So, I got the idea for this story when I was reading StoletheSpider's story, "Rules For Not Getting Squished". A pretty epic story/rule fic. There are so many things in it that makes me laugh. It doesn't help that I read it when my parents think I'm sleeping. I have to hold back the giggles so that I don't give myself away. If they found out, they would take my iPhone away and my laptop…

Okay, now for the disclaimer. For this story, it's absolutely vital.

Me: YES! FINALLY! I SHALL FINALLY—!

Ratchet: Hold it right there *waves wrench threateningly in front of my face* Is this the disclaimer?

Me: *nods* Yep!

Ratchet: What were you going to say?

Me: That I own Transformers!

Ratchet: *glares* That would be considered lying. Oh and what next…? That you own this idea too?

Me: *slumps in defeat* Okay, you got me.

I don't own Transformers. Found this idea on StoleTheSpider's story. FantasyAddiction owns this idea, titled: "Do not let the Autobots star on Top Gear." I assume it's the British version.

And the character who is narrating this will have her debut in a fic in the future...

Pranking Top Gear

A Transformers Short Story

By: Mikaela the Cat

I chuckled as I watched another episode of the British series called Top Gear. It was one of my favourite (semi) talk-shows—since it didn't just talk about things happening in the world. It was about cars…which ones did what, and how fast they were and how they handled the off road. And those cars…wow…they were awesome.

And it was really good to watch, since I worked with cars for a living. Well…not exactly cars…but you know what I mean.

As Jeremy Clarkson talked with David Tennant (aka: 10nant!), my mind wandered as a rather nasty idea popped into my head. …It sounded so good in my mind…and it would allow me to meet Richard Hammond. I grinned goofily, recalling that, before I fell into NEST`s hands, I had a slight crush on Hammond (even though I knew he was married). It would be bonus to meet him in person.

And how did you manage to meet someone like that in person? Simple. You challenge them!

With that in mind, I paused the episode and looked up the phone number of Top Gear. When the secretary on the other end picked up, I grinned. "Hello? How may I help you?" she asked pleasantly.

"Hi!" I said, echoing the tone in her voice. "I am calling for a very special reason. I wish to…challenge Jeremy and his two friends to a race… care to tell them about it? I have a…GMC Terrain, a…Chevrolet Camaro, and a…uh…" I paused to think about the final car. "…and a Mini John Cooper Works Countryman. All are evenly matched in speed—I, er, tweaked them a bit. And I want Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May to drive them."

The secretary was silent on the other end for a few seconds and I grew worried. Finally, "I'm sorry, but they've already reviewed and tested out both that version of Mini and the Camaro—"

I cut her off. "Well, this isn't for reviewing, ma'am. Just…a friendly competition—you know how they are…" I added a layer of reasoning to my voice, hoping she would say yes.

The secretary was silent again, and while I sat there, wondering if she had disconnected the call, I began to try to figure out how I was going to get three of my most favourite Autobots to go along with this. I bet Bumblebee would be all gung-ho for this, but as for Ironhide and Optimus…I wasn't too sure…

But then, there was a sigh from the other side of the phone. "Alright…just let me talk it over with them. Can I have your email?" she asked.

"Sure," I said happily. I told her my email before I hung up.

I got up from my desk, and walked out of the barracks I was temporarily using while the Lennoxs were over in England for a 'business' trip. I went straight to the main hanger where I saw Optimus Prime talking to Ratchet. I walked to the end of a catwalk that was closest to the two living skyscrapers and reached the end just as Ratchet left. "Yo, Optimus!" I shouted before he could leave.

I looked up into his face, shivering involuntarily before he began to speak. "What is it, young one?" he asked.

I blushed slightly as my mind suddenly decided to think of a gazillion different ways this conversation could go. But then I took a deep breath and grinned mischievously. "Well…I've got this idea," I tapped the side of my forehead as I said this, "and I…kinda…need your help to pull it off."

