Title: NEVER SAY NEVER

The Soundtrack Series

Author: Earthangie

Pairing: A/O

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Characters not mine. Story not used for profit.

Chapter One: Crawling Back to You i Backstreet Boys

But baby here I am

Bangin' on your front door

My pride spilled on the floor

My hands and knees are bruised

And I'm crawlin' back to you

Beggin' for a second chance

Are you gonna let me in

The rain was harsh and the lightning was threatening as Olivia beat her fists against Alex's door. The stoop was flooded at her feet and yesterdays paper was so wet, no one would ever be able to read it.

"Alex! Open this door, please!" Olivia screamed over the roar of the thunder. Rain cascaded over her grief stricken face. She was a determined woman and she wouldn't let Alex shut her out. She wouldn't let Alex lock her out of her life. She needed her… like she needed air to live. "ALEXANDRA!"

Her fists became raw as she beat the oak again and again. Alex was just as stubborn as she was, and she was well aware it would not be easy to even get her to hear her side. Her hands became numb as she let them fall to her sides. She was drenched and alone on this city street; on this woman's stoop. "Please…" she whispered letting her head drop against the door. She stood there as the cold water rolled over her hot face and down her sniffling nose. Her fingertips grazed the door as she felt herself drop down to her knees. She sat in front of it like a child… or a stray cat looking for shelter.

Olivia sat back on her feet, starring at the door. She wasn't going to leave until it opened, even if she had to sit there and catch pneumonia. She could die at that stoop if it proved to Alex that she loved her more than anything.

A cab pulled up to the building behind Olivia but she didn't bother turning around. She was up to her ears wasted and nothing mattered anyway. Alex wasn't going to open that door. She royally fucked up. She knew she did too. The soft click of rain panicked heels jumped out of the car and the sound of an umbrella popped open. Then the heels were silent. Rain bounced off the black nylon.

"Olivia?" A confused, and slightly annoyed, voice came.

Olivia turned her attention from the door to face the blonde she so desperately needed to see. Alex stood before her, a shiver went through her but she stood her ground.

"What are you doing here?" She asked. She tried so hard to be angry at Olivia but seeing her there; broken into a thousand pieces cracked through her wall… just a little.

"How could you go out with him?" She half yelled, half whimpered at the woman standing before her. The signature red dress Olivia would never forget peeked out from Alex's tan raincoat. Her waves had turned to curls, ringing at her brows. i She has natural curls/i Olivia thought.

"ME? We are over, remember? You did that to us! You did that!" She pointed an angry finger at the soaking woman shivering feverishly on the cold stone in front of her. "If I want to have a date with Trevor, that is my own Goddamn business!" Alex wanted the words to hurt Olivia. She was wounded from the mistakes Olivia had made and she wanted her to pay for what she did. So much of her wanted Olivia crying there but a bigger part of her still cared… so much. "Dammit Liv!" Alex said stomping her heel on the ground. She sighed, giving into the broken woman before her. She walked up the steps and looked down at her.

Olivia's sixth Sam Adams bottle slipped out of her freezing fingers and rolled up to the wall. Alex closed the umbrella. "Come on," she said, feeling as though she were speaking to child who just had a temper tantrum and was about to get her way because you just felt bad for that innocent little face. Alex reached down and slid her arms under Olivia's helping her to her feet.

Alex struggled to get them inside, Olivia hanging from her shoulder. She switched on the lights and steadied Olivia against the, now closed, door. "Don't move… you'll get water everywhere."

Alex quickly disappeared down the hall and reemerged with two towels. She laid one on the floor in front of Olivia. "This is for all the wet clothes." She stood behind Olivia; silently helping her shed the clothing. One by one the heavy articles dropped to the floor.

"Alex," Olivia started.

"I don't want to hear it," she replied firmly.

"You need to," Olivia pleaded softly, standing in her undergarments. She turned around to face Alex; to face the music. "I know I fucked up. It wasn't my fault, I—"

"You were drunk, is what you were. I'm supposed to take you back because you weren't accountable for your actions? That's bullshit Olivia. Look at yourself. Who's to say you won't do this again? How am I supposed to know you didn't do it tonight? Look at you. Look at yourself in the mirror," Alex scolded with a twinge of sadness.

Olivia looked over Alex's shoulder, into the mirror on the wall, at the circles under her eyes. She was a mess. She hadn't slept in… years, it felt like. The only time she did was on her days off when she would drown herself in Captain Morgan. She would never show up to work with a hangover. Her job was the only thing that gave her strength… and broke her apart at the same time. That was, until she had met Alex. Things had gone amazingly. They didn't always get to see each other but the time they spent together was indescribable. Olivia felt like nothing could take her down. Then it happened… her mother died. So much went with Serena went she toppled down those subway steps. Olivia drank that night. She drank hard. She drank to forget, to remember… maybe to celebrate her freedom. Who knows? She wasn't even sure herself. It was on that night, an Italian girl with raven hair and soft features literally cornered her. It was a mere ten seconds of her life that would ruin months of ecstasy, and future endeavors… and trusts with Alex.

"What the hell is going on here?" Alex's sharp voice pierced through the music in the dark bar. She was like a homing device, zeroing in on the detective, about to explode. Olivia pushed the girl from her arms and tried to plead with the fuming blonde but her slurred speech might as well have been Japanese.

Alex walked out of that bar and never turned back to listen to any kind of explanation…until tonight. Olivia had called countless times but refused to leave any kind of message except, "call me back, I can't explain myself to a machine." Alex never answered the calls.

"You need to take a shower," Alex said flatly to the woman starring deeply into the mirror, remembering all the actions leading up to yet another night of intoxication for her. Alex led her into the familiar bathroom and set a towel on the sink. Beside it she laid out flannel pants and a white t-shirt. "We'll talk when you get out."

Olivia stood under the scorching spray and her goose bumps felt like needles on her skin. The water burned, mostly because she was so cold, but she remained under the spray. She cried hard as the water branded her skin, transforming the bronze to beet red. She was punishing herself. She was constantly doing that. She never felt she was being punished enough, so she sought out her own ways to make herself feel better… or worse. She didn't even know anymore.