June.
The fighting was over. Finally, Balamb's students could rest. However, three of those students still had some things to do.
"Okay, okay, we fucked up, our bad, ya know?" Raijin pleaded.
"SEIFER...FAULT...." Fujin added.
"I know, I screwed up on their parts. But the main points are, I was at least working for your wife, right? And, and, the comradery we showed should show we'd be good as SeeDs, huh?" Seifer argued.
"I'm sorry, Seifer. Your actions this time were inexcusable. I've got no other choice but to expel you from Garden. Since you've taken responsibility for your two friends' actions, I will only suspend them for the next semester." Headmaster Cid replied.
"Sorry, all-for-one, one-for-all, ya know?" Raijin yelled.
"DROP OUT." Fujin added.
"Are you certain you want to do that? You'll throw your lives away for your friend?" Cid asked.
"Well, we were willing to risk our lives for him in battle, why not?" Raijin replied.
"This might be hasty. Fujin, Raijin, you two had good SeeD test scores. You could've been in there next year..." Cid tried to reason.
"SUCK IT."Fujin replied.
"Well, if this is what you two want, I'll do it. However, I'll guarantee that this is the biggest mistake of your lives..." Cid transferred their papers out of their hands. The three left Garden.
"I honestly can't believe you guys would do something like that for me!" Seifer exclaimed.
"Well, what would we do around there without you around? Tormenting people isn't as fun without you, ya know?" Raijin replied.
"Well, the only question is, where do we go from here?" Seifer asked.
"All I have to say is, we should try to keep the team together for a long time, ya know?" Raijin replied.
"AGREED." Fujin added.
"I'd have to concur," Seifer replied. The three took out their hands and shook on this. "So, where do we go from here?"
"We need to find a place where we can get hired, first off. Where would that be?"
July.
"YOU DUMBASS!" Squall yelled as he recognized the figure in the strange outfit.
"Welcome to Burger King, may I take your order?" Seifer replied.
"Um, yes, Garcon, I would like two Whopper value meals, one apple pie, one garden salad, one Kids Club meal...Oh, yeah, and do you serve hot dogs here?" Squall replied.
"No, we don't, SQUALL." Seifer replied.
"Well, then, MAKE SOME, BITCH!" Squall yelled.
"WHAT THE FUCK? IF I WAS ALLOWED MY GUNBLADE I'D 'NO MERCY' YOUR ASS, BUT SINCE I CAN'T..." Seifer started to cast a Fire spell on Squall until the manager intervened.
"MR. ALMASY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THIS CUSTOMER?" the manager yelled.
"Oh, don't worry. He's a friend of mine..." Seifer tried to start out until Squall intervened.
"Mr.Manager man! This employee was rude, obnoxious, and tried to touch my naughty place!" Squall yelled.
"Consider yourself fired!" The manager was furious. Seifer ripped off his uniform and headed out of the building. "SHOVE MY LAST PAYCHECK UP YOUR FAT ASS, MOTHERFUCKER!" Seifer yelled. Fujin and Raijin headed out.
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU HEADING?" The manager asked.
"If he goes, we go, ya know?" Raijin said.
"GONE..." Fujin added.
"Go ahead! We don't need you!" The three headed away from the restaurant.
"Okay, we've been fired from Burger King. I think this means that we've hit bottom. Return to school?" Seifer asked.
"NEVER." Fujin said.
"Not until you get reinstated, man!" Raijin added.
"Well, we're probably doomed. Where will we find a job that pays well, makes us popular, and doesn't require any semblance of high school education?" Seifer asked.
September.
"WELCOME TO MONDAY NIGHT RAW! I am your host, wait, what is this? Three people are coming down the ramp!"
"Where's security?"
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE ARE THE DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE. WE DEMAND CONTRACTS OR WE WILL STOP THIS SHOW COLD. " Seifer yelled.
"RAGE..." Fujin added.
"So, like, make with the contracts, ya know?" Raijin yelled.
Suddenly, the security came to the ring. Fujin held them off with magic while Raijin pounded on them.
