I am looking at the face of evil Kagome thought as she examined the overweight, middle aged woman looking back at her. And I don't even know how it turned out to be this way.
She leaned into the mirror, pursing her lips and watching the middle aged woman do the same. Slapping her face gently, she squeezed her cheeks together and tried to look cute and effect was somewhat depressing. She hadn't aged nearly as well as she'd thought she would.
At 45, now she was no longer the young, pretty girl she'd been when she'd met Inuyasha. That girl had a trim waist, a full figure, and a beautiful unlined face. Now? She was fat, ugly, wrinkled, and saggy. She was disgusting, and she couldn't even place when she'd gotten this way.
Because it had been slow. It had been understandable. Of course, with three children, she'd have gained a little bit of weight. Of course, her metabolism would slow with age. It was only natural. Of course, the lines would begin to show, and the skin would dry. Of course, her hair would thin and coarsen with age. It was a natural process, and she could diet later. She would get those expensive skin creams as soon as they went on sale. And besides, loafers were so much more practical than fancy heels.
And then BAM. One day she looked in the mirror, and she was downright matronly.
So of course it was the same thing in her relationship. The changes happened slowly, gradually. It wasn't like she turned into a monster overnight.
Not that she was really evil, she reasoned. She really didn't treat Inuyasha that badly. She provided for his needs, didn't she? Worked eight hours a day at a mind-numbing job to put food on the table. And she was nice to him. Way nicer than anybody else had been in his past.
That really wasn't saying much. Damnit, this was frustrating. She'd never meant to mistreat him.
Because she loved Inuyasha, and so she needed to help him adjust to her time. And he was so clueless and loud and angry, so of course she had to teach him that wasn't acceptable here. And she wasn't going to allow him to treat her with disrespect. A few well placed "sit's" would teach him that. And Inuyasha himself really didn't help matters. He was-
Victim Blaming Satsuki's little pamphlet on abuse seemed to scream at her in her mind, and she forcibly tamped it down. Her daughter had always been protective of him, and her voice echoed in Kagome's mind, too. Abuse isn't something only men can do! She always got so impassioned about protecting her father. When was the last time you said something nice to him?
And that wasn't abuse. It wasn't. But it had been a little while.
Anyhow, Inuyasha didn't help matters in any way. First of all, he was rude for just the longest time. So of course she had to "sit" that out of him. She wouldn't be talked to that way, and she couldn't have any of her friends seeing him talk to her that way.
But somehow, underneath all the bluster, his love for her didn't really have any limits. So he kept...changing. And she thought it was so good. He was changing for her. Becoming better. More polite. Better dressed. Took better care of himself. It was...perfect. Slowly and surely, he became the perfect husband.
And after a few years of good behavior, it was her that mentioned finally taking off the beads. But it was Inuyasha who said no. He said he liked them. That they were something of hers, that he felt weird without them.
Stockholm Syndrome. Conditioning. Learned Masochism. Satsuki's voice echoed in her head.
She shoved those words down too. It wasn't possible. Inuyasha was just...good. Devoted. He'd died for her, for heaven's sake. It was little surprise he would change his wardrobe for her, too.
And his personality.
And what he wanted to do with his life.
And his home.
And his world.
And….and everything.
She stomped down the stairs, determined to prove herself wrong. This was just a fit of self-doubt, there was no way she was bad for him.
She found him was cooking dinner. Of course, she'd started out being the one who cooked. But then she went to college and there were long hours and projects and work, and she'd set her foot down. "You can at least do something," She'd said, and he'd been cooking for them ever since. She'd never really thought about how easy that had been. He'd just...started cooking. Right away.
And it hadn't been great at first. He burned things more often than not, and had the hardest time getting a knack for spices. And she hadn't helped him out any. She remembered that. She just did her own thing and let him struggle through it on his own.