His optics developed a worried look as he warily looked at me. "Is it another one of your pranks? I hope it's not a prank on Ironhide…he's still angry at you for switching his cannons for 'confetti' cannons. Primus knows what he'd do to you if—"

I grinned manically at the memory of how surprised the Decepticons had been when confetti came out of Ironhide's cannons instead of his bullets. "Don't worry, it's not for Ironhide," I exclaimed.

Optimus narrowed his optics. "Good, because he believed it was Kiwi who did it, and nearly ripped his arm off in the process."

I nodded solemnly at the memory of that incident. The newest member of the Autobot team was an Autobot named Kiwi. Kiwi was a black Cybertonion with yellow stripes that transformed into a Mini John Cooper Works Countryman. His real designation was Chainsnapper, but his New Zealand accent caused the soldiers to nickname him Kiwi, and it stuck. He was a prankster, and he loved to pull a prank on someone using anything—so that's how Ironhide had figured it was Kiwi. It had taken a lot of shouting to keep Ironhide from tearing the poor 'bot apart.

"I know," I said unhappily, "but I'm going to consult him on this to see how it should be done, and then I'll try to get Ironhide to join in on the fun. But it'll be worth it." I smiled at the leader of the Autobots. "So…are you in?" I asked deviously.

Optimus sighed. "Who is the victim?"

I chuckled evilly. "Have you ever heard of the show called Top Gear?"

Ironhide, to my dismay, was not very pleased. "You expect me to partake in another one of your pranks?" he growled. "After what you did to me and my cannons last time…"

"Aw…come on, Ironhide," I said. "I'm sorry I did that…" an idea that may just help me get him to get in on the fun entered my mind just then. "But if you take part in this prank, then I'll let you prank Kiwi…" I said in in a tantalizing tone, like I was showing the best idea that had ever walked the earth.

Ironhide sat in his truck form, and after I said that he could prank Kiwi, I saw his headlights move slightly in my direction, as if they were eyes. "And I'll help…" I added in the same tone. I mentally groaned, though. This was like trying to get my kitten to eat her treats.

The weapon specialist revved his engine once before he slowly transformed into his humanoid form, which instantly made me feel like an insect. He looked down at me before he said, "What do I have to do?"

I rubbed my hands together gleefully. "All you have to do is go and find a GMC dealership. Then you just have to change your alt-form to a GMC Terrain. Simple."

He narrowed his optics. "And when do you think I should do that, Twister?" he growled.

I shrugged. "You can do it tonight, I have all the time in the world!"

A few minutes later, I walked out of the hanger that Ironhide had been in with a sly smile on my face. I entered the main hanger and saw a red John Cooper Works Countryman with blue flames sitting in the middle of the hanger. I looked over in time to see Kiwi's alt-form driving into another hanger. I looked back at the Mini and raised my eyebrows. I walked towards it, confused until I realized it was Optimus. And how he managed to fit into such a small alt-form was beyond me, even though it was my plan.

"Hey, Optimus!" I greeted happily. "Are you ready? Ironhide is in on the plan, but he's waiting until tonight before he picks out another alt-form. I don't think he would be very pleased if someone caught him changing alt-forms."

Optimus slowly transformed into his humanoid form and when he was finished, he looked down at me. He didn't smile, though, and that made me worried. "What's wrong?" I asked, becoming concerned and a bit nervous. Had I done something wrong? I hoped not.

"Even though the world knows that we exist now, little one, we hope that you are not planning to scare the three humans who run this TV show we're going to appear on," he explained.

I fought to keep myself from groaning as I looked down at my feet. How did he know? Well…I wasn't going to tell him the truth—I was not going to spill the beans about the plan. I hadn't told anyone the true meaning of my plan, not even Skids or Mudflap or Sideswipe or Sunstreaker. I hadn't even told Kiwi the true plan. It was so top secret, that I hadn't even consulted the true plan to any of the five prank masters, which was pretty bad.

"Don't worry, sir!" I reassured him cheerfully. "It is only going to be a friendly race."

Optimus took one good look at me before he turned and left, which lead me to believe that he sensed that I was up to something. I sighed.

