Disclaimer: Naruto = not mine. Duh. That's like saying you own a cat. You don't own the cat. The cat owns you. It just lets you think you own it. Also, just so you people know: Riku = male, Seika = female. Got it? Good. Also, this is Riku. Riku also = not gay. There are straight guys who are yaoi / shounen-ai fans! Granted, I happen to be bi…and that is not a copout! Also, a warning: Riku = completely out of freaking mind. Seika = the same. And we are bored. Y'all should know, really freaky things tend to happen when we are bored. Whether or not it's because we're bored remains to be seen.

Seika: ( butting in b/c she's very impatient) Damnit, Riku, get on with it! Are you planning to make the entire first chapter a disclaimer!?! Jeez! Why did I ever agree to this? Why?

Riku: (aggravated) Because I asked you to. Now, shushinushi!

Seika: Please, tell me you did not just do the shushinushi thing on the internet, where everyone can see?

Riku: Yes, I did.

Seika: Oh my gawd, I'm never leaving the house again.

Riku: Oh, yeah… CRAP!! Damnit Seika, why didn't you stop me!?!!?

Seika: Like that's possible??!!! Half the time YOU don't even know, so how am I supposed to?!!!!!

Riku: Ow, Seika, the ears, you promised, no more shrieking at me until I lose consciousness.

Seika: That happened once. How long are you gonna go on about that?

Riku: Um, it was twice. In the same day. Yesterday.

Seika: …whatever.

Riku: (sigh) Anyway, this story is AU, set in our world, because I cant write in the Naru-verse, it disintegrates by chapter 3. Not good. And no, I have absolutely no idea for a title. It takes a while to get a good one. And I am not making chapter titles, they make me go BOOM!. Titles will be in this format:

CHAPTER X / POV

If POV is beyond you, then you are beyond idiocy. I'll keep this as short as possible: Flamers will be hunted down and killed. PAINFULLY. One of my best friends is an assassin… and one, no, two are vampires, and ones a lycan (werewolf)… you know, now that I think about it, just about everyone I know is a deadly force of nature when they get pissed off. Including myself. Thankfully, no one has gotten any of us to that point… they are too afraid.

Seika: What about Charlie?

Riku: I threw him out of a window, remember? And, those of you who are freaking out, it was the second story and he landed in a bush. The only injury was to his pride. Anyways, ENJOY!!

P.S.: Flamers: I will also steal your souls and sell them (in bulk) on EBay, because I need money. So, please, Burn, Baby, Burn!!!! (cracks up)

Questions or comments to: rikuisguardian4aolDOTcom or rikutheguardian4yahooDOTcom.

* disclaimer will now read: see chapter one.

CHAPTER ONE / NARUTO POV

"Naruto!" screamed Sakura from down the hall. "I didn't do it!" Naruto said as soon as she got near. " I'm not mad. I just wanted to talk to you about something, before you go chasing after your crush." She explained. "Uh… I'm not chasing him – I mean her!" I yelled. Sakura gave me a look, then pulled me into an alcove and whispered: "Look, I know that you're gay, and that you have a crush on