A/N: Well well. This is the first chapter. Happy happy for me. The lame excuse that you have been writing late at night / early in the morning comes into action.
Rating: Rated M for sex, drugs, and obviously grapey brother sister jank. You're welcome.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, my friends. T_T Good night, now.
I wake up. I brush my teeth. I eat too much. I do mindless, objective-less things. I go to school. My sister goes to school. This is me. This is simplicity.
Sora is basically, and in all seriousness, my bitch. I do not respect him. But that's ok, right? That does not make me a bad person. It's just that I often wish I could put needles in his face. I wish I could make him stop laughing forever. When he laughs, it creeps me out. It makes me feel like he's coming on to me.
I do not dislike Sora, I simply feel nothing for him but the feeling that you have for ugly animals that are dying.
When I go to school, Sora is almost always the very first person I see. I wish I could change this. Sora is irritating, and is the most irritating in the morning. The sun is the brightest in the morning, and his scars and cigarette burns show the clearest. Axel and I once put firecrackers in his box of cigarettes.
Sora believes he is my friend. He is not my friend. Sora is one of those mistakes that you make when you feel slightly generous while handing out empathy, and in the end I get the same resentful dissatisfaction out of our relationship as I do when I catch myself staring at Axel's ass.
As much as I regret having Sora as a friend, he is one of the most important people in my life. I thrive off of him, he gives me good feelings. About myself.
"Even I think you should be less of a dick to Sora," says Riku one day after school. Riku and I share no connections except for that he sometimes deals me ecstasy and I like ecstasy, therefore we talk behind the building occasionally.
I muse about Sora like this because my sister, Namine, came home today crying.
"I called him a spineless pussy," she sobs, "and he just walked away without saying a word, and that hurt worse than if he had punched me in the face."
"Did you have a reason for calling him a spineless pussy?" I ask, relatively amused.
"Kairi likes him. He doesn't have the guts to tell her that he's not interested, and she keeps getting all these false hopes. It's pathetic for both of them, but he's the man!"
I sigh.
"Sora's not a man. He's a floating, nebular entity."
Namine gets this disgusted look on her face.
"I hate him. I just hate him. I hate all men." She then looks at me, as if I'm some kind of savior. "But I love you," she says warmly, "I missed you, Roxas." And she hugs me as we both sit on the couch.
This is where my problem begins.
I can walk around my house, and eat, and talk to Axel, and do ecstasy as much as I want but I cannot run away from my family, which means I cannot run away from my sister.
In the beginning, I dislike my sister. She is a shiny person - her hair is blonde, her blue eyes reflect mine. She, in many ways, reflects me, therefore, my good deed reflects hers and her sin reflects mine. My sister and I are both inward people, we have friends, but our friends don't have us. In the beginning, I do not like that my sister does not tell me who she dates, and I do not like that she does not ask me for help with homework.
Does that mean I approach her? We do not seek others. We beckon them. This means that we are not connected as siblings.
When my sister hugs me while we both sit on the couch, this is the end of the beginning.
I sit up, quickly.
"That was strange." I say, blushing, and I walk away. I walk upstairs. Our parents won't be home for two weeks. I walk into my bedroom, thankful for their absence. I breathe slowly through my nose, and then slip into bed. And this is where my problem begins.
"Happy January," calls Axel, opening my bedroom door, without knocking, again. "The sun is high and so am I."
"Get the fuck out of my house. I have nothing for you to smoke." I mutter, my face stuck to my pillow ungracefully.
"I know that," he laughs, "I came here to ogle Namine."
I jerk out of my pillow, into a kneeling position on my bed, staring seriously at Axel.
"Just kidding…" He says, eyes widening.
"This is stupid." I mutter, as Axel slips a narcotic into Sora's refrigerated Pepsi. Axel likes to steal people's house keys.
"You are a peachy person," he replies as he closes the refrigerator. This is our Saturday morning. "Take these situations more seriously. If we can manage to kill Sora, our lives will be easier."
"No, our lives will be amusing for the length of time that it takes for him to die. Then our lives will be boring again."