When I woke up the next morning, I was excited. I checked my email, and saw that there was indeed an email…but it wasn't from the secretary of Top Gear. It was from one of the hosts—Jeremy Clarkson! I grinned evilly. I knew Jeremy was the competitive one, so I wondered what he had to say to me.

I clicked on the email, still grinning.

Dear Twister

It has come to my attention that you wish to challenge us with three of your cars. You want a race, I presume? Will you be in the race? Or will you be watching while Hammond, May, and I race around in them?

We are much obliged and wish to see what you're up to.

-Jeremy Clarkson.

I sighed. Okay, they needed a little more description. So I would give it to them. I clicked on the reply button and wrote them a reply.

Dear Mr. Clarkson

I am glad that you are interested in my challenge, and I'm sorry for not explaining it fully.

I wish to have you three race while I sit in one of the cars with you. I want you to race like you've never raced before, and try to be a little more competitive then I've seen you on the show. After that, we'd take a little break, and then I'll race you. So how does that sound? Or does it sound too boring for you?

-Twister

I sent the email, and closed my laptop. I was still grinning. I had a feeling that they were going to say yes.

With excitement running through my veins, I skipped out of my room and ran happily down to where I saw my three favourite Autobots recharging. I stopped in front of Sergeant Epps and saluted him with a giddy grin on my face. He cocked any eyebrow, as if to inquire my out-of-character attitude. I just shrugged and an continued on, walking quickly now. If I could, I would have performed a few flips and cartwheels as well.

I stopped in front of Optimus Prime's new alt-form, and glanced at Bumblebee and then at Ironhide. I grinned even wider when I saw that Ironhide had changed his alt-form to a GMC Terrain. This was going along perfectly…

Thankfully, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May agreed to my challenge later that day. The next day Lennox (he had returned when he heard I was up to something), Epps, Optimus Prime, Ironhide, Bumblebee, and I boarded a military plane, since it was the only known way to get three Autobots and three humans to Britain quickly. But as the plane eased up into the sky, I began to tremble. I hated flying. I never felt safe. Who considered it safe to fly over the ground, suspended by nothing? A plane killed my grandfather—and he even had experience from the air force!

I could only imagine the plane we were in twirling to the ground before bursting into flames. None of us would survive.

Suddenly, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I looked over and saw Lennox before he grinned at me reassuringly. "Don't worry!" he shouted over the roar of the engines. "This plane has been flown thousands of times, so it has one in a trillion in a risk of crashing."

I looked at him with a unconvinced look.

When we landed in Britain, we waited for it to stop before we unbuckled ourselves and prepared to get off. I walked over to Optimus, who, like the other two, had rode in his alt-form. I smiled at him and pat him on the hood. "How do you feel, sir?" I asked him, noticing that my voice was slightly shaky.

"I should be asking you that, Twister," Optimus said, a touch of worry colouring his deep voice. "You're pale…and shaking."

I paused, considering what he said before I held up my right hand and looked at it. It trembled slightly. I then bent down and looked at my reflection his side-view mirror and saw that my face was as white as a ghost. I touched my cheek before I straightened. I took a few deep, reassuring breaths. "I'm just afraid of planes, that's all."

"Was that brought on by the experience you had with Starscream?" he asked.

I shook my head slowly. "No…family history," I said simply before I threw my duffle bag into the back, and climbed into the passenger seat. Optimus' holoform appeared in the driver's seat as a tall man with short brown hair and a small moustache and goatee. He smiled at me once before driving out of the plane. Once we were on the road, and my body had been convinced that we were not still flying, I allowed myself to sink slightly into the seat, and it strangely earned me a smirk from Optimus.

On set, I was tossed about as people made sure I looked put together, and that I knew what I was going to say when I talked to Jeremy, Richard, and James. I sighed and finally managed to push my way from the crew I called the "Set Mob" and stood alone as I watched the three hosts of the show come, dressed in their usual clothing. I saw them wave at me to come over, and with a nod, I did so.

