Author's Note: Title is based off the song, 'In a Razor Town' by Jason Isbell. It's a beautiful song…check it out! Other than that…not my typical KaYuu fic.
Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto….if I did, I'd be living somewhere in the countryside, a hermit. :)
Genre: Drama/Mindfunk
.
.
.
.
.
Silence.
But the words were like dust motes, moving and winking their way across the terrain of bedlam and bed sheets spilling off onto the floor because no he won't sit still and no, she won't pick up after him for the hundredth time.
The woman is sitting there kneading her fingers into her palms, pressing her nails into her skin and biting her lip. The man is lying down behind her, flat and tall as a fence post and wishing he was as dead as one. Finally she turned to him angrily, "Please stop doing this."
Raidou anchored the senbon and angled it upward, perfectly perpendicular. "Sorry," he mumbled out the side.
All the other words turning in the vastness of space between them dropped like rain and the smell of his injuries filled her nose again. Far worse than petrichor.
Yuugao didn't mind the rain.
She did mind defeat.
"I can't help you anymore," her voice spoke resolutely as her fingers finally curled into fists, "if you won't help yourself."
And that was all that was required for her legs to move and mind to automate her flight reflexes because she was tired of fighting this blob of depression cocooning both of them.
She had enough on her plate without constantly grabbing his.
So, after her daily work is done, she goes to the memorials.
It's raining there too in a gentle and fine mist down her face, no makeup and all rivers with her coin color eyes dilated wide in the gloomy air. She's walking slowly between the jagged grey stones. And Yuugao was carefully avoiding the divots in the grass where the rain was pooling into compact mirrors, reflecting some dismal ugliness in her soul brought out so well in a place like this. Her lonely and soft figure was blurred even further by a taller grey stone set apart from the others on a round marble platform. A narrow flagpole rose up from behind. A cold silver spire as thin and bare as the core of her soul, standing alone and frozen, anchored in the earth.
Her body held still in front of the large piece of work and she cupped her elbows with perfect silence all around. She came here often. Almost every day. Habit, really. But she always wondered the same thing:
Why Genma?
He had no quarrels with the universe (as a whole, anyway), and he'd been quick enough, strong enough, and tough enough as everyone else. His weapons were as sharp as hers. His mind…well, operating fairly normally. He was a veritable holy roller when he had to stay sober on long missions, keeping everyone laughing but himself… He was nonchalant. He was grinning. He was easy-going. And he was hell when he was mad. And God…was he a good man.
The girl closed her eyes, turning her head from the sight and sound of warfare.
Why not her?
At least with her gone, Raidou and Genma would no longer have had anything to fight about. Their disputes would've ended with rainbows and butterflies and they'd be sitting in a bar every night after three drinks and be the loudest, gayest ones there. Loud enough to get Ibiki and Anko to dance. Loud enough to alert Sunagakure officials to this magical happenstance called 'fun'. Loud enough to turn off the sound of wind and waves and flat-land destruction. They might have even dulled this razor town of leaves into a compost pile fat enough everyone could snuggle into.
Yuugao looked up.
Thick grey mist back-dropped the forest and shrouded the brown mountain beyond it. The girl wondered if Raidou had ripped out his IV yet. Yuugao breathed out her nose. Her body was still rigid, cold, and wet. Someone was walking up behind her; their navy shoes squishing the earth in long, lazy strides.
The rain suddenly ceased over her figure.
She looked up to find the black ceiling of an umbrella curved like a carousel over her hair. Following the shaft down, she saw the unmistakable hand guard and knew instantly who was holding it. The girl breathed out again, quietly. "Senpai," she recognized.
She hadn't moved, but her right foot arched up slowly on her toes. She wasn't putting any weight on it now. The tall man behind her cleared his throat, as if he hadn't spoken in a while. "You should be at home," he advised.
"I should," she agreed. "But I just wanted to pay my respects."
"You can also do that kneeling, or sitting down."
The girl narrowed her eyes, slighted he'd picked up on her discomfort. "And you, Kakashi?" her voice turned on him. "There's a memorial at the new kage tower. You needn't come to this one."
