Hi. I'm Samantha. I'd say to call me Sam, but then you might get me confused with my twin brother, Samuel. Yeah, a little dumb, but it's my parents. They're the ones who had thirty children! Yeah, not even kidding. Thirty kids! I'm the fifteenth. Samuel was born about five seconds before me, something he won't let me forget.
The first thirteen are, Zoraya, David, Mateo, Lucy, Adalyn, Autumn, Desmond, Charles, Charlotte, Everett, Mila, Lindsay, and Amanda. Adalyn and Autumn and Charles and Charlotte are twins. Zoraya and David are twenty three years old, Mateo's twenty two, Lucy's eighteen months younger than him, Adalyn and Autumn are twenty one, Desmond's nine months younger than them, Charles and Charlotte come in at a close twenty years old, with Everett only a month away from becoming twenty, Mila just turned nineteen, Lindsay's eighteen, and Amanda just turned seventeen a week ago. So yeah, they waited a year before having another kid. And they got two out of it, me and Sammy. I'm the only one who calls him that, like he's the only one who calls me Sam. We're the only two who can tell it apart.
The last fifteen are a crazier bunch. There's Joseph at nine months younger than Sammy and I. Then there's Robert and Roberta, who're both fifteen, with Felicia who just turned fifteen. There's also Tyson who's fourteen and Nichole and Nicholas, who are two weeks away from fourteen. Eighteen months after that, there was Caleb, and at a low thirteen is Caitlin. Coming in at twelve is Penny, with James who is on the other side of the scale at twelve. At ten year olds, there's Felix, then-shockingly- we have our only set of triplets. They are the three five year old terrors known Benjamin, Daniel, and Riley (Y'all know I couldn't pass that opportunity!) Riley rules the playroom though, leaving Danny and Ben to do her bidding.
And of course, who could forget the people who made this all happen, my nutso parents, Mister and Misses, Robert and Sophia Manson. And the funny thing is, Mom once joked to me that when she was a kid, she didn't want a big family. She expected to live on her own in an artist's loft for her whole life! But Dad, whom my brother Robert, along with his twin sister Roberta, are named after, was the one who wanted a big family. He was also the one who got Mom to have this huge family. If you can't tell, they went a little overboard. But at the same time, I don't know what I would do without my enormous family. Except maybe get more sleep!
"Danny! Benny! Get moving!" Riley shouted. I groaned and rolled over in my bunk. I have to share a room with four of my fourteen sisters. All of my siblings, even the ones over twenty still stuck around. Because everyone believes Mom and Dad are a little senile, even a bunch of us, so pretty much all of my older siblings stick around and help earn money. Mom and Dad are both artsy, Dad being a author and Mom's a painter. But it's not like they actually work all the time. They both only write or paint when the muses move them, as they say. So yeah, my sisters, and my brothers, are still here. Lucy, Adalyn, Autumn, and Charlotte all share a room down the hall, while Zoraya has her own room in the basement and David, Mateo, Desmond, Charles, and Everett were roommates down there. Although, between you and me, we might be getting free space down there if things go right with David and his girlfriend.
Anyway, back to my mornings. I rolled over and almost fell off my top bunk. Mila is so lucky! Because she's nineteen and almost about to move out, she's the only one who doesn't have to have a bunk bed. Her and Riley. Riley shares a bedroom with Ben and Danny, but she really sleeps in the playhouse that Dad built for Zoraya, when they actually had creativity with names. By the time they got to Sammy and me, I think they ran out of ideas and turned to the baby books. But I digress.
When I climbed down the ladder, I saw that Roberta was still asleep. How she could sleep through all the racket, I will never know. But it did mean that Mom and Dad couldn't yell at me for being the last one awake! I dashed out the door of my room, and immediately tripped over Felix's soccer ball. He, James, Caleb, Nicholas, and Tyson all share the attic, technically. But Dad put up a wall up there and made a hallway, so the only one's who actually share are Felix and James, but they don't mind. I mind a bit though. They're so lucky that they get their own bedrooms. I could only dream of such privacy. But then again, so could Sammy. He's been living with the same guy for years, like me. He's been living with Everett, Joseph, and Robert his whole life! But Everett's almost twenty like Mila, so he's going to be moving out soon hopefully.