"Well, we've shown our stuff. Make with the money, ya?"
"Hold up, I think we can work something out..."
The three headed back to the dressing room.
"So, how long will these be?"
"Well, we'll need to check the basics: character, ability..." Seifer brandished his gunblade. "Or we could just give you a huge contract and a buttload of cash."
"Anything else we'll need?" Raijin asked.
"Well, we'll need to give the girl implants, but other than that..."
"RAGE." Fujin yelled.
"Come on, it's for those people out there. You'll hardly notice..."
October.
"DEFORMED..." Fujin said as she looked at herself in a mirror.
"Don't worry about it. Now let's head out there. Just sit and look pretty," Seifer replied.
"RAGE."
The three headed out to the ring. In an instant, the Disciplinary Committee destroyed their opponents. They were almost certainly unstoppable...
December.
"All right, troops! We've got a huge match for the Tag Titles! Can we kick some ass?" Seifer asked.
"Ya know it, ya know?" Raijin replied.
"DOOM." Fujin added.
"Let's go out there and solidify ourselves!" The three headed out into the ring. Their opponents came in.
"And their opponents, THE GUARDIAN FORCE!" Two humanoid GF's entered the ring.
"NO! We're doomed, ya know?" Raijin yelled.
"NOT A CHANCE!" Seifer grabbed his gunblade and started slicing. Raijin grabbed his own weapon and just punished the other.
"DIE!" Seifer yelled as he decapitated his opponent.
"SAME TO YOU, MAN!" Raijin yelled as he hit the killing blow. The two stood triumphant...
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TWO DO OUT THERE?" the heads asked.
"We stopped the GF's. Isn't that the way?" Raijin asked.
"THOSE WEREN'T GF'S! THOSE WERE REGULAR PEOPLE, AND YOU KILLED THEM!" they yelled out.
"Sorry. Our bad..." Seifer replied.
"YOU'RE FIRED!" They screamed. Seifer and Raijin left the arena. Fujin tried to join them, but was stopped.
"Where are you going? We need you. We've got Playboy chomping at the bit for pics..."
"TEAM."
"You don't need them. You'll be huge after these go out. Come on back in."
"RAGE."
"Get her a meeting with the Playboy people. She'll be saying something other than 'RAGE' after that..."
January.
S+R.
"Aw, man! How does this happen, ya know! First we lose a choice job, then Fujin skips out on us, now no other federation will hire us for being 'too hardcore'?" Raijin lamented.
"Don't worry. We'll bounce back. We're bound to." Seifer looked worried.
"Hopefully, she's not having that big of a time still in that place..." Raijin replied.
F.
"Okay, now. Let's just get these pictures done. Let's go...now!" the photographer said. "Say, something."
"RAGE." Fujin replied.
"Excellent! One good topless. Now, let's go full!" the photographer replied.
"RAGE."
"PERFECT! Now, give the people some...action..."
"RAGE...RAGE...RAGE...RAGE...RAGE...RAGE...JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!...RAGE."
"And that's a wrap!"
S+R.
"Don't worry. She's probably lost in the sauce somewhere. Any leads, man?" Seifer asked.
"Well, there's a pair of movie roles in here..." Raijin replied.
"WHERE? WHAT? I'm there." Seifer exclaimed.
"It's across the country. We'd have to drive, or bus it." Raijin replied.
"Don't worry." Seifer headed over to a random person. "Give us your money."
"Hell no!" the person replied. Seifer sliced them with his gunblade. "Thank you."
February.
Fujin.
"Excellent pics!" everyone was exclaiming.
"RAGE." Fujin replied.
"Listen, I've got a little something, we give to all of our...top performers..." the executive pulled out a canister.
"COKE." Fujin replied.
"A fan already, huh? Wouldn't have thought it. Here, have a little..." Fujin started to sniff.
"FINALLY I CAN SPEAK IN FULL SENTENCES I LIKE THIS A LOT...," Fujin exclaimed..
Seifer/Raijin.
