Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Fox.
Warning: CRACK like I'm on crack! Sad attempt in crack, though. But still is TOTAL CRACK! ;p
A/N: Posted this in LJ too. Thank you kyuubi_paw for the quick beta and being a sweetheart. Big thank you to Omegadragoonx0 for proof-read this. Other mistakes are mine. Anyway, enjoy and review. =)
Summary for : [Future!fic] Finn breaks-off with his girlfriend and Kurt is there to clean up his mess and this time, he brings him to Las Vegas, the sin city. Finn and Kurt get hitched during a drunken night. So what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas right?
~*~
I, Finn Hudson, take Kurt Hummel to be my wife.
No. Husband – or wife. God, I'm so drunk.
~*~
Waking Up in Vegas
Lima, Ohio.
Finn has just recently broken-off with his thirteenth girlfriend. It's a feat for a twenty-five year old adult like him to have thirteen girlfriends throughout his twenty-five years of life.
There was Sheila… he doesn't remember her last name anymore, then the sweet Audrey Winter, and also Jacqy Reef.
Finn trails his gaze away from the TV and follows Kurt who is striding around his apartment, picking up his clothes and throwing away empty Chinese containers, just like a good wife. Finn mentally shakes his head. Where does that come from?
Ah. Never mind.
After that, came that cheerleader Quinn Fabray, then Rachel Berry and she ended up with Puck after that, he could never see that happening until it actually happened, but it didn't last long because three years later, she shared an apartment with Quinn and still does; and he thought they hated each other, but girls are totally weird and he never bothered to try to understand them.
Kurt passes by him with several books in his hands, apparently putting them back into the shelf in his bedroom. He should tell Kurt that it will just be waste of his energy because eventually those books will end up all around the apartment again.
After he graduated from William McKinley High, he dated Krystal Mia who had more awesome funbags than any girls he had ever dated, and then there was Nevada White whose dad happened to date his mom - which he found out after two weeks dating her. He broke it off, it was just weird. Luckily, his mom never took it further after two months of dating Mr. White. Good lord, he didn't want to change his name to Finn White. That was just weird, as well.
He hears the tap running inside the kitchen so he knows that Kurt is there, probably washing the mugs that he didn't bother to wash for a week.
After the White drama, he met Audrey Hanna who happened to be the sweetest girl he ever met until she finally admitted to him that she was a lesbian. So life went on and then there was Cheryl Cooper who became his rebound and until now he still felt guilty about it. Next was Avila Blue… hmm, nothing interesting about her except that she was just so needy that it freaked him out.
He hears Kurt scream from the kitchen, "Jeez Christ! There's fungus in one of those mugs! You're cleaning it later."
Of course he's going to clean it. Seriously, it's not even Kurt's job to be his house-maid but it's something that Finn is forced to get used to. Every time Kurt comes and visits him, he will suddenly turn into the mother-role or the house-maid role until everything settles, then he will be back to the usual bossy diva Kurt.
And then, he was with Phoebe Cooper. He didn't mean to end up hooking up with Cheryl's half-sister. He changed to Ohio State University and met Faith Jackson but they ended their summer fling with mutual understanding, and last but not least, Brooke Star, she was like the beautiful beauty-queen star which she was, and everything about her was perfect and everybody told them that they were like a match made in heaven. They were together for a year but it just didn't work out. There was something missing...
"-gave me a blow-job."
Finn raises his eye-brow in surprise as he asks, "Blow-job? Who?"
Kurt is standing in front of him and is wiping his hands with the kitchen's towel.
"Welcome back to Earth, Finn. I thought you'd be forever missing in the Twilight Zone."
Finn glares at him. "Ass."
Kurt rolls his eyes at him. "Dick."
Nonetheless, through all of his relationships since Quinn Fabray, Kurt has always been there for him, sticking with him through the crazy roller-coaster ride that was Finn Hudson's Love Life. Kurt Hummel attached to him like a puppy, but Finn knew that it's actually himself whom is attached to Kurt like a puppy. Kurt is like his comfort blanket. All the girls, they come and then they go, but Kurt, just like his mother, remains constant in his life and Finn takes comfort from that, even though how much both of them had changed in nine years.
Besides, not every straight-man has a gay best friend. It's fun actually because they have different perspective of what they see. For instance, Finn sees wool. Kurt sees cashmere. Finn sees ice-cream. Kurt sees fats. Finn sees a green color. Kurt sees a lime color or olive color, or emerald and everything that sounds green.
So Kurt is cool. He's the coolest best friend and the coolest gay man he has ever met in his life. It's unfortunate that they only started to get to know each other because of Glee club in McKinley High and became buddy-buddy after they graduated from high school.
And every time he breaks-up with anyone, the first person that he calls is none other than Kurt, and no matter where he is, he always tries to find a time to come and see Finn. Kurt was in Las Vegas doing Off-Broadway and it's always a wonder how Kurt can find a flight ticket that quick just to go back to Lima.
"Sorry have to make you come over all the way from Vegas back to Ohio."