"Felix!" I shouted. He ran down as fast as he could, looking timid. Felix isn't exactly what you would think a typical soccer player looks like. Like me, he's got bright red hair, but he's also got red rimmed, square framed glasses that make him look like a nerd. He was pretty smart, but he was jealous of Caleb, who's super sporty. He has so many shelves that are covered in trophies, I've lost count. He's also just mainly lucky that Mom lets him ride his skateboard over to his practices by himself, otherwise he wouldn't be getting any trophies. This family is so big and busy, it's nearly impossible to get anybody anywhere! "Felix, what have I told you about leaving your soccer ball in front of my room? You've got your own hallway to leave stuff in!" Felix gathered up his ball and ran away. He doesn't talk to us very much. Just mainly his teachers to answer questions.
After yelling at Felix and knocking some stuff over getting past Riley, Ben, and Danny, I went downstairs and met Mom for breakfast, grabbing my backpack on the way. Well, Mom, and everybody else. Dad was who knows where, Zoraya was trying to help Mom make breakfast, Mateo, Caleb and Robert were throwing a football back and forth across the kitchen, Adalyn and Autumn could be heard throughout the house fighting in the upstairs bathroom about who got more of the mirror, Charles and Charlotte were fighting over god knows what, and Riley was marching Ben and Danny through the kitchen. Luckily, I was there. I grabbed Caleb's roller skates and dropped them off at the top of the of the attic stairs. Then I dashed down the hall, where James was fixing his hair in the mirror, Tyson was still asleep, and Nicholas was plucking at a guitar. I ran into James's room with a comb and some hairspray. Then I combed his bangs to the side in a way that he would like, then sprayed it into place. He nodded, liking the style, then ran downstairs. After that, I ran into Tyson's room with an air horn and blew it loud and clear, pulling a t-shirt, jeans, and clean underwear and socks out of his drawers throwing them to him. After that, I went to Nicholas's room and popped my head in.
"Ten minutes, or no breakfast. Go!" Was all I had to say. Then I slipped on the roller skates and slid down the railing, where I skated to the bathroom with Adalyn and Autumn, handing Adalyn a mirror that sat on a stand, and she quickly looked into that one. Then I arranged their makeups into ways that were different from each other. I don't think they ever noticed that the only changes I would make to the styles I chose was when I switched for Adalyn to where a style one day and Autumn wore it the next day. After that, I skated into my room, where Roberta was still sleeping and Mila was looking for one of her shoes. I pulled a red dress and red ballet flats out for Roberta, then woke her by tossing her a hairbrush and found another pair of shoes for Mila. Then I slipped into the room that Charlotte shared with the other girls, where she was fighting with Charles over five dollars that he had taken off of her dresser. I gave them both five bucks from my wallet and skated out, quickly braiding Lucy's hair for her as I passed and cleaning her glasses. Then I skated into the nursery where I gave the three five year olds some lollipops to give everyone a bit of peace, and tossed Felicia a pair of leggings. I slid down the banister again and into Dad's office, where I handed Nichole her missing binder and handed Dad his dictionary. I passed Everett on his way to the kitchen and gave him a high five, then slid down the banister into the basement. Everett was probably my closet brother of the older thirteen. He always timed me on how fast I could get everyone to the kitchen, and then out the door.
When I got to the basement, I found David still asleep, and Theresa right next to him. Theresa was his girlfriend. I'm pretty sure I was the only one who knew she slept over sometimes. They always came home from dates real late, and she once told me she had gotten good at pretending to be pillows. I went up to them and tapped on the metal bed, waking them up. They both began to shout, but I put my hands over their mouths so that they would see it was me. David stopped shouting once he saw it was me and Theresa sighed with relief. I took my hands away and put them on my hips.
"You're both lucky that it was only me and that the other guys didn't see her." I told David. "They're all upstairs getting breakfast, so you have a few minutes."
"Hey Dave? You still in bed?" Shouted a voice and a toilet flushed. Desmond! Theresa dove beneath the covers and I slipped into the closet. I didn't know what sort of state he would come out in!
"Yeah, I'm still in bed!" David called out in a tired voice. The floor creaked a little and David shouted, with let me know that Desmond had walked in. "Whoa! Des! Cover up! Nobody wants to see that!" Desmond laughed.