"We just made it, man. Now, to make ourselves known on the big screen!" Seifer shouted. The two ran into the casting office. "We're here for the parts..."
"Let me guess. Are you willing to work with the roles?" the director said.
"Of course!" Seifer replied.
"Ready, willing, and able, ya know?" Raijin added.
"Okay. Just get into costume, and you'll be set." Seifer and Raijin headed over to costume. Seifer picked up a striped shirt and corduroys, while Raijin picked up a leather leisure-suit type of thing.
"Whoa, what kind of movie is this?" Seifer asked.
"The ad said it was an independent film, ya know?" Raijin asked. The two headed out.
"Ah, you've been cast. Striped shirt boy, to the reception desk over there. Leisure Suit Larry, off stage. Check for your cue," the director said.
"Exactly what is the type of movie you're making? Seifer asked.
"I am trying to make some truly retro cinema, using mostly the same aspects of the Seventies films of the genre that I grew up on. This will be more original these days. Now get over there," the director replied.
"What's my motivation?" Seifer asked.
"You'll see..."
The cameras started rolling. Seifer headed for his lines.
"Whoa, it is quite dead today. I should probably leave." Just then, Raijin and two other large guys headed onscreen.
"Welcome to the...Love Shack?" Seifer asked. "Who may I...put you..in touch with?"
"Oh, we aren't ready for any of...that today..." Raijin replied.
"So? Why are you here?" Seifer asked.
"We're here to visit...YOU..." Seifer's face paled. The large men unzipped their flys first, then Raijin's.....
"OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW..." Seifer yelled.
"Will you stop acting like a baby and talk to me? I mean, I didn't know, ya know?" Raijin replied.
"Well, I'm sorry, but once the person who I THOUGHT was my close friend gets me put into Seventies-style gay porno, I tend to get a little MIFFED..."
"Look, it's an honest mistake. How was I to know that 'Independent film' is the code name for adult movies?"
"I'm sorry man, but you can head out on this new...career of yours alone. I can't take too much more of that."
"Suit yourself, man. It's not my career, but still..."
June (one year later.)
"I don't believe this. I've run through all of my options," Seifer thought. He had been living on the street for the past four months. He hadn't seen anyone he'd known, thankfully. "Ah, now to do the last resort." Seifer headed out to the corner of the street until he saw a driver.
"Hello, young man. What would you like?" the driver asked.
"I'll suck your cock for one hundred dollars, " Seifer replied.
"Hmmm. That seems like a deal." the driver pulled over to the side. Seifer got in. A few minutes later, Seifer ran over to the nearest corner where he thought a dealer would be. He was able to see the other people on the corner.
"SEIFER!" the people yelled.
"Fujin? Raijin?" Seifer asked.
"Yeah, man! Come on over!" the two asked. Seifer ran over to them.
"What the hell are you two up to?" Seifer asked.
"From what I spied over there, the same thing you are, man!" Raijin replied.
"Um, what would that be?" Seifer asked.
"DICK. COKE." Fujin replied.
"Well, OH, ALL RIGHT! I SUCK DICK FOR COKE, AND I'M PROUD OF IT!" Seifer replied.
"You know it, man. We just got enough between us to buy an 8 ball! Want to get cut in?" Raijin asked.
"Sure." Seifer, Fujin, and Raijin started walking. "Well, at least we've did what we said we would, stay together." Seifer replied. Suddenly, a person walked by. "SUCKY SUCKY! TWENTY DOLLARS! DEAL!"
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Hi, kids, I'm Alan Smithee. As you can see, the people in this story thought that they didn't need a high school diploma as long as they had each other. This, of course, is completely wrong. You will most likely never see the people who you're friends with now again after you head off to college (unless you go to some community college, in which case you'll just be a pathetic townie for the rest of your life.) Basically, kids, just remember. Friends, lovers, all of that doesn't matter. Do not drop out of school for any reason, or whether you like it or not, you WILL end up sucking dick for single lines of cocaine on some godforsaken street corner somewhere. Thank you.