"I suppose you're right."
Then Sora makes his way into his kitchen, rubbing his eyes. A very, very, very sad glimmer of happiness appears in his face when he sees two of his friends (which have committed several felonies in this position) in front of his refrigerator, assumedly raiding it because they respect Sora enough to do something like that and then joke about it later.
"We bought you a soda." Axel says gravely, and hands the bottle to our good friend.
"Thanks!" Sora chimes, and drinks it heartily.
"Should we bury him?" I suggest.
"No, he'd wake up with dirt in his brains."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"Yeah kind of, he could sue us."
"Whatever."
We decide to leave him naked on Kairi's couch, a couple blocks away. She doesn't wake up until like, two in the afternoon anyways.
"Well, I'm heading home." Says Axel, as we stand in the intersection of roads that lead to my house, Sora's house, Kairi's apartment, and Axel's apartment. Nearby is a drug store that has been destroyed and modified by Riku's organization.
"Good bye," I say, waving after him, "I feel like a good citizen."
At home, Namine has showered, and sits in front of the sliding glass doors at the end of the kitchen, gazing out into our mothers zen garden. She drinks a glass of iced tea. She's wearing one of my red t-shirts, which is too large for her, and some black leggings.
I lean against the wall behind her, watching her. An aching knot forms in my stomach.
"I can hear you breathing back there." She says quietly. I sigh.
"You sure do know how to weird me out." I mumble, "I'm sure you heard me come in."
She twists around to look at me with serious eyes.
"Why are you wearing my shirt?" I ask coldly, the question sounding more like a statement.
"I just found it."
"But why are you wearing it?"
"I just found it." She repeats, frowning. "Do you want me to take it off?"
This makes the knot in my stomach tighter, and blood rushes to my face. Is she asking me this to torture me? What a foolish person.
"If you want it back, I'll give it back." She says in exasperation.
"No. Whatever." I mutter, and head upstairs, "I'm taking a shower."
When you're in hot water and no one is watching and you begin to touch yourself, it's hard to stop. Good things come out of masturbation, but I felt much, much, less clean as I dried my hair, put on some dark, comfortable clothes and headed back downstairs.
"Is there anything in particular you want for dinner?" My sister asks as she sits on the couch, and I am on the floor leaning against it. The television is muted.
"You're going to make something?" I ask, raising my eyebrows.
"No. I want to order something."
"Mom and dad had better bring home something delicious from Alaska."
"They eat bear in Alaska."
"Y'know who else eats bear?" I ask.
"Who?"
"Sora."
And we both burst into idiotic, immature laughing fits.
"I'm kind of glad mom and dad will be gone for a while." Namine says after our laughter dies down a bit.
"And why is that?"
"It's just nice. It's quiet."
In our family, the conflicts are the other way around – Namine and I rarely fight, but our parents do. Every day a stupid argument arises and every night it dissipates, they behave like kindergarteners.
Something strange happens. Namine reaches down while I am watching the silent screen, and brushes her hand once down the top of my head down to my neck, stroking my hair. I think – maybe – this is a sisterly touch, but it's still so wrong, after what I did in the shower. I stand up, jerkily.
"Uh- sorry." I mutter, and leave the room. I leave the house.
Over the hills and through the woods to Axel's house I go.
"I feel sick." I groan, the moment I open the door to his bedroom. He is alone, smoking a cigarette on his bed.
"What's wrong?" he asks, sleepily.
"I can't talk about it."
He smiles. Goddamnit Axel, you bastard.
"Come here, my sweet prince, may the fruits of gaydom bring you back to me." He says in a singsong voice, getting off the bed and pulling me into a creepy hug.
"Do not fuck with me. I'm serious." I croak, and I feel more ill than I had earlier felt, and run to the nearby bathroom to vomit.
"Jesus God, I didn't think you meant it." He says, as he leans on the doorway. "Did someone slip you something?"
"I said not to joke about this-" I manage to say between retches, my hand shaking against the toilet bowl.
"I'm not joking… what the hell happened?"
"Just shut up and stop looking at me." I moan, and vomit again.