Chapter One
Jasper
I was weary and the emptiness around and within forced me to stop and take stock. What had happened to the idealistic young man who had left his family and joined the Confederate Army under-age, all those long years ago? Why was my life so desolate? I'd survived my transformation and my years in Maria's army, I'd even survived the escape from that particular hell. I was free, I could go anywhere, do anything I wanted but was that the problem? What did I want? What was there for me in the future but endless years wandering this planet as an outcast, a monster in man form. Even hunting was torture, to feel the fear and pain, the moment of death of every one of my prey was crushing me mentally. I felt like the empty husks that were all that remained of every human I had killed to feed myself. I had tried starving myself but to no avail, the vampire inside would not be denied, he would survive and I was carried along, crushed under his iron will.
I remembered back to my earliest days.
My father ploughing the land, walking behind his prized horses, setting seed for food for his family, a proud man who worked from sun up to sun down, went to church on a Sunday and loved his family. My mother, a hard working woman who never complained but kept house, cooked, nursed us through our illnesses, and scrubbed us all to attend church with her husband. My older brother Chad, a strong lad who helped my father on the land, tended to the animals and kept us younger ones in line when my father was away from home. My younger brothers Billy and Samuel who spent their time getting into mischief and always seeming to get away with it until the day they went swimming in the creek and got swept away. Samuel managed to reach the bank but the suddenly swollen river claimed Billy and we buried him under the old oak tree on the hill. Nothing was ever the same after that day. My parents stopped smiling and although they loved us just the same the heart had gone from our home.
When the war came I begged my father to let me join up but he said I was needed on the farm so I ran away and lied about my age to join the Confederate Army. Farming had never interested me although I did my chores without complaint but I found my place in the army. I rose through the ranks to become the youngest Major and I was proud. I sent a photograph in uniform to my mother and father. Their son was a leader of men, I'd found where I belonged, my mind worked so clearly on the battlefield, tactics came easily and my men seemed to know I would stand with them and we would win our battles. Fighting was something I did well, winning was what I did best of all, but it wasn't to last.
All too soon I met Maria and her sisters. I was on my way back to the battlefront after escorting a group of women and children safely to Galveston when I first saw them. Three young women standing lost sand frightened on the road. Were they some of my party who had got lost? Or women looking for safety? Either way it was my duty as a soldier and a gentleman to aid them. If only I'd ridden on, I may have been killed in battle or lived to see our defeat and start again but no, I stopped, and that was the beginning of my life as a vampire, a hated and feared monster, but still a soldier. This time my men were newborns, I turned, trained, and killed my men at her command. The first few years I knew nothing different, the blood lust, the rage, kept me from feeling anything but relief. Relief when I drained a human that my throat no longer burned, relief when I killed and the rage cooled for a while but as the years went on and the blood lust cooled I began to feel the fear, the pain, the death of every life I took. Killing became torture for me as well as my victims and then I turned Peter.
Peter was a lone human who wandered into our territory at the wrong time. I saw him, I turned him, and I trained him. Peter was good, no, more than good, Peter was an excellent soldier with a great tactical brain and he became my right hand man. We became close, something that just didn't happen between vampires unless they were mated. Peter struck a chord in me, he reminded me of my brother Billy. Always quick with a retort, always ready to try something new. When Charlotte entered our lives things changed, Peter took a shine to her and I saw their love grow, they became mates and lived for each other. Peter was still a friend but Charlotte was his life now and Maria saw that. She didn't like that Peter was distracted by a female, she had to be the one woman everyone loved and ordered me to kill her in the next batch of unwanted newborn burn outs. She never kept soldiers longer than a year, they lost their incredible rage and strength then and were less effective in her eyes, she liked the wild untamed newborns. When I told Peter he begged me to save her, to let her escape. It would be dangerous, for me most of all but I felt I owed Peter something, he had made my life more bearable with his presence so when we were killing the latest batch I told him to take her and run, as far and as fast as they could for as long as they could, without stopping.
They got away and earned their freedom but Maria was suspicious, she knew of our friendship and she suspected I had allowed them to escape although she couldn't prove it. Her rage was spectacular, my punishment left me in agony for weeks and I was watched more closely. I knew my time with her was coming to an end. She was grooming a newcomer to take my place, Nathan, a self assured and utterly ruthless vampire who wanted my place in Maria's army and in her bed. Her bed he got, I no longer pleased her but then she no longer pleased me either. I had lost my hunger for sex as a release from tension and rage. As I saw my death loom closer Peter came back for me. He and Charlotte were putting themselves at risk to take me away. At first I refused, they didn't understand but Maria's way of life was all I knew. I was scared of being cut free, of looking after myself, of having to think and make decisions for myself. He came back four times before I finally plucked up the courage to run. I knew it was that or lose my life very soon and much as I hated what I had become I hated the thought of death even more. I was trapped in a world and body I hated but refused to relinquish.
The time with Peter and Charlotte was the first peace I had in this life, although I still had to hunt and feel the terror and pain of my prey, the times in between were more relaxed. They made me welcome, I had my own space and Peter and I raised horses. It was something I was interested in, I loved to ride, it gave me a sense of freedom. Charlotte never made me feel the odd one out for which I was grateful, in fact she became the sister I never had. They both cared for me and we lived comfortably but there came a time when I started to feel unsettled again. I wanted more than to share their life, I needed time away from them, give them their space their privacy, besides which listening to the sounds of their love making disturbed me. I longed for a woman, a woman I could come home to, a woman who loved me, one I could cherish and protect, give a home and a life to. The bitterest pill to swallow was the knowledge that I would never have a wife, a family, a son, all the things that as a human I took for granted. I didn't believe I would find a mate in my world either, my reputation went before me and I was feared or hated by most of my own kind. Was I destined to be alone for eternity? I could have any human woman I wanted, who could fight me off but that wasn't what I wanted. Sex yes, but more, so much more, all the things that went to making a couple, two beings who loved each other unconditionally. Peter and Charlotte showed me it was possible but it was beyond my reach. I wanted, needed, a life of my own. But first I wanted to go back, to retrace my steps to a life that I had thought so little of at the time. To see if any of my family or descendants were still on the farm, if I had a link with the human world even now. Peter offered to go with me but I needed to do this alone.