All things come to an end sooner or later, don't they? I had once believed in eternity, an after-life of peace and love shared with a special person. But, even in an immortal life, things end; things die. I don't care who finds this, or if anyone does. My only wish is to write what my life was like then, and the way things were before they rapidly declined.
Happiness can be grand, but at the same time it can turn into a swirling whirlpool of despair that snatches you from your high horse in a flash. And, the fall is always worse than the climb.
I hadn't really given much thought to the way he might see things back then, or how he would see them now. At one point, I found myself believing that, by him being there, he'd just automatically pick up on things and what I really meant when I spoke. Looking back on things, it was a really stupid assumption.
Even in a hellish life, whether you're a human or something more, being psychic is never a bonus.
After the things that have happened, I concluded that I should at least scribble things down, at least give people a small warning, some advice that may prevent this in the future. Then, maybe this—all of this—won't be too difficult to handle.
Not from the beginning, but from that fateful day, that fateful fight.
The year was 1983, the months falling into the chilly winds of December.
Vern once again stood in my way, and wouldn't let me transport Kana safely to the other side of Heaven's Gates. I was used to my constant struggles with him, and had attempted to assure myself that it was all for Kana's sake; that my hatred had nothing to do with what he had done.
In reality, however, I knew this to be a façade, a mere mask that I had hoped to use to block my selfish nature from other's eyes.
He had lied. He had spoken those three words to me, played with the strings in my heart, and then tossed me aside when they snapped. He was the puppeteer, and I his puppet.
It wasn't that I didn't know this, or hadn't suspected it from the beginning. It was just…I didn't want to accept it—I couldn't. There was no way I would accept any truth where Vern, the man who took me in and treated me like family, like an equal, was the villain.
That all snapped, and the false reality I had come to know shattered, only troubled fragments left behind as scars.
The fighting had started then, and as I've said, this was one of those nights.
Kana stood by, trying to convince me that she had no intentions of returning to the place beyond the gate. Not without me.
Her soft blonde hair, which fell in tight curls around her pale face, gleamed in the thunder flashing about, and the white gown she wore never seemed more blinding. Her eyes now void of sight, closed as she tried to read my thoughts. My dearest sister was blind, but she made up for it through her mind-reading.
She saw what I intended to do, how I intended to finish this by distracting the angel from the gates long enough for her to sneak through.
I yelled out to the sadistic man, a feather in hand. The skills he had taught me, the very powers he had given me, would be what destroyed him. I was sure of it.
A strange smile, bordering on a smirk, formed on his lips as he watched my fast approach from his stand-point. He was waiting, watching motionlessly for me to reach him.
A wave of memories hit me, distracting me from the reality in front of my crimson eyes. I was no longer waging war with the man I had once loved, but seeing that smirk, I was now watching my younger self approach him with a gullible nature that was almost ridiculous.
If someone offered me a crumb I would have clung to them, or if they told me that a grain of sand was worth a million dollars, I would have believed it.
His lies, Vern's lies were the same. Though, deep down I'm sure I knew this. That man had no plans to keep me around, nor did he mean anything he said in all of those years. He was only out to get what pleased him most, what interested him for the time being. When those things—those people—lost their glimmer, he would crush them for the sheer enjoyment.
That was the reason I hated him, and now hated myself. For, in that single moment, the mask I had wore shattered. There was no hiding my reasons for fighting. My selfish hunger had grown, looming over the small mask that seemed so…so useless.
It was during these mass of thoughts that I received a strong blow to my stomach. My eyes widened and I glanced around quickly. Kana was screaming, trying to follow me. I wanted to tell her to go back, to tell her she needed to remain with Vern. It was pointless, as well. I couldn't even manage to mutter the word, stay.
And there he stood, not having moved from the beginning. The silver-haired man watched me fall, his smirk now more apparent. "Good night, Kona-kun." He had called out, his tone on the edge of being friendly, almost sincere. I knew it was a lie, a play he continued to see how far I could be pushed.
Both my beloved sister and Vern disappeared as my vision blacked out. I could still hear the wind rushing past my ears, pushing against my back as if hoping to stop my rapid fall.
It wasn't until I hit the cold ground below that I fully lost consciousness. My thoughts had been racing, had been telling me that I should give up, should stop allowing him to fool around with me. I always gave him what he wanted without meaning to. That satisfaction, the satisfaction he proved with the same malicious smirk.
All of it ended as the pain of a collision ripped through me. I had landed in what my…beloved called his rose garden. I was, of course, completely unaware of this at the time.
I'm sure he realized I had been in some sort of battle from the way I looked, and suddenly appeared. But, at the same time, I'm positive I never told him what really happened. Nor did I really ever want to.
When he found me, I had already begun to stir, my head swimming in dark clouds of confusion and anger, pain and hatred.
"Are you alright?"