Was she really so awful? Was it possible for her to be so wrong and selfish about everything? She looked at Inuyasha's back, eyeing the thin silhouette of his back, and the way his jeans frayed at the edges. How long had it been since they'd bought him any new clothes? Five years? Ten?
Somehow, she'd ended up in exactly the opposite position than she'd always imagined herself. She'd always thought that she would be the adoring housewife type. You know. She'd never really thought about college. Always figured she'd just get married and let her darling husband provide for her as she did the cooking and cleaning and took care of the kids. It had been old fashioned, but it was what she'd wanted, back then.
But Inuyasha couldn't go to school, or get a job. He...he had long white hair and dog ears, for crying out loud. And sure, they put a hat on him and cut his hair bi-weekly, but that didn't hide everything. And it certainly didn't hide his fangs or claws. And nothing could hide his lack of ID and paperwork. So she worked, and he stayed at home and did the rest.
It wasn't an even split, not by a long shot. She worked thirty hours a week at a nice, well paying job, but she told him it was forty so she could have some time to herself every day. It was irresponsible, but they did have enough money coming in from the shrine, and it wasn't like he did that much at home, she'd reasoned.
Now, watching him labor over the stove as he talked on the phone with their oldest, she wondered if she wasn't a little bit wrong about that.
She wondered if she'd been a little bit wrong about everything.
That stupid pamphlet.
"Inuyasha," She greeted as she came down the stairs, and he grinned at her as she arrived, but didn't approach. Guilt flashed briefly in her chest once more.
It had been ten years since they'd last slept together, and seven since they'd kissed. It was at her insistence, too. It was weird, though! He'd aged maybe three years since they'd gotten together, thirty years ago. She was in her forties now-kissing an eighteen year old's lips made her feel like a freaking pedophile. He looked younger than their two oldest children now.
It was weird.
But it wasn't like he didn't want to. He'd been so disappointed when they'd stopped. He assured her every day how much he thought she was beautiful and sexy to him. But he didn't press, because he didn't want her to get angry. He just...listened to her. Did what she wanted.
As he ended his call, she suddenly found herself desperate to see him resist her. "I want you to put one hand behind your back," It was a stupid request, something that would show he didn't listen to everything she said. Surely he wouldn't-
But he was already putting one hand behind his back, looking confused. "Ooookay. Why?"
"Because I said so!" And she knew she was being a brat, but he didn't have to flinch like that at her voice, as if she was going to beat him or something.
Or slam him to the ground with a word.
"Okay. Sorry I asked." He answered, and the worst part was he wasn't even sarcastic when he said it. He was genuinely sorry for upsetting her, and it killed her inside. His hand was still behind his back.
There was no way. No way this was anything like that stupid pamphlet.
It wasn't.
"Keep cooking like that." She ordered, making her voice dangerous. He shrugged and nodded. Went about cooking dinner, using only one hand. She almost broke down when she saw him struggling to chop tomatoes one handed.
"Can I stop now?" He asked, and she shook her head, affecting an angry glare. He soldiered on, not understanding, not liking it, but still listening to her ridiculous request.
She noticed how his face scrunched up in frustration, poking at the tomatoes with the blunt tip of his finger. Why was he-oh.
His claws.
His claws that they'd decided to permanently blunt. No, who was she even kidding? She decided it. They were dangerous, she'd insisted. Think of the children, she'd said, and he'd just done anything she asked him to. So they did the spell, purified the water, used holy energy to make it so they couldn't grow back.
She'd declawed him like a common beast.
No, It was necessary. He'd been ruining all their bedsheets, and they'd just adopted a kid. They couldn't risk him slicing up a child like that. It had made sense! It wasn't-She wasn't-she-she couldn't-if only she could just make him yell at her, fight with her, now. It would prove that this was only her own paranoia. He was fine. He was-
"Nevermind, I'm sorry. Just sit down-" She ordered, and oooh, that was a terrible idea. Both of his hands flew out in the tiny space. The hand with the knife fumbled out from under him as he fell, and she watched as blood spurted over the counter and floor. The other swept out to gain purchase, and pulled down the boiling pot of curry on top of him. He lay there passively as the curry burned into his skin, waiting for the spell to wear off.