Kurt merely shrugs at him. "You're lucky. We have two more weeks of break before I'll be totally on my feet for a month."
Finn nods his head before he slumps deeper into his couch. He doesn't feel like doing anything, his life is so boring and all that it's not even funny. The only bright side in his life is one cute Kurt Hummel who always makes sure that his apartment is clean-
"You need to shave, honey."
And makes sure he shaves too.
So after shaving and grooming himself and Kurt thinks he looks presentable enough for the outside world to see him, they go out and eat lunch in one of his and Kurt's favorite bistros.
"I'm also glad that Jacob's letting you come here. Unlike your ex-boyfriend last time, what was his name? The Irish dude."
"George?"
Finn nods his head. "Yeah. Him."
"Jacob is a lost case too."
"What? When did this happen?"
"A few weeks ago. He keeps calling me and it's so annoying. I'm going to change my phone number."
"So we're both single now."
Kurt grins at him. "And we're both practically available for each other."
They both laugh.
Kurt sips his Apple Crush then tells him, "By the way, I'm going back today."
Finn is horrified and asks, "Back to Vegas?"
"Uh-huh."
"But you just came here today."
Kurt smiles at him brightly, "That's why I got us these…" he trails off as he opens his Louis Vuitton tote and takes out two flight tickets.
"You and I are going to storm the sin city, baby!"
~*~
Las Vegas, Nevada.
And that's how Finn finds himself drinking his third highball glass of Electric Lemonade.
"What's that?" He asks as he looks at Kurt's cocktail glass.
"Strawberry Margarita."
"What's in it?"
"Tequila, strawberry schnapps, lemon juice."
"Sounds delicious."
"Yeah."
~*~
"Book me a ticket to your show."
"You watched West Side Story twice already."
"Thrice." Finn corrects Kurt.
He looks at Finn puzzled.
Finn shrugs his shoulder. "I brought Brooke with me the last time. She really wanted to watch it. She loves the Romeo and Juliet kind of thing, you know."
"You didn't tell me you were there."
Finn gives him a sheepish smile.
"So why do you want to watch it again?"
"I always enjoy looking at you, strutting your hips on stage."
He sees Kurt blush and feels kind of proud that he did that to Kurt.
~*~
"Remember that time you forced me to watch that Broadway show, Jersey Boys," starts Finn.
"Yeah. I had to blackmail you into it."
"Glad you did. Let me tell you a secret."
Kurt leans forward, his nose almost touching Finn's and he thinks that Kurt has the most beautiful freckles ever.
"I… erm… I forgot."
Kurt glares at him.
And it's true, he really did forget what he wanted to tell Kurt until his second glass of Strawberry Margarita.
~*~
Finn starts singing. For no reason other than that he feels like singing.
"Who loves you pretty baby, who's gonna help you through the night?"
Kurt looks at him. "You really enjoyed that show, huh?"
"Who loves you pretty mama, who's always there to make it right?" [1]
Perhaps, Finn thinks that he's tipsy now.
~*~
Finn looks through his Strawberry Margarita.
"It smells like your lip balm."
"That's because I drank that just now."
"No. Your lip balm… last time… I tried it once."
Kurt gives him a look which either made Finn blush,or he just had too much alcohol in his system.
"You used my lip balm," Kurt states, still giving him the look.
Finn fervently wishes that the ground can just open and swallow him whole, like right now.
~*~
They go out from the bar and walk outside, looking at the neon-lights of Las Vegas. His arm is around Kurt's shoulders as they stagger around.
He starts singing, swinging his other hand, "Walk like a man, talk like a man, walk like a man my son."[2]
"Stop."
"What?"
"You sound horrible imitating Frankie Valli's voice."
"I know. I don't have a soprano voice like Frankie Valli, that guy in Jersey Boys… and you."
~*~
They were in another bar; he couldn't remember what it is called. His cocktail tasted sour. God, he thinks he just killed his taste-buds.
"Enjoying your Sex Panther?"
He turns to Kurt and sees him smirking at him.
He asks Kurt, "And how's your Dick Hard?"
Finn sees him wince, so, he started smirking at Kurt too.
Kurt then tells him, "Let's try something else."
~*~
They start to get really drunk, albeit slowly. He doesn't even know what he is drinking… O'Hara? Sahara?
Kurt is looking at something and Finn turns to see what it is but doesn't see anything interesting.
"Whatcha looking at?"
"Visualizing a sack with little puppies in it."
"Huh?"
Finn thinks that Kurt must be more drunk than he is.
~*~
They are out in the open-air again, with both arms hugging around Kurt's shoulders and the other young man's arm around his waist. The cold air feels refreshing in their hazy intoxication.
Finn feels like singing Sherry. "Sherry, Sherry baby. Sherry, Sherry baby." [3]
Kurt shouts at him, "Baby! Imma slap your ass back to Lima if you don't stop singing the Jersey Boys."
"I love all those songs," Finn pouts at him.
"So do I but if you keep singing, I'll hate them for the rest of my fabulous life."