His soft voice had struck me deep as I tried my best to move or respond. I had no clue as to who was around, but they sounded genuinely sincere, and the words no longer laced heavily with sarcasm.
That's when it hit me.
/He/ could fake kindness, so why couldn't everyone? Was I to let another person get the better of me, or would I take control of my life for once?
I opened my eyes, staring up at his ghostly pale face and its perfect features. The hand he had placed on my forehead was like ice, and felt colder than the air. I sat up, ignoring the strange look his clear orange eyes gave me. The sympathy I saw in them was something I didn't want to comprehend, the worry proving to be sheer disgust.
I grabbed my marked shoulder as the symbol began shocking my body. I had used Vern's power. And, though I briefly explained things, it was what really made me tired each day.
I was entrusted with a power that would undoubtedly make me stronger than my mentor. To prevent an uprising of his 'slave', he made sure to construct a counter measure. The mark of a dove being pierced by a small knife was a hidden energy drainer that, with each piece of power used, would send a shockwave of electricity through the user's body.
It was something I put up with, and hadn't expected anyone to really notice. But he…he did.
He gasped, quickly repeating his question. "Are you okay?"
"Che…" I wouldn't allow it. I had made my mind up at that very moment that it wouldn't happen again. I stood quickly, barely able to keep myself from falling back to the earth.
Yet, even with my snarling remark, he came closer. "Do you not speak this language?" I heard him add, the worry on his perfect face growing. It was almost enough to make me sick, or at least make me want to punch him.
I yanked away from the hand he had placed on my other shoulder, shooting a quick glare in his direction. "Whe-where are we?!" I demanded, having no intentions of flattering him with answers.
"Where?" The demon, as I was sure he wasn't human either, tilted his head with a small chuckle. "My rose garden."
Worry no longer shined through like the sun's rays. A blanket of interest, of curiosity…of Vern, now covered his face.
The remark, along with the laughter, increased my boiling blood's temperature even more as a felt the need to punch him skyrocket. "Specifics!"
"Oh." He smirked, yet it wasn't as contaminated as I found Vern's to be. "I see. In that case, you're in Kyoto, Japan."
Hearing this, I could feel my aggravation toward the angel above growing. I had been sent to the human world again?! Was I to work my way back to the very gates of Heaven just to have this happen each time?! And, in a sense, I felt the same hopelessness in me begin to gnaw at the little bit of confidence I had gained. What was I to do?
The demon male in front of me just stood, watching me curiously. Back then, I had no clue why he was watching me as if I must not really be there, as if I were an illusion. I just thought him to be strange, and another person to hate in this world.
"And…the way out?"
He clasped his hands together, placing his pointer fingers near his lips. "Out?" his eyes lifted in enjoyment. He had to be exactly like Vern! Or, in some sense, a little like him. Here I was, trying my best to just leave the man alone and he kept smirking, laughing and sneering at every little comment I made. It was unbearable!
"People usually use doors to leave, don't they?"
Doors?! Of course they used doors! Oh, how it had riled my blood even more! I couldn't take his snarky attitude, and most certainly wouldn't stand there and let someone continuously snicker at me.
Before the thoughts even crossed my mind, I swung my fist at him. It had hit. This time, I had the right to smirk. Or, so I thought. The laughing continued as he pushed my hand away with ease.
"You're pretty weak, ya'know?" The demon wrapped his arms around his waist, as if trying to keep his sides from splitting. The mocking was too much, and the sinking feeling of hopelessness had only grown now.
I was, after all, back in the human world. I had believed myself to be strong, to be Vern's equal in power, yet here I was being called a weakling by some…some earthly demon!
"The way out?" A tried my best to calm down, to swallow my anger, and hopefully receive some information by being polite. I had no such luck.
"I told you, use a door." His smirk grew as he approached me. Something different had mixed in his eyes, something strange and worrisome.
I didn't want to find out, and I now knew that no matter of punching or kicking would do anything. My power-source, my feathers, had been exhausted during the battle with Vern, and there was no way I would be able to do anything more today.
"Right." I shot a quick glare in the demon's direction before briskly turning from him. Without a second thought, I left, hoping to find some sign of an exit, some sign of a way back to Kana and, most of all, a way back to /him/.
I paid no attention to the creature's final smirk, nor the fading of his being that melted into the shadows all around. I didn't care then, and my head was swimming with ideas of returning to heaven's gates.
I walked on and on, passing nothing but rose bushes. The red that now looked maroon in the night sky had become a sign of despair for me, leaving no way out nor no way back. Was there really no end to this? Did this place go on forever like hell?
"I'm surprised you haven't tired yourself out yet."
I wheeled around, that familiar and oh-so-annoying voice echoing from behind me. My hands twisted into fists as I narrowed my eyes from behind my own midnight hair.
"Sh-show yourself!" I demanded.
"Oh? You hadn't noticed I was following you?" A figure slowly emerged from the shadows that rested solemnly on the ground. I knew who it was in an instant, my anger already boiling.
