I do not own Syfy's Alice.
I do not own a rabbit. I do own a dinged-up Toyota.
Follow the White Rabbit
"No time to explain, Alice. Get in the car!"
Alice Hamilton, permanently of planet Earth, and more recently, temporarily of Wonderland, stared uncomprehendingly at the bizarre sight before her.
The dark leather interior of the car was pristinely clean.
Save for a few thin, white rabbit hairs scattered about, that was.
Presumably shed by the large, white, fluffy bunny rabbit standing on its hind legs and clinging to the steering column by its soft front paws.
Staring at her, pink nose twitching, beady little eyes trained unnnaturally on hers.
Having just spoken in the voice of one David J. Hatter.
Her David J. Hatter.
"Hatter?!" She questioned dumbly, feeling as though she must have missed something rather important she might need to know.
The bunny's ears flicked, turning this way and that.
"Yeah, 's me! Not much time, come on!"
His insistent tone, contrasting strongly with his silky, snuggly fur coat, urged her to action.
Still, she stood rooted in place.
Dampening further in the steady drizzle that fell from the grey sky and beaded the windshield of rabbit's car.
"But . . . how . . . why . . ."
The Hatter bunny's cottonball tail wiggled adorably as its hare face remained impassive.
"Alice, less of the questions, just get moving!"
"But . . . but . . ."
The rabbit stamped a hind foot defiantly.
"Alice, do you trust me?"
"Yeah, well, yeah."
"Then let's go!"
Feeling foolish and confused, Alice of Legend and Karate found herself inexplicably seated in the passenger seat, still staring at her bunnied Hatter.
Who addressed her in a stern, no-nonsense manner.
For him.
"Gearshift, yeah?"
A paw pressed down on a button she'd never seen on the steering wheel as she shifted the vehicle into drive.
And the car shot forward into city traffic much less collision-y than she had anticipated
Her coney-seque driver managed the driving mechanics quite well, despite being of the rabbit persuasion.
Well, bodily anyway.
"Hatter, what's going on? Who's after us? Wait . . . hang on, how are you driving? You're a rabbit!"
The furry face seemed to twitch in irritation.
"Yeah, Alice, I am well aware of that fact."
A pause, then he/it continued.
"Nicked it off a chap in a rollin' chair. Everything on the steering column. 'Specially made, I reckon, for those of us unable to manage foot pedals."
It was the most sensible piece of information to reach her overloaded brain since she had first been called out to.
By a white rabbit in the driver seat of a sleek, black Toyota.
Her Bugs-ied Hatter manuvered quite well around oblivious . . .
Hello, driving with a rabbit here . . .
. . . slow moving drivers as Alive digested the new possible realities of life with a lagomorphed boyfriend.
And realized she was being lulled into a trance by a low, lighthearted humming.
"Hatter," she began, finding it increasingly odd to so commonplace directly address a rabbit. "Are you humming the 'Easter Bunny' song?"
Hippity-hoppity, Easter's on its way . . .
"Huh? Oh, sorry, lost track of me thoughts there," he replied, as unsheepishy as was possible for a carrot muncher.
She refrained from stroking his silky fur and found herself wondering where she would be able to find a shop that sold tiny, rabbit sized hats.
Mentally shook herself.
And redirected her thoughts.
"Hatter, what's going on?"
The bunny clicked the turn signal and made a left before answering.
"Queen of Hearts broke out of her cell in Wonderland. Freed the Doctors. Disguised herself. Poisoned Jack and his entourage. Took over Wonderland. Dodo got me out a message by way of shroom. Queen's comin' for ya. Revenge."
It would have sent a chill down Alice's spine if it hadn't sounded so implausible.
"And . . . you?" she ventured hesitantly.
Narrowly dodging under a red light, Alice could only imagine getting pulled over for a traffic ticket now.
Yes, Officer? Well, actually there's a perfectly good reason he's a rabbit. I have yet to find out what that is . . .
"Trick potion. In place of me Earl Grey, the wankers. Charlie's escaped into the Forest of Wabe with the antidote and the Stone of Wonderland."
Couldn't Wonderland ever just stay put? Alice thought irritably.
"So we're going . . ."
"Back," Bunny Hatter confirmed. "Backdoor hole used by your kids' story Alice. Outskirts of the city."
Once again, Alice felt turned on her head.
"But . . . that story was based in England," she found herself arguing. "Not here!"
Fluffball Hatter skidded the car to a stop.
"Alice, I don't have to time to argue geographical inaccuracies. If she finds you, the Queen's gonna try to kill you."
Her furried Hatter shifted his snowy white paws from the steering wheel to the center console, setting himself square with a befuddled Alice.
"I can't let that happen to you. I love you."
His nose wriggled, his eyes peered beseechingly up at her. And she felt herself drawn in.
Slowly she began to lean forward toward her rabbit-shapened boyfriend.
Before retreating abruptedly.
"I'm sorry," she stammered, embarrassed. "I can't. I mean, I love you . . . but you're a . . ."
The rabbit paused, then moved away awkwardly.
"Oh yeah, right. Forgot there for a blink. Well, come on then."
And, releasing the door latch, hopped out of the still running vehicle.
Dashing into the heart of a wooded park.
Alice, mystified as ever, followed him.
The rain had stopped, but the sun still shied away from her impossible existence behind heavy clouds.
Which didn't help Alice's discombobulated mood.
I almost kissed a rabbit . . .
To see him diving into an overgrown hole in the ground, near the base of a huge oak.
He got stuck for a second, little white rabbit tail waving about, feet kicking in an exercise of futility.
Oh my goodness, that is so cute, I should take a picture.
Then disappeared from view.
And Alice felt a wave of disbelief wash over her.
I'm slender, but I'll never fit down that hole if a rabbit can't.
Nevertheless, she charged toward it.
Dove headfirst toward the hole in the ground, which seemed grow larger as she neared it . . .
And jerked awake just as she hit dirt.
She wasn't in the rain soaked woods, diving headfirst into a teleportation hole after a hatless, rabbited Hatter.
She was lying in her bed, tangled up in Egyptian cotton.
The rain painted the walls with streaming lines of light and quiet patter.
Her Hatter, full bodied and snoring lightly, lay next to her, suitably tangled and mussed.
She rolled over, finding his bare shoulder in the dark.
The metal of her wedding band momentarily brushing his flesh.
He shifted in his sleep . . .
" . . . in the flowers singing, huzzz . . ."
. . . arms automatically reaching out to envelope her in his warmth and love.
She welcomed it, curling gratefully into his side.
". . . scanning the skies for flying walruses . . ."
And decided to not to wake him but wait until morning to tell him she'd dreamt he was a talking, car-driving, Casanova of a rabbit.
" . . . to the mushroom's delight . . ."
She also resolved not to eat spicy chicken enchiladas before bed again.
Hello, 'Alice' fans! I got the idea for this fic from the pic attached to it. The meme reads, 'No time to explain, Alice! Get in the car!'
And now, amid laundry and a newly crawling baby, here we are.
Everybody appreciates feedback. Leave a review if you like :)