The fighting was over. Finally, Balamb's students could rest. However, three of those students still had some things to do.
"Okay, okay, we fucked up, our bad, ya know?" Raijin pleaded.
"SEIFER...FAULT...." Fujin added.
"I know, I screwed up on their parts. But the main points are, I was at least working for your wife, right? And, and, the comradery we showed should show we'd be good as SeeDs, huh?" Seifer argued.
"I'm sorry, Seifer. Your actions this time were inexcusable. I've got no other choice but to expel you from Garden. Since you've taken responsibility for your two friends' actions, I will only suspend them for the next semester." Headmaster Cid replied.
"Sorry, all-for-one, one-for-all, ya know?" Raijin yelled.
"DROP OUT." Fujin added.
"Are you certain you want to do that? You'll throw your lives away for your friend?" Cid asked.
"Well, we were willing to risk our lives for him in battle, why not?" Raijin replied.
"This might be hasty. Fujin, Raijin, you two had good SeeD test scores. You could've been in there next year..." Cid tried to reason.
"SUCK IT."Fujin replied.
"Well, if this is what you two want, I'll do it. However, I'll guarantee that this is the biggest mistake of your lives..." Cid transferred their papers out of their hands. The three left Garden.
"I honestly can't believe you guys would do something like that for me!" Seifer exclaimed.
"Well, what would we do around there without you around? Tormenting people isn't as fun without you, ya know?" Raijin replied.
"Well, the only question is, where do we go from here?" Seifer asked.
"All I have to say is, we should try to keep the team together for a long time, ya know?" Raijin replied.
"AGREED." Fujin added.
"I'd have to concur," Seifer replied. The three took out their hands and shook on this. "So, where do we go from here?"
"We need to find a place where we can get hired, first off. Where would that be?"
July.
"YOU DUMBASS!" Squall yelled as he recognized the figure in the strange outfit.
"Welcome to Burger King, may I take your order?" Seifer replied.
"Um, yes, Garcon, I would like two Whopper value meals, one apple pie, one garden salad, one Kids Club meal...Oh, yeah, and do you serve hot dogs here?" Squall replied.
"No, we don't, SQUALL." Seifer replied.
"Well, then, MAKE SOME, BITCH!" Squall yelled.
"WHAT THE FUCK? IF I WAS ALLOWED MY GUNBLADE I'D 'NO MERCY' YOUR ASS, BUT SINCE I CAN'T..." Seifer started to cast a Fire spell on Squall until the manager intervened.
"MR. ALMASY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THIS CUSTOMER?" the manager yelled.
"Oh, don't worry. He's a friend of mine..." Seifer tried to start out until Squall intervened.
"Mr.Manager man! This employee was rude, obnoxious, and tried to touch my naughty place!" Squall yelled.
"Consider yourself fired!" The manager was furious. Seifer ripped off his uniform and headed out of the building. "SHOVE MY LAST PAYCHECK UP YOUR FAT ASS, MOTHERFUCKER!" Seifer yelled. Fujin and Raijin headed out.
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU HEADING?" The manager asked.
"If he goes, we go, ya know?" Raijin said.
"GONE..." Fujin added.
"Go ahead! We don't need you!" The three headed away from the restaurant.
"Okay, we've been fired from Burger King. I think this means that we've hit bottom. Return to school?" Seifer asked.
"NEVER." Fujin said.
"Not until you get reinstated, man!" Raijin added.
"Well, we're probably doomed. Where will we find a job that pays well, makes us popular, and doesn't require any semblance of high school education?" Seifer asked.
September.
"WELCOME TO MONDAY NIGHT RAW! I am your host, wait, what is this? Three people are coming down the ramp!"
"Where's security?"
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE ARE THE DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE. WE DEMAND CONTRACTS OR WE WILL STOP THIS SHOW COLD. " Seifer yelled.
"RAGE..." Fujin added.
"So, like, make with the contracts, ya know?" Raijin yelled.
Suddenly, the security came to the ring. Fujin held them off with magic while Raijin pounded on them.