I shook their hands with a warm smile on my face, even though my mind was already picturing what could happen next.

Before anyone could utter 'Mary Poppins' Optimus, Ironhide, and Bumblebee were lined up on the starting line. Clarkson got into Optimus, to my surprise, while Hammond got into 'Bee, and James got into Ironhide. I whistled, knowing that the only person who had gotten into the car with a similar attitude and personality to him was Hammond. Jeremy and James…well those two were in for one heck of a ride. Optimus would not be able to handle Clarkson's cockiness, and Ironhide…well…he was intolerant of most people. I just hoped that James made it out in one piece!

The flag was dropped and all three cars leapt into action. On the radio I was holding, I could hear them whooping while Clarkson proclaimed that 'that girl is a genius. These cars are terrific'. Their speed wasn't my doing. I wonder how long it will take for them to realize that they're not your average cars… I asked myself. I watched them go around and around and around. On the last lap, I could see the Autobots getting agitated and how they were getting competitive. I smirked as the exclamations of surprise echoed over the radio.

"Twister, are you controlling these cars remotely?" Hammond asked me through the radio. "If not, I believe we're experiencing some sort of mechanical malfunctions!"

I held up the radio to my mouth. "There's nothing wrong with them, sir, and I'm not controlling them. I just advise you to finish the lap." I clipped the radio back onto my belt and sighed.

When they finished, I ran down to the trio and grinned. They pulled themselves out of their cars and looked at me woozily. I crossed my arms and tapped my foot as if impatient. "You tied," I informed them. I brightened up and exclaimed, "I get to ride with you now! So which one of you will it be?"

Clarkson, Hammond, and May looked at each other with a slight look of disbelief on their faces, looking hesitant even though they were on TV. "Aw, come on, dudes! If you don't choose, I will!" I said. I giggled as I added in a teasing voice, "Don't tell me you're scared of a few cars…"

They looked at each other again and shrugged. But they still didn't say anything. I groaned. "Okay! FINE! We'll do one lap at a time. When the first lap is finished, we'll stop and I'll change to a different car! How does that sound?" I asked, getting angry at them for just not deciding. But to my surprise, they nodded in agreement.

I sighed and made sure my field cap was on straight as I slid into the driver's seat of Optimus. I glanced quickly at the dashboard with a worried look on my face before Clarkson sat down in the passenger seat. I noticed, with some humor, that he was reluctant to close the door. When he finally did, though, my radio buzzed before I heard Lennox's voice. "Medical Apprentice Twister…as your commanding officer, I am hoping that you're not going to go too far with this!"

I picked up the radio as I pretended to pilot Optimus as said Autobot rolled up to the starting line between Bumblebee and Ironhide. I glanced over at Clarkson as he raised an eyebrow, "'Medical Apprentice'?" I shrugged sheepishly.

I then answered Lennox. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what I'm doing, sir. Just…chill…and watch the show, as everyone will be!" I clipped the radio back on my belt as I glanced back at the camera man with a sheepish grin. I looked forwards, and gripped the steering-wheel, anxious to start the race. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Clarkson grip the armrests unconsciously. I smirked. "Scared much?"

I settled down in my seat and stared out the windshield. Suddenly, the checkered flag signaled that it was now time to race. I slammed my foot down on the pedal, and Optimus leapt forwards. I paled slightly when I realized that he was acting out of character. He wasn't one to show his excitement. As they say on Transformers: Prime: "Prime's don't party."

I wrenched the wheel to the left as we rounded the first corner, even though, if I was riding in a normal Mini John Cooper Works Countryman, I would have spun out. I glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw that Ironhide and Bumblebee were not too far behind. I pressed the pedal all the way to the floor, leaning off of the seat slightly even as Optimus tried to keep me seated. But I could tell he wasn't paying attention that much, since he wasn't trying all that hard to keep me strapped down.

At the end of that lap, I stopped Optimus and sat there, gripping the steering wheel tightly. I was pale with the fear I had felt when I was driving. I wanted to scream at Optimus and remind him that he was the leader of the Autobots, not some teenager that was allowed to race around all day, but I didn't. I climbed out of the car, went over to the other side, and helped Clarkson out. I shook his hand before moving over to Ironhide.

