This is a oneshot I came up with about the third time I saw fellowship of the ring. I just have never typed it out before. It's hilarious (at least I think it is). I've added some elaborations.

FOLLOW YOUR NOSE

"Ah!" Gandalf exclaimed, looking up in the dark depths of Moria. "It's that way." He pointed to a passageway.

"He's remembered!" Merry said happily.

"No," Gandalf explained, "but the air isn't as foul down here. If in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your nose."

Suddenly, a brightly colored cartoon bird popped out of nowhere.

"So I follow my nose," it sang obnoxiously, "wherever it goes!" Its beak began to change colors rapidly.

"SHUT UP, TOUCAN SAM!" the Fellowship shouted.

"Why did he have to come again?" Legolas asked, tossing his hair sexily. "It's throwing off my concentration on being the gorgeous blond elf that I am."

"He was driving Lord Elrond mad," Aragorn replied. "Lord Elrond wasn't able to concentrate on practicing his knifework for 'V for Vendetta'."

"Now we understand why," Gimli muttered under his breath.

"Oh, my, look!" Toucan Sam said brightly, picking up something. "A caveberry!" Everyone stared at him.

"That's a rock," Pippin pointed out.

"Fool of a Took!" Gandalf scolded, then stopped himself. "Wait…he was right…damn it!" Toucan Sam seemed not to have heard this, and was instead dancing around, singing nonsense.

"Shall I?" Legolas asked.

"Please do," Boromir said, rubbing his temples. Legolas pulled out his bow in the most seductive slow-motion way possible and shot an arrow right into Toucan Sam's heart. Then he shot arrows into his eye and his sensitive area. Thousands of teenage girls with raging hormones lost their freaking minds. Legolas looked at them piercingly, causing their brains to explode from an overdose of hotness.



"Oh yeah," Legolas said braggingly. "I totally got it." Gimli finished it off by breaking Toucan Sam's neck and throwing him off the cliff.

"NOOOOOOOOOO, FRODO!" Sam shouted devastatingly. "I mean, TOUCAN SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!...does this mean no more Froot Loops, Mr. Frodo?" Frodo looked at him sadly.

"Yes, Sam, it does," he said bravely; he then stared at the girls mobbing Legolas.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" they all screamed, covering their eyes. "WE'VE GONE BLIND! YOUR EYES! THEY'RE JUST TOO BLUE!" Frodo watched sadly as they fell over the cliff. Then the Fellowship shrugged and kept on moving, Boromir dumping the rest of the boxes of Froot Loops.

Just then, a group of about 300 Spartans showed up and picked up the boxes.

"This is interesting," one of them mused. Their king, Leonidas, opened a box, and chewed on a few loops thoughtfully, and turned to his men.

"THIS…IS…S-PART OF A BALANCED BREAKFAST!" he yelled.

That last part isn't mine; I got it from somewhere. The rest of it is all mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. Hope you liked! It was so stupid.