AN: A song fic, a very crappy song fic. Yeah, it's not caught, but, well, I'm having some trouble with ending caught, it's a lesson, always have at least some sort of plan when starting to write a story, now if only I would learn the damn lesson. Once more I give you a badly structured oneshot. Enjoy. XD
Welcome to my life
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong And no one understands you
Alex watched as the rain water slid down the window, leaving a trail of moisture before another drop replaced the first one. It was a rainy day and the sky outside was grey, a broiling mass of stormy clouds. The grassy field Alex could see outside the wondow was being flattened by the force of the water pelting down from the heavens and the classroom was filled with the sounds of raindrops hitting the roof with great force.
The entire classroom felt isolated. Alex looked away from the window for a minute and glanced around the slightly cold room that was where his class had History. Everyone was crowded around in groups of threes and fours, the occasional group of five and six spotted the room. Everyone was laughing and talking, pretty much just slacking off in one of the 'boring' classes. Alex didn't mind history, in fact, he quite liked it; it may have been his favourite subject. On the other side of the room Jan Stevenson was laughing abnoxiously at something her boyfriend had said and the teacher, a quiet, slimly built middle aged man, tried half heartedly to tell her to shut up. Alex took in the rest of the room, similar things were happening all around and Alex felt the sudden but not unfamiliar tug of lonliness pull his stomach into a knot. He felt so out of place, everyone knew each other, they were all friends, they all trusted each other. No one had trusted Alex for a long time.
He had tried to reconnect with his old friends but none of them wanted anything to do with him, in fact, the last thing anyone besides Tom had said to him was a swear and a threat to get out of the school.
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Sometimes he contemplated the idea of packing a bag and running, running from school, from Jack, from MI6 and from the memories, all of the memories that plagued his mind, all of the nightmares that haunted his every moment.
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud That no one hears you screaming
He remembered the night before when he had locked himself upstairs in his room, MI6 had called again and instead of hearing them out Alex had hung up on them and left the room, turning his Ipod up full blast and singing the lyrics to an angry song as loud as he could.
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like To be like me
Sometimes he wondered if his old friends knew anything about how he was feeling, they all seemed so carefree, so innocent, and the crappy thing about it was that it was right! That was how he was meant to look, not some life weary old man in a childs' body. God he missed it.
Being his old self.
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
He hated it, they never told him anything, ignored him and the consequences of their actions until they needed him again, needed to manipulate and terrorise him into doing their bidding once more. They left him no time to recuperate, to mend himself to fix what was broken.
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
He hated that they thought he could cope with it all, that they didn't care enough to help him when he was in trouble, to leave him without a lifesupport. No one understood.
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Sometmes he imagined what is life would have been like if his parents hadn't been involved in MI6, if they hadn't died and he had grown up with them, what would have happened if he had been normal. He was so sick of Jack and Tom and his social workers trying to tell him everything was going to be alright, so sick of it.
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
He wasn't meant to be apart of the world of espionage, he was meant to be a kid. He hated it, he hated MI6 and the spy world, he hated the manipulation and the fake concern they exuded, the way they carefully twisted everything to benifit them. He hated that they could wound him so deeply.
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
No one could help him because no one knew what it was like, sure they gave him a psychologist but had he ever had anything to do with a teenage spy? Had he ever been involved in his world of espionage and near death experiences? No, he hadn't, no one knew. And, no one will ever know what it was like to be him.
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
There was no way anyone could know how he felt, the misery he put up with everyday, they didn't know how it felt to feel lost and confused, how it felt to be beaten time after time, to be broken deep inside where nothing can help you prepare the damaged parts of your heart.
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like,
what it's like
Had they ever had someone lie straight to their face and tell them everything is okay, just to turn around the next day when someone had come after them with a gun and tell them that they had had to cancel the backup and that they would have to go in to a dangerous situation alone?
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)
No, they never had, they didn't know, Jack didn't, Tom didn't, the psychologist didn't, because he was 'unique', he was special, he was doing something good for the world and the only thing Tom had to worry about was exactly whether he would pass or fail the next maths test.
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Alex glanced away from the kids and back towards the window, the rain was easing up, Alex continued to angst about his screwed up life, he twisted in his seat and winced as a twinge of pain shot up his side. He had been attacked the day before, a gang of Triad members that had tracked him down. He had been cornered and it had taken a little more time then usual to take all of them down. He had managed to avoid Jack that night but he was going to have to face her today, he had a lot of explaining to do. He was so sick of explaining, so sick of it all. Maybe, maybe it was time to go. To vanish. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea. Alex stood up as the bell rang. Around him everyone was collecting their books. He didn't bother, he left the pile of history books on the table and walked out, striding down the rapidly filling hallway and out the schools front doors. Ignoring the shouts that asked him what the hell he thought he was doing, he walked calmly into the rain and to his new life.
AN: Yep, pretty crappy...