But before I could climb into Ironhide, my radio crackled again. "Twister…are you going too far with this…? You saw how spooked Clarkson looked," Lennox said.

I sighed and held the radio up to my mouth. "I'm still going to go through with this, sir, no stopping now!" I clipped it back onto my belt, even though I had half a mind to toss it into the back seat with the cameraman. I climbed into Ironhide and strapped myself in. I smiled at James before I closed the door, inserting the key into the ignition. I lined up with the other two at the starting line before the three cars leapt into action again.

But I was angry at Ironhide before we could even get to the first corner. He aggressively pushed himself into Bumblebee and then Optimus and I knew my cover was going to be blown. James kept looking at my hands on the steering wheel, and he was watching my hands when we rounded the turn. "ARE YOU DRIVING?" he screamed, his eyes a big as dinner plates and looked like they were about to pop out of his head.

I looked from the steering wheel to James then back to the steering wheel and then back to James. Busted.

"Uh, um…I—" I was quickly cut off when Ironhide slammed into Bumblebee again. And I got furious. "IRONHIDE! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?"

"Uh-uh…miss? You're not driving the car…are you?" came the jittery voice of the cameraman from behind me. I whipped my head around and looked at him. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

"You're still filming, aren't you?" I asked instead of replying to his question. He nodded shakily. "Good, keep filming." I turned back so that I facing forward again. But I was disturbed when James tapped me on the shoulder.

"Wh-who's Ironhide?" he stuttered.

My heart fluttered in nervousness at this. "Uh…uh…the car?" it came out more as a question than a response.

An incredulous look appeared on James' face. "…And his name is…Ironhide?"

I nodded quickly.

"I THOUGHT IRONIHIDE CHANGED INTO A TRUCK!"

"He…changed his alt-form…?"

Richard Hammond seemed to be the calmest one of the three. Was it because of Bumblebee and Hammond had similar personalities or what, I was not sure. But the lap I had with Bumblebee and Hammond was the calmest and most enjoying ride so far. Hammond actually cheered me on as I managed to pull the Autobot ahead of his comrades. But it seemed that Hammond hadn't gotten acquainted with the young scout yet, so when he started to use the radio to talk to me when I really didn't want him to, the poor man and the cameraman behind us totally freaked out.

And Hammond screamed like a little girl.

When the race was done, it ended up being another tie, and Clarkson, James, and Hammond couldn't wait to get out of the Autobots and they ran from them as if they were being chased by a pack of rabid animals. I laughed at them as I climbed out of Bumblebee.

As I walked around Bumblebee so that I could jog over to Lennox, I patted the yellow and black scout's hood in thanks for being the best behaved out of the three.

Lennox ran over to me with a very unhappy look on his face. In the long run, I would be glad that no one had a camera trained on us while he chewed me out for pulling this kind of stunt. "Do you know that you could have caused the hosts to be afraid of cars for the rest of their lives?" Yeah, I was never going to hear the end of it, but I didn't really care. I just knew that I had managed to pull off a super-sized prank on one of my favourite TV shows. And I was going to cross my fingers in hopes that it would be aired. And I was going to get a lot of phone calls from my mother because of it.

But I had a smug smile on my face. Kiwi, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Skids and Mudflap were going to have a grand time talking to me about it. Prank masters love talking about pranks.

"Oh, and Twister?" Lennox said. I turned and looked at him expectantly, not at all liking the tone of voice he was using.

"Y-yes…?"

"You're confined to med-bay."

I have no idea if this was funny or not. First try at a humor fic. Tell me what you think, I love reviews.

StoleTheSpider, I used the confetti prank on Ironhide just as another reference to your story and as attempt to make the fic funny as well. I do NOT own the confetti prank.

This story takes place in the movie-verse which became real in our world (future fic) so people know about the Transformers and the movies about them. I do not know if I got Optimus' personality right...