"Commander, the computers aren't responding." I told LaForge.
"Huh, let me take a look." He replied, but then stopped my hand. "Whoa, what happened?" He asked me, looking at my wound. I had personally wrapped it up to prevent infection. I hadn't gone to sickbay yet. I pulled my hand away a little, but he looked at me. "You'd better let the doctor look at that."
"I'll be fine." I said, getting back to the computer.
"Uh uh. You go to sickbay. I'll take it from here." He told me. I started to protest, but he stopped me. "Sickbay, now. That's an order." I sighed, but obeyed.
I got to sickbay, and an orderly came over to me. I hid my hand a little. "Can I help you?" She asked me.
"Is Dr. Crusher available?" I asked.
"She's a little busy right now. Is there something I can do for you?"
"Commander LaForge ordered me to sickbay. I'd really like to request Dr. Crusher though." I replied, a little nervous. The orderly nodded slightly.
"I'll see what I can do." She said.
A moment later, Dr. Crusher came out of her office. "So, Commander LaForge ordered you to sickbay, hmm?" I nodded a little. "Well, what made him want you to come here?" I didn't answer her. "Leah?" she asked firmly. Slowly, I brought out my hand. Dr. Crusher grabbed it in amazement. "What is THIS?" she asked me. I took a deep, shaky breath. Her face softened a little, and she gently rubbed my hand with her thumb. "Come on, let's take care of this." Dr. Crusher said, leading me to a bio-bed. I got onto it. She took out a dermal regenerator, and put it on the bed next to me. "Let's see how bad this is." She spoke softly, and carefully began to remove the bandages I had around the wound. "Can you tell me how this happened?" the doctor asked.
"I fell when the hammock in the arboretum broke." I told her. I glanced at her for a moment, and she gave me a sympathetic wince. She removed the rest of the bandages.
"So, why did you do this instead of coming to my sickbay first?" Dr. Crusher asked me gently, before she paused and waited for my answer.
"I- I was …embarrassed." I said quietly. The doctor nodded.
"This may be a difficult question for you, but what were you embarrassed of?" she asked me. I hesitated, and she waited patiently, rubbing the back of my hand with her thumb.
I took a deep breath, and said "I'm afraid."
"What are you afraid of?" Dr. Crusher prodded. I sat there quietly, and then looked at her. She raised a brow. I looked away and sighed.
"The dermal regenerator." I admitted.
"Forgive me" she said respectively, "But have you never been treated with the dermal regenerator before?" My heart was pounding, and the monitor over my head beeped. Dr. Crusher glanced at it quickly, and then looked back at me. "I want you to take a nice, slow, deep breath." She told me. I obeyed, and took a shaky breath. She looked back at the screen, and then at me. "Again." The doctor told me. I obeyed once more, getting nervous. Dr. Crusher eyed the monitor. "Again, a little slower." She nodded at me with reassurance. I obeyed, and this time she was satisfied. "Good." The doctor praised. She took out her tricorder and scanned my hand.
"I have never been treated with it." I found myself saying aloud. "I've always been afraid of it, and have always been REALLY careful to avoid getting hurt." I spoke quietly. "And…when I DID get hurt….." my voice trailed off.
"You would care for the wound yourself?" Dr. Crusher finished and closed the tricorder. I didn't look at her, but nodded. A tear fell. "Hush dear." She soothed. "I'm not angry." I looked at her this time.
"You're not?" I asked, doubtfully.
The doctor sighed. "Well, I can't say that I support such actions. But,…" Dr. Crusher put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it a little. "I'm very proud of you for telling me, as I realize that it must have been very difficult." She praised, and then looked at my hand. "I'm also relieved that nothing serious has occurred from your self treatment. You are very lucky." I nodded. "You are ALSO VERY lucky that Commander LaForge ordered you here THIS time. There is still a piece of gravel in your wound, and had it continued to heal over the way it was, there would have been an infection." I looked at her and sighed, nervously. "So, here is what I'm going to do for you." The doctor continued. "I'm going to give you a local anesthetic, remove the gravel, and then heal the wound." I looked away again.
"With the dermal regenerator." I guessed quietly.
"What about the device frightens you?" Dr. Crusher asked me gently. I was silent for a moment. "Hmm?" She prodded a bit, rubbing the back of my hand. I took a shaky breath.
Finally, I said "It looks like a phaser." The doctor nodded slowly.
"Are you afraid that it will harm you?" She asked softly. I began to cry, nodding. "Shhh." Dr. Crusher soothed, pulling me into a small hug. "Ok. It's alright." She continued. "Do you understand how it works?" The doctor asked me. I nodded.
"I looked it up in the medical database." I sniffed.
"And what part about the description leads you to believe that the device will be harmful?" She asked.
"It says that it promotes a chemical balance..." I said.
Dr. Crusher nodded. "Yes. That's a good thing." She smiled at me.
"But...what does that feel like?" I asked in a small voice.
The doctor stroked my hair a little. "Hmmm." She thought for a moment. "You know that feeling you get when you regain circulation in your legs after you've been sitting on them for a while?" I nodded. "The dermal regenerator feels very similar to that.
I took a deep breath. "I'm still nervous." I admitted.
Dr. Crusher nodded. "Well, we're starting off with a hypo anyways." She put a vial in the spray, adjusted the setting, and took my hand, administering it. "Do you feel anything in your hand?" she asked me, pressing on it. I shook my head. "Good." The doctor replied. Within a few moments, she had removed the gravel. Feeling soon returned to the wound, however, as well as my fears of the next step. Dr. Crusher put her hand under my chin, and turned my head to look into her eyes. "Leah, I promise you, I will not harm you." She told me.
But I shook my head, tears brimming. "Please, I'm not ready!" I begged her. Dr. Crusher sighed, but carefully sat down next to me on the bed. She then wrapped an arm around me to grab my hand that was wounded. I buried my face into her, crying softly.
"Hush, Leah." The doctor soothed. "Just relax." She rubbed my hand carefully. I settled myself a little. "Are you ready?" Dr. Crusher asked. I nodded, but kept my face buried into her. She held my hand gently, and I felt the strange sensation I had feared for so long. It wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't painful either. It continued for a few more seconds, and then it was over. At this point, I realized what Dr. Crusher had just done for me. Not only did she take care of my hand, but she helped me through my fears without the slightest judgement. I pulled my hand out of her grasp, and wrapped both of my arms around her. She chuckled a little, hugging me back.