Hello! So.. Please forgive me, I say this in advanced, for anything that is wrong in the fic or inaccurate. I have never really written for the Avengers or Clintasha and I'm freaking out about posting right now, lol! Okay, I'm rambling! Uhm, this was a challenge that my lovely Duckling gave me and I figured I'd post it here for my friend Roxy. Enjoy!
Clint stared out the window of the hospital room, feeling numb all over. A part of him couldn't help but hate the small bundle in his arms for what it'd taken away from him, though another part of him knew he was being completely unreasonable. He took in a deep, shuddering breath and his heart gripped. Why was he still inhaling and exhaling while she was not? Natasha did not deserve this.
Clint looked away from the window and down at the baby girl in his arms. A tear fell from his eyes and landed on the newborn's cheek. She was still nameless. She wanted to name the baby on the spot once it was born. But he... They didn't expect complications. They didn't expect for her to suddenly flat line just after the c-section and for Clint to suddenly be rushed out of the room. They didn't expect-
He let out a low sob and found himself sitting down heavily on the rocking chair in the nursery where they were keeping the baby. They'd given the baby her own room. SHIELD had pulled a few strings for that and he was very grateful for the privacy. Clint looked back down at the sleeping infant… Small rosy lips, a small patch of reddish-brown hair on her head and long, reddish-brown eyelashes; he wondered which color were her irises. He hoped they were the same exotic shade of hazel-green like her mother…
He couldn't help the small cry that left his lips again and he held his new daughter close. Natasha had been so anxious and excited to meet their baby and now she would never get the chance… She was truly gone. It wasn't fair. He had spared her life so many years ago because he saw something in her; he saw something that nobody else saw. He saw and understood the silent cries of the little girl inside the red room inside her. He wanted to unlock her and free her. They were finally getting one step closer to doing so by having their baby when she was just stolen from him. Life had absolutely no right to do that!
The small baby opened her eyelids, granting Clint with his wish to see her eyes. Irises were the exotic, pale, aqua green of the Fuji waters. One wish granted that had been all he wanted and he got it. Their daughter had her eyes. Perhaps he could do this…
The baby blinked up at him several times and Clint wiped his face quickly with his spare hand. He didn't want his small daughter to be scarred by a grown man sobbing all over her so soon after her birth. He tried to occupy his mind with something else. His daughter had no name; that was important, she really needed one. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment and tried his best to remember the baby girl names that Natasha had liked. One that definitely stood out was Eleanor, but she had told him specifically when that name came up…
"I don't like the regular spelling for "Eleanor", let's give our kid something exotic and different, seeing as her parents aren't exactly "normal"…" Natasha put her hand into the bowl of popcorn and took a few pieces to her mouth.
Clint watched her and couldn't help but laugh a bit. Motherhood would definitely be a skin she would wear amazingly. "Alright then, what spelling would you give it, Nat?" He got his pen ready on the notepad where he was writing down the names they liked.
"E.. L-I-N-O-R," she said after a few moments of thought. She looked over at him and didn't hesitate to grin widely behind the privacy of the common area of their floor.
"Nice, okay, I like i-"
"Her nickname could be Ellie! And she would have your hair color and…" she rambled on for a while longer, describing to him the dreams she had for their future child.
His heart gripped tightly once more and he didn't even stop the sob that left his lips again. The baby fussed and squirmed a bit before her tiny hand wrapped around his finger after her small arms flailed about a bit. She stared up at Clint expectantly. Well peasant human? Are you planning to give me a name or not?
"Elinor… Elinor Natasha Barton," he concluded a few minutes later and he sniffed several times.
Clint's mind blanked for a few minutes. When he came back, he looked down at Elinor and whispered, "I'm sorry… I am so sorry. You deserve your mother. You deserve so much better than just me..."
"You'll be fine, Clint. I don't know what you're worried about, you'll be an absolutely wonderful father," Natasha whispered to him one night when sleep wouldn't come to either of them.
Clint swallowed, "I don't want to screw our kid up…"
"If anyone is going to screw up our kid, it'll be me, and even then, I didn't turn out half bad," she laughed at her own expense.
Clint laughed and pulled his wife close, his arms wrapping around her slightly enlarged waist, "Yeah, you turned out pretty darn good, I'd say," he kissed her nose lightly and sighed, his mind drifting off.
A soft kiss on the lips from her brought him back. "Hey, you'll be great."
She went into labor that night.
She died the following morning.
Clint swallowed hard. That was just last night. "M-maybe we'll be alright?"
He'd sure as hell try. For her.