Title: Love on the Outside.
Summary: "So why did she fall for him? And, she acknowledged, she was still falling." Cameron-centred piece, touching upon her late husband as well as House.
Rating: K+
A/N: I've not abandoned CSI just yet, but ever since Leslie nudged me in the direction of House, it has grabbed me hook, line and sinker. Nevertheless I am quite nervous posting this, since it's my first attempt at writing any type of House story, even though this really is mostly about Cameron. I hope it works somewhat.
What had attracted her to him in the first place? As she shrugged on her pristinely white labcoat her thoughts slipped back onto a well-visited subject. Superficially speaking, he wasn't the most handsome of men she had ever met. Not as handsome as her husband had been either. At least before the cancer and subsequent depression had started to erode his mind and body.
He had been athletic and beautiful. Not a model or pop-star type of beautiful, where the features coalesced into something too superfluous to be real. No, he had been real, a wonderfully smooth and supple body to hold on to as another exhaustive day came to an end. Skin to kiss while they made love, frantic and full of energy in the beginning, turning to slow and gentle as the months wore on, but always loving. Strong arms that could pick up her as though she was as light as a freshly grown spring leaf, squeezing and tickling her until she squealed surrender.
Cameron smiled as she closed her locker, her fingers tracing the single picture tacked to the door. Not a frame; she couldn't roll that up when on a rare occasion she wanted him near her, a form of comfort that only the deceased seemed to be able to give.
His eyes had been the starkest brown she had ever seen, and yet it held a gentleness that made her feel treasured every time he looked at her. Not that things had been perfect in that half year of marriage, and few months of courtship. There were days, weeks even where he had tried to block her out, to drive her away. It was sheer persistence and love that had kept her coming back each and every time, urging him on, placing coco butter on his chapped lips and listening to his tirades about the unfairness of it all. For him. For her. How he loved her but didn't want her sitting next to him in a hospital room, wasting her days.
But he had had a kind and loving soul. His mother had spoken the clichéd words at his funeral, and while she secretly abhorred clichés, Cameron couldn't help but agree.
What a difference House turned out to be. Nice was seemingly something that only rarely popped up from his mental vocabulary into the daily dealings with the doctors and patients around him. It often seemed that the only characteristic he was well versed in was purposely hurting people. A well placed snark or acerbic comment could not only shut someone up, it could also bite through the heart and hurt the deepest part of one's feelings.
So why did she fall for him? And, she acknowledged, she was still falling.
Her hands fidgeted a bit in the pocket of her coat and, finding nothing to play with, she ended up fixing her hair, pushing a few pins back in that had slowly edged out.
His eyes were a clear blue on a good day, troubled and dark on a lesser one. They had a weariness in them that could be explained away by the infarct and constant pain he seemed to be in. But she suspected there was more to it, and what she wouldn't have given to be a confident to that knowledge. Not everything. Not even the majority. Just a little thing, a few details that would make her sleep that bit easier at night, so her subconscious wouldn't plague her with trying to figure him out.
She couldn't, wouldn't, believe that House was incapable of love. And he wasn't, as she had only recently told him. Seeing him look at Stacy, a naked longing to right all the wrongs from the past had told her so. Selfishly, she was conflicted. One part was glad that she hadn't fallen for a complete bastard. That the one who enticed a little of her lust and perhaps even of her heart seemingly had a heart of his own that functioned as well.
Except it wasn't for her, and that weighed on her.
She was pretty, and brighter than average. And the one man she had fallen for since her husband had fallen for another woman. A woman who he had such a history with that she wasn't sure she could ever compete. Wasn't sure if she even wanted to compete, to battle against the angels and demons from that previous relationship.
Bracing herself, Cameron walked out and into the direction of House's office, but not before grabbing an extra cup of coffee for the both of them. She had a feeling that they both could use any fix they were offered, even if it was only caffeine.