Title: A Mother and Daughter's Bond.
Rating: G.
Disclaimer: I own neither the song nor the characters. They belong to GL and the song belongs to Reba McEntire.
Genre: Angst. Alternate Ending for "RotS". Inspired by a songfic.
Author's Note: I should not have written this story for I have two others-and a third one begging for my attention. Yeah, see how well I know how to listen to them. This is the first time I've written anything for Padme-that wasn't merely a thought piece or was centered around Obi-Wan and Anakin's friendship. It does reference something from my DS&K series but you don't have to read them to understand what's going on here-though a little knowledge might be helpful. The song is "You're Gonna Be"-and if you want to read it with the lyrics, go to my livejournal.
Summary: I deny Padme's death at the end of "RotS". I really do.
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Padme emerged from the shadows, watching the ship carrying her son depart. She sighed, her heart twisting inside, dying a slow death, aching and desiring to hold her son to her breast, to her warmth.
Empty eyes focused on the pinpoint of light, the ship that held her son-her daughter within its safe arms.
Taking them both away from her, away from the heart that beat desperately for them, to hold each desperately. To scream that they were hers and no one else's. That they could not take from her that which was her own flesh and blood.
They were her only link to Ani-they were her children. Her treasure, her sacrifice and blessing, not tools to be discarded at the whims of the Jedi. To be hidden from the light as though there was a shame in their existence.
The despairing cries of her children pounded in her brain-in her soul- and yet, she could not feel it. Could not feel their loss for there was only an empty space inside of her where her faith, her love, her heart had been. They were nothing to her.
In the silence, in the stillness of the cold and empty hallway she waited for Bail to return.
An icy human statue of perfect smoothness, trapped in the shadow of an unforgiving reality.
The body behind her, a hollow shell, an empty and broken form of a life she no longer had as her own. Another handmaiden of hers, one who had shared the joy of pregnancy with her-only to die with her infant in birth.
Sabe.
Another victim of Padme's life. Of the choices she had made.
Necessary.
Needed.
It was only another sacrifice on the alter of Padme. To the quasi-religion that seemed to have swallowed up the girl that she had been and took her to mythic proportions, creating the belief that she could do anything.
A myth she had bought into herself.
Her head bowed and she stepped out into the dark night, letting the rain beat down upon her in rhythmic waves. Pounding her into submission. To accepting her new life, the fact that all she was had been swallowed up because of her.
Bail found her there, frozen in supplication. Her hands were clasped as her lips moved soundlessly, repeating words that had no voice and no meaning. His heart ached with pity for this strong woman, this courageous woman who had done what few could've done.
"Padme, it is time to go," he softly said.
Mechanically, she rose and followed him. Silently she slipped into the entry of his ship, hearing the body being moved onto another ship. Glancing at it with only a cursory glance, she saw that it was from Naboo and nodded, it was well done.
"This way," he said, guiding her along with a hand under her arm. They walked along, Bail struggling with words to speak to her. But they would not come for he did not know this wraith of a woman.
"Why?" she asked hoarsely.
"What do you mean?" he asked, struck by the painfully grown-up and lost voice she used.
She looked up at him, the dark robe framing her face. Utterly pale and bone thin in appearance, her eyes had no life. They had lost the inner strength that she had once possessed.
It was simply gone. "Why did we not tell them? Tell Master Yoda and Master Kenobi? Must I continue to keep secrets from those I should trust the most?"
Bail shivered, reconsidering his decision for a moment. This was not Padme. Who she was now, he did not know.
But this was her new spirit-if spirit it was. "It was the only decision we could've made, Padme. It was the best decision. If the Empire were ever to find either of them...it would be tragic."
A cry drifted along the hall coming closer, Padme's head whipped in that direction.
Coming towards them was a nanny droid, carrying a little baby gingerly. The bottle waited in the apron pocket, still full of warmed milk. Cooing softly seemed to have no effect upon the wailing baby. Nor had offering her the bottle or a pacifier seemed to do anything.
Her lonely cries only increased and Padme moved forward, compassionate for the child. The child she consciously knew was her own. She recognized her Leia-but could feel no warmth towards her, only a dull compassion for her suffering.
She knew that her daughter intensely missed her brother.
May be, she thought, letting the thought trail off into silence. "Let me," she softly commanded.