"Dang, sorry!" He cried when he got up. "Looks like dinner's ruined. My bad, I should've fallen back, not forward." Boiling hot curry dripped from his hair, and she watched the burns along his skin rapidly turning colors as they healed.
She felt like she was going to be sick. "Your face." She said numbly. He brought his hand up to where the knife had sliced open his cheek, and winced.
"Yeah. It's a lot of blood, but we both know I've had worse." He shrugged. "I'll clean it up. Do you mind if I order takeout for dinner, though? It'll take a while to make something else, so that'll probably be easiest."
"Yeah, sure. I don't care about that, but...I'm sorry. That must've really hurt." She brought her hand gently to run alongside his cheek. It was already scabbing up, but, still. That didn't mean it hadn't hurt tremendously. Still, she waited for him to get mad at her.
Where was his classic temper? Thirty years ago, he would have called her a bitch for this. Now, bizarrely, Inuyasha smiled genuinely and sweetly, hiding a blush behind his hand.
"What?" Kagome asked, blinking in confusion. He only shook his head, coming closer to her. He pulled her hands into his own, looking down at her with a tenderness really only he was capable of.
"I just...it makes me really happy when you care for me like that." He ducked his head shyly, and she felt her gut twist. "I just love you so much."
"Well, then I better do it more, then." She choked out. That...wasn't caring, what she'd done. She'd injured him to an extent that would throw a normal person in the hospital. She'd hurt him without even having a reason to at all, and then she'd done the bare minimum and given a half-sincere apology. And instead of being rightfully angry with her, instead of yelling at her, he'd thanked her, shyly and sweetly, for her abuse.
For her abuse. It was time to face the facts. Somehow, she'd managed to put herself into an abusive relationship, and she was the abuser. She was an abuser. Satsuki was right. She was a horrible person.
She actively tamped down the new need to hurl, and tried to at least show him a bit more kindness, to make up for a lifetime of mistakes. "Here, come here and I'll take care of that. That's right, just sit ri-"
Inuyasha slammed to the ground at her feet, and blood splattered over the floor. It was too much. Even when she tried to be nice, she- she burst into tears. She was, was, downright awful.
Evil. Her mind supplied.
She raced upstairs to her bedroom, to escape what she had done.
It took her about an hour of sobbing in her room to decide on a plan of action. Meanwhile, Inuyasha knocked on the door and forgave her. He pronounced his love and left the takeout by the door. "I'll sleep on the couch," He announced. "I'm messing everything up tonight, I can get if you don't want me around."
She sobbed even harder, torn apart by the terrible unfairness of it all.
This wasn't the life she wanted. She wasn't happy. She hadn't been happy in a long time. How could she be? Her children mostly hated her-in hindsight, definitely because of her mistreatment of their dad. She didn't like her job, her relationship had been dead for years.
And on top of everything, she'd been cheating on him. Because she was the worst. Just the worst person ever. In the moment, it hadn't seemed that bad. He was just so nice, and she was so lonely all the time, and Inuyasha and her weren't technically married or anything (he hadn't had the paperwork to really make it official ever.) The excuses were endless, but the act was the same. And now she just had one thing to add onto the growing pile of reasons why she was the worst person in the history of the world.
She was miserable. Her boyfriend was miserable because he couldn't be with her. And she had been telling herself it was because she owed so much to Inuyasha and she didn't want to hurt him, but-Inuyasha was miserable, too. Even worse, he was so miserable and pathetic, he couldn't even realize how sad he really was.
She needed to leave him. Or rather, she needed to send him back to where he'd come from in the first place. It wasn't good for him to be in her time, forced to change himself. Locked up in a house with no escape, subjected to an abusive relationship he couldn't even recognize as being toxic. No. He needed to go back to the beginning. To be free again. Like he was when they met.