"…Sentimental reasons," he answered. "They made it look like the old one," he said softly. "And the grass makes me think they're buried here, beneath our feet."
She couldn't argue with that.
"How is Raidou?" he asked calmly.
Her spine compressed a little as her grip on her elbows tightened and her teeth bore down in frustration. "Alive," she muttered. "…For the time being."
"Good," he answered. As if it was a small victory. "I'm taking him off of active duty…permanently."
Her right foot came down as she turned in surprise, her face suddenly animated. The arch in her brows rose swiftly and her mouth opened…but nothing came out until she checked her tears in line, restraining them away from the other ninety-nine reasons to cry—the dark violet haired girl just nodded once. "…Thanks," was all she said.
The masked hokage appeared to have trouble with his next comment. "I'd also like you…to…get yourself evaluated…Simply for the reason you've been his primary caretaker these past two months."
Her relief flipped to indignance like a snap of fingers. If she had any control of wind she might've pulled those green razors from the trees and raised holy hell around him. Her body tensed, eyes leveled, and her nerves (what was left of them) stretched like taut rubber bands. If only she could make beautiful combative music with them and not bite his head off. Her old captain didn't deserve that. He'd been through more in this war than any of them.
"…Well?"
Her silence was only proving him right. He knew her better than she knew herself sometimes. She breathed out her nose angrily, glaring at his face. "Fine," she agreed.
"Good," he answered quietly, like a period to an end of a sentence and the entire conversation thus far. He moved the umbrella in front of her face, tacitly offering it to her.
She opened her mouth to refuse but the hand came even closer and her hand automatically reached up to take it.
He turned around and left.
Her mouth hung open…then the cat bared her teeth, flashing fangs into his long white cloak disappearing in the fog.
.
Silence.
But the words were printed on paper like a book in her mind. He won't see active duty. She needs counseling. No…they both needed counseling. No…they all need counseling. Nobody has time for counseling! Well, ok…maybe she did…an hour a week.
Only an hour.
And while therapists were in high demand and group sessions were about the only slots available, somehow, just somehow by some great fire shadow's mischievous doing, she was able to get a one-on-one sit down with a kind, professional woman once a week. Kakashi must've really pulled some strings…or cared about her. But she hoped it wasn't the latter. Love got her put in here in the first place…
"I've had several…platonic relationships," she said aloud. "And they've all ended horribly."
She was forced to explain.
She was forced to come back.
She was forced to stay in her emotions and rewind her thoughts.
She was quiet, then came…
Silence.
Except for the beeping, of course, of the monitors in the room. Sporadically, she could hear the faint beeping go off in other rooms at an accelerated rate and her pulse always quickened in response, waiting to hear a nurse go running in. No one ever screamed though, which was good. But the mouse-like hall noise and gossip of the nurses often caught her ears too. Sometimes she had to stand close to the door to listen to it. It was a mixture of three things; school, their personal lives, and who else tried to commit suicide other than Raidou.
When she noticed patients walking down the hall in their paper-thin gowns, that's when she retreated to Raidou's side and kept her head down. She hated those gowns… Hayate had a nice purple one…but she still hated them. They stained. They stayed wet. And even when they were dry they demonically slid off counters if they weren't stacked just right. Granted, this was a new hospital with new gowns, but she still hated them. The one time Yuugao was here for something bad back in ANBU, Hayate actually brought her a robe from home. She kissed his dry lips and cried, immediately pulling her frozen fingers through the thick material of the armholes…
The nurses were furious.
But it's not like it'd been the first time they had been pissed off at mysterious the couple, who had a habit of sneaking in hidden luxuries from the outside world.
And here Raidou was lying still; unconscious sixty percent of the time not to care what he was wearing or how ridiculous it looked.
And no matter how hard she'd taught those fangs of hers to threaten him of her absence…here she was, staring at his scared face and graying brown hair and waiting for him to wake up. And she was at least satisfied for the moment he was a), alive, and b), not awake to find her break her promise.
And what were promises anyway but obligations.
Hayate had a ring for her—a sacred promise.
Genma had a vivacious, charming smile and smooth talking voice to deliver his promise—he would return, triumphant!
