"C'mon kid, a girl is just what you need" Phil's gruff voice broke into Hercules' thoughts for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.

"For the last time Phil, NO!" Hercules picked up a copy of The Theban Times and pretended to read. He had made the front page again: "Muscled Man Takes Down Minotaur". He glanced at the picture that accompanied the article to see a pair of beady black eyes staring at him. They blinked.

"Aagh!" Hercules leapt off the couch to reveal a Phil sized hole in his paper. Phil swallowed distastefully. "Blechaha!" he bleated "Cheap parchment!"

"Aw, come on Phil!" Hercules threw the paper to the ground in anger and headed for the door.

"Whoa kid, hold up there. Let's talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about!"

"Hercules. Sit. Down!" Phil punctuated each word with a headbutt to Hercules' knees, attempting to knock him back onto the couch. Hercules felt like picking the persistent satyr up and tossing him out of the window. Instead he sank down onto the blue and white mosaic floor. Leaning his head against a Corinthian column, he sighed "Fine. I'll hear you out, but then you have to listen to what I have to say."

Phil regarded him for a moment. "Deal." He cleared his throat and began pacing, his cloven hooves clicking loudly against the tile. "Look kid, Zeus says you're not a true hero yet, right? So I been thinking…maybe you don't have the status for it." Hercules opened his mouth and Phil rushed on "I'm not saying you don't have status, but celebrity ain't nobility. You've got popularity, but you lack pedigree. So here's what we do: all of the available aristocratic women have been invited tonight. Any one of 'em would be thrilled to catch the eye of the famous Hercules! You can take your pick. Mingle for a bit, find a girl you like, and snag her. You'll be sprung into high society by tomorrow morning, plus have the lady as a side bonus. What's not to love?"

Phil stopped pacing and regarded Hercules expectantly. Hercules reached up and began rubbing his neck. "Gee, Phil, that sounds…I dunno, wrong somehow." He held up a hand to forestall Phil's response, trying to find a way to verbalize his unease. "I don't want to marry someone to get a higher rank. I want to get married when I find someone with the right heart, not the right pedigree."

"Maybe you'll find her tonight kid. And if not, you could marry someone – anyone - now, leave her once the nobility have accepted you, and still find the girl of your dreams!"

Hercules shook his head "That's what they do Phil, not me. I'd feel awful."

"But kid, this could get you one step closer to being a true hero!"

"I don't think so. Zeus also said that a hero is measured not by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart. "

"Hmm…well, even so, can you think of a better way to increase the size of your heart, than by falling in love? It could happen, you know. Give this ball a chance Hercules. All the arrangements have been made – we have to host this thing, but I promise, if you don't meet your dream girl, I won't hold you to anything."

Hercules thought for a moment "Have the invitations been sent out yet?"

"No, but they will be within the hour."

"I'll go through with this on one condition: that every eligible maiden and her family be invited, not just the nobility."

"What?"

"Phil, I spent most of my life as a peasant. My parents were just as good and hardworking as any noble, ad more so than most. If I have to host this, the least I can do is give everyone a chance to enjoy it."

"Alright, Alright, fine! Geez, I gotta go run down that delivery boy!" Phil cantered out of the room, pausing only to grab a bouquet of flowers from a nearby vase to munch on.

Hercules rested his forehead against his knees. "Zeus, give me strength to last through the night" he muttered. He would much rather go chase down another angry minotaur.