A/N: Alright... So I watched the movie again a while ago and this scene popped into my head. I never posted it though. Recently I read a similar idea by Liza Chase (who, by the way, executed it much better than I have) and she said that I should post it. So... here it is. I'd love to hear feedback on in-characterness or lack thereof.
Chekov slipped on his yellow uniform shirt and let out a deep sigh, going back out to where his roommate was sitting.
"Morning," Sulu said.
"Good morning, Hikaru," Chekov replied, not really paying attention. Sulu stood up and looked at the seventeen-year-old.
"What's up?"
"Nothing," Chekov said with a shrug. He flashed a convincing smile.
"Sure." Sulu looked skeptical. "Well, if you decide you want to tell me, I'm here to listen. Okay, Pavel?"
"Okay," Chekov said. "I am going to the bridge, are you coming?"
"Nah, I'm going to go work out first. I don't have a shift yet."
"Alright, then I will see you later." Chekov walked out of their quarters and toward the bridge, happy to be alone for a moment. He had to keep up his normal energy around others, or they started wondering what was wrong with him. But he didn't feel energetic. He felt subdued. Troubled.
And he knew he wasn't the only one. The moment in the transporter room came back to him as it had countless times in the past five days. And the past four nights. He'd hardly slept.
Everything had been working, then something happened down on the planet and suddenly one of the signals started to fade. "I'm loosing her! I'm loosing her!" And one too few people were beamed back onto the Enterprise. He saw Commander Spock's expression again as he had countless times before. Vulnerable, shocked, heartbroken. And it was all Chekov's fault.
He'd lost her.
Chekov didn't know how many times he could relive that moment and remain sane. Cadet Uhura, concerned about the Ensign, had told Chekov that Spock's mother had been standing on a cliff edge that had collapsed. That it wasn't his fault.
But Chekov knew it was. He had compensated for gravity before, beaming up Hikaru and Captain Kirk. He just hadn't been fast enough when it had counted. He stared at the pattern of the floor as he walked quickly toward the bridge. That was a mistake. He collided with someone and ended up sprawled on the ground. He saw who he'd run into and his eyes widened.
"Commander Spock, sir! I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going!" He got to his feet rapidly. Spock simply shrugged.
"It was inadvertent, Ensign, so your apology is unnecessary." He appeared not to have even been thrown off balance by the collision. Chekov nodded.
"Alright..." He didn't really know how to respond to that.
"Just remember to be mindful of your surroundings in the future," Spock advised him, not unkindly. The Vulcan started to walk away and Chekov turned.
"Wait, please, Commander. I had something I needed to say to you." He fiddled with the edge of his shirt nervously. Spock turned, arching one eyebrow and inclining his head.
"Proceed, Ensign."
"A-about the transporter accident," Chekov stuttered. He saw pain flash in Spock's dark eyes before a very guarded shield slid over them. Chekov's words came out in a rush. "I'm so sorry, sir, I should have been able to beam her up, but I couldn't and what happened was my fault."
Spock seemed to deliberate carefully before speaking. "I do not blame you for what happened, Ensign. I understand that Ny- Cadet Uhura has informed you of the situation surrounding the lost signal."
"Yes," Chekov said.
"Then you know you could not have prevented that from occurring." Spock paused again. "One can only compensate for gravitational pull so quickly, and there was not enough time."
"I know," Chekov said. "But still-" he stopped, not knowing how to express what he wanted to say. He felt unexpected tears start to form in his eyes and cursed mentally. Stupid sleep deprivation, stupid stress, stupid transporter. He was already the child age-wise on the ship without acting childish on top of that. He blinked quickly.
"Ensign Chekov," Spock said with a barely detectable element to his voice that held something akin to gentleness. "It was through no personal fault of yours that the accident happened. I hold no ill will toward you, and you did save myself and the rest of the Council." Chekov nodded slowly, slightly confused.
"You have preformed admirably, Ensign. No one disputes that fact. Do not let one incident that was not your fault diminish your confidence in your abilities," Spock told him. Chekov felt surprise. This was a different side of the aloof Commander. He was being almost... nice.
"Thank you," Chekov said, a burden feeling as if it had lifted from his shoulders. "You have done very well also, sir, if I can say so."
Spock's eyebrows rose. "I appreciate the comment," he said. He tilted his head very slightly to one side. "Do not let this matter trouble you any longer."
"I won't," Chekov said quietly. "Thank you," he said again. With a nod of acknowledgement Spock continued walking down the hall and Chekov went to the bridge; the cheerful greeting he gave Uhura and Kirk was completely genuine.
He slept soundly that night.