Raidou…Raidou was always the most reliable of the crew. When Genma died in the war, Raidou promised to kill himself. And he was making such damn good strides lately.
Yuugao…she had once promised to get revenge. Of course the current hokage dissuaded her from pursuing the goal, repeating some ancient warning he'd offered his former student long ago.
….But did he listen?
.
Silence…
….to her question.
The hokage was in Raidou's room right now with her, a few weeks later. The air—the temperature was controlled within these white walls, cold sheets and skin while outside, a formidable storm was brewing above the underbelly of a deep orange sunset sinking over the trees. It was as if the sun was being dragged to the infernos of hell…a chorus of low drums beating ahead of it. There would be no stars tonight. Only shafts of lightning like firing out of the fingertips of the hokage standing near.
Raidou was unwell, and determined to die.
Yuugao was frustrated. "Well?" she verbally prodded her fearless leader.
The fearless leader glanced out the window behind to the sun in chains, and when Yuugao followed his gaze, the orange catching in her eyes created some sort of peculiar spectral array far brighter than any blinking monitor above the head of the third's youngest and most trusted guard. As she looked back at Raidou, she realized Kakashi had been staring at her…not the window. At once she severed the entrancing beam and the hokage flinched. In turn, Yuugao blinked; her cheeks flushing. "…Captain?"
Kakashi turned his head back over Raidou while thunder buckled the atmosphere. The hokage did not flinch at this loud grumble. Instead, he finally offered a reason he was here; "I came to see you."
Again, the woman blinked, dumbstruck: "Me…? What for? I'm fine," she said, and then remembered, "Oh—and I have your umbrella here," she looked behind her anxiously, picking it up, and when she turned back the hokage was staring straight at her. The sight strummed on her nerves and again she opened her mouth…but nothing came out.
"Thank you," Kakashi responded casually, accepting the long black thing she awkwardly passed him. "But…you are doing well, aren't you?"
He'd repeated his question. He wanted a truthful answer. She nodded once. "Y-Yes, hokage-sama…I'm all right…Thank you."
"Good," he said. "Because…to be honest, I promised someone in the war I'd look after you."
Both the sun and Yuugao's heart sunk—the later beneath her chest…resting in the bowels of hell and hereafter and the storm above produced rain—it proceeded to pelt hard and fast on the roof, walls, and windows of the building as the roars in the heavens reminded Yuugao of the cries of her men in the war. "…Oh," was all she said, as lofty as the clouds above.
There was that word again…and which silly fool had made him do that? She didn't have to ask. It was Genma, of course. The damn reason they were all standing here in the first place…
Yuugao turned swiftly, bringing her palms to her face and giving her tears more surface area to soak.
"Yuugao?"
"No, I'm sorry," she said, standing up straight and wiping her face quickly. "I'm sorry," she regained control over her form as the rain pounded furiously on the immaculate building. "Thank you."
He nodded slowly…and left.
With his umbrella.
.
Silence…
….was too much for her to bear sometimes.
So she stood up and left a note for Raidou in case he woke up; Gone to the store, she wrote, Going to get something for the headache you'll have when you wake up. –Love, Yuu
But she wasn't just going to the store.
The pills fit in her back pocket and the bright yellow umbrella with the tag still on it allowed her to stay dry as she walked briskly to the hokage's tower, her heart full and overflowing like the river in town. Her heart was swimming in that ocean and dancing, flying, skimming, like it was brand new…
The rain was steady now and the ground very wet. The smell of the earth was deep and heavy and the green leaves cast black holes of shadows she skipped around, moving in serpentines and crescent turns like she were dodging kunai back in the war. Any moment she was ready for a greyish, pudgy Zetsu form to spring up and attack. Yuugao was ready. With a smile. With a grin. And with her bright yellow shield.