"Let me just get some 'garments from the closet." He said. Crap! I forgot that this was Desmond's side of the closet! Since they shared, they each had a part of the closet. And the right hand corner was Desmond's part because Mateo had issues with the corner and David hung his stuff up next to the ladder on their bunk bed because only had like three jackets.
I yanked one of Mateo's leather jackets down from his hanger, planning on using it so Desmond wouldn't see me, then the whole closet came down on me just as Desmond opened the door. I squeezed my eyes shut and heard him shout. "Gah! Sam! What're you doing in the closet?" He asked.
"Just get some boxers and jeans on and get upstairs before we run out of breakfast!" I shouted at him, my eyes still closed. "Slip your shirt on as you walk up the stairs!" I heard him do just that, and as soon as he was out of the room and clomping up the stairs, I slipped out of the closet and Theresa came out from underneath the covers, looking relieved. David looked at us.
"You two didn't see anything, did you?" He asked. I shook my head and Theresa shrugged.
"Nothing I've never seen before." Did I mention Desmond left the door open when he went to the bathroom? I learned real fast to shut my eyes when I had to walk by the basement bathroom.
After that near fiasco, I waited for Theresa to put her clothes back on-she borrowed one of David's t-shirts to sleep in last night- then I slipped her through the house and out the front door. Luckily, the basement door comes right out under the stairs leading to the second story and everyone was either on the second or third story or in the kitchen, which was towards the back of the house while the staircase was right back the front door. So I managed to get Theresa through the door and to whistle up to Penny, who was just exiting the bathroom and catch a wet washcloth and wipe all three five year olds faces of the stickiness the lollipops had caused on their faces as they came down the stairs. Finally, Penny came downstairs and was followed by Caitlin and Caleb, who was searching for his skates, which I gave him. They were the last ones there, and I dashed to the kitchen, swiping bits and pieces of food from everyone's plates. It was a bit annoying to them, but this was a house of thirty two people. If I didn't get to breakfast first, I didn't get breakfast at all. And since I'm an amazing little/big sister, I make sure everyone else gets food before me. And then I take it off their plates and pull out my stash of cereal that no one knows I have.
Just as everyone got settled eating, we heard a knock at the front door.
"I got it!" Riley called, then she looked to Danny. "Danny, go get it!" Danny grumbled to himself, but he went and got the door. And in breezed in Ms. Simms. Ms. Simms had no children, but she did have a spoiled little dog she named Princess. Whom she brought in with her and who barked at Joseph and Charles who had taken a seat on the counters by the entrance to the kitchen. Joseph jumped back against Charles, who slopped syrup on his jeans. I gave Samuel a kick on the shin, who tapped on Zoroya's shoulder, who gave Mila a poke, who grabbed a pair of Charles's clean jeans from the laundry room behind her. They tossed them to me, who tossed them to Charles, who set them next to him so he could change after breakfast. Ms. Simms smiled her fake, clearly plastic smile at them.
"Hello, Mansons!" She said cheerfully. "I know you're all, having breakfast and are very busy making huge messes already, but I was hoping to invite you all to the neighborhood block party next Saturday!" Then she glanced around at the thirteen older ones. "Well, hopefully, not all of you." She said under her breath, but I heard. And that made me mad. She always judged our family because we needed a bus to drive us around. No joke. We had a bus, that read "30 Mansons and 2 Parents Aboard!" Painted across the side. But that didn't give her the right to whisper about to us the neighbors because she didn't have kids or a husband and how she spent all of her time enjoying life because she didn't have to take care of any kids. Mom once told me that she talked about us like that because she was jealous of Mom. Jealous because Mom knew her in high school and she was always rather on the pudgy side, so she'd never gotten a boyfriend and never had a husband to have children with. That's why she spoiled the dog.
Mom flashed Ms. Simms a huge, genuine smile. Mom wasn't naïve, she was just super nice, and would never dream of responding meanly to another. "That sounds very nice, Janice. We'll certainly try to make it. All of us." She told her. Ms. Simms's face looked tighter.
"Great!" She said through gritted teeth. "Can't wait to see you there!" Then she patted Danny's head, took a piece of bacon from Nichole's plate, then left our house, lifting up Princess up and feeding to her. Nichole flipped her off with her back turned, earning a stern look from Dad. Who didn't see the high five Nicholas gave her.
Yep, that's the types of mornings I get with my family. And that's just the mornings before school.