How To Get Fired From A Comfy Chauffeur Job For Dummies
By Tom Branson
Ever wanted to get out of your job as a chauffeur without wanting to be a quitter? Maybe you're too kind hearted to deliberately crash the family car into a ditch? Well fear not, because my sure fire way to get yourself fired without damaging automobiles or humans will have you begging for mercy in no time. As a former chauffeur who is very experienced in this area, with my help you'll be free from the starched uniform and sweltering gloves and free to do whatever you've dreamt of doing…unless it's chauffeuring of course.
Chapter 1. Speak When Not Spoken To
To complete this mission, you need: a passion for something which will make you a natural foe to your employer, a close female relation to your employer (ideally a daughter) and a lot of charisma and charm. If you are stuck for ideas as to what might make you a natural foe, such things as sporting allegiance, nationality and political views are nearly always very successful. For now, I will use (as an example) politics. If your employer is of a high class, he will almost inevitably be a Tory or a right wing supporter. Your first step is to come out in full support of left wing parties such as Labour, Liberal or the Social Democrats. Your employer will take an instant dislike to you and will be wary of everything you do, setting you up quite nicely for the next step.
The next step after that is to find out whether you (as an example) and his daughter have anything in common, something which your employer will not be best pleased with her having an interest in. Again, politics is another strong point. If she is a natural socialist, suffragette or suffragist, then you have the foundations for what will be a very dramatic fall from grace. The tricky part now is to find the right moment to get talking to her, whether it be when you're alone driving her about or maybe just bumping into her, if she's not in the mood, then the whole plan will fall flat on it's face. Don't wait for her to speak to you, YOU speak to her first. This shows that you are violating the rules of conduct. If she goes and tells her papa then you might get fired sooner than you expect. Ask her a question, strike up a conversation about politics and use all the charm you have. Do this every time you're alone together; once she realises how much she enjoys spending time talking politics with you, she'll never want to stop. That's when you can pull out the next trick from under your sleeve. Flirtation. Simple flirtation. If it's not your strong point then no worries, I will tell you all you need to do in the next chapter, where will discuss the whole issue of falling for the rich girl.