She made it to the kage tower and folded the yellow like a butterfly reverting back into a chrysalis and so did she as she entered, silently, in quiet respect of the place. She paused on the first level, leaving a small watermark on the rug before continuing stealthily. Together with her closed parasol, she climbed the familiar route, and made it to his door quietly. She only wanted to thank him. She only wanted to wonder if they could become close again. She only wanted to reach out to love and hug it so tightly and never let it go…
But before she entered, she heard voices, murmuring. The noise was so soft and low, she couldn't really tell who it was with Kakashi. Yuugao backtracked and exited the tower…hesitating. Silently, she took herself into the streets with her umbrella spreading wings. The girl pulled an old trick from Genma and Raidou's chuunin days' playbook: she climbed the ladders of a nearby apartment house and with her coin cat eyes, she found that little office tower window. Hiding her form in front of an exhaust vent, she saw what made her heart go down the drain…: Kakashi and Gai sitting close, talking intimately.
In the previous tower building, more of a crescent shape, Genma said level four-B's conference office window also could see directly across into the kage's room. He said he and Raidou used this trick to spy on Jiraiya and Tsunade sometimes, claiming they saw some…pretty unusual things from time to time. Before that, the legendary team of Genma and Hayate would sit by that window spying on Sarutobi and his wife…describing the latter as an elusive and tall dark-haired creature, and highly sensual in all qualities.
Yuugao bopped them both on the head.
Here, her new umbrella performed the abuse upon herself as she climbed down and returned down the streets with a pill bottle in her back pocket and a man lying in bed, requiring her attention.
When she returned she was greeted by him, having read her note. "So where's my pills?" he smiled.
She gave him a glass of water and two tablets.
"What…only two?" he frowned. "I want them all."
"Hahaha!" she laughed. "This is a hospital. They don't like me giving you any. So too bad. Besides, you have to share," As she took two for herself.
"What, you have a headache too?"
"One can't help it when they're around you these days," she smiled, swallowing
"True. Genma once said I'd be the death of him. Except…it was someone undead who got him in the end…so ironic, isn't it?"
Yuugao sighed after she took her portion of aspirin. "Let it go, Raidou," the girl murmured.
"I will not, and I never shall," he muttered. "I am gonna take my blade, once I fucking find it, and—"
Yuugao shook her head, a touch of anger seeping back into her voice, "The blades are in your head Raidou. Talk yourself out of your despair. I'm right here," she extended her hands while managing not to raise her voice. Thank those therapy sessions.
"No," he refuted. "We're not anywhere—we're still out there," he said, "And he loved you."
"He loved a lot of girls, Raidou. You, too in your lifetime."
"But…he really loved you. How can you forget that?"
"I don't forget," her voice betrayed her viciously. "I never forgot Hayate. And I certainly haven't forgotten Genma. We aren't able to forget. We just have to cope. Even Kakashh…" she shook her head.
"…You went to see Kakashi?" Raidou asked. "Or he saw you…? What…? What happened?"
Silence.
"Did he…Are you two…?"
"No," she said. "…I thought…." She shook her head. "He…well, he…already has someone, I think," she smiled, embarrassed.
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"One more 'sorry' and I'll kill you myself Raidou," she sighed. "I want to stop the bleeding, not keep tearing things open..." She looked down at her empty palms.
"…How in hell can we do that?"
Yuugao glanced out the window.
The sun was somewhere beneath them tonight, burning in brilliant shades of yellow and orange.
"Move somewhere warm," she said. "Want to come…?"
The scarred face had to consider for a moment until he looked up, smiling. "Aw, I'd follow you to hell any day, Yuugao." Raidou said….a veritable holy roller when his life was on the line.
The girl smiled heartfully, gazing at his scared face and soft brown eyes. "I knew you'd say that."
.
.
.
.
.
-Caliko, Kariko Emma
.
.
…Silence.
At the door of the therapist's office.
"…This is what you meant by 'somewhere warm'?!" Raidou exclaimed above a whisper outside the door.
Yuugao grinned. "Your cheeks are red," she observed. "You look cute," she spoke honestly.
"One half of my face is physically incapable of changing color, Yuugao—"
"Aww it's okay, you'll be fine," she offered him a strong smile.
"YUU-GAO!"
She opens the door and lets him walk in first.
But hell wasn't half so hot as the tears rolling down his face.
And the girl beside him was right. There were no razors here…but the ones he'd brought with him.
In his head.
.
.
.
.
.
-KE