"Well, we've shown our stuff. Make with the money, ya?"
"Hold up, I think we can work something out..."
The three headed back to the dressing room.
"So, how long will these be?"
"Well, we'll need to check the basics: character, ability..." Seifer brandished his gunblade. "Or we could just give you a huge contract and a buttload of cash."
"Anything else we'll need?" Raijin asked.
"Well, we'll need to give the girl implants, but other than that..."
"RAGE." Fujin yelled.
"Come on, it's for those people out there. You'll hardly notice..."
October.
"DEFORMED..." Fujin said as she looked at herself in a mirror.
"Don't worry about it. Now let's head out there. Just sit and look pretty," Seifer replied.
"RAGE."
The three headed out to the ring. In an instant, the Disciplinary Committee destroyed their opponents. They were almost certainly unstoppable...
December.
"All right, troops! We've got a huge match for the Tag Titles! Can we kick some ass?" Seifer asked.
"Ya know it, ya know?" Raijin replied.
"DOOM." Fujin added.
"Let's go out there and solidify ourselves!" The three headed out into the ring. Their opponents came in.
"And their opponents, THE GUARDIAN FORCE!" Two humanoid GF's entered the ring.
"NO! We're doomed, ya know?" Raijin yelled.
"NOT A CHANCE!" Seifer grabbed his gunblade and started slicing. Raijin grabbed his own weapon and just punished the other.
"DIE!" Seifer yelled as he decapitated his opponent.
"SAME TO YOU, MAN!" Raijin yelled as he hit the killing blow. The two stood triumphant...
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TWO DO OUT THERE?" the heads asked.
"We stopped the GF's. Isn't that the way?" Raijin asked.
"THOSE WEREN'T GF'S! THOSE WERE REGULAR PEOPLE, AND YOU KILLED THEM!" they yelled out.
"Sorry. Our bad..." Seifer replied.
"YOU'RE FIRED!" They screamed. Seifer and Raijin left the arena. Fujin tried to join them, but was stopped.
"Where are you going? We need you. We've got Playboy chomping at the bit for pics..."
"TEAM."
"You don't need them. You'll be huge after these go out. Come on back in."
"RAGE."
"Get her a meeting with the Playboy people. She'll be saying something other than 'RAGE' after that..."
January.
S+R.
"Aw, man! How does this happen, ya know! First we lose a choice job, then Fujin skips out on us, now no other federation will hire us for being 'too hardcore'?" Raijin lamented.
"Don't worry. We'll bounce back. We're bound to." Seifer looked worried.
"Hopefully, she's not having that big of a time still in that place..." Raijin replied.
F.
"Okay, now. Let's just get these pictures done. Let's go...now!" the photographer said. "Say, something."
"RAGE." Fujin replied.
"Excellent! One good topless. Now, let's go full!" the photographer replied.
"RAGE."
"PERFECT! Now, give the people some...action..."
"RAGE...RAGE...RAGE...RAGE...RAGE...RAGE...JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!...RAGE."
"And that's a wrap!"
S+R.
"Don't worry. She's probably lost in the sauce somewhere. Any leads, man?" Seifer asked.
"Well, there's a pair of movie roles in here..." Raijin replied.
"WHERE? WHAT? I'm there." Seifer exclaimed.
"It's across the country. We'd have to drive, or bus it." Raijin replied.
"Don't worry." Seifer headed over to a random person. "Give us your money."
"Hell no!" the person replied. Seifer sliced them with his gunblade. "Thank you."
February.
Fujin.
"Excellent pics!" everyone was exclaiming.
"RAGE." Fujin replied.
"Listen, I've got a little something, we give to all of our...top performers..." the executive pulled out a canister.
"COKE." Fujin replied.
"A fan already, huh? Wouldn't have thought it. Here, have a little..." Fujin started to sniff.
"FINALLY I CAN SPEAK IN FULL SENTENCES I LIKE THIS A LOT...," Fujin exclaimed..
Seifer/Raijin.