The droid looked up at her, politely informing her, "I am sorry but I do not know you. I am in the service of Senator Organa. It is he who I take orders from."
"Do it," he commanded.
"Of course, sir."
Padme accepted the baby and pulled her near, rocking her within her arms. Though wet, Leia snuggled closer, her keening cries softening to a drizzle. She sniffed, mouth yawning while seeking something more from her.
Tiny and new though she was, Leia knew her mother.
"You seem to have a touch with children," the nanny observed, tilting her head to watch. A hand went to the pocket, reaching for the bottle. "Would you like to feed her? We have been trying to do so for several hours. But she has refused any milk."
"I would," she murmured and walked off, ignoring the bottle entirely.
"But you need this," the nanny protested, moving after her.
"Wait," Bail ordered her. "That is...Emily, a wet nurse I chose for Leia. She has lost her own child, just make sure she knows where to go to have some privacy. I do not wish for the crew to see her."
"As you wish, Senator Organa. Oh, the new Emperor called and wishes to see you. Something about attending the funeral of poor Senator Amidala." She walked off, not noticing the way the woman stiffened, hearing her words.
Hearing and recalling, remembering and feeling once more the horror, the bereavement of the scene that had taken place only hours ago.
Hours in which she had gone from a hopeful woman in love, an expectant mother to the victim of a loss so traumatic it nearly killed her.
It destroyed the woman that she was and left this...shadow creature who had the essence of living but none of the spirit.
"Thank you," he murmured, watching Padme walk off after her. Then he turned and went to make the call, he would have to find out what the Emperor wanted, though the idea made his stomach clench in horror.
Padme sat in the rocking chair, her Leia in her eyes, sucking contentedly. It was painful to feel the tiny mouth on her breast, pulling relentlessly for nourishment. Yet, it was welcomed. The pain was good, was real to her rapidly spinning out of focus world.
Blue eyes-her heart tore at the sight of them-stared up at her, adoringly.
"You have no idea what's happened, do you?" she whispered, rocking them both. "All you know is what is around you now. Oh, Leia, my precious little girl." Lifting her up when the girl turned away from the food and scrunched up her nose, she burped her as she had seen her sister do many times with her nieces.
A little laugh escaped as a tiny burp escaped Leia. Bringing her down, she wiped away the drool and milk that ran down her chin, shaking her head. A smile fought its way and curved her lips up as it did so. "Oh, your father would love to see that look."
Tears started to fill her eyes, and she held on tightly. Ani...his name twisted inside her, erasing the image of Vader and his hate that scoured her, that touched her child.
Inside, her heart pounded.
Pained.
Alive, beating rapidly as Leia settled back down in her arms, resting contentedly in the crock of neck and shoulder. Though sleepy, she did not look away from her mother, a tiny smile on her face.
Feelings, new ones-ones she had not felt for her child the whole time she carried her-filled her as they sat there in the quiet of the room. She had never thought she'd ever feel anything again. All that she had been, she thought had been lost in Vader's unforgiving grip.
And yet...she could feel it.
Love.
Staring down at her, feeling her breath on her exposed skin, she realized that it was a pure, uncomplicated love she felt for this girl. This angel, her own angel. She buried her nose lovingly in Leia's soft hair, smelling the pure scent of her child. Ignoring the way the baby hair made her want to sneeze.
Free of Mustafar's taint. "Your mother has made a bad choice. She's done a terrible thing, not by loving your father. No, that could never be a mistake for he gave me a life outside the confines of the Senate. But in not trusting my own instincts about him. Oh, what will become of you because of my choices? Because I did not want to let him go."
"I knew that he and Obi-Wan were close, that they were...brothers. I should've told him what he wanted to know. I was selfish, I know that. But I loved him. I wanted to help save him. I should've known that I would only confuse him."
"Will you be strong for all of this? All that has happened in our world? Or will this break you and your brother?"
"Just remember this, my darling, if you remember nothing else, there is still good in him. Inside of that new creature is the man I loved. The man who would love you if he had gotten the chance to know you." Sighing, she closed her eyes. Leia's soft breathing rocking her to sleep, easing her burdens ever so easily. It was as though they did not exist for a moment in time.
In Padme's mind's eye, she saw her babies bathed in the Force's light. Bathed in strength, in the purity of the love of mother and father.
They were hers-and they were loved.
The End.