the tears burn his eyes.
''Yuuki…'' the way he said her name made her shiver with pleasure. ''I love you, If you promise to never leave me, I'll do anything for you, my life belongs to you. I will never, ever leave you…and I will not take my life, because if you're with me…I feel alive… loved'' a lonely tear fell down his face.
She saw more tears threatening to come; he looked so vulnerable right now. She embraced him, never wanting to let go.
''I promise, I'll be by your side till ether you or I die…I love you too…Zero'' she smiled. But it was fast replaced by a squeak.
''Z-zero, let me down!''
''Mmh, I will.'' He dropped her in his bed and carefully kissed her lips. ''I'll be gentle'' he mumbled. She blushed but she didn't care, cause right now she was where she wanted to be, with Zero…Having fun.