~*~
They're laughing and dancing and doing a lot of hugging and cuddling. He couldn't stop putting his arms around Kurt, he loves the warm feeling of something small in his arm, preferably, Kurt Hummel.
Then, as he feels the hot breath under the skin of his neck, he hears Kurt whisper, "Wanna know something? They're not you. None of them. All this time I've been… totally in loveee-"
He cuts Kurt off, "With me."
Kurt pulls his face away from Finn's neck and looks at him with hazy eyes. "You know?"
Finn shrugs his shoulder. "I didn't know. Just saying. So you're in love with me?"
Kurt exhales a heavy sigh before he goes back to hide his face in Finn's neck and snuggles his nose there. He wonders if he should feel shocked that his best friend is in love with him. Somehow, he actually feels very giddy.
Finn tells him, "You know, this is fun."
"Totally."
Finn is suddenly struck with an epiphany. He thinks its an a-freaking-mazing idea.
"Let's get married!" He shouts in the middle of the street. Around them, the people look at Finn before they continue on with their journey.
Kurt pulls himself to look at Finn with a hazy grin. "Hold your horses, cowboy."
"What?"
"Where are we gonna get the rings?"
"Oh."
"Good news - I have my American Express with me."
"You do?"
"No one knows. Not even my friends in Off-Broadway. My dad gave it to me for my twenty-third birthday. We can use it to buy the rings…"
"…Then we can get hitched!" says Finn excitedly.
"Quick!" He pulls Finn's hand with his as they walk to somewhere that only Kurt knows where. "Let's do it before we come to our senses."
~*~
Finn thinks it's hilarious because the person who marries them is Elvis Presley himself. Didn't he die a long time ago?
He doesn't pay any attention to whatever the King of Rock and Roll is babbling about, instead he stares into the most brilliant ocean green eyes that he has always loved since… he can't remember since when but he knows he love those beautiful eyes. He can just drown in them.
Suddenly, he heard Elvis Presley cough loudly.
He looks at him in confusion.
Finn realizes that Elvis Presley's hair looks like a rooster.
"Your vow?" Elvis asks him.
"Oh. Right." He turns back to look at the young man in front of him. "I, Finn Hudson, take Kurt Hummel to be my wife. No. Husband - or wife. God, I'm so drunk."
~*~
The newlyweds start groping every where and kissing in a frenzy inside the elevator, tongues sucking and twisting, teeth nipping and biting. When the door of the elevator stops and opens on their floor, Finn puts one arm under Kurt's legs and the other behind his back and carries him off the floor.
Kurt seems to be so happy to be carried by his new husband. With his two arms wrapped around Finn and one of his legs swinging in the air, he shouts excitedly, "For our honeymoon, let's fly to Paris!"
Finn leans down and kisses him deeply.
~*~
The next morning, Finn wakes up with a crazy hangover. And god, someone forgot to close the curtain because the sun is shining too brightly outside.
But there is something wrong that morning because when he feels the haze of sleepiness slowly disappear, he can feel the warm body under his arm and he can smells vodka, gin, rum, tequila, and sex.
Finn quickly opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is thick brown hair under his chin and his own hand that is holding the person's shoulder. He sees something silver glinting under the sunlight around his fourth finger.
Holy shit.
Did he-
Suddenly he feels like his gut is going to explode in any moment so he pushes himself off from the bed and staggers into the bathroom before vomiting all the contents inside his stomach into the toilet bowl.
After he rinses his mouth, he finally realizes that someone is standing at the entrance of the bathroom. Kurt is holding onto the blanket of the bed that he wrapped around his, Finn thinks is naked, body.
"Are you okay?"
Finn stares at him through the mirror in front of him. "Yeah."
"No. I mean about…" Kurt doesn't continue his sentence and instead, he looks at the ring on his own finger.
Finn turns his gaze to his own ring too.
"Did we really get hitched last night?" Finn asks him quietly. Then he quickly says, "Stupid question. Of course we did."
"Finn, I don't mind signing a divorce paper-"
"Do you want to?"
"I- I- why are you asking me this? You are the one who wanted to get married!"
Finn turns around to face him; pale cheeks, ocean green eyes, pale pink lips and messy brown hair with a thick blanket covering his entire body. He looks like a cuddly gigantic marshmallow.
"Do you want to?" He asks again, ignoring the question that Kurt throws at him.
Kurt sighs. "I don't know whether you remember anything I said last night but I… you know…"
Finn nods his head and walks towards the young man, "Then, that's settled." He grasps onto the blanket that covers Kurt, and pulls it slowly to the carpet as he leans closer and kisses his husband or his wife, well Finn doesn't really care.
Then he pulls away and hazel brown meets ocean green.
"So, you said you want to go honeymoon in Paris?"
END.
A/N: I hope you guys enjoy the crack! Review and tell me what you think. =)
This is the first crack fic that I ever finished within two days. This fic is inspired by Katy Perry's Waking Up in Vegas and that's where I get the title too.
All the songs are from the awesome Broadway show, Jersey Boys (also Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons):
[1] Who Loves You
[2] Walk Like a Man
[3] Sherry
ATSU TENSHI