Would you? 1/3
Disclaimer:- Don't own them just borrowing!
Episode:- None
Pairing:- Sandra/Gerry
Rating:- M
Achieve:- . /group/new_tricksff/
Summary:- Sandra sets out to get over Gerry but it all goes a little wrong or should that be right?
Author's Note:- Three chapter little bit of slightly angsty slightly romantic fluff hope you enjoy and reviews would be lovely!
Staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of her Sandra sighed heavily; this had got to be the stupidest idea anyone had ever had. When she'd decided that it was time she accepted that nothing was going to happen between her and Gerry and decided it was time to think about a way of getting over him talking to her therapist about it had seemed like such a good idea. Now though she was sitting in her office staring at a blank sheet of paper instead of in the pub with the boys where she would normally be when their work day was over. The idea was to write him a letter, not one he'd ever see, but one that would lay out her feelings and help her start to deal with them.
"Sandra just do it. Pick up the pen and write it for god sake how hard can it be?" Picking up the pen again she sighed and started to write.
Dear Gerry,
I wish I could bring myself to just tell you the things I'm about to put in this letter but I've accepted now that it's not going to happen. I've realised I'm never going to do it and even if I did you probably would laugh in my face. I've wondered so often now what it would be like to be with you, what you'd be like as a partner, a boyfriend, a lover, I'll never know the answers to those questions but I can still ask.
I wonder if you'd be the person to make me stop running. I've never been able to do that and no one has ever been able to make me want to. I can get to a point where I think I'm happy, I can imagine my future with that person then I take fright and it's over. Would you make me want to feel scared but not run? Would you make me want to see my future with you?
Sometimes I try to imagine what sort of person you'd be if you loved me, would you phone me, text me, pop your head round my office door just to tell me you loved me or were thinking about me? Normally I hate that sort of thing I think there's a time and a place for it and neither of those are at work but with you I don't think I'd care. I think I'd want to hear you say you loved me as often as possible no matter the time or location.
Would you tell me I was beautiful even when I'd just woken up and looked like hell? Would you always be proud to have me by your side? Would you never need anyone else once you had me? I doubt any of those things would be true I don't kid myself that I would ever be your type but I can dream and I have dreamt oh so many times what it would feel like to know you wanted me as much as I want you.
On that note would you make love to me? I mean really make love to me? Men look at me and imagine what I'd be like in bed I know they do but they want to fuck me they have no desire to love me, would you be the same? Would it only ever be a physical thing between us? Would we spend a heated few weeks or months devouring each other only for it to burn out or would you love me, make love to me, leaving me satisfied both emotionally and physically?
Would you be different, could you love me, would you love me, or would it be the same pain but with more to lose? See if you broke my heart it could never be mended, if I took the chance and you were no different to any other man I've risked a relationship with my heart would shatter and the injuries the shards caused would leave scars that never faded.
In the end the only question that matter's is would you love me unconditionally? I've realised I'll never find out and this hasn't helped. Instead of making it easier for me to close the door it's opened a can of worms of all the feelings I've been trying to ignore. I don't ever think I will stop loving you, you've done far too good a job in the time we've known each other of making me slowly fall in love with you but I am ready to accept that it's never going to happen and try to live with those feelings for the sake of our friendship because if I lost that as well it would truly be the end of me.
All my love
Sandra
Putting the two neatly written sheets of paper into an envelope and writing his name on the front Sandra sighed as she glanced at the clock on the wall and realised she was late for her meeting with Strickland. Opening her desk draw she stood up dropping the letter inside and moving so quickly she failed to see it miss the target and flutter quietly to the floor beside her desk.
"Sandra Jack and Brian have gone home they said we'll go see Simpson tomorrow I told them…" Gerry called arriving at the office ten minutes later stopping as he reached her door and realised she wasn't there. "Where the hell have you disappeared to this time?"
Walking round the desk he glanced at the day planner noting the meeting with Strickland and sighing heavily. She hated meetings with their boss and he knew she'd be in a foul mood when she got back. Standing back from the desk he was about to leave when he noticed the plain white envelope on the floor and bended to pick it up.
"Jesus Sandra you'd forget your head if it wasn't screwed on I hope you weren't meant to take this to the meeting with…." Turning the envelope over in his hand and seeing his name on the front the words stopped in his throat as he sank into her chair and slowly opened it.