Their kids were old, now. The oldest two had already left the house, one married and the other at school. Even the youngest was seventeen, now. They would be fine, even without him. Kagome would be fine. She'd...well, she'd been seeing her boyfrend a while now, she could always marry him, or...not. Or just be independant. She didn't need a man to control her.
She needed a man to control, apparently, and the thought brought on a whole new wave of tears.
No. No more. In the morning, she was going to cut the cord on this toxic relationship, and send him back to where he belonged. It was decided. She needed to send him back, no matter how much he fought it.
And he fought it.
Inuyasha didn't get it, of course. She cried to herself as he pleaded with her not to do this.
"I'll change!" He insisted, "I'll be better!"
She said it wasn't that, and he only insisted harder.
"I told you I was fine with Takahashi-san. I get it, Kagome. I understand that I'm not enough for you. Just-just-let me be something to you!"
"So, what? I should keep you as my slave? My 'second husband' who I just order around?"
"You can." Inuyasha whispered, and that only strengthened Kagome's resolve. She'd broken him. She'd robbed him of every drop of pride he'd ever had. If she kept him here like this, it would only get worse.
"I can't live like that, with that kind of guilt on my chest. There's one more trip left in the Well. We've been saving it, but...I think it's best if you use it now."
He'd still argued, pressed for a few more weeks, months with her, but she knew if he stayed, she'd never work up the nerve to do this again. He was too sweet, too convenient, too familiar. She loved him, in her own way. And now she needed to let him go.
"I can-"
"No!" She pushed him closer to the well, and he took a step back, adjusting accordingly.
"But, you-" He started speaking again, maintaining a little bit of distance, and she choked on he frustration.
"I told you, I just can't!" She repeated, pushing him again. "I can't do this to you anymore!"
"I-" She saw his face harden in resolve, and could see how he was about to start arguing that he was perfectly happy as he was. She couldn't hear it again, so instead she took a completely different approach.
"Inuyasha, so help me-if you stay here I will be miserable! I will forever keep myself from happiness because of you, and I can't live like that anymore, so I want you to leave! Not three months from now. Not three weeks from now. Not the freaking minutes from now. It has to be now. I have your things here, just take them and go."
She knew there was no way he could argue with that. He could neglect his own happiness all he wanted, but he would never neglect hers. Her heart felt numb as she watched him break at her words, but she told herself it was for the best. A clean break, so he could get back to healing.
She'd packed up a veritable ton of ramen in the bag, with a playlist of his favorite songs, a few choice momentos, and his sword and fire rat robes. Things he hadn't touched in thirty years. Things she knew would remind him of her, but she couldn't stop herself from including anyways.
"I'm doing what's best for you," She assured him, pressing the bags into his arms.
He nodded dumbly. "I love you." Of course he was perfect, right til the very end. "Could you...could you tell the kids I love them, too?"
"They'll be fine, Inu. They're all grown up, now. They don't need you anymore." Kagome reassured, but he only seemed to get sadder at that.
"Can you just...please tell them for me?"
"Of course."
And then he jumped in the well, and that was the end. Kagome was free. And Inuyasha could be happy finally.
As soon as he was safely away, Kagome knelt down and cried.
That was it. Inuyasha was gone forever.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Once upon a time, a little girl found a wild dog in the forest. The dog was angry and mean, but so lonely. So she took it in and showered it with love. But it was a dog, so she trained it well, and taught it to obey her commands and rely on her for everything. The dog was ever so happy to please her.
But then the little girl got older and wiser, and thought she knew what was best. She got mad at herself for treating the dog like a pet, and not treating it as well as she should have. So she returned the dog to the wild, where she thought it fit best. But it had already changed. It had become soft and docile in its captivity, and no longer knew how to fend for itself. The wild was no longer its home, and it was scared and lonely and abandoned.
This is the story of that dog.