"That's a shame. Here I thought you were different."
He shook his head, bringing his hypnotic orange gaze to my face. "But, in all honestly, people who aren't feeling well should rest, don't you think?"
"No. What I think is that assholes like you should just do the world a favor and die!"
I was beyond rational thinking, the first thing that popped into my head was now jumping out of my mouth before I could comprehend them. Yet, at the same time, there was a strange air around me; a soothing, calming air that, aggravatingly enough, seemed to be increasing how tired I suddenly was.
I staggered for a moment, my body feeling heavier than I remembered. I lost much of my ability to think for a moment, but I wanted so badly to punch his smug face again!
My eyes closed, no longer able to stay open under the strain, as I began falling forward. I attempted to prepare myself for the collision with the ground, but instead found myself being held in cold arms. I struggled for a minute, trying my best to escape the demon's grasp before sleep over-took me. It was no use. I knew that the moment the air had changed.
What exactly happened between the time I lost consciousness and the time I awoke again, I can't say for sure. I had, however, been relocated.
Pain singed my entire body, small sparks flying everywhere as I began stirring. Ignoring the terrible sensations, I moved a hand to my head and attempted to sit up. My eyes glanced around slowly as I propped myself up against the head of the bed.
I was no longer in that god forsaken garden, but a small medical ward, or something like one. There were three or four small beds lining one wall, and shelves and a few sinks on the other. Soon enough, my eyes fell upon myself. There were a few bandages over the area where my ribs were, as well as a few on my arms.
To my relief, my shoulder hadn't been touched.
"A-ah! You should be resting!"
I jumped, startled by the same voice which now held a gentle tone. Before I had the chance to glance toward the person I knew to be a demon, a pair of strong hands forced me back against the bed.
"You'll never get better like that."
I turned my pain-filled eyes to him, finding the same annoying worry in the orange eyes I seemed to find frequently. This time, however, something different shone with it. Was it…guilt? I couldn't tell, or I really couldn't be sure. After all, what was with these strange turn-arounds?
One minute the guy in front of me would be caring and gentle, maybe bordering on childish. But, oh how he changed! The next he would be a smug, egotistical bastard that I wanted to kill!
"S-so! I have things to do, and I can't waste my time staying here!"
That's when I remembered my question. I narrowed my eyes, not sure what sort of response I would receive.
"Where are we?" My question came out a little less demanding this time, but the aggravation and hatred were still very much present.
I watched as the strange demon shied away from me, lowering his gaze. "The me-medical room in my mansion." His now soft words sent another shockwave of annoyance through me. I couldn't take being pushed around one minute and then being cared for the next! It was exactly like life with Vern now.
Regardless of what he had said, I sat up again, swinging my legs around until my feet rested against the cool wood surface below. Without glancing back toward the man who appeared so suddenly, I pulled my shirt from the nearby desk and buttoned it quickly. I would leave now, before he switched again.
I stood, walking past him as if he weren't there at all. Why should I acknowledge him? I thought, straightening the black tie around my neck. Before I could continue my train of thought, I was shoved against the wall by the cold hands I felt catch me before.
"Wh-what n-now?!" I yelled, glaring at him. This time, the smug look had returned, much to my dismay.
"You're actually quite interesting." He began, eyes moving up and down my body as if I were a car that needed a thorough inspection. I could feel the overwhelming urge to punch him grow, and soon enough it changed to reality.
I once again launched another punch toward him, but found this one caught on his palm.
"Looks like I need to study you more, after all."
He brought his face close to mine, the shrinking distance too unbearable. I wanted to get away, to flee from the man that now sounded and acted like Vern, only in a different body. Even though I was seething with anger, it was still hard to fight back the tears.
Vern. The one person who I trusted, with whom I shared everything with. He had abandoned me, and though I had sworn to get my revenge, here I was being pushed around by some minor demon.
I quickly reached inside my jacket pocket, which I had grabbed on the way out, and pulled from it a gift I had received from the hated man. I now gripped a black pistol between my pale fingers, moving it toward the man in front of me. But, once again I heard a mocking laugh rise from his throat.
"Did I push you too far? Oh dear, that's not good." He released his grip on me, moving his lips to my ear. For the first time in a while, I felt my body tense up, both fear and a paralyzing anger holding me in place.
" There's always next time." He pulled away, waiting to see what I would do. My eyes fled to the door which rested near me. I began slinking toward it, my back to the wall and my wary attention on the demon. What he had planned on doing, I didn't want to know. I had to leave now, before I either broke down or started shooting at things.
I certainly didn't have the energy to do either at the moment.
I dashed from the room, hoping to find this 'door' the demon kept laughing about. At the time, I couldn't begin to comprehend the true meaning behind this, nor could I begin to understand the complications this mansion would soon serve. I only had one thing on my mind, and that was to flee from this place, flee from the new man that constantly mocked me.