I'm
not quite sure how to breathe without you here
I'm not quite sure
if I'm ready to say goodbye to all we were
Be with me
Stay with
me
Just for now
Let the time decide
When I won't need you
Brennan
shifted in the vinyl hospital chair and sighed. It was the second day
since the surgery, and Booth still had not stirred. She was trying to
remain cool and rational, but that was surprisingly hard to do. All
she could think about was his faint pulse as she clasped his hand
firmly in her own, trying to will her life force into his body. As
the hours wore on, Brennan refused to leave his side, even when
Angela or Cam came in to relieve her, she wouldn't budge. Brennan
was terrified that as soon as she stepped out of the room, his life
would leave his body. And there was no way in hell she would ever let
that happen. As hard as it was to admit it even now, Brennan needed
Booth. There was no way around that fact. My
hand searches for your hand
In a dark room
I can't find
you
Help me
Are you looking for me?
She
could barely hold in her tears as she thought of how deeply he had
affected her life. Booth had done so much, from making sure she had
three meals a day, to teaching her to see the world through not just
her eyes, but her heart. Now that her heart had started again, it
seemed it was only going to be ripped out of her chest. Brennan
couldn't stand her thoughts anymore and got up from the chair.
Instead of leaving she went around to the other side of the hospital
bed where there were not as many tubes, and gently lay down next to
her partner, taking his hand again. Can
I feel anyore?
Lie to me, I'm fading
I can't drop you
Tell
me, I don't need you
As
she put her head on his shoulder, she made a decision. Even though
she did not believe that Booth could really hear her, Brennan took
comfort in the fact that he would have wanted her to do this. She
opened her mouth and started to speak. At first, it was just mundane
things like how Cam had cut her hair and Sweets was writing his
manuscript about them, but then soon turned to deeper subjects.
"Angela and Hodgins are back together," she whispered, "Angie
told me it was because she realized life was too short to just ignore
the obvious and live in denial. I don't want to make that mistake
either." She paused for breath, and wiped some fresh tears from her
eyes. "I know you probably can't hear me, but I want to say this
anyway. You have changed me Booth. I don't think that I could
continue on without you teasing me, or calling me Bones. I love when
you correct me, even if I act annoyed. I love your eyes, and your
charm smile, and even that ridiculous cocky belt buckle. I love how
just being wrapped in your arms can make me feel safe anywhere, even
if that's completely irrational. I loveā¦. You."
My
hand searches for your hand
In a dark room
I can't find
you
Help me
Are you looking for me?
Brennan
broke down, no longer able to control the ocean of tears in her
throat. She didn't even try to stifle the pain in her wails as she
clung to Booth's hospital gown, breathing in his scent. "I love
you. And that means you can't leave me, you just can't. if you
feel the same, you have to pull through this, for me. And if not for
me, than for Parker." That was the only thing she could choke out,
wishing desperately that he would answer back. She needed to hear his
soft voice, trying to calm her down, and his hands, rubbing gentle
circles in her back. Eventually she cried herself out, still holding
her partner close. "Seeley Booth, I'm not ready to lose you to
any God. Even the one you are so convinced will bring you to eternal
happiness." Ten minutes later she fell asleep, curled into a ball
next to her best friend.
Etch
this into my brain for me
Tell me, how it's supposed to be
Where
everything will go
And how I'll be without you by my side
She
woke up some hours later, interrupted by a sweet nurse who seemed
very sorry to disturb her. "I'm sorry Mrs. Booth, but I needed to
check up on your husband." Brennan waved her off, saying of course,
it was her job, and rather sheepishly got up off the bead and
smoothed her rumpled clothes. She didn't bother correcting the
nurse about her mistake; it seemed so trivial now. As she turned her
back to go sit in the chair again, the nurse spoke. "Mrs. Booth,
were you here at around midnight last night?" Brennan responded
that she had, and asked why that was relivant. "Well, around that
time last night, something caused your husband's heart rate to
speed up, and I was wondering if you knew what caused it." The
nurse waited expectantly while Brennan could only shake her head and
say no, she had no idea. As the nurse shrugged and left, Brennan's
head swam. Maybe he had heard her. Maybe he had heard and understood
as well. My
hand searches for your hand
In a dark room
I can't find
you
Help me
Are you looking for me?
Brennan crept closer to her partner's bed and took his face in her hands. As she stared at his unresponsive face she murmured, "I love you Seeley Booth," and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. She heard his heart monitor speed up, but kept her eyes closed. When she heard a soft breathy, "Boooonesss." She couldn't help it; tears started flowing yes again. She pulled back and smiled into Booth's cloudy brown eyes. She took his hand and whispered, "I'm here. Always." It was a promise she intended to keep, no matter what.