"We just made it, man. Now, to make ourselves known on the big screen!" Seifer shouted. The two ran into the casting office. "We're here for the parts..."
"Let me guess. Are you willing to work with the roles?" the director said.
"Of course!" Seifer replied.
"Ready, willing, and able, ya know?" Raijin added.
"Okay. Just get into costume, and you'll be set." Seifer and Raijin headed over to costume. Seifer picked up a striped shirt and corduroys, while Raijin picked up a leather leisure-suit type of thing.
"Whoa, what kind of movie is this?" Seifer asked.
"The ad said it was an independent film, ya know?" Raijin asked. The two headed out.
"Ah, you've been cast. Striped shirt boy, to the reception desk over there. Leisure Suit Larry, off stage. Check for your cue," the director said.
"Exactly what is the type of movie you're making? Seifer asked.
"I am trying to make some truly retro cinema, using mostly the same aspects of the Seventies films of the genre that I grew up on. This will be more original these days. Now get over there," the director replied.
"What's my motivation?" Seifer asked.
"You'll see..."
The cameras started rolling. Seifer headed for his lines.
"Whoa, it is quite dead today. I should probably leave." Just then, Raijin and two other large guys headed onscreen.
"Welcome to the...Love Shack?" Seifer asked. "Who may I...put you..in touch with?"
"Oh, we aren't ready for any of...that today..." Raijin replied.
"So? Why are you here?" Seifer asked.
"We're here to visit...YOU..." Seifer's face paled. The large men unzipped their flys first, then Raijin's.....
"OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW.OW..." Seifer yelled.
"Will you stop acting like a baby and talk to me? I mean, I didn't know, ya know?" Raijin replied.
"Well, I'm sorry, but once the person who I THOUGHT was my close friend gets me put into Seventies-style gay porno, I tend to get a little MIFFED..."
"Look, it's an honest mistake. How was I to know that 'Independent film' is the code name for adult movies?"
"I'm sorry man, but you can head out on this new...career of yours alone. I can't take too much more of that."
"Suit yourself, man. It's not my career, but still..."
June (one year later.)
"I don't believe this. I've run through all of my options," Seifer thought. He had been living on the street for the past four months. He hadn't seen anyone he'd known, thankfully. "Ah, now to do the last resort." Seifer headed out to the corner of the street until he saw a driver.
"Hello, young man. What would you like?" the driver asked.
"I'll suck your cock for one hundred dollars, " Seifer replied.
"Hmmm. That seems like a deal." the driver pulled over to the side. Seifer got in. A few minutes later, Seifer ran over to the nearest corner where he thought a dealer would be. He was able to see the other people on the corner.
"SEIFER!" the people yelled.
"Fujin? Raijin?" Seifer asked.
"Yeah, man! Come on over!" the two asked. Seifer ran over to them.
"What the hell are you two up to?" Seifer asked.
"From what I spied over there, the same thing you are, man!" Raijin replied.
"Um, what would that be?" Seifer asked.
"DICK. COKE." Fujin replied.
"Well, OH, ALL RIGHT! I SUCK DICK FOR COKE, AND I'M PROUD OF IT!" Seifer replied.
"You know it, man. We just got enough between us to buy an 8 ball! Want to get cut in?" Raijin asked.
"Sure." Seifer, Fujin, and Raijin started walking. "Well, at least we've did what we said we would, stay together." Seifer replied. Suddenly, a person walked by. "SUCKY SUCKY! TWENTY DOLLARS! DEAL!"
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Hi, kids, I'm Alan Smithee. As you can see, the people in this story thought that they didn't need a high school diploma as long as they had each other. This, of course, is completely wrong. You will most likely never see the people who you're friends with now again after you head off to college (unless you go to some community college, in which case you'll just be a pathetic townie for the rest of your life.) Basically, kids, just remember. Friends, lovers, all of that doesn't matter. Do not drop out of school for any reason, or whether you like it or not, you WILL end up sucking dick for single lines of cocaine on some godforsaken street corner somewhere. Thank you.